0:00 Hey, you son of a >> Is it me
0:05 or have the greetings gone downhill around here?
0:09 >> Bie and Rachel saw you with Nancy today
0:11 and um they think you're having an affair.
0:15 >> Who's Nancy?
0:16 >> What's going on?
0:20 >> Okay.
0:20 All right, guys.
0:20 You better sit down.
0:21 This is This is pretty big.
0:28 >> Yeah.
0:28 I'm not having an affair.
0:29 Nancy is our realtor.
0:34 >> I knew he couldn't be with a woman for 45 minutes.
0:38 >> Okay, the turkeyy's in the oven.
0:40 The stuffing is ready.
0:41 >> You know, you always cook this meal all by yourself.
0:44 Let me help this year.
0:45 >> A Chandler, that's sweet.
0:47 But you don't have to do everything Dr.
0:48 Phil tells you to do.
0:51 >> I'm serious.
0:51 Let me do something.
0:52 Just not the turkey or the stuffing.
0:54 Nothing high profile.
0:56 Okay, let's see.
0:58 >> Oh, the cranberry sauce.
0:59 It's easy to make and no one really cares about it.
1:03 >> Tell me more.
1:04 >> Okay, I'm going to go check on something across the hall.
1:07 You start by washing these.
1:11 >> Not with soap.
1:16 >> You obviously haven't tasted my Palm potatoes.
1:22 >> What?
1:22 >> I just realized why I remember this place.
1:24 >> Really?
1:25 What is it?
1:25 Oh, it's nothing.
1:26 I went on a date with a guy who lived in this building
1:28 and it didn't end very well.
1:31 >> That wouldn't by any chance be Joey Tribani.
1:35 >> Yes, >> of course it was.
1:38 >> Yeah, we had a really great night
1:40 and in the morning he promised he would call me
1:41 and he didn't.
1:42 >> Rat bastard.
1:46 >> So, you're not friends with him?
1:47 >> Oh, god.
1:48 No, >> no, no.
1:51 >> Nope.
1:51 >> No, no, no.
1:59 No.
1:59 >> No.
1:59 >> Well, I'm sorry I brought it up.
2:01 So, are either one of you planning on staying at home?
2:07 >> Hello.
2:07 Anybody in there?
2:07 Order a celebrity.
2:12 >> What was that?
2:14 >> Oh, that's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here.
2:18 He's great with kids, though.
2:19 Hey, Joe.
2:20 What's up?
2:21 >> Bad news.
2:21 I watched the tape and passed along to my bosses and they weren't interested.
2:28 >> Oh, sorry, men.
2:31 >> But uh you watched the tape?
2:34 >> Yeah, I I I I liked it,
2:37 but uh my bosses didn't go for it.
2:40 Stupid sons of >> You didn't watch the tape.
2:49 >> What?
2:50 Of course I did.
2:51 >> Look, it's one thing not to cast me, but to lie to me.
2:54 >> I'm not lying to you.
2:55 I watched it.
2:56 >> Well, you lied again.
2:58 >> I watched it.
2:59 >> Keep going, Pinocchio.
3:02 >> I DID.
3:03 >> NO, YOU DIDN'T.
3:04 >> I'M TELLING YOU, I WATCHED THE TAPE.
3:08 >> Did you watch the tape?
3:15 >> No.
3:15 >> Can't believe Joey, I hate being called a liar.
3:19 But you are a liar.
3:22 >> What did I just say?
3:25 >> You still here?
3:26 Yes.
3:26 And I have to say I am not just hurt.
3:28 I am insulted when I tell somebody I did something.
3:31 >> Okay.
3:32 All right.
3:32 Let me just stop you right there.
3:33 Okay.
3:33 First you lied.
3:35 Right.
3:36 Then you lied about lying.
3:38 Okay.
3:38 Then you lied about lying about lying.
3:41 Okay.
3:41 So before you lie about lying about lying about lying about lying Stop lying.
3:51 >> Why are you so sure I didn't watch this tape?
3:53 >> You want to know why?
3:54 You want to know why?
3:56 >> Well, this is going well.
4:00 >> Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape.
4:01 Okay, if you had seen what was on this tape, believe me,
4:04 you would have some comments.
4:07 All right.
4:07 Now, remember, I got paid a lot of money for this
4:09 and it only aired in Japan.
4:16 >> Ichibon.
4:17 Ichibon.
4:17 Lipstick for men.
4:31 Ichiban lipstick for men.
4:34 Sai and that's how I KNOW YOU DIDN'T WATCH THE TAPE.
4:43 >> He really is a chameleon.
4:54 >> >> Hey, hey, check out the flyers for the band.
4:57 I made them on a Macintosh in the computer room.
5:00 >> Awesome.
5:00 The name really stands out >> thanks to a little something called Helvetica Bold
5:04 24 point.
5:07 >> Man, we going to rock that Asian student union.
5:13 >> Hey guys.
5:14 >> Hey.
5:14 Hey.
5:14 Hey Missy, >> you know our band is playing on Friday.
5:18 >> Yeah.
5:18 Yeah, you should come check us out.
5:20 We're called Way.
5:21 No way.
5:23 >> No way.
5:26 >> Way.
5:26 >> Great.
5:27 I'll be there.
5:28 >> Fresh boss.
5:29 >> Mean she's gone.
5:30 >> I know it.
5:34 >> You know, I'm totally going to ask her out.
5:36 >> Dude, I was going to ask her out.
5:38 >> I said it first, bro.
5:40 >> Well, I thought it first.
