FOCUS ON YOURSELF AND STAY SILENT | Best Motivational Speech Compilation

No one can tell you how it will work for you.

It's the thing that your destiny is to discover that.

And you have to make the decisions to begin with

because you can't do this without commitment.

You have to commit to it first.

I'm going to act

as if I should pursue the deepest meaning possible in my life.

And there's there's reasons to do none of those.

So, it's really a decision,

but you you can't find out what the consequence of the decision is unless

you make the decision.

It's weight.

It's responsibility, but it's there's glory in it.

There's real glory in it.

There's deep meaning in it.

And young people are starving for that.

And I empathize with a lot of people who don't have

that feeling when they're 18

or in their 20s.

But I try to tell people, everybody has it.

You're just not listening to yourself.

You've lost touch with who you are, the core of your being.

You're on social media too much.

You're listening to what other people are telling you.

You're listening to what your parents told you you should be doing in life.

Listening to what your friends think is cool.

You're listening to what the culture is all about.

You got to cut all that out.

You got to listen to yourself.

You know, when I was a kid, I was, you know, what's the future?

It's tomorrow.

The future is, oh, the weekend on Friday night,

we're going to go to Johnny's house and we're going to play war.

That's the future.

You don't realize, oh, there's you can actually set yourself up.

What you're doing today is connected to the future.

Okay.

Once you make that connection, you say, "Okay, maybe I'll study.

Maybe I'll train.

Maybe I'll work out harder."

You can start doing those things

because you can improve

and you can have a better life.

If you have discipline now, it'll give you freedom in the future.

But if you can find something that you can keep going,

something that no matter how small to look forward to

and continually have faith in

and chase,

well then your life here is going to be better.

Now, heaven or not, no matter what you do, you're all in.

This is going to kill you.

So, I think you might

as well play the most magnificent game you can

while you're waiting.

>> We question all of our beliefs except for those

that we truly believe

and those we never think to question.

Mhm.

And so I would say

that a lot of my entrepreneurial career even just human journey has been what

are the beliefs that I

so so inherently believe

that I don't don't even see them.

I don't even think about the should >> true desire in the heart.

That itch that you have, whatever it is you want to do,

that thing that you want to do to help others and to to grow,

that desire, that itch,

that's God's proof to you sent beforehand already to indicate that it's yours.

And anything you want good, you can have.

So claim it.

That's it.

Some belief, not just belief in God, but I think it's in short supply.

And I think more of us need it.

And if we don't have more of it, doubt's going to win.

If doubt wins, we all going to lose.

And uh we got stuff out there to believe in.

I think people are looking for it.

I know I am.

I don't want it just because I get it.

Hang on a minute.

Right.

What is it that I really want?

What is it that I really would like?

I want to be scared of the role

that I'm going to take on cuz I'm not sure where it's going to

go,

but I'm going to trust that I'll come up on the other side.

We have to define success for ourselves.

And then we have to put in the work to maintain it.

>> And there are a lot of men

that I know who are looking for

that definition that feel like I've been told what it's not

and now I don't know what it is.

Let's say someone has been kicked in the nuts a good bit by life.

How do you advise them to sort of become the hero of their own

story again?

>> Man, that's a tough one.

That's a great question.

You know, I sit here with a life where I have the the luxury

to project,

to ask myself and ask others, no, make a sacrifice today.

Sacrifice a plastic ring today for a gold crown tomorrow.

Sacrifice something today for more freedom tomorrow.

Sacrifice something today for a possible healthier future for your kids.

I understand that's a luxurious position.

I'm not going to apologize that I'm in I'm in it.

But I understand to someone in misery, they're going, "Good for you, man.

I'm trying to feed family tonight.

I'm not thinking past that.

I can't think past that."

What do you ask them to do?

My indirect thing I would say

and understand is well

if you don't have the hope

or believe in something you're going to end up you're going to definitely going

to remain where you are.

And if you have hope and faith in something,

I'm not saying it's 100% get out of jail.

You're going to absolutely get out, but you got the best chance to.

>> Yeah.

The book's about belief.

That's what I'm pedalling here.

I need more of it.

I personally believe in God

but the whole thing is not for people

that just believe in God.

Believe in trying to pursue your better self transcendent self.

If you believe in the future, you believe in your kids,

believe in the past, something.

Don't know what that is.

Ask yourself what you die for.

Start there.

Everyone kind of believes in something.

There's an argument that even nihilist do believe and nothing.

Nothing's even something.

I I I I've never been able to really live with by hook

or by crook.

I'll get it how I can get it.

I'll lie, cheat, and steal to get it.

I got the prize and I'm still okay.

I got it.

My own shadow chases me down in the middle of the night.

And those nightmares do become my own daymares.

I have to I think I I naturally come back and look,

I I I hustle.

I'm a hustler.

I I I'm not puritanical.

I'm not making not I'm not trying to preach a absolute straight

and narrow way to go things.

I bullshitted my way into things and faked my way into making things.

Pulled off stunts.

Why?

Wait a minute.

Now, so we're saying if success is the key,

if success is the measurement and you can get it by lying, cheating,

and stealing and still be rewarded the gold medal.

We That's what's happening.

Are we Are we Are we ready to say that's okay?

Are we ready to say that's just how it is?

We have leaders in positions now that are saying, "Yeah, just win."

Well, ju just just win.

Just succeed.

But yeah, I don't care how you get there.

You did it.

Congratulations.

Come to the front of the line.

So, what are the ethics?

I don't know.

What' the winner do?

Well, but they Wait, what about What about rules?

Oh, yeah.

By the way, the rules, if you follow them, you're a sucker.

Uh, I started to find myself going, "Wait a minute.

I'm not ready to wave that white flag.

Are we ready to wave that white flag and go,

we can see that's what it is."

Cuz there's many reasons to do so.

And so I'm looking around at people and going,

I'm not finding things people to believe in,

and I'm finding it harder to believe myself.

that although those people might get to the front of the queue

and be awarded the medal,

the medal it that you're awarded

or the queue that you get to the front of might not actually give

you what you want.

And you you start by sort of reframing success,

which I think is a really important thing, especially for a young generation,

especially for men who are, you know,

the first to want to get to the top of the pyramid in certain

pursuits in life.

Okay, you can get to the top of the the pile

or you can get the gold medal,

but be careful what that medal represents.

