0:03 Hello and welcome TED members.
0:06 My name is Elise Hugh.
0:07 Welcome to our first TED Talks Daily Book Club of 2026.
0:12 And it is with Chris Duffy.
0:14 He's a colleague and a great friend of mine.
0:17 He's also an award-winning comedian, writer for television and film,
0:22 including for both seasons of Wyatt Saxs Problem Areas on HBO.
0:26 He um of course is the amazing host of TED's podcast how to be
0:31 a better human which is part of the TED Audio Collective.
0:34 He has appeared on Good Morning America, ABC News, NPR, National Geographic Explorer.
0:41 He teaches comedy.
0:42 He is a TED speaker himself
0:45 and the creator and host of the streaming game show Wrong Answers Only,
0:50 where three comedians try to understand what a leading scientist does all day in
0:55 partnership with LabEx at the National Academy of Sciences.
0:59 And maybe most important of all,
1:01 Chris wants you to know
1:02 that he is both a former fifth grade teacher
1:05 and a former fifth grade student.
1:09 So, we have that in common. we were both in fifth grade.
1:12 He's also a wonderful writer
1:14 and we're here today to talk with him about his new book
1:17 that just came out last month.
1:19 It's called Humor Me: How Laughing More Can Make You Present, Creative, Connected,
1:25 and Happy.
1:26 Chris, welcome to the book club.
1:28 >> Thank you so much for having me.
1:30 Wow, what an honor.
1:31 Glad to be here talking with the legend Elise Hugh.
1:34 >> Oh, wow.
1:35 You are clearly humoring me with that one.
1:38 Um, let's jump right in.
1:40 You structure your book around three pillars of humor.
1:44 Uh for those listening who haven't read it yet,
1:48 um could you start by talking us through the pillars
1:50 and start with the first one?
1:52 >> Yeah.
1:52 So the the the three pillars are the first one is being present.
1:56 So noticing the strange and unusual and absurd things in the world around you.
2:01 >> The second one is laughing at yourself.
2:04 Um noticing the strange and absurd in yourself as well.
2:07 And then the third one is uh taking social risks.
2:09 So like putting yourself out there
2:11 and not being afraid to be laughed at
2:12 or to look a little absurd sometimes.
2:15 So those are the three
2:16 and the first one is I think kind of the root of everything else
2:20 which is you you can't laugh
2:21 if you're not noticing the things
2:23 that are funny.
2:24 If you're half there, you're not going to laugh.
2:26 >> Okay.
2:27 You urge us in order to be present to think really small.
2:31 Why?
2:32 Well, I think a lot of times, I mean, look, I can't,
2:36 this is not going to be breaking news to anyone
2:38 that if you look at the world outside
2:40 and you go big picture,
2:41 it's often overwhelming and bad and scary and not funny.
2:46 But, um, one of the things
2:47 that I love about humor in all in all seriousness is
2:50 that,
2:51 >> um, humor is kind of the opposite of toxic positivity where you're like,
2:55 there's a bright side to everything.
2:57 Don't worry, every cloud has a silver lining.
2:59 Like, sometimes that's just not true at all.
3:01 And I think what I love about humor is
3:03 that you can find something to laugh at without denying the overwhelming negativity
3:09 or or violence or frustration
3:12 or pain,
3:13 right?
3:13 You don't have to ignore that.
3:14 You can laugh in that moment.
3:16 And I think the the easiest way to find the things
3:20 that are funny is to look at the small details,
3:22 the things that are just a little off
3:24 or a little weird
3:25 or a little unexpected,
3:27 and then to think like, why is that that way?
3:29 And and often that is where you'll find the ability to laugh is the
3:32 the typo or uh the weirdly arranged mannequin.
3:36 Like small things like
3:37 that can be funny even
3:37 when the big things are overwhelming.
3:39 >> Can you share an example
3:40 or two of things
3:41 that you have found particularly like absurd
3:44 or just specifically funny
3:46 that gets this point across?
3:48 >> Yeah.
3:48 So, you know, one one of the biggest recommendations
3:51 that I have on my show,
3:53 how to be a better human,
3:54 I'm always trying to figure out like how do you take a big idea
3:56 and make it so
3:56 that a regular person can actually use it.
3:58 And now I'm interestingly on the other side of that of being like,
4:01 how do I convey these ideas in a way that people can use?
4:04 Um, and I know
4:05 that people who listen to TED talks daily are really big into
4:07 that.
4:07 So, the one that I'll say is the biggest takeaway for me
4:10 that I think is the easiest to apply
4:11 and has the biggest effect is to keep a list of the things
4:15 that make you laugh.
4:16 So when you notice something
4:17 that just genuinely makes you laugh
4:18 or smile or you think is funny,
4:20 um to not like assume
4:21 that you'll remember that
4:23 because often those things disappear
4:25 and we remember the negative stuff
4:26 so much easier.
4:27 So if you keep a list,
4:28 whether it's a physical list
4:29 or you print out the the story
4:31 that made you laugh
4:32 or you print out a copy of the meme
4:34 or you save a copy on a digital thing,
4:35 having a list of them can be really really funny.
4:38 Um later on when you're struggling, you'll have the things that naturally made it.
4:41 So, for me, I have this list
4:43 and and I'm going to tell you a few things
4:44 that are on my list recently.
4:46 >> Okay.
4:46 So, so two things
4:47 that have made me laugh recently
4:48 that were really small is I have a a toddler.
4:51 I have a 2-year-old >>
4:52 and I was at the playground
4:54 and >> you know,
4:56 I try my best to let him have a little bit of independence.
5:00 Like, I'm still supervising,
5:02 but a lot of the other parents are really close monitoring their little kids.
5:06 And so, um, at the playground,
5:08 I saw a little kid was going up and going down the slide,
5:12 and this dad like ran up there to supervise, which, you know,
5:15 no judgment on that.
5:16 But the thing that really made me laugh is this very serious,
5:19 like stonefaced dad then had to get down from the top of the play
5:22 structure.
5:23 And the way he got down was to ride down the slide,
5:26 but like not having any fun at all.
5:27 So, just like a very serious man going, >> right?
5:30 And we're down.
5:32 And that to me was such a funny silly little moment
5:34 that I I I could have easily not noticed.
5:37 Um or what's uh I I tried to log into my um my healthcare
5:43 provers portal to get like a test result from my uh my checkup.
5:47 >> Okay.
5:47 >> And it said uh not available right now.
5:50 Please log in after some time.
5:52 Like it didn't say an actual time.
5:54 And that also made me laugh because it was so unbelievably unhelpful and frustrating.
5:58 But the absurdity of log in after some time made me laugh.
6:01 So those are two really small ones.
6:03 >> What do you feel like it does for you to just list these
6:06 out or take note of them um
6:09 as as you have not only been working on the book
6:11 but just in your life?
6:13 >> Yeah.
6:13 I I mean putting the book completely aside just in my life the thing
6:17 that I think is helpful about this is I'll give you a a parallel
6:21 example is I am not a birder.
6:23 I don't know a lot about birds.
6:24 Okay?
6:25 But I watched a documentary about birding that was really fun.
6:28 Um that was called Listers.
6:29 Highly recommend it.
6:30 Um but I watched this documentary
6:32 and then when I walked outside after watching this documentary,
6:35 all of a sudden I was hearing bird song everywhere.
6:38 Like I was seeing birds.
6:39 I was hearing bird song.
6:40 And it wasn't that all of a sudden I'd walked out into some sort
6:42 of once in a century migration.
6:44 It was that paying attention >> to the idea of birding had alerted me
6:50 to these things that existed in the world all around me
6:52 that I had previously just kind of been completely numb to
6:54 or were blurry and in the background.
6:56 Yeah.
6:56 >> And I think that when you pay attention to anything,
6:59 you start to see more of that.
7:00 You build the muscle of seeing it,
7:02 but also it just rises to your um awareness.
7:04 And so one thing
7:05 that I love about paying attention to the funny things
7:07 and the delightful things
7:08 and the absurd things is you discover
7:10 that the world is actually filled with them.
