Backyard Squirrelympics 3.0- The Summer Games

- This is the prestigious Walnut Cup, and if you want it for yourself you'll need to first win a majority of the competition events I've set up in my backyard.

And second, be a squirrel.

Welcome to the third and final year of my all-consuming battle with the squirrels in my backyard.

And bust out the popcorn, 'cause this year, not only do we have amazing feats of athleticism and a lot of close calls but also inter-species battles, home videos of Phat Gus as a baby and a scandal that rocks the neighborhood so hard you're just gonna have to see it to believe it.

So, hold onto your walnuts and let's get started.

(soaring music) - Hello sports fans and welcome to the Backyard Summer Games where the greatest bushy tailed athletes in all the world compete in seven different events, including the long jump, the high jump and spinning balance beam, all for the glory and prestigious Walnut Cup.

I'm Chuck Acorns.

- And, I'm Jimmy.

- Just going with Jimmy?

- Yep, just Jimmy.

- Alright, well that is a pretty great name, and it's a beautiful day here in the backyard.

The birds are singing and the smell of fresh cut grass is in the air, which means it's time to head out to the action with our first event, the ski jump.

- Now I know what you're thinking.

This is different Mark, 'cause this is a squirrel competition whereas for the previous two years you've designed a squirrel obstacle course and then placed your bird feeder at the end.

So, if the squirrels want the bird seed, they basically have to outsmart you and earn it.

And that's true, but much to the utter dismay of both me and the birds, they're still just eating all my bird seed with impunity because they know they've won, and there's nothing I can do to stop 'em.

So, after two years I've given up.

We know who wins when it's me versus them, but who would win if it's them versus themselves?

Like what would happen if I create a series of events they have to compete against each other in?

Like, say for example, this ski jump event where once they make it to the top they have to take the walnut bait and then escape before the pneumatic cylinder fires and the trap door drops sending them down the ramp and off the jump.

Well, in that case, you could imagine there might be a squirrel named Phat Gus who was a little more, you know, sturdy, who just really appreciated the caloric value of a fresh walnut.

And, a squirrel like that would be at a distinct disadvantage here where the key really is just not to get greedy, because the longer you take to really just stuff as many walnuts as you can in your mouth, nope.

Oh boy.

Well at some point you just run out of time, and then you find yourself in a predicament.

And this freeze frame is the perfect moment to introduce all four of our Backyard Game's competitors starting with a heavy favorite Phat Gus.

And just like in years past, I want to be very clear that's phat with the P-H as in phantastic.

Now, in doing research on the backstories of the athletes, I stumbled on some previously undiscovered footage.

And with the little narrative liberty, I was able to piece together that Phat Gus grew up in a rougher area of the neighborhood called Hubcap Hills.

Even from the outside you can see it was a simple home, and on the inside it was more of the same.

Without money to buy new things, they were really good about repurposing whatever they could scavenge.

But, what they lacked in material possessions they made up for in quality family time.

That other squirrel, by the way, is Phat Gus's sister, Augustine, and she's the second member of Team Hubcap Hills.

Now Phat Gus has always just sort of been Phat Gus.

Even that signature superhero pose manifested its first theme echoes at a very young age.

And then Augustine, for her part, was always very clever, but also very particular.

Here you can see her spending a long time trying to get her bed just right before sleeping for all of three seconds and then waking up to a new hairdo.

And while they come from humble beginnings, they've been training to compete in the backyard games for the Walnut Cup since the moment they could scurry, because it represented a chance to move up to a nicer tree in the neighborhood.

Speaking of which, for the other two contenders we have Rick and Marty who you know from the previous two years.

But, what you might not know is they grew up in Walnut Estates in a nice Japanese maple down the street.

But unlike Hubcap Hills Walnut Estates features a hickory piano and a fully stocked bookshelf.

And so, as you might imagine, Rick and Marty's athletic training equipment was also a step above.

Not only that, but Walnut Estates is so spacious, it has two rooms.

This was a home protected from the harsh world where they could take their time learning basic skills, even eating.

And what you should know about Rick and Marty is they've always been fairly athletic, and they also scare pretty easy.

