Henry VIII - OverSimplified

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down below rule all sigmund

I don't have much longer tell

me was I good King

you were okay will

I be remembered as the great

warrior king who invaded France

revolutionised English health care and developed

great parklands probably not because of the wife killings

because of the white killings

Zigman how did I get here I still

remember the good old days when I was a boy with our heart full

of fire and mummy

would teach me okay

Henry this is a horse can

you say horse oh

boy divorce what no

okay let's try this one can

you say loaf of bread

laugh with her head no

Henry that's wrong you know what last one okay can

you say soap soap

yes that's it I'm

the supreme head of the church

screw the Pope you

know what you're my son and I love you but you're freaking

weird man the year is 1491

England has just come out of three decades of civil war in which a

bunch of Henry's Edwards

and one Richard had a little ding-dong over which royal house should roll the

realm finally at Henry one Henry the seventh and he had a son what

should we name him my

royal lineage is full of Henry's a fine

name a vigorous name a tenacious

name a muscular about Arthur and so Arthur Prince of Wales and next in

line to the was born five

years later Prince Henry was born but nobody cares about him he's not the

heir just a spare the King wanted to make an alliance with Spain so

one day he said to his son Arthur hey

you see that lady baby that's

gonna be your wife but father I'm not even three years old yet listen

there's something you have to understand

you're my son but more than that you're a political bargaining tool

but you love me right I love

you as a political bargaining tool yay

hey pop who the heck are you I've written you a poem listen here

tiny man can't you see that I'm busy but

I'm your son I have

another son as Arthur

was in another palace being prepped to become King Henry

lived with his mother and two sisters at

Eltham where he was being trained for a church career and not just

Henry learnt languages he

played sports he learned the recorder

what a nerd am i right wrong

Henry was the coolest kid around

so I told my Latin teacher he could kiss my buddies

anyway here's wonderful great

scholars and theologians from across Europe came to meet and teach the young Prince

Henry who by all accounts was a very enlightened

bright and charming young boy everybody

loved Henry and out of everything

Henry was taught more than anything he came to adore and respect

theology and Catholicism one

of Henry's tutors was English poet laureate john skelton who wrote a textbook for

henry that we still have today in it he wrote a number of important

lessons for the young prince such as do not be

mean loathe gluttony and do not violate widows

important lessons for any nine-year-old

boy around this time Henry's

older brother Arthur now 15 years old was married to Catherine of Aragon sealing

the union between England

and Spain and then

he died oh my

alliance with Spain my

poor poor alliance with Spain and your

son sire oh yes

of course my son but

mostly my alliance with Spain hey

pop who the heck are you oh yeah

and just like that an unprepared Prince

Henry was now the new heir to the throne and how about that alliance

with Spain well their solution

was simple hey boy

see that full-grown woman over there that's

gonna be your wife what

my brother's widow yes

you're a freaking weirdo man now in the Bible there's a verse that says

marrying your brother's widow that's a big no-no so the King needed

to convince the Pope and get his special

permission hey can I please have my son marry his brother's widow yeah

sure why not and so it was Henry's

life was turned on its head as he was moved to the Royal Court

next in line to the throne but

tragedy struck when just a few months later his mother with

whom he was very close suddenly

died in childbirth the loss of his mother almost

certainly had a big effect on the young boy in

his older years King Henry the seventh went on a bit of a paranoid

trip as was normal for a king at the time Henry the seventh had

had to quell a number of rebellions and as he aged he became ever

more suspicious of the nobility around him to keep them in check he began

living huge ruinous finds left

right and center Dukes

bishops barons even his own mother no

one was safe from his tyranny and the nobility

of England began to suffer so

when Henry the seventh finally got sick and died just after Christmas 1508

there was a lot of celebration

not only because the tyrannical Henry the seventh was gone but because his replacement

was the charming and handsome 18-year

old King Henry VIII

eighth Henry married Catherine of Aragon in June 15:09

you may be wondering if it's so weird to marry your brother's widow and

since he's now king couldn't Henry just decide not to well

yes he could but by now Henry

wanted to do the thing about Henry that was unlike many kings of the

time was he married for love and he'd grown quite fond of Catherine very

fond historians say their marriage was unusually

good and so he was coronated King and water

compared to his tyrannical father he was an absolute joy having the blood of

two royal houses he was widely supported he

was really really ridiculously good-looking and those famous caps could achieve world peace hey

