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The Office
Office COLD OPENS to Watch on Your Lunch Break
Office COLD OPENS to Watch on Your Lunch Break
The Office
·
30:19 · 16 thg 2, 2026
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Câu
1
/807
0:05
Things are a little slow here
0:07
and there's only so much cold calling you can do in a day.
0:10
Turns out there's no limit to the number of cheese puffs you can throw
0:13
at someone's face.
0:18
>> We're getting pretty good at it.
0:44
Hey.
0:44
>> Hey.
0:44
>> Who are you faxing so early in the morning?
0:46
>> Oh, um, kind of hard to explain.
0:51
I don't have a ton of contact with this Scranton branch,
0:54
but before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery.
0:58
So, from time to time, I send Dwight faxes from himself from the future.
1:07
Dwight, at 8 a.m. today, someone poisons the coffee.
1:10
Do not drink the coffee.
1:12
More instructions will follow.
1:14
Cordially, future Dwight.
1:24
You'll thank me later.
1:26
Today is the test launch day for the inaugural Saber store.
1:31
And I, Dwight Shroo, am in charge of the entire operation.
1:35
And if I can prove myself today
1:37
and the store is a hit with the media
1:38
and Nelly sees this,
1:40
the vice presidency is mine.
1:42
>> Hey, are you holding this chair?
1:43
Cuz I feel like I'm going to fall off.
1:45
>> Yes.
1:45
>> I'm not wearing the right shoes for this.
1:46
>> Okay, we went over this.
1:47
Okay.
1:47
Your tiny fingers make the best knots.
1:49
>> Hey, strangers.
1:51
So stoked for the Saber store opening.
1:57
>> Hey, my name is Tabitha.
1:58
I'm camped out in front of the Saber store
2:00
so I can be first in line for the new pyramid.
2:04
It's me, Aaron.
2:05
Dwight and me pretend to be a hipster to create hype.
2:08
And it's working.
2:08
There's already people camped out behind me.
2:19
Pam, line three.
2:21
>> Okay, thanks.
2:21
New York, as it turns out, is very expensive,
2:24
and I ran out of money.
2:26
I thought about selling a kidney,
2:28
but Michael offered to get me a part-time job at corporate.
2:40
Hey, >> of course, now Michael knows where to reach me 16 to 18
2:43
hours a week.
2:44
Hey, Michaela.
2:52
>> Miss you, kiddo.
2:54
Miss you so much.
2:58
>> Oh, she's absolutely adorable.
3:04
>> He >> Oh, sorry.
3:05
He's He's dressed all in pink.
3:07
That's his favorite color.
3:09
>> Oh, that's fun for him.
3:12
>> Fantastic.
3:12
>> Oh, wow.
3:14
Look at that.
3:15
How cute.
3:16
>> Thank you.
3:17
>> Oh, may I?
3:18
>> Oh, sure.
3:22
>> Hey, look at me.
3:24
I'm a baby.
3:25
I'm one of those babies from Look Who's Talking.
3:28
What am I thinking?
3:30
Look at all those staplers.
3:31
What's a stapler?
3:32
I don't EVEN KNOW.
3:33
I'M A BABY.
3:34
HEY, MOM.
3:35
I'm thirsty.
3:37
I'm thirsty.
3:38
Mama, I want some milk.
3:40
And you know where milk comes from?
3:45
breasts.
3:45
>> I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl,
3:48
so I'm wise and I have worms.
3:51
Oh.
3:53
Oh, breakfast.
3:54
>> I got your sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.
3:56
>> Yummy, yummy.
3:57
Thank you.
3:58
Ryan, what was the thing uh you needed me to come in early for?
4:07
>> Um the sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.
4:09
But thank you.
4:10
And why don't you just take a couple hours?
4:14
Office is yours.
4:16
Home alone.
4:17
Risky business.
4:19
Take your pants off.
4:19
Run around.
4:21
Whatever you ought to do.
4:23
I'm just going to take a nap in my car till work starts.
4:30
>> Okay.
4:30
Healthier.