7:12 They are everywhere. and it's just that you hadn't previously paid attention to that.
7:17 >> Today, when you are going through times where maybe you're struggling to be
7:22 present and pay attention,
7:24 what are some things you do to bring yourself back into
7:26 that place of noticing
7:28 and finding things humorous?
7:30 >> Yeah.
7:30 And I'm not going to lie, this is really hard.
7:32 I think this is the hardest part.
7:33 And I think there's also, you know,
7:35 this is the deep irony to in writing a book that's all about like
7:38 how you can laugh more
7:39 and be present and happy
7:40 and creative and connected
7:41 and then being like,
7:42 I'm overwhelmed and I'm on my phone
7:44 and I'm so tired
7:45 because the kids aren't >>
7:46 and I'm trying to be more present.
7:48 >> Yeah.
7:48 And then people are are like, "Aren't you the like laughing present guy?"
7:51 And I'm like, "Not right now.
7:52 I'm not."
7:53 Um, so I think I just will acknowledge that it's not always easy.
7:57 Um, but I think
8:00 that the thing like the thing
8:02 that almost everyone has had this experience is laughing really hard with a friend
8:06 or a family member where you're laughing
8:08 so hard that you're crying
8:09 and like your sides are are are hurting
8:12 because you're laughing so hard.
8:13 And what I love about that experience is it's so fun,
8:16 but it's also like we are 100% locked in with that other person.
8:19 We are so present with them.
8:21 You're not half there.
8:21 You're not like half on your phone checking emails and half listening.
8:24 You are 100% there.
8:26 And so one of the biggest ways
8:27 that you can like get into this present connection is to actually be laughing
8:32 really hard.
8:32 And so to to really embrace
8:34 that and to spend time with people who make you laugh
8:37 and to embrace laughing with other people.
8:39 That's like the most joyful way is to actually just do the laughing.
8:42 Um the other way is I think to just be again this is like
8:45 this first present is this first pillar is
8:47 so much about being present
8:48 and aware of what you're doing
8:51 and where you are
8:51 and not trying to like teleport somewhere else through your phone
8:55 or through your worries about what will come next
8:58 or all these other pieces.
8:59 I mean, this is a lot of like what people get through meditation,
9:02 but for me, meditation has always been um a little bit uh challenging,
9:06 like homework and broccoli.
9:08 And I think doing it through laughter
9:09 and humor makes it
9:10 so that it's fun.
9:11 And I um >> It's your form of meditation.
9:14 >> Totally.
9:14 I mean, I listen,
9:16 a lot of people have told me
9:17 that it is uh both fun
9:18 and very frustrating to try
9:20 and move from point A to point B with me
9:21 because I'm constantly like,
9:23 "Do you see this sign in the window?
9:25 Hey, isn't that a weird hat on that mannequin?
9:27 Oh my gosh, look at this kid's shoes.
9:29 Like, I'm constantly paying attention to those things
9:32 and uh it makes it
9:33 so that I move slowly between places,
9:35 but as a result, I I'm seeing a lot of things that are delightful.
9:39 >> I'm glad you brought up just like cracking up until we cry with
9:44 our friends because I was just in a moment like this yesterday at dinner
9:47 with um some friends of ours
9:50 and they were making fun of me,
9:53 which is usually why we end up laughing so hard.
9:55 It's because there are very specific jokes about me
9:58 that are hilarious and
10:00 then I'm laughing and they're laughing
10:02 which leads us to the second pillar
10:04 which is about laughing at yourself.
10:07 Yeah.
10:09 >> Right.
10:09 >> Why is this such a pillar of humor?
10:12 >> Well, you know, the biggest reason why I wanted to write this book
10:15 is because I think people have a really misguided idea of what it means
10:18 to be funny in the first place
10:19 or what it means to have a sense of humor.
10:21 I think people think that it is about like getting the attention.
10:24 So, it's like I stand in a room
10:25 and I'm surrounded by a circle of people
10:27 and I'm telling a story
10:28 and everyone's laughing and I'm
10:29 so cool.
10:29 And and not to say that that's not great.
10:32 But to me, that's not the the form of humor
10:35 that I really want to encourage.
10:36 The the what I want to encourage is the idea
10:39 that we can have a life where we are constantly delighted
10:42 and finding things that are um funny
10:45 and and we're laughing with other people.
10:47 And it doesn't have to be you that's creating the laughter.
10:49 It can be the people around you.
10:50 Um, what kind of the like seed of this book came
10:53 because there was a uh a sociological study
10:56 that looked at dating apps.
10:58 And I read this and I was like, "Oh, okay.
10:59 I gotta I gotta look more into this."
11:01 Because it it found that basically across the board,
11:05 people um were really interested in finding a partner who had a great sense
11:09 of humor.
11:09 But when they drilled down into what that meant,
11:11 Yeah. >> they they asked heterosexual men and heterosexual women,
11:14 "What what does that mean to you?"
11:15 And heterosexual women said,
11:16 "A partner with a great sense of humor means someone who I can laugh
11:19 with."
11:20 And heterosexual men said, uh,
11:23 "A partner with a great sense of humor means someone who laughs at my
11:26 jokes."
11:27 >> Oh.
11:27 >> And I think that is like, you listen, uh,
11:30 to my heterosexual brothers out there, that is, I think,
11:33 a completely misguided understanding of what it actually means to have a sense of
11:36 humor.
11:36 It doesn't have to be you.
11:38 It's, how can we have more laughter altogether in the world?
11:41 And um and so I think one of the easiest ways to do
11:44 that is to to have a sense of humor about yourself to to not
11:46 make it so that it is uh how can I be the coolest looking
11:49 person but instead how can we laugh
11:53 and um see the ridiculousness in ourselves
11:55 as well and you are
11:57 so good at this at least I mean I know this
11:58 as a friend.
11:59 >> I laugh constantly partially because they're laughing at me.
12:03 >> Yes.
12:04 And you know, I actually think to to like tie this into a a
12:08 deeper more like philosophical thing,
12:10 I I think that we
12:12 so often get wrong the idea
12:15 that we think people want us to be perfect.
12:18 We think that like the way to impress other people
12:20 or to make them like us
12:21 or to connect with other people is to be perfect
12:22 and impressive and flawless.
12:25 And in fact, we don't like people like that, right?
12:29 Like if you meet someone and they're like,
12:30 "I started 10 billion dollar companies
12:32 and I have a six-pack
12:33 and both my kids are going to Harvard."
12:35 You're like, "You're so intimidating."
12:37 Or like, "I hate you."
12:38 Those are really >> two Yorkie, right?
12:40 It feels like like an avatar of a human being.
12:43 >> You don't want to talk to that person.
12:44 You're at at best you're intimidated and at worst you're like,
12:47 I just hate this person.
12:48 I don't want to talk to.
12:49 But if you meet someone who's a little bit of a mess
12:51 and acknowledges that they haven't got things all figured out,
12:54 that's a person you want to talk more to, you can connect to,
12:57 you can relate to.
12:57 And um and so I think laughing at yourself is an easy way to
13:00 actually make people feel like you are uh approachable
13:04 and connectable and um relatable.
13:08 >> On the flip side of this,
13:09 I want to take this to the realm of teasing,
13:12 which then can also go into um the zone of bullying.
13:16 Because when I think at laughing at folks, including myself,
13:20 it also sometimes can be hurtful, right?
13:23 Some of the times that we're teasing one another,
13:26 it depending on how sensitive we are or what the jokes are about,
13:30 people might say, "Oh, I was just joking or just teasing you or ribbing."
13:34 Um, what are where is the line between good and bad laughing at yourself?
13:41 Yeah, it's I I think it's a really good point
13:43 and I think it's an important one too
13:44 that laughing is not some thing
13:47 that is inherently always positive.
13:48 Right.
13:49 Um if you imagine a bully like just the quintessential bully in your head,
13:53 one thing that you might be picturing
13:54 as an image is uh a group of people all pointing
13:57 and laughing at someone.
13:58 Right.
13:58 Right.
13:59 So the laughter is involved there too.