And a medal in what, >> right?

>> And relevant for what?

We all want to be relevant.

Okay.

Like relevant for what?

We want to succeed, >> but when we succeed, do we act?

Is it worth it if we don't profit?

>> Yeah.

You said, Yeah.

>> You know what I mean?

>> If more we we're we're trained to go the quantity >> is the

is the is the goal.

That's it.

Well, then if that's sacrificing quality >> Yeah. >> or value what we actually value,

>> what are you really winning?

>> Sometimes you can do everything right

and still not get the result

that you wanted.

And that seems like a really tough pill to swallow for people.

I think that's why people become uncomfortable with fully feeling their emotions.

>> Yeah.

>> So, where do you go?

What do you think

when I really I I gave it my all

that I bared myself

and I still got kicked in the nuts?

>> Yeah.

>> Not only did I feel like I deserve it,

I feel like I earned it and I still didn't get it.

>> Wait a minute.

But you said that's the playbook and I followed the playbook.

You said these were the rules and the regulations.

I followed it and I was good at it.

I still didn't get it.

Is there something that you tried to remember about the upside of a crisis

during a crisis or do we just need to ride

that out?

Zooming out would be

so beautiful and in retrospect

if only you could give yourself the gift of distance of time.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

And yet you know something hard is going to come again

and you're going to be swept away by the wave.

I mean, for me,

I it's it's an obvious dance of the both

because you can't jump to the objective right away

and go,

"Inshallah, oh, fate will have it.

This two shall pass.

I'm I'm fine."

No, cuz then you don't deal with the the crisis.

Um, I do have a good I do have a pretty quick threshold for

being able to laugh,

like, honestly, start giggling

when I'm in the

because I found that I'm able to handle the better

if I just start the quicker I start going,

"Are you kidding me?"

I'll get objective and remind myself things like you're going to die mccay

which gives me that ah

so what this is not

as big of a deal

as I thought you said

that a harmless man is not a good man a good man is a

very dangerous man who has

that under voluntary control how should people become more dangerous >> becoming more articulate

is definitely that's the primary array of weapons

If you can think

and speak and write,

you are absolutely deadly.

Nothing can get in your way.

So that's why you learn to write.

It's like it's power.

And I mean power of the best sort.

It's authority and influence and respectability and competence.

And so you come to university to craft your highest skill.

And your highest skill is to be found in articulated speech.

And if you're a master at formulating your arguments, you win everything.

You need to learn to think

because thinking makes you act effectively in the world.

Thinking makes you win the battles you undertake.

And those could be battles for good things.

And if you can formulate your arguments coherently and make a presentation,

if you can speak to people, if you can lay out a proposal, God,

people give you money, they give you opportunities, you have influence,

teach people to be articulate

because that's the most dangerous thing you can possibly be.

So, and that's motivating if people know that.

It's like, well, why are you learning to write?

Cuz you're here's your sword.

Here's your M16, right?

Here's your bulletproof vest.

Like, you learn how to use them.

It's very helpful for people to hear

that they should make themselves competent

and dangerous and take their proper place in the world.

>> Competent and dangerous.

>> Why dangerous?

Because it's the alternative to being weak.

Because it makes you formidable.

Even if the world was conspiring against me

and my failure was 95% the fault of external occurrences

and other people,

what did I do that wasn't as good as it could have been?

And where did I fail to look

so that the probability of my failure was higher?

Now, now to ask that question, you have to want the answer.

That's that's what it means to knock or to ask or to seek.

This this is no joke.

It's like you have to want to know.

And it's a very painful thing to do

because especially if you had given it your all to the degree you were

able and you have reason to be bitter,

you're going to be searching for the errors that you still made.

And discovering your own errors is always extremely painful, right?

Especially if they're errors that you're in love with.

And so you have to be willing to strip yourself down.

That's what humility means fundamentally.

But the advantage is this is why it's so useful to listen to people.

You might find out where you're stupid and then you can stop being stupid.

And so one of the reasons you confess your sins, let's say,

is because you want to discover where you're insufficient.

Now, it's painful.

You know, it's painful to encounter an impediment in the form of someone else's

opinion that might show you where you're blind

and ignorant or willfully blind even.

But the advantage to

that is you can rectify the error

and then as you move forward,

you're stronger.

You know, one of the things I taught my kids

and I hope at least somewhat successfully was

that you should always ask a stupid question.

And and that doesn't mean the sort of question

that someone who wasn't paying attention would ask.

If you're listening to someone

and you don't understand what they're saying

and you reveal that,

you're revealing your ignorance, you know,

and maybe you're in a room full of people

and you think you're the only person stupid enough to not get it,

which is very rarely the case, by the way.

The thing is though,

if you if you reveal that ignorance to yourself and to the other person,

they can rectify it.

And if you do that a thousand times, you're not ignorant anymore.

If you ask a thousand dumb questions and you listen to the answer,

then you know a thousand things,

some of them deep that you didn't know before.

So that's the that's the advantage to searching your soul, let's say,

for the for unrequited sins and attempting to atone.

That's not a delusion, right?

It's an attempt to set yourself right.

And so you write an autobiography

because you need to know where you are

and who you are right now.

Because how the hell are you going to plot a pathway to the future

unless you know where you are?

And then you need to write about the future.

Because you aren't going to hit something unless you aim at it.

That's for sure.

And lots of times people won't aim at what they want because they're afraid.

The reason they're afraid is because if you specify what you want,

you've specified your conditions of failure. you know

when you fail and it's better just to keep it foggy.

It's like well I don't know

if I'm succeeding or failing

but you know I can't really tell.

Well great except you can't hit anything you don't aim at.

And so the future authoring problem program is like a it's an attempt to

have you articulate your character

and and so is the past authoring program.

Who are you?

Important events that have shaped who you are.

And you know, you may find

that some of those some of

that writing makes you emotional.

And I would say

if you have a memory that's more than 18 months old,

roughly speaking, and when you bring it to mind,

it it has an emotional impact, especially a negative emotional impact,

there's it's like part of your soul is stuck back there.

And and I know that's a metaphorical way of thinking about it,

but what I mean is

that the reason that you still experience the emotion is

because you have not solved the problem

that that situation faced you with.

It might be a real problem.

Like maybe you got tangled up with someone who was really bad

and that's rough,

man, because you got to come up with a theory of malevolence to deal

with something like that.