4:31
I'll watch those cards.
4:34
>> Here we go.
4:41
Nice dress, Ryan.
4:43
>> It's not a dress.
4:44
It's a kera.
4:46
>> Okay.
4:46
>> Tonight, one of our most ethnic co-workers, Kelly,
4:50
has invited us all to a Dwali celebration put on by her community.
4:55
What is Diwali, you may ask?
4:56
Well, to have Kelly explain it, >> it's I love blah blah blah.
5:03
It's so super fun and it's going to be great.
5:07
A lot of gods with unpronouncable names. 20 minutes later,
5:10
you find out that is essentially a Hindu Halloween.
5:13
>> You look so handsome.
5:15
>> You really do.
5:16
>> I love the material.
5:17
>> I know.
5:18
>> How come you didn't get me one?
5:22
>> It is Friday morning and it is another beautiful day in Scranton, Pennsylvania.
5:31
Oh my god.
5:38
Pick up.
5:38
Pick up.
5:38
Pick up.
5:39
Pick up.
5:42
We have a serious problem here.
5:44
>> All right, everybody.
5:45
Lock the doors.
5:45
Turn off the lights.
5:46
Pretend you're not here.
5:48
>> Are we in danger?
5:50
>> There's no time to think about if this is real.
5:54
Just sh every Michael.
6:02
Should I call the what?
6:05
>> The IT tech guy and me did not get off to a great start.
6:13
>> Hello.
6:13
Hello.
6:15
Top of the morning to you.
6:17
Woohoo.
6:18
Green M&M's.
6:20
Nature's Viagra.
6:23
Two of my favorite joke areas combined.
6:25
Going to be a good day.
6:26
>> I don't want to bring my friends.
6:27
Why can't it just be the two of us?
6:28
>> Because of St.
6:29
Patrick's Day, people go out in groups.
6:30
Well, why don't you invite your friends?
6:31
>> Why are you being so weird about this?
6:33
>> Stop fighting.
6:34
Just on St.
6:34
Patrick's Day.
6:35
Okay.
6:35
Just one perfect day a year.
6:38
No hassles, no problems, no kids.
6:42
>> Why no kids?
6:44
>> Yeah.
6:44
Where are your kids?
6:45
>> Nope.
6:46
Uh-uh.
6:47
Not today.
6:49
>> It is St.
6:49
Patrick's Day.
6:50
And here in Scranton, that is a huge deal.
6:54
It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.
7:00
I'm a week.
7:01
So, >> hi man.
7:04
Hey guys.
7:05
This is my uh girlfriend Amy.
7:08
>> Hi.
7:08
>> Amy, how you doing?
7:09
>> Nice to meet you guys.
7:10
>> This is everybody else.
7:13
>> Okay.
7:15
This the place.
7:16
So, thanks for the >> Yeah, sure.
7:18
I'll um I'll see you tonight, right?
7:30
>> Absolutely.
7:30
>> Okay.
7:30
Easy, Tiger.
7:32
>> I just really like being >> Okay, goodbye you guys.
7:35
Nice to meet you.
7:36
>> Have a great day.
7:40
>> Whoa, Toby, watch out.
7:41
You're going to violate your own PDA memo.
7:43
>> I wouldn't want to do that now, would I?
7:50
>> To me, the Sixers are a five seed tops.
7:54
>> I think they're going to the conference finals.
7:56
>> No.
7:56
Binham.
7:57
Obvious monster.
7:59
I have three points shooting.
8:00
Don't even >> I bit my lip at lunch today.
8:06
>> Sucks.
8:06
>> Anyway, I just don't see it.
8:08
The Knicks are tough.
8:09
The Nets are tough.
8:10
>> Oh, the Nets are super tough.
8:12
>> Now I have this big bump in my lip that hurts.
8:16
I hate it.
8:18
>> The Hawks are terrible.
8:21
They're always terrible.
8:22
>> Okay, you need to think about it before you come with the Whatever.
8:30
It's not a big deal.