But, despite their differences, what all four contenders have in common is they've been dreaming of this competition since they were old enough to sleep.

So, it'll be fascinating to see who comes out on top.

Back at the ski jump, after a recovery and then a swift abandonment of ship Phat Gus's teammate, Augustine, steps up for her attempt.

And while she's nevertheless more dignified in her nibbling, the outcome remained unchanged.

The signal right here is probably my favorite, 'cause it's like one second there is a floor and the next second, there's not.

But she recovers beautifully, like squirrels always do, because they're masters of physics as we covered extensively in my previous two backyard squirrel videos.

Next was Marty, who is watching the other two from the sidelines and taking notes and must have assumed it only fires if you walk directly onto the platform, 'cause he did this clever number on his approach.

And while he is clearly bad at deductive reasoning, he is good at scaring easily, which came in handy here, because before the floor barely even drops he's launched himself onto the roof.

And finally, we have Rick who plays a conservative, and while that might be less entertaining for the crowd, it secures the first gold medal of the backyard summer games for Team Walnut Estates.

By the way, the Backyard Games is made possible by Acorns, because their app allows you to invest like a squirrel through saving and investing your money little by little.

Next up is the second event of the Backyard Games, the balance beam, but with a twist.

The goal here is for the contestants to simply get all the way across before the beam starts to spin on them.

Now, they've been preparing for this event for a long time.

Here you see toddler, Augustine, struggling at first but eventually getting to the point where she was still wobbly but much more in control.

Then, over at Walnut Estates, Rick and Marty would practice advanced moves like the under bar crawl demonstrating the sharpest of concentration.

But honestly, who could resist a hanging chandelier?

First up is Marty, who in an effort to calm his nerves, pumps himself up with the flex.

You'll come to see that this is kind of his thing.

Then immediately after making his way up onto the beam, he just goes for it and makes it all the way to the end, almost.

That's where his nerves ostensibly catch up with him, 'cause he pees his pants, and then inexplicably tries to run all the way back to the safety of the start where things end for him predictably.

Next up is Augustine, and at the first sign of a spin, she yeets herself practically into my neighbor's yard.

In the slow-mo, you see that classic make your body into a parachute pose that makes it so a squirrel could survive a fall from any height.

Rick followed that performance by stepping up and making such quick work of the beam it never even had a chance to spin.

You could see the birds really appreciated that run as they watched from the telephone wire grandstands.

The bird stands are constructed such that they give the birds a perfect view of the game without being bothered by the squirrels, because the wires are too unstable.

But, that didn't stop them from trying, because of course they were going to try.

They literally just try everything.

That's like what they do.

Finally, there was Phat Gus who had such a quick start it was on pace for the gold, but that's when things took a turn, like actually (plucky music) You've just gotta admire the tenacity here.

And the slow-mo here is also great, 'cause it really gives you a sense of what Phat Gus is actually thinking.

Ugh. Alright, let's just get back on top and back on bottom.

Dang it.

Okay. Tail in the eye.

Tail in the eye.

Hold it, hold it.

Ugh, just going back to the side, seemed easier.

And, the oh u-turn.

Nevermind. Here we go.

Back up.

Oh, Mark does not pay me nearly enough for this.

And while I wish gold medals could be given for effort, the backyard games is all about results.

So Walnut Estates is now up two to zero, which takes us to the third event called Quick Drop.

Now, the goal here is to nudge the large wooden ball off the cylinder to access the chewy walnut center.

And just like with the balance beam, they've been training for this event from a young age.

And here you can see the difference money can make, because while Rick was able to work with a near exact replica of the Quick Drop event, Phat Gus is over here dealing with the real wish.com situation, although still managing to look really adorable in the process.

Augustine was up first and scoped things out, but ended up getting so particular with her approach, she couldn't settle on a strategy and left the platform platform with the ball unmoved.

Then Marty comes up and after another little flexing routine to psych up both himself and the bird stands, he's a bit more bold, but still pretty skittish.

And you can't blame him for being skittish because there are other animals in the neighborhood who are less interested in walnuts and more interested in squirrels.