And that's no joke.

But if it still produces emotion,

it means you haven't solved the problem.

and be and your your brain is still tagging it

as threat.

It's it's a part of your territory that you did not master.

Threat, threat, threat, threat, threat.

And until you take it apart, and articulation really helps that,

writing really helps that, then you're not going to free yourself from its grip.

Put yourself together.

And then maybe if you put yourself together, you know how to do that.

You know what's wrong with you if you'll admit it.

You know, there's a few things you could like polish up a little bit

that you might even be able to manage in your insufficient present condition.

And so you might shine yourself up a little bit

and then your eyes will be a little more open.

Then you can shine yourself up a little bit more.

And then maybe you could bring your family together instead of having them be

the hateful,

spiteful, neurotic, infighting batch that you're like doomed to spend Christmas with.

So then you fix yourself up a little bit kind of humbly

because you know God you're a fixer upper

if there ever was one.

And then you got to figure out well can you figure out how to

make peace with your idiot brother

and probably not because he's just

as dumb as you.

So how the hell are you going to manage that?

And so then you maybe you get somewhere

that way and your family's sort of functioning

and you find out well

that kind of relieved a little bit of suffering

although it reduced the opportunities for spiteful revenge

and that's kind of a pain in the neck.

And so then you get your family together a little bit

and you're a little clued in

then at least a bit

because you've done something difficult that's actually difficult.

You're a little wiser

and so then maybe you could put a tentative finger out beyond the family

and try to change some little thing without wrecking it.

It's like our society is complex

and we teach our students

that they could just fix it.

It's like go fix a military helicopter

and see how far you get with

that.

It's like you what are you going to do?

You're like a chimp with a wrench.

Whack.

Oh, look.

It's better.

It's like no, it's not better.

Things are complicated and to fix things is really hard

and you have to be like a a golden tool to fix things

and you're not.

How do you overcome the suffering of life is be a better person.

That's how you do it.

Well, that's hard.

It takes responsibility.

And I think, you know, if you said to someone,

you want to have a meaningful life, everything you do matters.

That's the definition of a meaningful life.

But everything you do matters.

You're going to have to carry that with you.

Or do you want to just forget about the whole meaning thing

and then you don't have any responsibility

because who the hell cares

and you can wander through life doing whatever you want gratifying impulsive desires for

how useful that's going to be

and you're stuck in meaninglessness

but you don't have any responsibility.

Which one do you want?

Well, ask yourself which one are you pursuing?

It's an interesting paradox

that the energy it requires to start doing something is way more than the

energy required to continue doing the thing.

It won't get harder.

Like this is the hardest part.

And so if you can just make it through this, everything else is downhill.

It's not that the things

that you're the dragons you're going to slay aren't going to get bigger.

They are.

But you become so much more equipped to slay them back.

And you have so many more allies.

You have people in the stands cheering for you.

You have the audience.

You have all of these other things that are behind you.

But in the beginning, it's just you with a stick against a bear.

And arguably that fight is a harder fight to win than beating a dragon

when you have a nuclear bomb

and six nations behind you.

And so it's not even like the the size of the hardship.

It's just also the resources

and how few of them you have

and how so much of the beginning is literally burning the one thing you

have,

which is time. because you have no leverage.

You don't have the money to pay other people to help you.

You don't have the resources to go you no one can learn it for

you.

It's like there's a lot of the things

that that we care about a lot like no one can work out for

you.

Doesn't matter how much money you have, no one can learn skills for you.

And so in the early days like it feels

so painful cuz you're like you look around to see who can help you

and then you're like it's me again. those early days,

that little trench winning in the weeds often times gives you these huge advantages

later on because you have more context than anyone else.

And so rather than lament them

and hate the fact

that you're going through it,

remembering that these will be arrows

that you put in the quiver

that you're going to be using to slay the future bigger dragons.

And so expecting it to be easy is what makes it much harder than

it ever is.

Every single difficult thing

that you do is kind of like a massive wall

that you need to get over

and you go,

"Wow, I'm so glad that I've got over that wall."

And you know, think about how many other people are going to fall at

that wall there.

Trying to assume that I need perfect conditions in order to start

because I mean starting is the perfect condition. like whatever condition

that you're in that you start was the perfect condition.

What's wild about the fear

that people have when they're starting out is

that they say things like,

"I have nothing going for me.

I have no advantages.

I have nothing to my name.

I have no money.

I have no network.

I have no resources."

But it also means that you have nothing to lose,

which makes you incredibly dangerous.

And I think people wildly underestimate how many shots on goal you can take

when you have nothing to lose.

Whereas when someone has something to lose,

they have to be more and more selective about the the shots they take.

And so you have the perfect conditions for taking risk

because the worst case scenario is baseline is where you're currently at.

>> Correct.

And >> the downside is this.

>> Which means that it's like going to the casino and playing craps.

But they say that you can just keep playing until you win.

But people are afraid to roll.

But I love this question

which is what would you do

if you weren't afraid?

And I just I love thinking about

that when I'm thinking about big life decisions like what would I do

if I weren't afraid?

And what would I do if I knew I couldn't fail?

And fear is a mile wide and an inch deep.

And so it looks like this ocean

that you're going to step into

and drown.

But as soon as you step into it,

you realize it was not that deep at all.

And you can keep walking through it.

And um I just love

that visual because a lot of times

when it's like we have this anxiety around this big decision we have to

make if you actually take the step

and realize that it's not death.

You're not going to drown immediately.

There's plenty of other steps you can take from there.

Even if you get a little wet one of the other common areas I

think that people are struggling with,

you speak to a lot of young men, train a lot of young men.

What's your advice to young men that are struggling with direction in life?

>> Like there are a bunch of young men out there

and they are getting after it.

Whether they're linemen, whether they're on oil rigs, whether they're software developers,

like there's all kinds of people that are out there crushing.

And so when I hear about people

that would you say are lost

or >> directionless?

>> Directionless.

Yeah.

I mean, what do you want to do with your life?

I guess that's my question.

What do you want to do with your life?

Because you got one life.

It's It's going by quickly.

And this is something

that years ago I I spent a good chunk of my I guess it

was my 30s training MMA fighters.

And, you know, we had a jiu-jitsu gym, we had an MMA gym.