8:31
You know, I always tell my three-year-old,
8:32
"If this is the worst thing that's going TO HAPPEN,
8:35
YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME."
8:36
OKAY, PAM, that's it.
8:39
I'm going home.
8:43
Hey, ready?
8:46
Come on, show me excited.
8:51
>> Yes.
8:51
>> Yeah, I'm pretty excited, too.
8:53
Today I'm headed over to the job fair at Valley View High School to
8:57
find some new interns.
8:59
Want to get some fresh blood.
9:01
Um, euthanize this place.
9:03
>> Hey, we doing this thing?
9:04
>> Yeah.
9:04
>> Oh my god, Darl, you look like Barack Obama.
9:08
Everybody dating Barack Obama.
9:09
>> Why are you dressed like that?
9:10
>> Like what?
9:11
>> Like you're applying for a loan.
9:13
>> Maybe he's going to church or court.
9:16
>> Figured I'd look presentable.
9:17
>> Yeah, >> you went a different way.
9:19
>> I think you look nice.
9:21
>> Thank you.
9:21
Okay, here's what we're going to do.
9:23
I am going to instruct the kids about management and sales.
9:26
Oscar will be in charge of accounting.
9:28
Pam will be eye candy.
9:31
No.
9:31
And also because that is your alma mater.
9:34
Uh Daryl will hire some kids to the warehouse.
9:37
We don't have to worry about internships with them
9:39
because they definitely ain't going to college.
9:41
>> What college did you go to, Mike?
9:43
>> Let's go.
9:44
>> I just wanted to check
9:45
and see if there's anything you needed before I went on my maternity leave.
9:49
Yeah, I'm pregnant.
9:52
>> Great.
9:52
Well, I'll write up the order.
9:54
>> Wait a minute.
9:54
Okay, thanks.
9:55
>> You can't do that.
9:56
>> You cannot exploit your baby for sales.
9:59
>> Hey, did I tell you we're going to have a baby?
10:01
>> Oh, thank you very much.
10:03
I'm excited.
10:03
Oh, definitely.
10:05
>> No, no, you need to come by your sales honorably.
10:08
>> There is nothing dishonorable about talking about your life.
10:11
People like it.
10:14
>> Hey there, Dwight Shroo here.
10:16
Listen, uh, would you be interested in restocking on paper?
10:20
>> Yeah, I could sure use the money.
10:22
My cousin, uh, came down with a case of that nasty new goat fungus.
10:26
Oh, it's just horrific.
10:28
The doctor says he's never seen a beard so quickly.
10:31
Okay, I need a baby.
10:37
I'll never out sell Jim and Pam without one.
10:40
Also, I've been noticing a gaping hole in my life.
10:44
Sometimes I wake up cradling a gourd.
10:48
>> Spit that out.
10:50
Spit.
10:51
Okay, come on.
10:52
Let's go.
10:57
>> You look cute today, Dwight.
10:59
>> Thanks, girl.
11:04
>> So, yesterday Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot,
11:07
which is unfortunate because, as it turns out,
11:09
Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs.
11:13
Let's go over some of these symptoms of marijuana use, shall we?
11:18
You tell me who this sounds like.
11:21
Slowm moving, inattentive, dull, constantly snacking, shows a lack of motivation.
11:36
Hey, I like the people I work with generally with four exceptions.
11:42
But someone committed a crime.
11:44
And I did not become a Lacawana County Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy to make friends.
11:49
And by the way, I haven't.
11:52
>> Well, I should go.
11:54
>> All right.
11:54
I'll tell everybody here that you say hi.
11:56
>> No, don't.
11:56
I'm mad at them.
11:58
>> Why?
11:58
What happened?
11:59
>> Not one of them called to congratulate me on our engagement.
12:02
>> Ah, that they might be off the hook for because I didn't tell them.
12:07
>> What?
12:08
Why not?
12:09
I just didn't, you know, want a deal.
12:13
>> Come on, it won't be that bad.
12:14
>> Okay, you know what?
12:17
Here we go.
12:19
>> Uh, everybody, just wanted to make an announcement.
12:22
Pam and I are engaged.