14:00 And that's that's certainly the the wrong kind of humor,
14:03 the wrong kind of of laughter.
14:04 That's not what I'm encouraging at all.
14:06 I will say that finding where the line is is
14:09 and this is probably frustrating
14:11 but I don't think
14:12 that there's some uh one universal line
14:16 and I think it is subjective
14:17 and it's context dependent
14:19 but I think a way to think about it is to think like
14:22 if you're making a joke about yourself let's start there
14:25 if you're making a joke about yourself
14:26 and it's something that you are um not self-conscious about
14:29 but you are aware is a foilable right like for me I I am
14:33 not um insecure about the idea
14:35 that I am uh bad at sports.
14:37 I know that I am bad at sports.
14:38 That's fine.
14:39 So when I joke about like, oh man,
14:42 if you see me on the football field, something has gone horribly wrong.
14:47 Like that isn't me bullying myself because it's not a real insecurity.
14:51 Whereas sometimes, you know, like, oh,
14:54 I can make a joke about something that I actually do have insecurities about.
14:58 Oh, I I'm actually not
15:01 that helpful of a um of a parent
15:05 or I'm I'm like not doing a good job
15:07 as a partner,
15:08 right?
15:08 Like if I'm making those kinds of jokes, then maybe it's like, huh,
15:12 >> am I >> am I using the laugh to try
15:15 and get ahead of other people pointing out something about me?
15:18 Like, am I trying to say it first
15:20 so that they can't say it first?
15:21 Yeah.
15:22 >> And that I think is not a way to to talk about yourself.
15:25 >> And then for other people,
15:30 I think you want to heir on the side of like laughing in a
15:33 kind way,
15:34 right?
15:34 Rather than laughing in a harsh way.
15:36 So, let them take the lead is one thing.
15:38 Um, like if they're laughing about
15:40 if if you see me
15:41 and I'm laughing about my my sports ineptitude,
15:44 that's probably an okay thing.
15:45 Um, but I think the other thing is whenever people say like,
15:48 "How do I make sure I don't say something mean
15:50 or cruel when I'm laughing?"
15:52 I say if you want more humor in your life,
15:55 but you're worried about that,
15:56 >> maybe experiment with you not being the one making the joke.
15:59 Like maybe experiment with you laughing more
16:01 and like when someone else makes a joke,
16:03 you're laughing with them because that is really supportive.
16:06 People love when they make a joke
16:07 and someone laughs with them >> rather than you making a joke at them.
16:10 And I think the more you know people,
16:11 you know where their fault lines are
16:12 and where the insecurities
16:14 and and um >> kind of dangerous sensitive areas are
16:17 and then you can avoid those.
16:18 But you can't do it like there's not a black and white line.
16:21 I think that's a great point about affirming others by laughing at their jokes,
16:26 you know, like I'm a good audience.
16:28 I pride myself on being a good audience
16:30 and supportive like whether I'm actually in an audience
16:33 or just at lunch with you for example.
16:35 >> You are you're such a I mean
16:36 and this is one of the joys of hanging out with you.
16:38 And I'm really not just saying this because we're like, you know,
16:41 because you're here.
16:41 I would say >> membership conversation.
16:43 Yeah, this is not this is not just a membership,
16:45 but like you are
16:46 so fun to talk to
16:47 because when you when we have a conversation,
16:50 you can tell that you're having a good time
16:52 and we're laughing and I'm laughing
16:53 and and it's just um it makes it
16:55 so joyful.
16:56 And so, you know,
16:57 I got a tip once
16:58 that was like a per this is kind of a side thing,
17:01 but like >> uh I was trying to I've work in TV writing
17:05 and and someone I was trying to like figure out how do you pitch
17:08 a TV show?
17:09 What do you do when you're in these meetings?
17:10 And someone said as a
17:12 as a professional tip
17:13 that I think actually applies to literally everything,
17:15 not just like the professional world of TV writing is they said one small
17:18 thing is like when you're not talking >>
17:21 when you're listening and you're in these meetings
17:23 and you're really nervous,
17:24 try smiling.
17:25 Just like have smiling be your default
17:27 so that like it reminds people
17:28 that you're having fun
17:29 and you're enjoying being there.
17:31 And I think that the more
17:32 that we can make our default
17:34 and you know I shouldn't I'm not saying you should go to like a
17:36 tragic funeral and be like hello
17:40 but if you can in a conversation with someone be like I'm going to
17:42 smile and laugh and make sure you know
17:44 that I like being here
17:45 and I like talking with you
17:46 that that goes well 99% of the time.
17:52 >> Yeah.
17:52 >> I can hear how all of these tips
17:54 that you've talked about are actionable for how to teach our kids about humor.
17:59 Um, is there anything else like
18:01 as you've been on book tour
18:03 and parents have asked you um about the line between funny
18:07 and harmful,
18:07 for example, are there any other um I guess is there other advice
18:12 that you can offer about how to teach our kids about humor in a
18:16 way that doesn't doesn't include harming others
18:19 or being cruel to others?
18:21 >> Yeah, I mean I think at the core of this question, right,
18:23 is like how do you teach someone to be uh empathetic?
18:26 How do you teach someone to be kind and caring?
18:28 And um those are hard things.
18:31 I think they're really important things.
18:32 Um I think that realizing right
18:37 and obviously I I'm a big fan of laughter.
18:39 I'm a big fan of humor.
18:40 But realizing that like just
18:41 because it gets a laugh doesn't mean
18:43 that it is kind
18:44 or caring or right.
18:47 That's an important thing
18:48 because this is actually something
18:49 that I have really struggled with
18:50 and had to learn in my life is realizing like just
18:53 because people are laughing doesn't mean
18:54 that um that's good. like you could be hurting their feelings
18:57 or you could be monopolizing
18:58 so much of the conversation
19:00 and if they're laughing that's not an endorsement.
19:02 So, >> um I can think of two times where like you know I
19:06 I two times that really stand out.
19:08 One is when I was first dating my my wife,
19:11 we went to dinner with her um her friends
19:14 and um one of her friends parents
19:17 and I kind of imagined my like role was to entertain.
19:21 And so I told all my best stories
19:23 and I had people laughing
19:24 and we left the dinner
19:25 and I thought like I crushed people were laughing
19:28 so much.
19:29 I made everyone have a great time and Molly, my wife,
19:33 was like that was horrible.
19:35 You didn't let anyone else talk the whole time.
19:38 And I was so surprised because I was like but everyone was laughing.
19:41 They had a great time.
19:42 Like isn't that what we wanted?
19:44 And I think that was really helpful,
19:46 valuable feedback to me to realize
19:48 that >> you actually need to give other people space
19:50 and not not just think it's like the Chris show all the time.
19:54 Um, and and so that's why again I think like there's a there can
19:57 be a real generosity to the right kind of humor
20:00 that is about uh not you being on stage
20:03 but instead appreciating other people
20:04 and paying close attention to them
20:06 and to what they're saying
20:07 and to what um they find funny.
20:09 >> I love that.
20:10 And then I think the other thing is um for kids especially I think
20:15 that idea that we have to be perfect
20:19 and that that's what other people want from us.
20:21 I think that gets taught really young.
20:22 And so I think
20:23 if you want kids to um understand how to care for others,
20:27 one one really great way is to teach them to care for themselves by
20:30 embracing the things that are maybe their I'm going to say like quote unquote
20:33 flaws.
20:34 Um, but to to show them
20:35 that like that actually is what people will connect with you on,
20:38 the things that are um, weird and strange and different about you are gifts.
20:41 And in comedy, we really think about that as a gift.
20:43 Like there's there's no more boring comedy scene than two happy people sit
20:48 and eat a normal meal where nothing weird happens,
20:51 right?
20:51 Like it only starts getting fun
20:53 and interesting when something goes wrong
20:54 or when someone says something weird
20:56 or unexpected.
20:56 And so I think
20:57 that the more that I'm trying with my own kids to imbue them with
21:02 the idea that a mistake is a gift
21:05 and uh there's no such thing
21:07 as a something that's like weird
21:10 and wrong if you uh are willing to share it
21:14 and connect with other people on it.