Henry now that you're King you know what that means

costume party Henry Prince Turan the palace playing dress-up with his friends he wrote

plays he sang songs he

danced a true renaissance man very

different from the gluttonous wife-killer

we think of today in his early reign people from near and far would

come to ask favors of the generous King Haman

could I gain ownership of some land near Upton snodsbury sure

thing pal hey could I be an earl or a baron or a by

count or something anything

you want man could

I get like just

like a really cool pig that has like

metal wings and eight legs and

shoots flipping lasers and it can groom or pigs out of it for extra

pigs say no more hey guys

I was just checking up on the financial

report and what the hell we

can't afford this Henry's

canceled that he inherited from his father weren't

happy with all the money he was just throwing around and they worked hard

to curb the Kings spending since they controlled the royal seals needed to get

stuff done at first

they were largely able to control the young king and for Henry the most

infuriating things of all was they wouldn't let him just with his friends because

it was too dangerous nor

would they let him do the thing he wanted most to go on a

great glorious and expensive

conquest against England's historic enemy France

please guys I'll keep it cheap pow

I'm glad you asked I've got up for Rome Oh code for

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thank you now where

were we oh yeah

sexy calves excessive spending and war

with France Henry wanted

glory he wanted to go down in history if

he didn't go to war in France was

he even the king of England

man I want to go to war so bad but the council won't let

me and maybe I can help with that whoa it's Cardinal Wolsey one

of my best friends despite being an old-ass man Cardinal

Wolsey knew that if he helped King Henry there would likely be something in

it for him so what was his great intricate

plan to curb the council's power you're

the king dum-dum you can do whatever you want wha

Wolsey began writing bills that simply didn't require the seals and thus Henry

was back on top for

his efforts Wolsey began to climb the ranks and he became

something of a yes-man for King Henry encouraging

Henry to frolic and play while

Wolsey took care of business

hey kid you'll want to go on an

do I ever the

Pope was at war with France and he needed some help he

offered the young impressionable King

Henry 100 parmesan cheeses some wine and a Golden Rose if he came to

the Pope's aid and Henry was all in at this point in his life

he still respected the church and loved the Pope and here

was a chance for war he had been waiting for he still didn't have

an heir a fairly big problem for a monarch at a time but right

now the only kind of Smashing

he was interested in was smashing

French guys in the face and so

off he went the

english already helped the french city of Calais from there henry made a glorious