12:24
>> Hi, everyone.
12:26
>> I thought you were already engaged.
12:28
>> Nope.
12:28
>> That was Roy.
12:29
She was engaged to Roy.
12:31
>> Thank you, Angela.
12:32
>> I got a gift for Pam and Roy.
12:34
Do I have to get another one?
12:36
>> Yes.
12:36
A little close to my engagement there, Tuna.
12:38
What's your game here?
12:40
>> To get married.
12:41
>> She's not a virgin, you know.
12:44
>> Wow.
12:44
>> What's going on?
12:45
>> No, nothing.
12:46
Nothing, Michael.
12:47
Just saying hi.
12:48
>> The tall guy got engaged >> to be married.
12:58
>> Yep.
12:58
>> Sorry.
12:59
>> Oh, sorry.
13:00
>> Oh, sorry.
13:00
Mike.
13:01
Excuse Mike.
13:02
>> What are you doing?
13:03
What are you doing?
13:04
>> English.
13:04
>> He's taking the Mickey fix on the wrong person.
13:06
>> No, no, I'm not picking on you at all.
13:08
You're English, correct?
13:08
>> Yeah, big time.
13:09
Yeah, >> I'm working on an English character.
13:11
Would you mind g I'm It's called Reginald Pufta.
13:14
>> Oh, David Brent, my lege.
13:17
How are you?
13:17
>> MICHAEL SCOTT.
13:18
>> OH, HELL.
13:19
I I do characters as well.
13:20
I got I got a Chinese fellow.
13:22
Not polically correct, but it's called Holy.
13:24
That's what it sounds like.
13:26
>> I do.
13:29
>> Hero.
13:29
>> You can't do that these days.
13:30
>> No.
13:31
No.
13:31
No.
13:32
And people don't understand
13:33
that it has nothing to do with making fun of a of a different
13:37
nationality.
13:38
>> No, no.
13:39
Comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself.
13:43
That's what she said.
13:48
>> Oh man, >> that's good.
13:50
>> Pleasure to meet you.
13:51
>> Where you working?
13:52
>> Dunder Mifflin.
13:52
>> Any jobs going?
13:53
>> No, not right now.
13:54
>> Just let me know.
13:55
>> All right.
13:56
See you around.
14:00
>> Bye-bye.
14:00
A nice guy.
14:03
All right, let's get started.
14:04
Um, oh, first off, we're supposed to be pushing cards stock this week.
14:08
So, let's push cards stock this week.
14:12
Uh, also, what is this?
14:15
>> Tape recorder.
14:17
>> For what?
14:18
>> For recording.
14:20
Michael is on vacation
14:21
and he has asked me to record all meetings
14:22
and to type up the transcripts.
14:24
>> Okay.
14:25
Uh, Karen, any news from that law firm?
14:27
>> Yeah, the deal closed yesterday.
14:29
It's a six-month commitment.
14:30
Oh my god.
14:30
Dwight, what are you doing?
14:32
>> What?
14:32
>> You're not allowed to take off your pants in the middle of the office.
14:35
>> I'm not.
14:36
>> Dwight, you know what?
14:37
Just back off, okay?
14:38
That's making me uncomfortable.
14:39
This is sexual harassment, by the way.
14:41
>> Oh my god, he's got a knife.
14:43
>> I do not have a knife.
14:44
>> No.
14:45
Let the record show that Dwight K.
14:46
Shroo is now completely nude and is holding a plastic knife to Stanley's neck.
14:51
>> Let the record show that Jim Halpert is a liar.
14:54
>> Dwight Shrew is now wearing a baby's bonnet.
14:56
>> I am not.
14:56
>> Oh, Jim Carrey just walked in.
14:58
Dwight, get his autograph from Michael. to not just walk in.
15:01
Okay.
15:01
>> Wait, what is that on your stomach?
15:03
Is that a Muppet baby's tattoo?
15:04
>> Oh my god, Karen, you're right.
15:06
That is animal from the Muppet Baby.
15:07
>> You can't see my stomach.