For example, there's small birds like this blue jay buzzing by, big birds like this hawk camping out.

Then, of course, there's a few cats who seem to be just a bit too curious.

But, by far the most fearsome predator of all this year is actually spying on Rick right here.

See if you can spot him.

(intense music) Now you can see as soon as Rick locks eyes with this camouflaged beast, he becomes so filled with terror, he somehow decides his best option is just to hurl his body to the great unknown, because the most feared backyard creature is a big old rat.

He's a bit of a bully, and his name is Fat Tail.

(death metal) ♪ Fat Tail ♪ ♪ Fat Tail ♪ ♪ Fat Tail ♪ - Fat tail is just your classic schoolyard bully.

Even with his own friends, he wreaks chaos and terror in the backyard.

And unfortunately that's not the last we'll see of him.

Back to the games, you could see Phat Gus steps up and perhaps the tennis ball just wasn't close enough to the big wooden sphere after all, because this effort looked pretty similar to Augustine's attempt with no actual results, which has left Rick who was able to remove the ball without too much effort.

But, it's when he goes for the walnuts inside where he just really leaves it all on the table.

And that gold medal performance meant Walnut Estates was now winning three to zero.

- Well, this is a best of seven event.

That means that the first team to four gold medals wins.

And this may be turning into an old fashioned route.

- That's right, Chuck, Hubcap Hills really needs to step it up, because if Walnut Estates gets one more gold medal they're gonna be the winners of the Backyard games - Which is all to say they needed a huge showing at the long jump if they ever expected to hoist the Walnut Cup.

Now, rules here are pretty self-explanatory.

You gotta jump from this platform and make it all the way to the sandpit.

And the team with the most successful jumps wins.

Rick is the first one up, and you can see he's really struggling to calculate the trajectory and to do the math in his head to make the jump work.

But, eventually he chooses to just go for it and to put his trust, not in the math, but in himself, (bird chirps) which was the wrong choice.

Next up is Augustine.

And knowing what's at stake here, she musters an uncharacteristic amount of resolve and just goes full send sticking a perfect landing.

And so you could see Marty patiently waiting his turn on deck while she's enjoying the fruits of her labors as Rick's like, "Hey, I know I didn't make my jump, but are you cool if I join you on the landing pad?"

And she's like, "Yeah, that's definitely not an option."

As she not only kicks him off, but double checks that he's really gone.

And I should say with all the excitement around the backyard games there were other animals that would occasionally want to get in on the action too.

Some who were bigger, and some who at least thought of themselves as bigger.

Here's a long jump attempt, but it's like, dude crow, you have wings.

That's not impressive.

Up next is Marty, who knows he needs to land this to keep them in contention.

So, for motivation, he calls upon an extremely rare alternating double arm flex.

And with a big leap and a bit of a mid-air tail correction, Walnut Estates keeps the pressure on.

And finally, there's Phat Gus who has to land this jump to keep their dreams alive.

And while as Marty seeks motivation from the power flex, Phat Gus seeks motivation from the power nap, after which a hush falls over the backyard.

- Here's the approach and the launch.

(air swooshes) (heart beats) - Wait, did she get it?

- Yes, she did.

- Oh my gosh. She's incredible.

- Bang the pots and bring in the melon ballers, that was truly incredible.

Oh my.

Have you ever seen anything like that before in your life?

No? Me neither.

- And so as Phat Gus sits there enjoying the sweet taste of victory with their first points on the board, Rick realizes his hopes for redemption through a tiebreaker around are dashed as he shows himself down and heads to the next event which happens to be the Nutcracker.

Now, for the Nutcracker, the gold medal goes to the first contestant to somehow open then eat the actual nut in the walnut shell.

And once again, prep work for this very moment started at a young age.

At Walnut Estates, admittedly, there was some confusion as to how this event works, but with a little bit of teamwork they eventually figured it out.

Over at Hubcap Hills, you can see things were predictably less bougie, so it'll be interesting to see how this plays out.

After heading over from the long jump, Rick comes in strong but then freezes up as he tries to remember how they did this as kids.