victory at the Battle of his

he took the French cities of tear om and torna

word of his victories

spread this was it here was the glory he had been waiting for back

home his beautiful wife also led armies to victory in Scotland

and better yet she

was pregnant soon Henry

would have an heir all of Henry's wildest

dreams work coming true oh he

ran out of money as the

French prepared to invade Italy all

Henri could do was

go home well at least now I have an air to cheer me up

bring me my son Henry this is Mary Mary

that's a funny name for a boy Henry

it's a girl this

was Catherine's fifth pregnancy

that had not resulted in a male heir happy

Henry wasn't so happy anymore

you still haven't given me a male heir well how do you know it's

my problem maybe it's your problem Henry it couldn't be my problem because I've

been bunking half your maid staff and one of them gave me a boy

I mean sure yeah

you know what maybe

it's my problem I'll

look into that cardinal

wolsey now Henry's Lord Chancellor knew his job depended

on keeping Henry happy and so he said well if you can't be the

great warrior then how about the great peacemaker not

as cool but okay and so the field of the cloth-of-gold

a glamorous pea summit between England and France was

held the King of France Francis

the first was essentially

the French version of King Henry and the whole thing was basically one giant

codpiece measuring contest the

two sides did agree to a peace treaty however

it didn't last long you

see there was a third major player in European

politics at the time an exquisite

specimen of royal inbreeding and heir to a huge inheritance

and a chin that could hit a home run Holy

Roman Emperor Charles the fifth key

was Henry's wife's nephew Henry

had helped him out in the task to put down a Spanish rebellion and

now the two wanted to make an alliance and so a marriage was arranged

marry I'd like to introduce you to your 22 year old fully grown adult

cousin and now your future husband

new helix inbred marry

or all inbred with their new lines Charles

and Henry agreed to team up and relaunch

a campaign against France in 1522

the English landed and stored as far south as Agincourt

but Charles didn't commit significant

forces whoops sorry man not sure what happened I'll join it next year the

next year England's sweat northern France almost

taking Paris but once again where

was Charles oh man I'm so sorry I promise next year I'll be there

the next year came and a fed up Henry decided he was gonna sit

this one out and just as Charles ravaged the French at the Battle of

Pavia and captured the French King holy crap dude yeah

I totally kicked Francis but that's

great so can I have the French throne like we agreed

know what and also I don't want to marry your ugly daughter anymore

ugly have you seen your chin mummy says it's a strong chin for a

strong boy as Henry's

alliance with Charles fell apart Henry knew his days as a warrior were over

this was a problem for Henry but it was a bigger problem for his

wife Catherine of Aragon had

two jobs the first was to give Henry a male heir but the second

was to maintain an alliance with her relatives

in Spain including her nephew she

had failed and Henry's

sexy eyes began to wander home from all his Wars Henry

ate up his daily 5,000

calories of meat as an infatuation

began to grow for one of his wives ladies-in-waiting

and Bullen beautiful intelligent cultured

she was exactly Henry's type now Henry

had had dozens of mistresses

including an sister but Ann didn't want to just be Henry sidechick

she wanted to be his queen Henry

sent dozens of letters thirsty

love poems in one he proclaimed that he would like to kiss her pretty

duckies Henry's loins were on fire

but Anne kept him at just the right distance to drive him crazy and

push him to find a way to get rid of his current wife Wolsey

I want to divorce and as the representative of

the Pope here in England I expect

you to sort it out quickly

and quietly I don't want this to turn into a europe-wide scandal

you got it your majesty

hey big papa my

boy Henry says he wants to divorce his wife any

chance to Henry's shock and horror Wolsey

to fared the case back to the Pope in Rome to

make matters worse after

all the wars in Europe the Pope was currently under the thumb of Charles

the fifth now everybody

knew what was going on and Henry's

divorce trial had become a pawn of Greater European

politics for Wolsey the decision was a disaster

his job was to keep Henry happy and Henry was very very

unhappy nevertheless the divorce trial began Henry's

case rested upon the Bible verse in Leviticus

that claimed marrying your brother's widow would lead to childlessness

and Henry was certainly having a hard time getting a male heir he

argued that the Pope had got it wrong when he allowed Henry to marry

his brother's widow and that now divorce was the only solution

however the Pope in Charleston v acquired some interesting

letters from an unknown source he

wants to kiss her pretty

Ducky's man this guy's loins are on fire

the Pope now knew the case for divorce may not actually be found in

Henry's Bible but in Henry's pants after

escaping Charles v the Pope did send out one Cardinal campeggio to

oversee the trial compared

was an old man wracked

with gap it took him six painful

months to travel from Rome to England and when he finally got there this

kept happening hey I need you to take a look at this evidence I

can't my gout is acting up hey are you ready to take my testimony

I can't my gout is acting up hey can you please

make a decision I can't your gout is acting up my gout is acting

up anvil in with her Protestant

views in support of the Reformation

suspected the Pope was just delaying for two whole years the

trial dragged on and on and in the end the Pope simply said no

no divorce for you Henry

the king that had previously defended

the Pope militarily from France and intellectually

from the reformist ideas of Martin Luther who had once respected

the Pope above all now found the Pope standing between him and fourth base

your majesty what will you do I'm the king dumb-dumb

I can do whatever I want

for his failure Henry removed will see from the court a decision

that was likely influenced

by Anne Boleyn who disliked the Cardinal having fallen from grace and with potential