15:08
>> I AM NOW CHOPPING OFF PHYLLIS'S head with a chainsaw.
15:15
>> Wow, it is raining cats and dogs out there.
15:19
Holy moly.
15:20
>> Phyllis says the same 12 cliches every time it rains.
15:23
So, I promised everyone that if she says them all by noon today,
15:27
I will send out for hot chocolates.
15:30
>> So, how's the drive in?
15:31
>> Uh, nobody knows how to drive in the rain.
15:33
>> You don't say.
15:34
>> Yeah, you know, the roads are actually the slickest in the first half hour.
15:41
>> The plants are going to love this.
15:49
>> Yeah.
15:49
>> I actually sleep better when it's raining.
15:51
>> Tell me about it.
15:53
Time's almost up.
15:54
How many are left?
15:55
>> Just one.
15:56
This weather makes me want to stay at home curled up with a good
15:58
book.
16:02
>> Phyllis, this rain, does it make you want to be doing something?
16:05
>> What do you mean?
16:06
>> You know, like, aren't some things just so nice and cozy in the rain?
16:10
>> Hey, come on.
16:10
>> Lots of things are cozy in the rain.
16:14
>> And that's noon.
16:15
Exactly.
16:17
I mean, normally the rain would make me want to stay at home curled
16:20
up with a good book,
16:21
but everybody's being so nice to me today.
16:23
I'm really happy being here.
16:34
It's a beautiful morning at Dunder Mifflin, as I like to call it,
16:39
Great Bratton.
16:41
Keep it running.
16:43
Do I love being manager?
16:46
I love my kids.
16:47
I love real estate.
16:48
I love ceramics.
16:50
I love my job.
16:51
I I love wrestling.
16:53
Find out what language this is.
17:02
Okay.
17:02
Team building.
17:04
On this side of the room, Stanley, Phyllis, Jim, Ted, Elroy.
17:09
On this side of the room, Pam Meredith Phyllis Creed.
17:13
>> He never called a meeting.
17:16
>> Boatbody.
17:17
Bobody.
17:18
What does the first B stand for?
17:22
>> What are we doing?
17:23
>> We're making acronyms.
17:24
Okay.
17:24
What does the first B stand for?
17:27
>> Um, business.
17:29
>> I like it.
17:31
Business.
17:31
Good, Kevin.
17:33
All right.
17:33
The O.
17:35
>> We need a new manager.
17:38
Good morning everybody.
17:40
Who would like an authentic New York bagel?
17:42
Hm.
17:43
Stanley.
17:44
Thank you.
17:45
>> Oh, no, no, no.
17:46
I got a pumpern nickel just for you.
17:48
Wow.
17:49
H&H.
17:51
You went all the way to New York City to get us bagels.
17:54
Oh, why is there a place closer that sells them?
17:57
>> This is really nice, Dwight.
17:58
Thanks.
17:59
>> Thanks.
17:59
Oh, don't mention it.
18:01
You owe me one.
18:02
You all owe me one.
18:04
Good morning, Michael.
18:05
>> Morning, Dwight.
18:06
>> Hungry?
18:07
No, I had a fish stickick sandwich.
18:09
Actually, I had two fish stickick sandwiches.
18:11
My girlfriend didn't want hers because I guess I'm the only aphrodisiac she needs.
18:15
>> Fish sticks are not an aphrodisiac.
18:17
You're thinking of deer penis.
18:18
>> It worked.
18:18
>> Regardless, that was over 2 hours ago
18:21
and it is now a scientific fact
18:23
that you are hungry.
18:24
Bagel.
18:25
>> I don't mind if I do.
18:26
>> Okay.
18:27
I brought cheese, too.
18:28
>> I'm taking one from my lady friend.
18:31
>> Excellent.
18:31
>> Brain food.
18:32
Thank you very much.
18:35
>> Okay.
18:35
You owe me.
18:36
Can't a guy just buy some bagels for his friends
18:38
so they'll owe him a favor
18:40
which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from
18:43
him anymore?
18:47
Jeez, when did everyone get so cynical?