21:15 >> I love that.
21:16 I love that.
21:16 All right, let's move to the third pillar.
21:19 What is it?
21:20 And take us through.
21:21 >> Yeah.
21:21 So the third pillar is is putting yourself out there.
21:23 It's taking social risks.
21:24 It's um it's being willing to be laughed at a little bit.
21:27 And you know, I think the two being present and uh laughing at yourself,
21:32 they they lead to this one, which is to say like, okay,
21:34 now you've you've seen the funny things.
21:37 You've started to get a sense of what makes you laugh.
21:39 You started to have more of a sense of humor about yourself.
21:41 So, what do you do with that?
21:42 And what I would say is um share that with other people.
21:46 And um a a few really small if this if this makes you nervous.
21:50 A lot of people have asked me like,
21:52 I'm an introvert or I'm shy. um how do I do that?
21:55 And what I'll say is I think you can do this in really low
21:58 stakes ways.
21:59 So um one of the most low stakes ways
22:01 which you can do all alone is to take a social risk can be
22:05 to do something that is out of your routine,
22:08 right?
22:08 So maybe it's like you always spend the same u you always spend your
22:12 weekends going to the same places
22:13 and they're fun and they're wonderful
22:14 but they're not >> exciting
22:16 and different and funny
22:17 and so maybe one day you see a sign for like a a festival
22:21 that is something completely different than you would normally do.
22:24 Like I moved to LA.
22:26 >> Yeah.
22:26 >> And I love LA
22:27 and one of the things
22:28 that is fun about LA is there are all sorts of weird you know
22:32 like kind of far out new age spirituality things.
22:34 And so I thought like, you know what?
22:36 Like I see this sign
22:37 that says like a a past lives regression festival
22:40 and I got to I would never go to
22:42 that,
22:43 but I bet you
22:44 that it will be um funny
22:46 and make me laugh
22:47 and be exciting and different.
22:49 And so I went
22:50 and it was bizarre
22:51 and I certainly didn't um end up like connecting with my 12thdimensional self,
22:54 which was what one of the workshops promised.
22:56 >> No.
22:57 But but it was
22:59 so I I spent such a such a really like memorable Sunday walking around
23:04 this fair and um touching all the crystals
23:07 and hearing about all of uh like how our alien selves affect our our
23:12 present human selves.
23:14 I didn't like none of
23:15 that became real to me
23:17 but it was something I wouldn't have done
23:18 and it was really like inspired a lot of laughter
23:20 and joy and and memories for me.
23:24 And so not everyone's going to be able to to travel to like the
23:27 past lives regression festival,
23:29 but um you could go in the weird shop that you've always wondered about.
23:32 You could um see a a sign for a yard sale
23:36 or an estate sale
23:37 and go and try
23:38 and find like what is the strangest most bizarre thing to you there.
23:41 And again, you don't even have to to to like make that public.
23:45 You don't have to tell anyone about it,
23:46 but like taking yourself a little bit out of your your comfort zone can
23:49 often lead to you finding things
23:50 that are really funny
23:51 and memorable.
23:52 And then the other one that's very small is one of the ways
23:56 that we we take the least social risk is in conversations with people we
23:59 don't know that well.
24:00 We tend to just say like, "So, how are you?"
24:02 Um, what do you do?
24:03 >> It's not raining.
24:04 >> Yeah.
24:04 Oh, weather's been crazy.
24:05 So nice.
24:06 It's not raining anymore.
24:06 Or, "Wow, it's been raining a lot."
24:08 And and there's nothing wrong with that,
24:10 but you don't um there's no risk involved.
24:12 And as a result,
24:13 it's very unlikely that you and the other person will like laugh or connect.
24:16 So, I think you can take like a lowrisk thing
24:19 and to ask them a question that's just a little unusual
24:22 but that you actually are interested in
24:24 or um is a little funny.
24:26 So, I'll give you an example was like I just had the best soup
24:30 of my entire life
24:31 and it actually made me wonder what's the worst soup you've ever eaten.
24:34 Now, the person might be like this is weird.
24:36 Why are you asking me about terrible soups?
24:38 But you'll probably have a conversation
24:40 that is a little bit more memorable
24:42 and funny and has the potential for laughter than other things. doesn't have to
24:45 be that exact thing,
24:46 but just something that is true to you
24:48 and then opens the door to some some other possibilities.
24:51 >> I like that.
24:52 I like that.
24:53 This kind of connects to one of our member questions.
24:56 So, are you ready to take a question from a member?
24:58 >> I would love that.
24:59 >> Okay.
25:00 Cheryl R wrote in to say,
25:03 "Seeing the humorous side of life has always been challenging.
25:06 I've often heard lighten up.
25:09 So, I enjoy laughing and especially improv comedy,
25:12 but how can the lighter side of life come more naturally to me?
25:17 >> And Rebecca G, I'm just going to sandwich these or put them together.
25:20 Uh, Rebecca G asks, "Can you train yourself to be funny?"
25:24 So, this is sort of related.
25:25 I enjoy being around witty people.
25:28 I'd like to be more of one.
25:30 How do you respond to Rebecca and Cheryl?
25:33 Yeah, I think these are great questions
25:35 and I think that my my short answer is like yes,
25:39 you can learn to do it.
25:40 I really believe that that humor is a muscle.
25:42 I think that it is uh a practice
25:44 and I think that the more
25:46 that you pay attention,
25:46 the easier it gets to to see things that are delightful.
25:50 But the other thing I'll say is I want you to be easy on
25:54 yourself and not uh beat yourself up about this
25:57 because I think that uh you know there's an irony of being like I'm
26:01 trying so hard to have fun.
26:03 It's not fun and I'm going to punish myself for not having fun.
26:06 So, um I think one of the things
26:08 that I would do is
26:09 if if you do enjoy witty remarks,
26:12 you do enjoy like laughing at at funny videos
26:15 and and funny um TV shows
26:17 and movies and plays,
26:18 uh to just again like start by noticing what makes you laugh,
26:22 keep a list.
26:23 Um what's the funniest moment in that play?
26:25 What's the the line from the video that always makes you laugh?
26:28 keep that list and kind of have
26:29 that as a physical thing
26:31 that you can refer back to
26:33 because then you're building up your own arsenal of what makes you laugh.
26:36 And the second part is to to practice
26:39 that attention piece of here is something a little odd.
26:42 Huh, that strikes me as funny.
26:44 That strikes me as unusual.
26:45 That strikes me as something I want to know a little bit more about.
26:48 And the more that you are working
26:50 that muscle and then also building this bank of things
26:52 that have made you laugh from the outside,
26:54 I think you'll just find
26:55 that it bleeds into the other parts of your life.
26:58 >> And the last thing I'll say is it's got to be like the
27:00 social part of humor.
27:01 It depends on the right people
27:03 that I I have worked professionally in comedy for more than a decade.
27:08 I I laugh a lot in my life,
27:09 but there's plenty of people where they
27:12 and I do not click on the laughter level
27:15 and I just I can't laugh with them.
27:17 So, uh it may be
27:18 that you also need to find the people who are um aligned with you.
27:22 >> Okay, good advice.
27:23 All right, we are here, we're both authors and professional podcasters,
27:27 but we're also here today as a comedian, you and a journalist, me.
27:33 And in your book, you quote former correspondent for the Daily Show, Roywood Jr.,
27:38 who told you that comedy is journalism.
27:41 What do you think he meant by that?
27:42 And why is that important to you?
27:44 >> Yeah, well, Roy Jr. think is a first of all I just think
27:47 it's brilliant.
27:47 I think he's one of the single greatest uh stand-up comedians working today.
27:51 Um and you know Royy's father Roy Wood senior was uh a pioneering civil
27:56 rights journalist.
27:57 He covered the Suedo riots in South Africa.
28:00 He um was covering a lot of of issues in the civil rights uh
28:05 movement that were before they be covered by other news outlets.
28:08 So, um, he Roy grew up with this like real importance of journalism
28:14 and the way that it can make a difference.