charges of treason over his head Wolsey

died of illness a year later then

Henry said about removing England from the influence

of the Pope hey if you do that Alex communicate

you who cares man Oh No apathy

my weakness Henry gathered theologians

and scholars together to help him make his case against the Pope together

they argued to the people of England that the Pope's rule over the church

was basically a takeover of what had once been a self-governing

national English Church and if that sounds familiar

some historians do believe this moment may have laid the foundations

for English Euro skepticism

that's right brexit may have been influenced

by Henry's explosive loins by

and large the people gave Henry their support and those that didn't were gonna

be in for a rough time but for now Henry assumed the role of

supreme head of the English church and his next divorce trial was a foregone

conclusion Catherine of Aragon was Aragon

and Anne Boleyn was in

alright I've amended the entire country

to be with you so you'd better give me a son okay

now did you get my letter about the Ducky's having

finally married the girl of his dreams it

was party time for him and waterpark

life in the Tudor Court was non-stop huge

banquets with each person eating on average 5,000

calories a day and

no vegetables those are for poor people rich

people ate meat and so you know what else is for rich people

constipation but don't let that stop the party the toilets are communal

and Henry himself was

the center of everything

he ate the best food he had twelve hundred pairs of shoes he didn't

even have to wipe his own Bumba life

was great everyone I give

you your majesty King Henry

the eighth but how did they pay for it all well influenced

by his fairly Protestant new wife since

Henry had overturned the organization

of the church this

is how they paid for it oh my goodness

how selling fake fragments

of the cross boughs

of Jesus blood that you got from a duck using

religion in this way this

is terrible I must confiscate

all this money at once yes

how awful I must

take all of this away immediately

monasteries across the nation were dissolved and their riches placed in the Royal Conference

obviously many people weren't too happy about this but Henry had a plan for

that as well Henry's

descent into tyranny had begun as any who rejected his new claim as supreme

head of Church found

their heads on the chopping block and so

Henry party he danced he sang he

ate he Justin be

me Lovegood violated widow

in 1536 Henry fell from his horse and a jousting accident not

for the first time but certainly the heaviest fall he had taken yet some

historians believe the brain damage caused by the incident

may have violently accelerated

Henry's descent into tyranny

executions in England ramped up during

his reign it's estimated 57

to 72 thousand people were put to death rich

or poor big or small no

one was safe and the most prominent victim of all was to be Henry's

own wife it had been three years since their marriage and had been pregnant

four times yet she had only been able to produce one healthy child a

girl what's more it's possible she had been going around insulting

Henry's manhood Henry's eyes once

again began to wander his new top man Thomas Cromwell didn't

want to end up like Cardinal Wolsey and so he came up with a

plan there was a court musician

who had been quite flirtatious

in public with the Queen well Thomas

Cromwell and his boys got a forced confession

out of him saying that it didn't stop at innocent

flirtation and the charges came rolling in listen

em We Need to Talk oh no

you're gonna divorce me aren't you just like your last wife on No

come here Shh no I'm not gonna divorce you

it's much worse than that Anne was charged

with adultery perversion even

incest and plotting to kill the king himself the

jury found her guilty including

her own uncle and ex-fiance

both fearing the wrath of the king and on May 19th

1536 Anne Boleyn was Anne

Burrell apt literally the next day Henry married one of Anne's ladies-in-waiting

Jane Seymour his third wife after

Anne had smack talked his manhood and since he still had no male heir

Henry went on a campaign to ensure the public knew he was as virile

as it gets he had this famous portrait

painted of the manliest

men I've ever seen and later he would even have his physician

make a declaration about

his health King Henry is a fine

specimen of a man and please

don't make me say this say

it and every time I look at him I wish

I was a woman the truth is after his jesting accident the king had

badly injured his leg and was no longer very active yet he was still

eating his daily 5,000

calories so by now Henry was extremely

unhealthy for the remainder of his life he would incur a number of illnesses

and his injured leg ulcers would booze stinking

pus a fine specimen of a man indeed

on the church front Henry's new and now pregnant

wife was a devout Catholic and she pleaded with the King to reinstate

the monasteries Henry was sick of wives meddling

in his business and he bluntly warned her to remember what happened to n

Berlin since splitting with the Pope Henry had been hard at work determining

the theology of his new Church of England it kept many Catholic

traditions while on the other hand embracing

some reformist ideas such as requiring the use of a new Bible not

in Latin but in English the cover of Henry's new Bible depicted

the people appearing to worship a giant

King Henry and in the corner there's some people being put to death just

for good measure for

any who opposed Henry's ideas whether Catholic

or Protestant for any who rebelled against him it would be off with their

heads in October 1537 Henry

finally got what he had been waiting for his wife Jane gave birth to

a healthy boy however

the triumph soon turned to tragedy as Jane Seymour died days later from complications