18:50
>> Vancouver Court Hotel.
18:52
>> Hello Vancouver.
18:53
This is Michael Scott calling from the United States of America.
18:57
I have a reservation in your fair city from February 12th to the 19th,
19:01
first week of the Olympics.
19:03
>> Well, we're looking forward to having you.
19:04
So, let me just pull up your information here.
19:06
>> Okie do.
19:07
>> Uh, I don't seem to have it, sir.
19:10
>> What?
19:10
>> I'm not seeing anything under confirmation.
19:12
Could it be under affirmation?
19:14
Cuz you have thousands of those.
19:15
>> No, we're just trying to look it up right now.
19:17
>> You did get the evite to my barbecue.
19:19
>> Come on, >> Michael.
19:20
>> Um, sir, a lot of people are trying to get last minute reservations
19:24
at hotels here for the Olympics,
19:25
but we've been fully booked for months.
19:27
>> Well, I have been booked for 3 years, so you should have that.
19:31
I have always heard that British Columbia is a very nice place,
19:33
but I'm not getting that from this conversation.
19:36
>> Wait, I got it.
19:37
Confirmation code XV2 RDM.
19:42
>> Oh, here it is.
19:44
>> Yeah.
19:44
Uhhuh.
19:46
In our street view economy single.
19:48
>> That's it.
19:49
>> Mhm.
19:49
>> Yeah.
19:49
We changed systems a while back.
19:51
I do apologize.
19:52
>> Okay.
19:53
How may I help you, Mr.
19:54
Scott?
19:55
>> All right.
19:56
I would like to cancel my reservation, please.
19:58
>> There is a cancellation fee for this, sir.
20:00
Okay, put it on my card.
20:03
>> Jim, could you come in here, please?
20:12
>> Hi, Jim.
20:15
>> Hello.
20:15
>> I am Harvey, a computer.
20:17
Jim sucks.
20:21
>> Sorry.
20:21
>> Oh, wow.
20:23
That's so rude.
20:24
I'm sorry.
20:25
I can't control him.
20:26
>> Yeah, he can.
20:27
>> You know what?
20:27
Get Pam >> for this.
20:29
Pam.
20:33
>> Pam, you look very hot today.
20:38
>> Pam, meet Harvey.
20:39
This is Michael's new friend.
20:42
>> Great.
20:42
>> Me so horny.
20:43
Me love you.
20:43
Long Tim.
20:45
>> Whoa.
20:45
>> A, that is gross.
20:47
>> Who's Long Tim?
20:49
>> Damn it.
20:52
>> Long time.
20:53
Me loy long time.
20:55
>> Oh, well.
20:55
Yoy should bring Long Tim in one day.
20:58
>> No.
20:58
>> I'd love to meet long time.
20:59
Yeah, right.
21:00
>> Yeah.
21:00
>> You ruined a funny joke.
21:02
You get out of my office.
21:05
>> Okay.
21:06
>> Okay.
21:06
Bye, Harvey.
21:19
>> Boobs.
21:19
>> Oh, hey, champions.
21:21
>> Good morning.
21:22
>> Quarterfinals in an hour.
21:24
Hope you got some sleep, cuz I'm going to be haunting your nightmares tonight.
21:27
>> I did.
21:28
I got some really good sleep.
21:29
>> Did you?
21:35
>> Yesterday was the first round of a branchwide paper airplane contest.
21:38
It was being sponsored by Wire Hammer Paper in an effort to get us
21:41
to sell more of their new product,
21:43
Airstream Deluxe A4, the Cadillac of paper.
21:48
It's not so easy on the environment, if you know what I mean.
21:52
Practically made of plastic.
21:54
>> We started with 16 brave aviators.
21:57
Some use skill, >> others relied on showmanship.
22:03
>> Others seem not to comprehend what a paper airplane is.
22:06
>> And of course, there was the odd moment of heartbreak and disaster.
22:10
>> Yeah, I left my glasses down here somewhere.
22:12
Cross them through.
22:13
BEEP BEEP.