And after seemingly drawing a blank, he just decides to go ask Marty.

And that appears to do the trick, because upon returning, he scores a successful removal, but fumbles on the goal line, which is an out of bounds violation.

Marty was up next, and having just coached Rick through this, he knows exactly what to do.

Oh, Marty with the nice fumble recovery, but after finding the exact perfect way to hold the shell, he takes the walnut out of bounds and decides to go off and bury it.

And while this is a disappointing showing for Team Walnut Estates, this isn't that surprising, because even as a baby squirrel, he was really good at hiding things.

Here, he takes their favorite toy basketball, and then cleverly buries it under the rug so there's no possible way Rick's ever gonna find it.

Phat Gus is up next, and to the surprise of no one removes then shells the walnut in record time like a true professional.

And then, finally, there's Augustine who takes a completely different approach, (shell crunches) but it still counts which gives Hubcap Hills a clear and decisive win, keeping their dreams alive and building on their momentum.

Which, brings us to the penultimate challenge in the Backyard Games, the Thunder Dome with two tubes that lead in for platforms on either side.

And the rules here are pretty simple.

Basically, the contender, who's the last squirrel standing in the dome, takes home the gold.

Now at this point, it probably won't surprise you to learn that both homes had quite a bit of wrestling in them growing up.

And while Marty's favorite move was the piano slide to the surfboard, Phat Gus's Go-to move was definitely the tail grab.

So, it'll be interesting to see what strategies carry over to today.

And so, after setting it out in the yard for a bit the first on the scene was Phat Gus who was somewhat intrigued trying to figure out how to get inside.

And after some amount of investigating, with only minor distractions and a quick power nap the dome was breached.

And Phat Gus was really enjoying time in the Thunder Dome.

That is, until a certain bully rat decided to show up.

(death metal music) ♪ Fat Tail ♪ - And, at first you can see Phat Gus stands by sort of helpless as Fat Tail comes in and starts stealing all the walnuts.

But, after he leaves, Gus reclaims the throne with a newfound resolve, so that when Fat Tail returns, the bullier becomes the bullied.

And, he's kicked off the platform never to return again.

And after that moment, you could just tell there was a new-found confidence.

This was Phat Gus's world, and we're all just living in it.

I mean, not even the barking dogs were safe from this newfound bravado.

And because all the other squirrels could see what was going on, it's no surprise that anytime the king showed up to the Thunderdome, things cleared out real quick, which means Hubcap Hills took the gold tying things up at three to three, setting up the ultimate showdown in the final event to settle who would be the Backyard Games champions.

And so this was it.

The morning of the final competition had arrived and you could, since the anticipation in the air throughout the neighborhood.

Everything would come down to the high jump.

So the competitors made their way over to the backyard running through the training progressions in their heads preparing themselves mentally for what lay ahead (death metal music) ♪ Fat tail ♪ - Oh my goodness.

Fat Tail, come on.

So disappointing.

- What a shameful example of poor sportsmanship.

Clearly just trying to get in their heads the morning of the final event - Even the birds were expressing their distaste in the best way birds know how.

But, the mark of a true professional is being able to clear your mind, as you can see Augustine do here as she then makes her way up to the platform.

And Augustine starts out with what is arguably less of a jump and more of a hoist, but whatever.

Rick went a bit quicker, but then got slowed down on his exit, 'cause he discovered he could see himself in the reflection.

And he knows a handsome devil when he sees one.

Phat Gus and Marty, on the other hand, were able to clear this one with minimal effort, which meant it would all come down to the highest high jump setting.

Rick went first, but after choosing a bad angle things did not end well for him.

Augustine used her meticulous planning to size things up and then deduce that the best way over was under.

And while clever, it was a clear violation of the rules.

So, she was out too.

That left Marty and Phat Gus to decide it all.

And after a final flex to really hype himself up, Marty turned his attention to the platform, stepped up and with the big effort he did it.

He actually pulled it off, although he sort of grabbed the side to do it.

So, that meant if Fat Gus could go over clean without using the side, that would give the humble underdogs from Hubcap Hills the championship.