during the birth henry

mourned jane the woman who had given him a son for

two years your it's time to choose your next wife thomas

not now can't you see I'm in mourning

that one the woman Thomas Cromwell had lined up for Henry's next marriage was

the sister of a powerful

German Duke but all Henry cared about was that she was pretty as pot

and Thomas Cromwell promised

that indeed she was however when

she arrived in England Henry was

less than pleased your majesty let me introduce you to your fourth wife Anne

of Cleves what what's

that smell I think

it's your leg sire no it's

Anne of Cleves she's

ugly this is treason

what off with his head

Henry found his new wife so repulsive

that he never consummated the marriage and

divorced her just six months later and for bringing Henry an ugly stinky woman

along with additional charges of plotting treason Thomas

Cromwell lost his head the

very same day of chromos execution

Henry married his fifth wife the famed Beauty Catherine

Howard she's believed to have only been 17 at the

Henry was 49 and like Anne of Cleves Catherine

Howard didn't last long you

see for some reason she may not have been entirely satisfied

with her 49 year old fine specimen

of a man and it's possible she engaged in a number of extramarital

affairs including one with her cousin Thomas Culpepper

when Henry found out he was devastated how

could she do this to me but sire don't you have hundreds of mistresses

shut up Barry that's not the point

your majesty you're crying

I'm not crying it's

just that sometimes when

I get sad water

comes out of my eyes for

her treason Catherine Howard met the same fate as Anne Boleyn in 1542

so we've had divorced beheaded died

divorced beheaded look out here comes survived

Henry married the daughter of a royal official Catherine

Parr in 1543 and she appears to have been a good companion

to Henry she cared for the aging king who by now is so heavy

it took several men to winch him onto his horse she

acted as a mediator within the family and convinced

the King to restore his two daughters to the line of succession their marriage

did have one hiccup however when Catherine dared disagree with the king over the

subject of theology it's a miracle

because when the priest says the words of institution the

bread turns into the body of Christ well

if you put the bread in a box for three months is it a

miracle that it turns mouldy

trazan you can't just call everything

treason Henry the king called for her arrest as serious

charges were placed over her head however in the end she told Henry that

she had not been disagreeing

with him but simply learning from him and so when the guards came to

arrest her the King told them to make like an M and cleave

Catherine Parr stayed with Henry right until the end as he aged into his

later years in increasing

pain and ill health he grew ever more suspicious

and Moody the once generous

promising young king was now feared by all around him me

sigmund I don't have much longer hold

me of course sire do you have any final wishes

how about one last conquest

in France and so in 1544

Henri made for Calais the pesky French had been supporting

the Scottish in their ongoing Wars with England and they also had Henry some

money so the extremely

unhealthy King personally led a siege against the French city of Boulogne the English

dug tunnels under the castle and on the 13th of September

the French surrender a glorious

victory for Henry in actuality the whole misadventure

nearly bankrupt England and they ended up giving bellowing back to the French a

few years later but

don't tell Henry he's having his moment finally

in 1547 a 55

year old Henry lapsing

in and out of consciousness passed

away his son Edward succeeded

him but died just five years later his

daughter married briefly took the reins and steered the country back towards the Pope

but then his second daughter embraced

reformist ideas and gradually

transformed England into a Protestant

country Henry's desperation to marry Anne Boleyn and his resulting feud with the Pope

had changed the course of English history and religion

forever unfortunately none of Henry's children had heirs and when Elizabeth the first died

Henry's lineage ended with the House of Stuart replacing

the House of Tudor so

then you might think all

that effort a life filled with so much frustration yet

he never conquered France he barely had a male heir and his lineage died

out the egotistical man Henry grew sick and cruel and then died so

why are we all so fascinated

with King Henry the eighth why not Henry the second or a fourth well

without mentioning the many important things his reign did achieve one of his biggest

goals was to go down in history and you can put a big green

check beside that one because

everything he did and how he asserted his control and authority over

everyone around him has come to be viewed as the epitome of the

word King and also

because of the wife killings yeah definitely the wife