And so in the beginning

when a a potential fighter would come in

and they'd be 22 years old

and I'd say hey how old are you

and they'd say I'm 22

and and they say you know I want to fight I want to there's

a fight card coming up I want to be on it

and I was like I'd tell him listen you got plenty of time like

get better train up your skills

and I said that for probably three

or four years and

then after three or four years

when guys would come in I would start telling um the opposite,

which is you need to get on it.

You need to be in here every day.

The you're you're almost out of time.

You're 22.

You're late.

Because I realized I saw a lot of people

that didn't have any sense of urgency in their life.

And when you don't have a sense of urgency, things aren't going to happen.

You need to make things happen.

As we already discussed, they're not just going to happen for you.

You're not going to become a good fighter unless you make it happen.

And you're not going to do anything in life unless you make it happen.

So if you feel like right now you're looking around with

and you're lost or directionless,

I would take about 15 minutes

and figure out what the hell you want to do with your life.

And I would start getting after it.

So that's that's my advice.

Take 15 minutes, figure out something that you're into,

and go crush that thing and and and make it happen.

For better or worse, life is really short.

And it's this ridiculous irony

that you only see in retrospect how short it is,

right?

It doesn't feel short at the time,

but I bet when you get to your 80s and you look back,

you think, "Holy that went by in no time at all."

>> Yeah.

I had that conversation with my with my mom a couple years ago

and you know she said you know I was like oh how's it going

talking on the phone

and she said oh it's been a pretty rough couple months

because this person died this person died this person died

and you know you know she's almost 80

or something like that

and so I I kind of I said to her you know mom all

those people that you're talking about

that are 80 85 87 years old.

Like they've had a full run at it.

I'm like I I buried my friends that are 27 years old,

30 years old, 31 years old.

Like that's that's horrible.

And so people that got this full run, man,

be thankful that they got that full run.

>> It It is.

I I understand why some people have degrees of regret around

that because they think like,

I I I don't know where that time went.

I wish I'd known this thing sooner.

But again, if action's the antidote to anxiety,

the only way that you can work out what it is

that you need to do is by hurrying up

and doing it.

And again, if the fear of failure,

uh the the fear of the unknown is worse than the actual thing,

you know, it it all ties together, I think, everything that we've spoken about.

>> Like, yeah, you're going to blow some stuff.

You're going to make some bad decisions.

You're going to screw some things up.

Yeah, that's kind of cool.

Like that those make for good stories, man.

Go get them. go make them happen.

>> Mhm.

>> And right now,

if you're a dude

and you're 22 years old

and you feel like you're directionless,

get your together, man, and and go start making things happen.

You spent a good bit of your career in situations

that would cause most people to feel a ton of fear.

I think that fear is related to this confidence, conviction in my decisions.

What have you learned about how to deal with and overcome fear?

>> Go.

Go.

When all that fear that's in your head,

all the whatifs and the scenarios

that you create inside your own mind

that are way worse than anything

that is actually going to happen,

they all disappear when you go.

That is the moment that can last a million years is waiting to go.

And I found I I'm pretty good at it now where oh I'm like

oh yeah I know what

that is and I'm going

and then that's it.

And once you go, you know, driving even, you know,

speaking of in being in combat,

if we were driving to a target and you're, you know,

so you're going to go hit a target somewhere and driving to the target,

the closer you get, you're thinking about all the things that go wrong,

all the bad things that are going to happen, all this stuff.

When one of my guys gets wounded,

what if they have IEDs in the yard?

Like there's a bunch of things going through your mind.

Once you like stop, get out of the vehicle,

you all those things go away.

Yep.

And you're doing the thing and you're not worried about it anymore.

And so it's just go.

That's that's that's the answer.

>> Action is an antidote to anxiety though, >> man.

Action is an antidote to all kinds of problems in life.

>> Yeah.

Even going back to like the obstacle course,

which I think the tallest obstacle on the obstacle course might be the cargo

net.

I don't know how tall it is,

but it's tall enough

that you are not going to be in good shape

if you fall.

And you have to climb up the t cargo net

and then you have to go over the top of it

and then climb back down the other side.

If you're freaked out or you're scared, you're going to get stuck there.

And there's guys that do get stuck.

They don't climb over the top of it.

Not a lot, but there's occasionally guys that it's they're not it's not happening.

So the longer that you sit,

you hang on and look

and stare and contemplate the chances of you falling off,

it doesn't get any better.

So eventually you just throw your leg over and get over that damn thing.

So I think I probably just experienced it enough

and was cognizant enough to recognize

that at some point,

oh yeah, this feeling of caution

and fear and all

that stuff in the back of my head.

Yeah, I just need to get rid of all that and just go.

>> It seems to go away when I move toward it.

>> Yeah, it does go away.

>> I imagine it's all well and good saying good decisions beget good decisions.

You've got this infinite domino tumble that helps you to keep the momentum up.

And yes, it is your responsibility to deal with the repercussions of the decisions

that you've made,

including the string of bad ones for the last quite a long time

if that's the situation

that you're in.

But it's not particularly reassuring or comforting, I don't think,

to somebody who's in the

So what would you say to someone who's going through a bad month

or a string of bad months

and doesn't see any light at the end of the tunnel?

>> What are your options?

you know, like, okay, you're upside down financially.

You relationship went back went south.

You got whatever those things are.

Your credit card debt is up.

You you got fired from your job.

Okay, you're you're in a terrible situation.

What are your options?

What you have to do is well,

you kind of have to prioritize and execute, right?

Like, okay, I got all these bad things going on in my life. what

is my biggest problem right now?

And you got to say, okay, I got to start with solving that problem.

And you got to start to take take action.

You've got to take action and move forward.

And if you don't, the this the downward spiral doesn't end.

>> And if you allow it to continue to go down,

that's where it's going to end up.

And so you you just have to what are my options to abandon the

whole thing?

Like no, that's not the option.

That is not the option.

How do you deal with the tension of feeling

that other thing pull away from you,

right?

You know that you need to focus

and you know that by focusing on one thing,

another thing is going to start to drop away.

But the classic overachiever mindset is, well,

everything needs to be growing at all times.

So there's a an emotional pain at watching something stagnate

or watching something fall behind.

How do you try and navigate that?