28:16 And I think what Roy means to put words in his mouth, um,
28:19 which he would do much more articulately,
28:21 is that we laugh because we're shown something, right?
28:26 Like a joke makes you pay attention to something in a new way.
28:29 Often when we laugh, we say like, "That's so true," or,
28:31 "I never thought of it that way."
28:33 Okay.
28:33 >> And so his point is like
28:36 if he's pointing out something about the way
28:39 that they sell bread at the supermarket,
28:42 that might not be like an investigative report on the front page of the
28:45 New York Times,
28:46 but in some way he is looking deeper into it
28:49 and trying to find out what is the truth.
28:51 What is the thing about that that's going to make people laugh and connect?
28:54 >> You're observing with a sense of curiosity.
28:57 And that's absolutely essentially what journalism is, right?
29:00 It's relentlessly observing and being curious about things >>
29:02 and also I know you know in the TED world there's
29:04 so many people who are um scientists
29:06 and entrepreneurs and there's a long history of incredible um discoveries
29:11 and innovations happening after a person goes huh that's funny
29:14 and tries to figure out why right like we have this idea
29:17 that a great discovery happens after someone goes Eureka
29:19 but in fact it's
29:20 so much more common
29:21 that they go huh that's funny why did
29:23 that happen so >>
29:24 and that's the seed of all great reporting too I always say like great
29:28 reporting starts with great questions questions,
29:30 you know, or just one great question.
29:32 And >> and also like well in a great interview like in
29:36 when you're reporting or
29:36 when you're you're talking to someone,
29:38 you shouldn't necessarily know what they're going to say next.
29:42 You should be open to being surprised.
29:43 And that element of surprise is so often what makes us laugh.
29:46 Oh, I didn't think you were going to say that.
29:48 >> Yeah.
29:48 Yeah.
29:50 All right.
29:50 In the book, you share the story of the Museum of Bad Art,
29:54 which is a real place that's based in Boston.
29:57 Their tagline is art too bad to be ignored.
30:03 And this made me think about perspective because as we've talked about,
30:07 what's good or bad
30:08 or funny or serious does often seem really specific to the context
30:13 or the people that you're with
30:14 or the moment in place.
30:16 The TED community is a really global one
30:19 and many of our TED Talks Daily listeners listen from all over the world.
30:24 So, in this conversation around finding humor and learning to laugh more,
30:31 I want to ask a question from TED member Katie BR who wrote in,
30:35 "How do you find humor that translates across culture and languages?
30:40 Are there any golden rules
30:42 or universal truths that exist in the journey towards humor?"
30:47 >> H, that's a great question.
30:48 I love that question.
30:50 Um, I am of the opinion that the best jokes,
30:54 the most um the most fun ways to laugh with other f with your
30:57 friends and your with your family are are actually not universal.
30:59 That they're specific and
31:00 that they build the relationship between you
31:02 and the other person.
31:03 Um, so I would say like to me the most satisfying humor is
31:08 when it's you and a person who you've known for a long time
31:11 or you feel really connected to
31:12 and only the two of you can understand
31:14 that or only the group of people. like
31:16 that to me is
31:17 so fun because then you're just it it has built this kind of community
31:20 and language with between the two of you.
31:22 That being said, there's a lot of really interesting um science about what makes
31:27 people laugh and the evolution of humor
31:29 and uh the ways in
31:30 which humor actually can exist not just in humans
31:33 but in other animals.
31:34 So, some of the most universal things are um >> we laugh there's there's
31:39 a a University of Colorado Boulder has a lab called the humor research lab
31:44 and they their acronym is H u capital R l hurl
31:47 which is their version of like the the dad joke for their name.
31:50 Yes.
31:51 >> But but a theory came out of there called the benign violation theory.
31:54 So that that is that we laugh when something is a violation.
31:57 It breaks the rules.
31:58 It does something it's not supposed to,
31:59 but it's not harmful or scary or painful.
32:02 So it's a benign violation.
32:03 And the classic example of a benign violation is a tickle.
32:06 A tickle is an attack that isn't actually a painful attack.
32:10 And so a a tickle
32:11 or an I'm gonna get you is one of the oldest
32:14 and most universal forms of humor,
32:15 right?
32:16 Like uh animals laugh at the I'm going to get you um
32:19 or their version of a laugh.
32:20 Um you can do this with a baby.
32:22 This is across cultures.
32:24 So uh but you know uh it doesn't it's only a benign violation
32:29 if you know the person who's tickling you.
32:30 A stranger running up and tickling you is very much not a >> fault.
32:34 >> Yeah.
32:34 Yeah.
32:34 And you don't you're not gonna laugh at that.
32:37 >> No.
32:37 >> Um that's that's one version.
32:38 And then >> look, I'm not a mature person.
32:41 I know that Ted is like ideas worth spreading.
32:43 Ted is ideas change everything.
32:44 Ted is smart people.
32:46 I gotta say I'm not mature
32:48 and I'm not one of you distinguished people of of wisdom.
32:51 So I will just say I also think
32:52 that like a fart that's always funny.
32:54 I gotta say fart or poop that's universal to me.
32:58 So, you know, my my 2-year-old has just kind of like achieved like language
33:03 and and some of the things
33:04 that he started saying he's the other day he pointed at his diaper
33:07 and said big fart.
33:08 And I was like, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
33:10 Anyways, so I also think that's one version.
33:14 >> But then, you know, one well,
33:15 I'll give you one other serious one just
33:16 because that's prompting it is I think you can often make people laugh
33:20 when we're talking about like cross-cultural
33:22 or cross language.
33:23 >> Saying the true and honest genuine thing often makes people laugh.
33:26 So there's a lot of comedy to be had in how things don't translate
33:30 in how much it doesn't >> go universal.
33:32 Right.
33:33 Like that is often very funny too to say >> this would be funny
33:36 to my friends but it's not going to make any sense to you.
33:38 >> Right.
33:39 Right.
33:40 Okay.
33:41 Last question before we start to wrap up.
33:43 >> Your journey to this book has been a long one
33:47 but also really beautiful to get to witness
33:50 as your friend.
33:51 Thank you.
33:51 >> Um you've transitioned careers. you've become a successful comedian and writer.
33:56 You gave a TED talk about how to find laughter anywhere.
33:59 So listeners, have you if you haven't seen Chris's TED talk,
34:02 be sure to find that.
34:04 Um, and that helped lead to this book.
34:07 If you could give one piece of advice to your younger self,
34:11 the young fifth grader Chris Duffy, or did you go by Christopher back then?
34:16 Chris, >> you know, I've always been Chris, but people have every, you know,
34:19 serious when I was in trouble, it's always Christopher.
34:21 >> Okay, got it.
34:22 Yeah.
34:22 So, you're giving advice to the fifth grade, the 11-year-old Chris Stuffy.
34:27 >> What would that advice be?
34:30 >> Man, I this is a hard question.
34:33 I think like in so many ways,
34:36 I would not give my younger self advice because first of all,
34:38 I'd be like, who is this tired looking bearded man?
34:41 Why is he here?
34:42 But but also but also because >> he's 104 years old.
34:46 >> Yeah.
34:46 Like that man has surely that man is 80 years old.
34:49 Well, you're coming to me from 2090.
34:50 And I'd be like, "No, it's only 2026.
34:53 What are you talking about, little Chris?
34:54 That's so hurtful."
34:55 Um, he'd be like, "I'm so sorry."
34:57 And you contracted the plague.
34:59 And I like, "No, this is how I look when I'm healthy."
35:02 Um, I I honestly think
35:05 though that like one of the big messages
35:07 that I want people to take away from my book
35:09 and and also that I learned in researching it is
35:12 that all of the mistakes
35:13 and the things that supposedly went wrong
35:16 or the things that are imperfect
35:18 or or bad,
35:19 those are the ripest things to have you laugh at.
35:24 Those are the ripest things to um to to create humor
35:28 and have potentials for laughter in your life.
35:30 And you know that sometimes comedians talk about this formula of like comedy equals
35:33 tragedy plus time,
35:35 which is the idea
35:35 that like anything bad is is possible for you to see humor in
35:40 if you have enough distance from it.