22:14
NO.
22:15
OW.
22:16
>> I didn't see you.
22:17
You should have yelled crossing.
22:18
>> I'm sorry.
22:22
>> Okay, so is that my spot?
22:24
>> Yeah.
22:24
We are now down to an elite eight.
22:28
Well, seven and Toby.
22:30
>> The match.
22:30
What's up with you?
22:31
>> I cannot believe I fell for that.
22:34
>> Oh my gosh.
22:36
>> What?
22:37
What?
22:38
Where's the funny?
22:40
Give it to me.
22:42
>> Um, was it me or does it smell like dog in here?
22:46
>> What's up, dog?
22:47
>> Nothing much.
22:47
What's up with you?
22:51
>> Wow.
22:52
I walked right into that.
22:55
Oh, that's brilliant.
22:57
>> Hey, Stanley, is that jacket made of updog?
22:59
>> I'm on the phone.
23:01
And we need to go.
23:05
>> What flavor coffee is that?
23:07
Up dog.
23:08
>> What's that?
23:08
>> I don't know.
23:09
Nothing.
23:09
What's up with you?
23:12
>> Huh?
23:12
>> No.
23:13
Damn it.
23:14
>> What does that mean?
23:16
>> What does what mean?
23:17
>> The thing you just said.
23:18
>> Just forget it.
23:21
>> Dwight.
23:21
Hey, is it me or does this place smell like up dog?
23:25
>> What's up dog?
23:26
>> Gotcha.
23:34
Crap.
23:34
>> Nothing.
23:34
How are you doing?
23:37
>> Good.
23:37
How are you doing?
23:45
>> I didn't think I was going to have a good time, but I did.
23:47
I totally did.
23:48
>> I love camping.
23:49
Anything can happen.
23:51
Oh, it wasn't camping.
23:52
It was more of a wilderness retreat.
23:54
>> Morning, Michael.
23:55
>> Ryan invited some of the branch managers
23:57
and Toby into the woods for a get to know you weekend.
24:01
Michael wasn't invited.
24:04
Apparently, they already knew everything they needed to know about him.
24:08
>> Did you sleep in cabins?
24:10
>> Under the stars.
24:12
It was really beautiful.
24:13
You should come.
24:14
>> Bob and I took rock climbing lessons once.
24:20
>> >> Michael wasn't invited on Ryan's camping trip.
24:23
Toby went, but Michael didn't go.
24:26
He wasn't invited.
24:28
>> Who went?
24:28
>> Me, Dan from Buffalo, Mark Chisum, Jack from Albany, and Ryan.
24:33
Obviously, we had so many s'mores I finally had to say.
24:37
No more samores.
24:38
No more samores.
24:44
Ryan invited me to go on his wilderness adventure retreat.
24:47
It was this amazing, beautiful experience.
24:51
>> Hey, nobody cares.
24:53
Nobody cares.
24:54
I need that room at some point.
24:56
So, just wrap it up.
24:59
>> Michael wasn't invited.
25:15
It's kind of blurry.
25:20
That's better.
25:27
>> Question.
25:28
What kind of bear is best?
25:31
>> That's a ridiculous question.
25:33
>> False.
25:34
Black bear.
25:35
Well, that's debatable.
25:36
There are basically two schools of thought.
25:38
>> Fact: Bears eat beats.
25:40
Nope.
25:40
>> Bears.
25:42
Beats.
25:43
Battlestar Galactica.
25:44
>> Bears do not What is going on?
25:47
What are you doing?
25:48
Last week, I was in a drugstore and I saw these glasses.
25:52
Uh, $4.
25:54
And it only cost me $7 to recreate the rest of the ensemble.
25:57
And that's a grand total of $11.
26:02
>> You know what?
26:03
Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.
26:05
So, I thank you.
26:08
>> Identity theft is not a joke, Jim.
26:10
Millions of families suffer every year.
26:14
>> MICHAEL.
26:15
OH, THAT'S FUNNY.
26:16
MICHAEL.