>> You just have to figure out what the priority is

and and at certain times,

you know, certain things might be a higher priority right now than it is

at some other point

and something else picks up

and sometimes the family needs to be the priority,

sometimes the business, sometimes the other business,

sometimes the health. like you're just going to have to weigh those things out

and recognize that you can't do them all simultaneously at the same time all

the time.

It's just it's not going to work.

So, you got to figure out we're going to make some compromises.

We're going to make some trade-offs.

>> What do most people misunderstand about discipline equals freedom?

>> If you give up a little bit today, like you can't get it back.

Like if you skip a workout today,

there's no possible way to get that back.

When you let something go, it's gone.

Rome wasn't built in a day,

but Rome didn't fall apart on a day either.

>> It didn't fall apart because of one thing.

It falls apart just a little bit at a time.

>> Yeah.

Nobody gets fit overnight.

Nobody gets fat overnight either.

>> Exactly.

You can't submit.

You can't submit.

You have to You have to get in there and keep it going.

And I know the results of not doing the thing are are not good.

Yeah.

I I mean I enjoy doing these things.

I enjoy working out.

Do I enjoy working out every single day?

Nope.

And that's when it's like, oh yeah,

but I know the results of the long run.

I don't know.

I think it was pretty simple to understand.

>> I agree.

But I I it's with simplicity comes an awful lot of opportunity for people

to >> Yeah.

I I I guess there's always people that, you know,

as they're trying to fish for a contrarian thing to say,

which I think you kind of have to fish for it.

I think you have to work for it to get with that statement.

I I kind of get the sense

as well with that story about not wanting to go to the gym.

I do think that that's the difference between discipline and motivation.

Motivation.

I didn't want to do the thing.

Discipline.

I did the thing in spite of not wanting to do the thing.

Look, I've said many times, you can't count on motivation.

Like, it's not going to be there for you.

>> Or it may, but it may not be.

>> And when it comes along, >> if you wait for it to be there,

>> it's you might be waiting more than you should.

When we deployed to Iraq in 2006, we'd been fighting since 2003,

and we'd had very few casualties in the SEAL teams.

The amount of guys that had experienced their teammates killed in action was minuscule.

And so there was no preparation other than what I had taken away from

reading about combat for my whole life.

What I did was what I knew how to do, which was work.

And and that's literally what I told my guys was we've we've crossed a

line.

And there's no there's no possible way to replace

or describe or overcome the amount of just heartwrenching sadness

that you feel when you lose a teammate.

I didn't know what to do and I didn't know what to say.

>> First time, >> first time, second time, third time, >> irrelevant time.

What I did was, and I told my guys,

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to tell you.

The only thing that I know to do is to go back to work.

And I do know this.

If Mark was here, he would want us to go back to work.

And so, we're going to lock and load our weapons,

and we're going to go do what we do.

In World War II, in World War I,

there would be days where thousands upon thousands were killed.

And so that offered me a small bit of perspective to think to myself

that human beings,

we can feel like we're special

and we can feel like no one's ever been through what I've been through

and the world is hard for me

and easier for everyone else.

Well, the reality is that's not true and we're not special.

And the things that people go through,

other people have gone through most likely much much worse and much more significant.

So that to me was a a it gave me at least some level

of perspective to realize

that other warriors had gone through this before.

This was my turn

and this is how I'm going to try

and handle it.

I've got that going on and and and I need to control it.

So when people start getting emotional when when guys get killed,

how do I get control over that?

Yeah, I absolutely have to control my own emotions because it's your guys.

And believe me, when you lose one of your guys,

you want to kill everyone.

And you know you can't and you know you shouldn't.

So you have to detach from your emotions.

You have to get control of them

and you have to make sure

that you lead your your men in the right direction

so they don't do something

that is not the right thing to do.

One of my answers for people when they say, "Hey,

how can I get better at detaching control my ocean emotions?"

I tell them to start training jiu-jitsu

because you're going to get tapped out in jiu-jitsu.

Your ego is going to get smacked around

so hard you're going to lose your mind

and what you and the the more the matter you get,

the more aggressive you are,

the more you're going to get beat down

and the worse it's going to be.

So, you have to learn to control your emotions.

No doubt about it.

And then what you have to do is you have to start practicing it

all the time.

You have to start paying attention to the to the the red flags

that go up when I start raising my voice at you.

I go, "Oh, that's that's your emotion.

Get mad."

And and for me, like the minute I feel some sort of anger,

some sort of jealousy, some sort of frustration, most of the time I go,

"Oh, you're getting mad.

That's your ego.

That's your That's you're getting emotional about this."

Take a step back and listen to what the other person is saying.

Take a step back and try and see it from their perspective.

Take a step back and try and understand what they're trying to say.

Because sometimes, you know,

if you're not a if you're not a very articulate person,

you're just making me mad.

It's only cuz I don't understand what you're trying to say.

Take a step back.

Let's talk through it.

So pay attention to, you know,

I always talk about

when you're sending an email to someone

and you're typing like this,

don't don't send that email.

That's not a good email to send.

That's an emotional email.

Wait, write it out.

Fine.

And then save it and read it later and you'll realize, oh yeah,

I was really mad about something or I was really frustrated.

So how do you do it?

You practice it.

You pay attention to your emotions and you get control over them.

Can you teach that?

That Let's go.

Let's We're going to jump back in the water.

Let's go.

>> I think that I think that's one of the few things

that you learn in basic SEAL training is to shrug your shoulders

and go forward.

What you learn to do is okay, I'm going to go forward.

There's no I can't get out of this.

I'm going to go forward.

I'm not going to quit.

So, I'm going to go forward.

Bring it on.

So if you lack the discipline to exercise and eat healthy,

you will end up being a slave to disease.

If you lack the discipline to work hard, save your money,

you will end up a slave to finances.

If you lack the discipline to manage your time correctly,

you will end up with no free time.

If you have self-discipline,

if you have the discipline to save your money

and work hard and invest your money properly,

if you have the discipline to manage your time correctly

and not waste a bunch of time,

if you have the discipline to exercise and eat healthy,

you will end up with freedom.

>> You've got to be aggressive to make things happen.

I mean, if you don't if you're not aggressive with things, they don't happen.

They don't move.

So, you're always learning and growing.

And I was always learning until the day I retired.

>> And people can actually confront the fact

that this is all

because of me and this is it hurts,

but is also unbelievably empowering because if these problems are because of me,

then I'm capable of fixing these problems.