35:41 So I think that I would kind of not I wouldn't want to correct
35:46 any of the mistakes
35:46 that I've made.
35:47 But maybe I'd be like,
35:48 you should invest heavily in Apple as soon as you have money, right?
35:50 That will that will let you own a a home
35:53 and it and it will like give you a lot more career flexibility.
35:55 So maybe I would just be like I would just give my 11-year-old self
35:58 a list of stocks
35:59 and be like,
35:59 "If you can please invest in these stocks,
36:01 that will help me out a lot.
36:02 I promise I'm going to look a lot younger
36:03 if I can afford good skinare."
36:07 >> All right, we're transitioning to another section of this program
36:11 because we reached out to Chris
36:13 as we were planning this to ask
36:15 if there was any sort of activity
36:17 that he'd be interested in doing with all of you.
36:19 And he said, "What
36:20 if folks write in with something going on in their lives
36:23 or an area of their life like dating,
36:26 aging, grief, where they find it particularly challenging to find the humor,
36:30 but they'd be open
36:31 and curious to finding laughs in
36:33 and I'll try to offer some suggestions."
36:36 We received so many submissions from our members.
36:39 And just to start, Chris, um,
36:41 many people submitted that they
36:43 or a loved one are dealing with chronic
36:45 or terminal illness.
36:47 Um, each of these questions asked about
36:49 if and how they might be able to find humor in truly horrible
36:52 and scary situations and
36:54 if there was a way of finding their way back to humor at all
36:58 um after losing their sense of humor.
36:59 And you share a really beautiful moment of vulnerability in your own book um
37:03 when you write about the challenging time
37:05 that you and your wife went through um during
37:08 which she got seriously ill
37:09 and no one could figure out what was wrong.
37:12 And over time, as you described it,
37:14 u humor really became an important tool for both of you to get through
37:18 that.
37:18 So, let's start there with your own story.
37:21 Can you share briefly what happened >>
37:23 and um >> maybe a bit about how you found your way back to
37:29 humor during that time?
37:31 >> Yeah.
37:31 So, um, without, you know, going too deep into the weeds because it it's,
37:36 uh, it would just take too much time, I I'll say that, um,
37:39 several years ago, uh,
37:40 my wife started having some some injuries
37:43 and some chronic pain
37:44 that was really hard to go away.
37:46 And, um, she went from kind of being fully independent
37:49 and capable to being really,
37:51 uh, unable to to take care of herself
37:54 or or or even like walk uh,
37:57 more than like a block or two without the really debilitating pain.
38:00 And um so I was her primary caretaker
38:02 and it was a really tough time.
38:04 It was a tough time physically
38:05 but also it was a tough time mentally
38:07 and emotionally because she was feeling really hopeless
38:09 and the fact that there wasn't like a clear medical answer.
38:12 >> Yeah. it just like it was getting worse
38:14 and worse and worse
38:14 and it was a very dark time
38:15 and it was really scary um
38:17 as she was starting to to struggle with like suicidal ideiation
38:21 and um we were just really in a in a dark moment
38:24 and it was it was certainly the the darkest
38:25 and um scariest moment of my life
38:28 and and of our life too
38:30 and um you know it's important to me to say it's it's not like
38:35 I was like but at the end of the day it's still funny like
38:38 it wasn't funny at all.
38:39 It was really really um dark,
38:42 but there were these moments where I
38:46 or we could find something to laugh at.
38:49 And what I found was that anytime that happened,
38:51 it was like this giant um bursting of a balloon of tension where all
38:56 of a sudden we could breathe again.
38:57 And so, you know,
38:58 one of those moments
38:59 that really stands out in my mind is Molly was like trying to figure
39:02 out like what could possib how could she possibly like reset things?
39:05 How could she have a change everything in her life?
39:08 and she she had this idea of like maybe I'll go to a a
39:12 silent retreat center.
39:13 I found out she had researched it
39:15 and found out that there was a silent retreat center where
39:16 if you cleaned the dishes in the bathrooms they would let you live there
39:19 for free and so you could stay there
39:21 as long as you needed to heal.
39:22 And I said like I hear you
39:25 and I just don't think like I'm taking care of you
39:27 so much and I don't think you moving to a remote retreat center where
39:31 you won't be able to be in phone
39:33 or internet contact I don't think that's a really safe decision right now. like
39:37 I I wouldn't be able to to know
39:38 if you needed help.
39:39 And she said, "Oh, well, you would come with me."
39:42 >> And I am like the biggest yapper of all time.
39:45 Like I love to yap.
39:46 You've heard I can't answer anything in like less than five minutes of talking.
39:49 And the idea even even she in that moment,
39:52 the idea of me spending an extended period of time at an at a
39:57 completely silent retreat center.
39:59 Both of us were just like, "Yeah, you're not going to make it, Chris.
40:02 You you would not survive that."
40:03 I would be like desperately trying to signal with my eyes like look at
40:06 that funny thing over there.
40:07 >> Right.
40:07 Right.
40:09 >> So that was like a moment where we laughed.
40:11 And the thing that I want to point out is it's not like laughing
40:14 in that moment fixed the pain
40:16 or fixed the depression
40:18 or fixed the underlying issue.
40:20 It didn't.
40:21 But it released the tension
40:23 and it was this moment of uh lightness amidst all the the heaviness.
40:28 And that I think is a really important thing to not underestimate
40:34 that that especially when you're dealing with something like um like suicidal ideiation
40:39 and and like depression being able to get through the day that's not like
40:42 oh kind of nice like that's the whole thing getting through the hour getting
40:45 through the day.
40:46 And so if you can find even one of these moments every once in
40:48 a while um that can be a huge huge huge um benefit.
40:53 And you know for us
40:55 because that was so transformative one thing we started trying to do is to
40:58 find like is there a way
40:59 that we can end every day with just one small laugh
41:03 and and the things
41:04 that we found were often there was nothing funny from our lives
41:07 that day but like maybe it was like watching uh a YouTube video of
41:10 outtakes from the office
41:12 or there's a there's a community on Reddit called contagious laughter that's just people
41:16 laughing so hard and
41:17 so genuinely that it is contagious to hear them laugh.
41:20 And it was really amazing to to find that not every day,
41:24 not on the absolute worst days, but on a lot of really bad days,
41:27 we could watch a clip
41:28 or hear some of
41:29 that contagious laughter and we would laugh ourselves
41:31 and it would change the tenor of
41:34 that hour.
41:34 It would change the tenor of that that evening in a really positive way.
41:38 >> Yeah.
41:39 Thank you for sharing your story first of all.
41:41 Chris, why don't you take it away
41:43 and read us our first submission for your Comedy RX.
41:46 >> Great.
41:47 Um, and I I love I love that people submitted these these ones.
41:50 And um, this is kind of inspired by one of my other favorite um,
41:53 TED people, the poet Sarah Kay did a poetry RX thing where people wrote
41:57 in and she gave them a prescription for a poem.
42:00 So this is my like how can you find some humor prescription, >> right?
42:03 Um, >> okay.
42:04 So the first one is from uh is about job loss
42:07 and it's from Iman.
42:09 Hi Chris, I am currently unemployed
42:11 and it's been a challenging
42:12 and humbling season filled with uncertainty,
42:15 stress, and a few awkward so what are you up to these days moments.
42:19 I'd love your guidance on how to find humor in this in between phase.
42:22 How to laugh without minimizing the pressure
42:24 and how to use humor to stay resilient
42:26 while figuring out what's next.
42:28 So, first of all, I will just say like that is really hard.
42:33 And I think being able to find humor in a moment where you are
42:38 feeling u less than your best self is maybe sometimes the best way to
42:44 do it is to acknowledge what what you're feeling,
42:46 right?
42:47 Like, so what are you up to these days?
42:48 Oo, that's a tough question.
42:50 That's a hard question to answer.
42:51 Is often like your genuine reaction to the thing can be a way to
42:55 find laughter in it.
42:56 Also some other places like we all know the um how uh incredibly bizarre
43:01 and soul sucking going on LinkedIn can be.