- Here's Phat Gus with the approach, sizing up the bar.

The jump is up.

A bit of a pause.

Still paused.

Oh no, Phat Gus.

- Wow.

Well, okay, I guess that means Marty gets the gold, and that puts Walnut Estates to four gold medals, making them the official winners of the Backyard Games.

- So, there you have it.

I mean, you could see they're ecstatic, and rightfully so.

It was a hard fought and well-earned bat- - Wait a second, I'm getting some breaking news.

Standby for just a, oh no, what I've just heard has disturbed me deeply.

- And that was the moment everything changed because of a bombshell revelation.

And you could tell Marty already knew what was coming by the way he banished himself from the backyard and into the bushes.

The first clue was after going through all the footage, and I mean I bear partial responsibility for not noticing this myself, but Marty was constantly flexing.

It's almost like he had all these new-found muscles and couldn't help it.

Was it possible that he was secretly eating non-regulation walnuts to make his muscles bigger and stronger?

Well, if he was gonna do that he'd have to hide them somewhere.

And for our second clue we know that ever since he was young his favorite spot for hiding stuff was under the rug.

So, while he was busy competing and winning the high jump a raid was secretly being conducted at Walnut Estates by the authorities.

And sure enough, a trap door was discovered.

And after peeking inside, they found these a couple of bags of Russian walnuts.

And I probably don't need to tell you why, but in the Backyard Games Russian walnuts are strictly prohibited.

And so, suddenly it made total sense why he was the only one strong enough to conquer the high jump.

And you can imagine when the news leaked to the neighborhood, just how utterly shocked everyone was.

- Wow. This is disappointing on a molecular level.

And I say that not just as a sportscaster, but as an American.

Quite frankly, it's a disgrace to the integrity of the Backyard Games.

- But on the bright side, it meant an adjustment had to be made.

- This means their high jump gold medal goes to Hubcap Hills and makes Hubcap Hills the champions of the backyard summer games.

- And with the news of the reversal, you can see Phat Gus wasted no time making it down to the trophy.

And Augustine was so happy, she just couldn't contain herself.

- Well, okay, a lot of saliva on my mustache.

(tone beeps) - So the only question that remained was just how Marty would've even got ahold of those.

It's just, you can only get Russian walnuts at night from the underground sewer network.

Squirrels aren't even nocturnal.

I mean, he'd have to go through, wait a second, zoom in right there.

Of course, Fat Tail was masterminding the whole thing all along to cheat the system.

Eventually, Phat Gus and Augustine took some endorsement deals, and they used the money that poured in to relocate their house to the Japanese maple down the street with of course the addition of a conspicuous law ornament as a playful flex to their neighbors below.

And speaking of their neighbors, they all eventually found it in their hearts to forgive Marty, 'cause that's just what good friends do, which is all to say in the end they all lived in harmony happily ever after.

Well, except for Fat Tail.

He did some hard time in the slammer, 'cause he's a jerk.

(death metal music) ♪ Fat Tail. ♪ - Fun fact, squirrels only remember where they bury about 25% of their nuts.

That means, if you see a big old oak tree, there's a decent chance it's there because of a squirrel.

Now, as a human, I look at this acorn and to be honest, it's not even that big.

So, it's crazy to imagine that this with a little help from Phat Gus could turn into this.

This makes squirrels nature's greatest investors, because they leave three out of every four acorns in the ground.

And with enough time those acorns can turn into mighty oak trees that can provide way more acorns for generations of squirrel babies to come.

And I got some great news, 'cause if you wanna start investing like a squirrel, there's a very appropriately named app called Acorns that makes it super easy.

You can start by investing your spare change in a diversified portfolio built by experts.

Plus, you can open an early account for kids and then add money automatically.

And then let friends and family invest in their future too.

And the sooner as you start investing, the more chance your money has to grow over time.

So, download the Acorns app today and get started.

Oh, and also, if you're an Acorns customer, you get access to exclusive, behind the scenes content from my backyard squirrels.

So, if you wanna check out more feats of squirrel awesomeness, download the Acorns app and start investing like one.

Thanks for watching.

(beat drops)