So even though extreme ownership hurts and is painful,

it's also liberating because now you have control over your fate

and over your destiny.

And that is a glorious thing.

I'm not saying take your emotions out of the calculus,

but they have to be one component of your calculus, not the whole equation.

The equation has to include emotions, yes.

Logic, yes.

Future, yes. goals, yes.

Family, yes.

Work, yes.

Finances, yes.

All those things have to be in the calculus.

Emotions has to be a part of the that calculus.

You can't pull them out of there or they'll bite you.

But you can't make them the overwhelming denominator of everything

that you do or it's going to be problematic.

Extreme ownership is this went wrong, this failed, didn't accomplish this.

And it's not the fault of my boss.

It's not the fault of my girlfriend.

It's not the fault of my parents.

It's not the fault of the weather.

It's my fault.

And I'm going to take ownership of it and I'm going to fix it.

That's what extreme ownership is.

And this is a very difficult thing to do because it hurts.

Because when you look around at your life

and you look around at your job

and your financial situation

and your relationship and your physical health

and when you look at all those things

and all the problems

that you may have with those things

and you say the reason I have all those problems is

because of me.

That can hurt.

That can sting.

And a lot of times our ego rejects

that and makes excuses

and lies and then we don't have to change anything

and then nothing changes.

So again, I would love to be able to, you know,

give you this profound anchor that people need to have, but it's like, oh,

do do you want to do this or not?

Which is what I think a lot of it boils down to.

Do you actually want to do this or not?

Do you actually want to do this or not?

Cuz if you actually want to do it, what's going to stop you?

Nothing.

And if you don't really want to do it, what's going to stop you?

Just about anything that comes up.

Just about any obstacle that gets in your way becomes an excuse.

It becomes a reason.

It becomes a rationale for not proceeding down that path.

So there's a lot of people say like do the work.

Um, and in gym launch, and it's continued into our stuff today,

but do the boring work is what we call it.

And, uh, boring is what make you rich.

Boring, the boring activities.

It's the, it's the double-checking the emails.

It's writing the follow-up sequence that you really don't feel like writing.

And honestly, just getting it done will make you significantly more money than not

getting it done.

And so it's like it's it's Michael Phelps talks about this too with uh

with swimming like just laps after laps after like he doesn't even have the

variety of like different moves

or different like it's just laps just sheer volume of work

and um I call it the rocky cut scene

and almost every successful person

that I have ever encountered has gone through not a month

or a year but many years of doing work without reward where they have

to do things that other people find boring

and they have to sacrifice things

that everyone finds interesting

that most people want to do during

that entire season of their life.

And they basically sacrifice a season of other things

that they would prefer to do to do stuff

that they would not prefer to do

because of the one thing they want most.

And that's the Rocky cut scene.

And instead of lasting 5 minutes, it just usually lasts 5 or 10 years.

>> Even now, it's it's still something

that I struggle with realizing

that now isn't forever.

>> The thing that you're doing right now doesn't need to be forever.

It's not forever.

>> Yeah.

>> There's this huge time delay between

when we start behaving in a way

that a winner behaves

and when we start winning.

>> Mhm.

Mhm.

>> And the problem is that the bigger the mountain you're trying to climb,

the bigger the W you're trying to get,

typically the more delayed it is lag.

>> Yeah.

Between when you start behaving like a winner

and when you start being a winner.

And most people don't get the fast enough feedback loop to know

that they're on the right path

when they are taking these first steps in the right direction

because they have this really big goal,

but they forget that with

that really big goal comes the even longer delay

that it takes to get there

while still continuing to act with no feedback from society.

>> No positive reinforcement, no >> whatsoever.

And I think that's like

if I actually had to put a real like what's what's been what has

worked so well for me

and why the input over the output focus has been

so powerful is that I can extend the time horizon basically indefinitely

because the goal is me

and then the external goals occur.

So I think a lot of us have the the battle of the other

self that we're the the lesser version of oursel

that we're trying to kill every single day.

And so a lot of times we have this desire to point the blame

finger externally.

But wherever you point the finger of blame, power follows.

And so whoever I blame for the life I have is the person who

I give all the power over my existence,

over my circumstances.

And so it hurts.

But if you turn the finger inwards and you start saying, "Huh,

I don't like my life. the person

that I need to punish

or get back at is the real person who got me here,

which is me.

And so, you may be right

that other people did certain things

or you got dealt a bad hand.

It also doesn't matter

because the only thing

that you can control is obviously the actions

that you take.

And the only person who's in control of that is you.

The revenge porn is thinking about what the version of you who got you

here did and then acting in the exact opposite of

that as many times

as you possibly can

and the pain that you feel by rejecting the thing

that you used to do

that got you into this bad circumstance.

That's the real revenge.

We don't rise to the standards we have when others are watching.

We fall to the standards we have when no one is watching.

The only work that really matters is the work that no one sees.

It shows you who you really are rather than who you say you are.

>> There's this line

that I heard David Gogggins say on Rogan

and I can't remember who he's saying it to

or what he said in response to,

but he just said, "I'm David Gogggins, bitch."

And I remember him saying it

and I thought to myself like you want to be able to say

that in the mirror to yourself

and not laugh at yourself.

>> And the only way

that I can do

that is know that

when no one's watching,

I work harder than when they're watching.

And thinking about it like

that has given me this persistent

and everpresent scorecard or third party that's like no one's watching

which means now you have to work cuz otherwise you're full of

and so it's this continuous reinforcing cycle of the me

and other me holding the whip behind me to see how much I can

take but with each lash of the whip

that I take learning

that I can take it

and continue to trudge on.

And so as long as you keep going,

you bear witness to yourself of what you are capable of.

And I find that incredibly satisfying in the trenches of misery

when you have to go through it

because you're like,

>> you're not full of >> I'm still here.

>> It means that you're not full of >>

So I think what we're teasing at is authenticity.

And so a lot of people feel like imposters because what they think,

what they say, and what they do are completely different.

But from an operational perspective,

because that's how I like to define a lot of words,

which is what do I have to do to be that, right?

What do I have to do to be authentic?

And you can describe someone as authentic by saying,

how would you behave if there was no possibility of punishment?

And so if you could not be punished at all,

that behavior is who you are authentically.

And so in my opinion,

our degrees of freedom are predicated on how much to what extent we act

as though we could not be punished.