43:03 There's so much humor there.
43:05 I mean I have a extended relationship with LinkedIn where
43:08 that led to me being permanently banned.
43:10 Um but but you can uh you can find humor in some of those
43:14 moments of the absurdity
43:15 which is again like it's I think the way to find resilience is to
43:20 acknowledge that it is hard. is not to pretend like,
43:22 hey, this is fun and applying for jobs and getting rejected.
43:26 That's fun because I'm laughing about it.
43:28 It's like, oh, this is so bad and it's so brutal.
43:31 That in itself is funny.
43:33 I think like one of the things
43:34 that always happens to me
43:35 when I'm in those moments is uh I'm like desperate to clean the house.
43:39 I'm like scrubbing the toilet and I'm like,
43:40 "Thank God I can scrub the toilet
43:41 so it means I don't have to update my resume."
43:43 I think there's there's humor in that.
43:45 So, I would I would acknowledge your genuine feelings
43:47 and uh and I think
43:48 that can be a way to connect with people >>
43:49 and also know like that's a very relatable
43:52 and universal thing.
43:53 So, I think anyone else who's in
43:55 that position or has been in
43:56 that position is probably going to laugh
43:57 and and be able to commiserate with you.
43:59 >> Yeah.
44:00 It could be a connection point.
44:01 >> Yeah.
44:02 And you know, with this idea of connection point,
44:04 I want to point out
44:04 that uh something that has come up a lot in talking about the book
44:08 is like people who have really hard stressful work
44:11 or stressful things in their personal life,
44:12 they often have great sense of humor.
44:14 And that's not coincidental.
44:15 But an important part is that if you are like an emergency room doctor,
44:19 um you can really connect
44:20 and laugh and have these kind of like dark jokes with other emergency room
44:24 doctors.
44:24 But if I try and make that same joke with you,
44:26 it is not going to be funny.
44:28 And that's because the laughter lets you know like we're not the only ones
44:31 who feel like this.
44:32 The other person also feels like that, right?
44:34 So I would not try
44:35 and like laugh about being unemployed
44:37 and having a brutal soul sucking um job search.
44:40 I wouldn't try and laugh about that with your like gainfully employed friend, right?
44:42 like they're probably just not going to be able to make you laugh about
44:45 it.
44:45 Whereas the other friend who is similarly in it
44:48 and is also trying to find uh something to laugh about,
44:51 that might be a person who is more able to find humor with you.
44:54 >> Really good point.
44:54 And I was just going to say the funniest person in my life I
44:58 think is an emergency room doctor.
45:00 So there is some there is some correlation there between what they must see
45:04 and go through and
45:06 then be able to cope with humor. uh social workers,
45:09 people uh teachers, uh soldiers,
45:12 people in really like tough um high stress environments are often the the funniest
45:16 people because you need to laugh to release
45:19 that tension to do the thing.
45:22 >> Yeah.
45:22 >> Do you want to read our next one?
45:23 >> Yeah.
45:23 So, Steve um who is uh related to that.
45:26 Um Steve says, "I
45:27 and many of my colleagues have been laid off
45:29 or took early retirement from meaningful government jobs in STEM areas.
45:32 How do I stay upbeat after losing my life's work and purpose?
45:35 How do I live with fun
45:37 and humor during these times where the scientific process
45:39 and education are under assault
45:40 and have decreasing funding?
45:43 That's hard.
45:44 I would say, Steve,
45:45 my first thing is like I think there's something
45:48 that is very funny
45:49 and also endearing about the idea
45:51 that like we should stay upbeat after losing my life's work
45:55 and purpose,
45:56 right?
45:56 Like maybe not upbeat.
45:58 That's really bad.
45:59 It's a disaster.
46:00 It's uh finally we've solved the huge problem of the government funding cancer research.
46:06 Oh gosh.
46:07 You know, like that is not um the fact
46:10 that you are feeling negative about
46:11 that is is totally reasonable.
46:13 And I think uh you don't have to deny
46:16 that to find the the humor.
46:18 Um again, I think finding other people who are going through it with you
46:21 and laughing about the absurdity of it together,
46:23 that can be a really fun way.
46:25 And then the other thing is I would say like we don't always have
46:28 to laugh directly about the stuff like
46:32 if you are feeling despair about the way
46:35 that the government uh whatever your government is I mean certainly in the United
46:39 States but in any
46:40 if you have despair about the way
46:42 that your government is approaching scientific funding
46:44 or policy it's not necessarily the case
46:48 that you have to laugh about
46:50 that specific thing.
46:51 You can find laughter in other things.
46:52 Like the funniest video I've ever seen is of a Australian man uh who's
46:57 a reporter on television holding a large chicken
46:59 and then the chicken flaps its wings
47:00 and he screams and runs away.
47:01 Like that video is not has nothing to do with scientific funding,
47:06 but that might be a thing
47:07 that makes me laugh
47:08 and lets me have the humor in my life even
47:10 though the the thing is bad.
47:11 So I I would encourage you to not think you have to laugh just
47:14 at the hard thing,
47:15 but you can also laugh at the silly ridiculous things
47:17 and that can be a way to get humor in too.
47:20 Okay.
47:20 All right.
47:20 What other submission have you chosen?
47:22 >> Okay.
47:23 So, this is one that's interesting because it's about AI.
47:25 Um, which um Sofal has written in and says,
47:28 "I'm writing to you from the front lines of a very specific highstakes battleground:
47:32 the intersection of higher education and the existential dread of generative AI."
47:36 Now, >> my first question
47:37 as soon as I read this was anytime someone has a like a an
47:40 intro line like that,
47:41 I'm like, did you write this with AI?
47:42 But we'll find out.
47:43 As a professor at a school focused on global leadership,
47:46 I recently spent an afternoon staring at a pile of 19 student essays.
47:50 My challenge isn't just the grading,
47:51 it's the Bladeunner level of paranoia that comes with it.
47:54 I find myself analyzing a student's use of a semicolon like a forensic investigator,
47:58 wondering, did a human heart beat while this sentence was written,
48:01 or was it in a server farm in Oregon?
48:04 I'm trying to teach principled innovation,
48:07 but I feel like I'm actually teaching how to outsmart the robot
48:10 that is currently summarizing this email.
48:12 My life has become a series of prove you are human capture tests,
48:15 but instead of clicking on traffic lights,
48:17 I'm trying to convince 20somes
48:18 that their own original thoughts are more valuable than a perfectly manicured paragraph from
48:22 a machine.
48:24 How do I find the humor in this man versus machine loop?
48:26 How do I laugh at the fact
48:27 that I'm using AI to help me grade essays
48:29 that were likely written by AI?
48:31 Essentially, letting two programs talk to each other
48:34 while I sit here in Phoenix wondering
48:35 if I've become the middleman in a digital conversation.
48:38 I'd love your guidance on how to see the comedy in this academic hall
48:41 of mirrors.
48:42 I would say that you have already found the comedy in this academic hall
48:46 of mirrors.
48:46 >> I mean, just that email was really funny.
48:49 >> It is genuinely hilarious.
48:50 And okay, here is my big thing
48:52 as far as like what do you say to the students to find the
48:55 comedy in it.
48:56 I think that what you have written here I'm getting
48:58 so excited that I'm like rocking the Okay.
49:00 I think that what you have written here is a really clear authentic um
49:07 genuine feeling and so often
49:10 that is the thing
49:10 that makes other people laugh is just saying how you actually feel like what
49:14 you genuinely are thinking.
49:15 So I would encourage you to say to your students exactly what you said
49:19 like it is possible for you to generate your answers with AI
49:23 and me to grade them with AI
49:24 and then the two computers have done all the work
49:26 and neither you nor I have any meaning
49:28 or purpose in our lives.
49:30 Like I think saying
49:31 that will get them to laugh
49:32 and acknowledge the absurdity of the situation.
49:35 And I think you already are framing it in such a funny way
49:39 and such a a humorous way
49:41 that that giving them the opportunity to like address the elephant in the room.
49:46 That is what I would prescribe for you here.