26:19
YESTERDAY, Angela may or may not have figured out
26:22
that I'm having an affair with her husband.
26:24
So, I just have to wait and see.
26:26
When she comes in, if she's cold and awkward and cruel to me,
26:30
then great.
26:31
It's business as usual.
26:37
>> Good morning.
26:50
Oscar, >> can I ask you a question?
26:53
>> Of course.
26:53
Ask me questions.
26:57
>> Is it cool in here to you?
27:03
Yes, a little bit.
27:06
>> Yes.
27:06
>> I think the thermostat is acting up again.
27:08
>> Stupid thermostat.
27:09
That thing's a catastrophe.
27:11
So, I'm going to um on your suggestion to get someone to fix it.
27:15
I'll just go downstairs.
27:16
>> Thank you.
27:17
>> No, thank you, Angela.
27:19
She doesn't know.
27:21
I shouldn't be surprised.
27:23
This is a woman who married a man who's obviously a homosexual.
27:26
Basically, she has her head in the sand.
27:29
In a way, I feel sorry for her.
27:32
I guess the universe rewards true love.
27:35
>> How are we doing on time?
27:36
>> The party starts in an hour. >> 60 minutes. 60 minutes.
27:40
That's a lot of minutes.
27:40
Well, corporate is throwing this gigantic, lavish,
27:45
golden crusted sushi gala that Ryan didn't invite any of us to.
27:51
All I want to do is throw a party
27:54
that makes Ryan's party look like Stanley
27:56
and Phyllis's desk.
27:58
These are some things that I would like to have happen.
28:03
>> Beer, light, beer, streamers, orchids, better lighting, something made of ice.
28:07
>> Those are just things.
28:08
This is how I want it to feel.
28:09
>> Pizza, pizza with mushrooms, pizza without mushrooms, white pizza, steak.
28:12
>> I would like this party to be sexier, cooler, more important.
28:18
>> Chocolate's someone famous.
28:19
Cool music, confetti, go dancers.
28:23
>> I want it to embarrass all other parties.
28:25
I want it to be a party
28:27
that the guys in New York watch on the webcam
28:30
and say,
28:31
"Wow, how did they get Al Roker to come?
28:34
>> I can't do this.
28:35
I can't do it."
28:36
>> Yes, you can.
28:37
I know you can.
28:38
>> I wouldn't say that if I didn't 100% believe it.
28:41
Who else could do this?
28:44
>> Okay.
28:44
Okay.
28:45
>> No, seriously.
28:45
Is there anyone else who could do it better?
28:47
Because we don't have a lot of time.
28:51
I'll get the pizza.
28:54
>> Uhhuh.
28:55
Nice.
28:57
All done.
29:01
>> What's wrong, Michael?
29:03
>> I got gum in my hair.
29:04
>> You do?
29:05
>> This just stinks.
29:08
Don't touch it.
29:09
Please don't touch it.
29:10
>> You got a ton of dandruff.
29:11
>> Okay, let me be.
29:12
>> How did you get gum in your hair?
29:13
I was walking in
29:13
and I noticed something shiny under Stanley's car
29:15
and I got under to see what it was
29:18
and I messed up my hair all for a stupid piece of tin foil.
29:22
>> But best case scenario, you thought it was a quarter.
29:24
>> Kill me right now.
29:26
>> We have peanut butter in the kitchen.
29:28
>> I don't feel like peanut butter.
29:30
Give me an ice cream sandwich.
29:31
>> Nope.
29:31
Not for you.
29:32
It's for your hair.
29:32
And it is 9:00 a.m.
29:33
>> No, Dwight.
29:36
Not the good peanut butter.
29:37
People are going to get mad.
29:38
>> Hey, hey, hey.
29:39
This is my hair we're talking about.
29:43
Smells good.
29:46
>> Tastes good, too.
29:47
>> Oh, don't.
29:48
That's disgusting.
29:49
>> Wow.
29:49
A lot of calories.
29:51
>> Well, just don't leave it on too long.
29:53
Keep massaging, please.
29:56
Oh, yeah.
29:57
That's nice.
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