And so if what we want to do

and what we do have no possibility of punishment,

that is what we are when we are our true selves.

You like most of the pain

that people experience is purely in their own minds.

And so to your point,

I think there's an interesting one between like burnout versus hard.

And so like for me burnout is

when my I would define it

as my output per unit of time decreases.

So I can see

that that's measurable right now like I can say like number of pages

that I edit or the quality of the content

that I create.

Like my output per time like the team knows

when I like when I'm like 6 hours 7 hours into recording something they're

like I literally start like slumping. you know,

like like physically I just start like slumping

and I like my cadence isn't

as like I'm just not

as sharp,

right?

There's that versus emotional burnout,

which I think people mislabel

as burnout when really it's just like they don't know how to reframe reality.

And so what it really is is they got a comment on a post

that bugged them.

And like again, it's like pulling it from the shadows.

It's like, "No, this stuff doesn't It's like, hold on.

What's the one voice that actually is coming through?

What is the real thing?

Well, there is this comment.

Okay, great.

It's embarrassing to even have to say that, but when you say it,

then you admit it

and all of a sudden you put it in the light

and the shame kind of starts to evaporate

because then you can name it

and be like,

is this comment better than my bigger than my future?

Is this comment bigger than me?

And one of the things

that I um that has helped me was saying like what's true about this?

And the next one is like what

if we confront it

and say like what

if they're right now what

because a lot of I think a lot of effort gets put into trying

to deny deny reality right like there's this clip

that I shared uh from Tom Billy

and he was talking about how he gets made fun of for his ears

being big right and I think it's a really good clip cuz his point

that he was making he's like is

that it's true I do have big ears

and and so that's

if they're like you have no right to be making content.

Are they right?

Okay.

And I'm still going to do it anyways

because the thing is like I can still do the things

that create success and not deserve it

and still get it.

And that actually felt very powerful for me

because it was like I don't have to deserve to success.

I can still just do the stuff that gets it.

It's like you don't have to you don't have to deserve the girl

but you can still do the things

that get her.

And do you deserve it when you have her?

I don't know.

Who knows?

I hate the word deserve to begin with, right?

>> Yes.

>> But like that has been super powerful for me,

which is like what if they're right?

And because a lot of people just trying to they spend

so much effort trying to fight the fact

that the comments might be right.

This might have been aing terrible thumbnail.

You know what?

This might have been a boring video.

This this post might have been regurgitated content.

This post might have been inspired too closely by someone else's post.

Right?

What if they're right?

And >> yeah, >> does it make me a piece of what if it does?

And >> being an is a weak person's idea of strength.

Complaining is their connection.

Never let yourself be held back by other people's fears.

People criticize what they are afraid to do themselves

because bold action reminds them of their own inaction.

If you're afraid to be criticized,

why do you care about the opinions of those who are too timid to

do it themselves?

If you are the criticizer,

does tearing down someone who has the courage you lack make you better?

>> People criticize because it helps them justify the risks they chose not to

take in the hopes

that it'll dissuade you from doing it

so that you can be in the exact same position

as them,

which then justifies that they made the right call.

And so when I think about how hard I want to work,

the interesting thing about

that is that the only person who can judge you on your success is

you because you're the only one who knows how much left in the tank

you really had.

And the better you get and you can resonate with this,

you start winning exteriorly.

And that's when people are like, it felt so empty.

It's because they didn't actually work as hard as they could have.

They just worked hard enough to beat everyone else.

But that discrepancy between how hard you could have worked to hard to work

your hardest versus what was required in order to win.

To me, that's the opportunity

that shifting towards the work being the goal unlocks for you.

And I work harder now than I did when I was poor.

And I think it's

because I've learned to enjoy it. the result

which we know there isn't really one

and we cannot imitate someone else's exact result.

We're going to have our own thing way to get there.

Um the the approach is all I think that's that's that's the best our

life can get is one constant approach

or and with many different approaches

but knowing we never there is no result.

H you know the story of Seisphus man gets cursed I think he was

a demigod gets cursed to roll a boulder up a hill it's heavy heavy

boulder he rolls it uphill

and just as he gets to the very top he stumbles

and it falls down

and crushes him and he needs to walk back to the bottom turn around

pick it back up

and Albeamu's famous line is we must imagine Cisphus happy

that this pointless pursuit >> uh

that he finds joy in the process of doing

So I grew up only knowing sort of the courage of the persistence.

Be resilient, endure, get up, dust yourself off, go.

The problem with that,

the Achilles heel with

that is if you get up

and have the courage to keep on going every time

and get up and dust yourself off,

you make the same mistakes each time around cuz you never backed up to

have what I've now learned

and still learning is the courage to go,

"No, I'm going to let some people pass me in the race right now

cuz I'm going to look at why I keep stepping in

that damn same pothole

and twisting my ankle.

The same spot. why I keep failing

when I try to get

that next spot in this relationship

or failing in this place to get this product of my craft to the

next.

>> Would that be uh the relinquishing of the romcom era in in a

a small part for you?

>> Small part?

Yeah.

>> Yeah, it was definitely courageous.

I did I did honestly think I'd written myself a one-way ticket out of

Hollywood. people close to me.

Basically almost everybody besides my wife was like, "What is your major malfunction,

little brother?

You got it made.

Why Why are you throwing a jack knife in this?

You're tripping yourself running downhill, man.

You You You did it."

And I had my wife

and myself to remind myself of

that 4:00 a.m. clarity

that I had in tears

when I was like,

"No, I'm I'm I'm I'm rolling the dice.

I'm sticking with it."

Yeah, man.

I did think I wrote myself a ticket out of Hollywood.

I did look at other vocations, become a teacher, a wildlife guide.

I serious seriously look at those things.

But over time, and it was about 20 months, it was gone long enough.

It found anonymity enough.

Was not in your living room in a theater in a romcom.

You didn't seem on a beach shirtless.

Where is he?

Turning down the $14.5 million offer.

Made people go, "Oh what's he up to?"

You don't just you don't just step out of Hollywood

and unless you get you turn

that down cuz you got a plan.

You got somewhere you want to go.

And I think that made me more attractive as a new novel idea.

But that was yeah

that risk took a I think it's fair to say

that took a fair amount of courage from me.

>> We often see resistance

as a form of failure

and something that we should endeavor to avoid.