49:48 I would say give this to the people who are involved.
49:50 Say it out loud, hand this to them, read it in class,
49:54 and then see where the conversation goes.
49:55 I bet you it'll be both really funny
49:57 and also allow for those genuine human connections
50:01 that wouldn't have necessarily happened otherwise.
50:04 >> I like that.
50:05 Okay.
50:05 All right.
50:06 We have time for I think about two more.
50:08 So, >> let's do a romance one.
50:10 >> Okay.
50:10 >> I am in an affinity group
50:12 and I have been going on dates with the leader of the group.
50:15 Come to find out,
50:16 he's been seeing another girl in the group the entire time.
50:19 Sad face.
50:20 >> I mean, that's juicy gossip, first of all.
50:22 So, thank you for sharing.
50:23 >> Thank you for the tea.
50:24 >> Yes.
50:24 Thank you for that.
50:25 I'm so sorry that that has happened to you.
50:27 I will be honest that I don't know what an affinity group is.
50:30 So, um I I I assume
50:32 that it's my understanding of what the word affinity means,
50:35 in which case I hope
50:36 that you were not in an affinity group for like polyamory,
50:39 in which case this was like you could have seen this coming.
50:41 But if you were just in an unrelated >> What about hiking bird?
50:46 >> Hiking affinity group.
50:46 Sure.
50:47 Sure.
50:47 >> Knitting paleontology.
50:49 >> In that case, I think
50:50 that like you know there is a a long
50:53 and uh storied comedic tradition of laughing at how bad dating
50:58 and relationships can be.
50:59 And I I would welcome you to
51:00 that proud tradition of laughing at like what happened?
51:04 How did this just absolute trash person monster do this to me?
51:11 Um I think that you can find a lot of laughter in potentially laughing
51:14 with the other girl in the group
51:15 or the other members of the group
51:17 or going to a different group
51:18 and uh voicing the uh the situation to yourself of like I am going
51:24 to make sure that
51:24 that does not happen.
51:26 Um, and then the other thing I think again is like the good kind
51:28 of humor is going to happen with people who are generous
51:32 and respectful of you.
51:34 And obviously this situation shows
51:36 that someone was not being thoughtful
51:37 or generous or respectful of you.
51:39 And and that is not a person who you're going to be able to
51:42 connect with on a humorous level either.
51:44 >> Um, this was >> unless of course this was a polyamory affinity group
51:49 in which case I think you got what you signed up for.
51:51 And I will also say the brilliant Franchesca Hogi is in in the audience
51:55 and if you're looking for a way to actually find uh love
51:58 and connection.
51:59 Um the book How to Find True Love written by Franchesca is a great
52:03 place to start and I would um I would strongly encourage you to to
52:06 read that book.
52:07 >> Yeah, that's a great recommendation of a book from a fellow TED member
52:12 or member of our TED community.
52:14 So thank you.
52:15 Fantastic.
52:15 Okay, we have time for one last comedy RX.
52:19 What is it gonna be?
52:19 This is from Julie H.
52:21 My husband of 30 years is finding it difficult to move on to the
52:24 next phase of his life,
52:25 retirement.
52:26 I feel for him, but would love to make him laugh about it.
52:29 And then a related one um from Taj.
52:32 I have a very strong willed teenage daughter
52:34 that refuses to listen to most things I say.
52:37 >> Been there.
52:38 >> Been there, Taj.
52:40 So I think very both of these are are relatable in the sense
52:44 that um it's it is a common situation to have people we love
52:50 and care about who we wish would do things differently.
52:54 We wish would be different or uh act differently.
52:57 And I would gently say here
53:00 that perhaps the best approach to humor is to not force these other people
53:05 to have uh a different uh approach to humor to laugh more. maybe is
53:10 to acknowledge your own relationship with humor around the situation.
53:15 Um, I think this is a place where like laughing at yourself can be
53:18 a really effective way to connect with the other person
53:20 and to bring them in.
53:21 Um, I think there's something really funny about being like,
53:24 I so want to connect with you
53:26 and you don't want to connect with me
53:28 or like I'm doing things in the most clueless way.
53:30 And I think acknowledging
53:31 that and laughing about how bad you are at it
53:33 or how uh helpless you are might create an opportunity for your daughter to
53:38 actually connect with you
53:39 and to actually open up.
53:40 Um, so rather than thinking like how do I change her is like how
53:43 do I laugh at my own failure to do it
53:45 and and similarly for the husband I think like laughing about how you
53:50 so desperately want to like pick the perfect activity
53:54 or lay out the right um uh you know book of of of pastimes
54:00 or travel guide or um you know the right gear
54:03 that will make him have his new passion.
54:06 I think that is something
54:07 that if you laugh at yourself
54:08 and your desire there,
54:10 it might reveal a little bit to to him about how it's coming from
54:14 this place of care
54:15 and love and it might let him laugh at you
54:17 which then you are laughing together
54:19 and and could open it up.
54:20 So I would say like it's easier to change ourselves than it is to
54:24 change other people and I think often um creating
54:26 that opportunity and space for laughter can be the space
54:29 that that lets us get what we want secretly anyway.
54:33 >> Yeah.
54:33 Yeah.
54:34 Well, thank you, Chris, for taking all of these submissions for Comedy RX.
54:37 I think this has just been an awesome exercise
54:39 and a great way to describe
54:41 and get at the soul of your book.
54:42 So, thank you for doing that.
54:44 >> Thank you so much for writing them, people.
54:45 And and I'm sorry to any ones we didn't get to,
54:47 but really uh brilliant and interesting questions.
54:50 >> And we have just a few minutes left
54:52 and we have been getting a lot of questions from our members.
54:54 So, I will squeeze in this one and hopefully more,
54:58 but if we can't get to it, we're very sorry.
55:01 Um, I'm going to get to Diana A's, which is,
55:04 "How can humor be used to invite people to envision new ways of leading
55:09 both on a personal level
55:10 and in ways that challenges old shared beliefs about what leadership is?
55:15 How could this be done to inspire
55:16 as many leaders as possible to open up um to the possibility of change
55:20 rather than frightening leaders
55:22 or creating a defensive reaction um from feeling judged
55:26 or threatened?"
55:27 So, humor in leadership.
55:30 >> Yeah.
55:30 You know, I think um this is interesting
55:33 because because my wife actually works like she's has uh a much more like
55:37 professional corporate work than I have ever had.
55:40 And um she works a lot in in with leadership
55:43 and and helping people to to connect
55:47 and think about how they frame things.
55:48 And and an idea she taught me about is called selective vulnerability.
55:52 So the idea here being
55:53 that like if you are are the CEO of a company
55:56 and you get up
55:57 and you go and in an all hands meeting you say we have no
56:00 idea what's going to happen next
56:01 and I'm terrified and I really think it could go badly like
56:04 that is not actually helpful.
56:05 That's being vulnerable but people are are not going to feel safer afterwards.
56:09 >> Right.
56:10 Right.
56:10 Whereas um if you are selectively vulnerable
56:12 and you say like I just want to acknowledge
56:14 that there is a lot of uncertainty
56:16 and a lot um
56:17 that is unknown and I feel
56:19 that as well but we are going to get through
56:21 that together.
56:22 That's a really different way of being vulnerable
56:24 and not like you don't have to share 100%
56:27 if it's not helpful to share 100%.
56:29 And I think the same is true with humor, right?
56:33 It's it's funny if you're able to laugh at yourself in a way
56:36 that makes people feel like you're human
56:38 and it's not funny
56:39 if you are laughing in a way
56:40 that is making other people feel like they can't trust you
56:43 or that you're cruel
56:44 or putting them down.
56:45 So, I would think about where's
56:46 that selective vulnerability and
56:48 and how can the humor be a piece of
56:50 that.
56:52 >> Perfect.
56:52 >> Chris, we are at the end of our hour already.
56:55 It's just flown by.
56:56 So, thank you, Chris, for this incredibly fun and funny and inspiring conversation.
57:02 My name is Elise Hugh.
57:03 Thanks again.
57:04 Thanks so much.
57:05 Thanks for having