You think about the avoidance of like people building families

or even many people consider

that we're living in a bit of a comfort crisis.

This is slightly a different sort of analogy

but most of the diseases

that we have today whether they're diseases of I don't know the mind like

you know people feeling lonely

and isolated or physical diseases 80% of Americans getting back pain

but no one in the had a tribe in Africa getting back pain they're

all a consequence of us continually choosing comfort >> y

which is a short-term friend

but long-term enemy and the resistance I think is um is something increasingly we

can choose opt out of >> oh

and and and we we've outconvenienced oursel What's AI going to do to us?

Talk about convenience.

How much, and I want to keep hearing studies.

I wonder if you have an opinion on this.

How much of you coming up with an idea

and then writing and rewriting it,

thinking about it.

No, no, no, no.

That's not ex Oh, no.

This is what I really mean.

How to get it done.

How much of that is really valuable to get it beyond just an intellectual

idea?

more valuable than just going ah there it is cuz what comes out of

it incredibly impressive hunch is

that yeah we can use it for like signpost to help us oh that's

good or that will help thank you for helping me organize

but there's a value to us going through the sweat equity of learning something

>> but I mean yeah I mean for through history people like Richard Fryman

the physicist has said the best way to learn something is to learn it

and and then to go through the pain of writing it,

condensing it down to a simple truth like you do

so often in your new book poems

and prayers and then sharing it with the world

and then getting the feedback

and if if the world understood it like you meant it like

that poem you just shared you you you understand it that's evidence

that you get it >> right >>

so I think AI is going to be great for me saying something to

you but not learning something myself

and I think if you know

if you want to defend creativity

and innovation and the ability to think you actually have a huge opportunity

which is to go left

when everyone's going right.

>> Well, now we're going into I have that I got that thing there.

I said what what's better?

Take eight.

Take eight eight big risk in life.

Sin once, miss the mark once, but get seven, achieve seven.

Seven out of eight or take a 100 risk >> and achieve eight of them.

My hunch is that if there's a God,

he's saying go for the hundred

and get eight >> rather than eight

and get seven.

Mhm.

>> Is you're not take

if you're not taking enough risk to sin

or miss the mark,

which is what sin means to fail.

>> Mhm.

>> What are you doing?

Don't come back with even money.

Come back with the safe bets,

which that can become a sort of recessive peace, namaste.

No, it's a it's a it's almost a it's I don't think it's what

the mystics meant when they were like be disattached.

Mhm.

Think of it mean go embrace

but for highs and lows

and pains and pleasures.

Understand that those outward things are not the things to be attached to for

your own identity.

It's got to be inward first.

Enjoy those.

Partake, but don't become attached to those for your measure without complacency.

Trust that time is on your side.

>> What do you mean that?

>> Yeah, man.

Don't get ahead or behind it.

And then I can get in a rush

and I haven't found look

and I know how to hustle

and let's go.

The clock's ticking.

We're all behind.

All hands on deck.

We got to bust ass.

No time for pause.

There's no sleep, no nothing.

Get the caffeine out.

Let's go.

>> Mhm.

>> Sometimes we got to do that.

But that is usually

because an unforeseen circumstance has happened

that there's a crisis we got to deal with

or we've uh procrastinated

and I put myself in

that position where I got we got to cram.

But it's not those two circumstances.

We got to watch oursel getting ahead of time and it's on your side.

It's a little what I mean about the living longer and living more quality.

Time's on our side

and we're forced to think

and feel especially today with how fast things move.

That more productivity, faster pace, more information, faster pace, it's better.

We're we're ahead of we're ahead of of time a lot.

It's the John Wooden, a great basketball coach for UCLA.

Be quick, but don't be in a hurry.

That was his note to the his basketball players.

Like, you can be quick, but don't be in a hurry.

You will miss things.

You know, it's it's it's it's the Lego set, man.

And you sit there and you get in a rush.

You don't read the directions.

You get to the end and you've got 12 pieces left and you're like,

Because you got in a hurry. you got ahead of time instead of just

that feeling of I've checked out what I need to do

and it's all adding up

and this thing's built right

and the foundation's right

and boom there's the last piece it fits voila was with time's on our

side it's not an enemy the end death is not the enemy I do

believe that part of you know not in a rush to get there

and we can stave it we want to stave it off sometimes

and that it can be a screaming fight

and partially denial can help us get there.

I understand that.

But still, it's on her side.

It's going to happen.

And since it's going to happen and there's that's non-negotiable.

Might as well go, well,

I'm not going to rush to try

and make more of it than there is.

I want to try

and spend the time I got

as well as I can to produce succeed,

achieve all whatever those things are,

but also at a pace

that I'm me that I

that I that that I I like I like the dance to.

I I I like the give and the take.

I like the reverb.

I like the the the the cause

and effect of how things are happening at this pace.

Like start now.

That doesn't mean time's on my side.

Yeah, dude.

Inshalah.

When it happens, it'll happen.

No.

Like, wake up.

The clock's ticking.

It's on your side now.

Just move with it.

Dance with it.

Put some soul with the the facts.

I've realized that it's scary

when you find a thing

that you're going to fully commit yourself to the pursuit of,

especially if it's excellence that you're going after,

because there's no more room for your inadequacies to hide.

There's no more ejector seat.

Right?

I've committed to this.

>> Commit to at least one thing >>

as hard as you can

and see what happens.

>> I had a rule with my clients because, you know, you might say, "Well,

I've gone halfway down this path and I found out it's wrong."

Well, how do you distinguish that from just giving up?

Well, that's a really hard question, right?

It's it's a moral hazard cuz it's inappropriate to continue in a direction you

now realize to be wrong,

but it's also inappropriate to give up and use that rationalization as an excuse.

And how do you distinguish?

>> Especially seeing as we're not transparent to ourselves.

>> Well, right.

Exactly.

So that is genuinely a moral hazard.

You can change course

as long as the next thing you do is equally

or more difficult cuz that's a check against just giving up.

So you want to discipline yourself

so you can get yourself organized

so that you can go in a particular direction

so that when you find the right direction,

you can really go in that direction.

And that does require an apprenticeship of sorts.

And it it might not matter in some sense exactly what the apprenticeship is

as long as it is rigorous,

right?

And so that's sort of a bridge between moral relativism and moral absolutism.

There's lots of games you can play.