5:41 Holmes.
5:43 Look, if you think >> Wait, wait.
5:45 What are we doing?
5:48 >> What we have is too important to mess it up over some girl.
5:52 I mean, we can get laid anytime we want.
5:56 >> Totally.
5:56 I had sex in high school.
5:58 >> Me, too.
5:58 I'm good at it.
6:02 >> All right.
6:03 I say we make a pact.
6:04 Neither of us will go out with Missy Goldberg.
6:08 >> You got it.
6:11 All right.
6:11 So, that's Missy Goldberg.
6:12 Phoebe Cakes and Molly Ringwald, who neither of us can go out with.
6:15 >> Those are the packs.
6:16 >> Oh, and Sheena Eastston.
6:17 But we probably couldn't get her anyway.
6:20 >> Maybe not you.
6:25 >> You can't move.
6:26 You just You just can't.
6:27 >> Rachel's right.
6:28 This is where you guys belong.
6:29 >> Yeah, you you don't want to live in Westchester.
6:31 That's like the worst of the Chesters.
6:35 >> >> You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment,
6:37 I look over here
6:38 and you guys are just having dinner
6:41 or watching TV or something,
6:44 but it makes me feel better.
6:47 And now when I look over, who am I going to see?
6:50 The got leaves?
6:51 The the Yangs?
6:53 They don't make me feel so good.
6:57 >> Yeah.
6:58 So So don't move.
6:59 Okay.
6:59 Just stay here and maybe close your blinds at night.
7:03 Hey >> >> Hello, >> it's Nancy.
7:15 They responded to our offer >> and Okay, thanks.
7:25 They passed.
7:28 They said they wouldn't go a penny under the asking price.
7:31 >> We can't afford that.
7:32 >> I know.
7:36 Well, there you go.
7:42 I'm >> really sorry, you guys.
7:43 >> Yeah, I'm I'm sorry, too.
7:46 I'm even more sorry
7:47 that that phone call didn't come before I told you about looking through the
7:50 window.
7:52 >> Yeah, well, we're going to let you be alone.
7:54 You going to be okay?
7:55 >> Yeah, we'll be okay.
7:56 >> Love you guys.
7:57 Come on.
8:00 You know, I'm I'm really sorry I wasn't more supportive before.
8:03 >> That's okay.
8:04 We understand.
8:05 >> Yeah.
8:05 And about this Nancy, if you're not sleeping with her, should I?
8:14 >> Hello.
8:14 Oh, hi.
8:17 Oh my god.
8:18 Really?
8:19 I can't wait to tell Chandler.
8:21 Okay, goodbye.
8:23 >> Wrong number.
8:25 >> That was Laura.
8:27 She gave us a great report and we are officially on the waiting list.
8:30 >> That's great.
8:31 >> Now we just have to wait for a call
8:32 and and someone tells us there's a baby waiting for us.
8:51 >> Oh, hello.
8:51 Have you seen Joey's bat?
8:53 >> Adoption stuff is so overwhelming.
8:55 There's intercountry adoption, dependency adoption.
8:59 There's so many ways to go
9:00 and this is like the biggest decision of our lives.
9:03 >> There's a hair in my coffee.
9:07 >> Hey guys.
9:08 Hey.
9:08 Hey.
9:08 Have you seen Frank Jr.?
9:10 Cuz he's meeting me here with the triplets.
9:11 >> You know, it's funny.
9:12 Every time you say triplets, I immediately think of three hot blonde 19year-olds.
9:15 >> That's sweet.
9:19 Drink your hair.
9:22 >> Hey, what's all this stuff?
9:23 Are they brochures from different adoption agencies?
9:26 >> Oh, babies.
9:27 Oh, this one is so cute.
9:29 Get this one.
9:31 >> That's not really how it works.
9:33 >> Oh, how does it work?
9:34 >> I don't know.
9:38 >> Well, if you're having a hard time,
9:39 you should talk to my friends Bill and Colleen.
9:41 They adopted a kid.
9:42 I'm sure they'd help you.
9:44 Thanks.
9:44 That would be great.
9:45 Hey, honey.
9:46 Wouldn't that be great?
9:50 >> Hey.
9:50 >> So, we thought we'd throw your little going away party around 7.
9:53 Oh, that sounds good.
9:54 Hey, Ra, you're leaving tomorrow.
9:56 Shouldn't you be packing?
9:57 It's all done.
9:58 Oh, yeah, right.
10:00 And after I took a shower this morning,
10:02 I just threw my towel on the floor.
10:05 >> Oh god, it hurts to even joke about it.
10:07 >> I know.
10:08 Honey, seriously, I did it all.
10:09 The luggage that I'm taking is in the bedroom.
10:12 This is Emma's Paris stuff.
10:14 These are the boxes that I'm having shipped.
10:16 And that's the sandwich that I made for the plane.
10:18 Okay, so you've done some good work.
10:21 What about your carryons?
10:22 Oh, well, everything that I need is in here,
10:26 and my travel documents are on the counter,
10:28 organized in the order that I will be needing them.
10:32 >> Oh my god, I have nothing left to teach you.
10:37 >> Where's your passport?
10:38 >> It should be right next to my plane ticket.
10:41 >> Well, it's not.
10:42 >> What?
10:42 Well, maybe I put it in here.
10:44 Oh.
10:45 Oh, it's not in there.
10:47 Oh, no.
10:48 I must have packed in one of these boxes.
10:50 Here, let me help you.
10:51 Shoot.
10:54 I can't believe I did this.
10:57 >> At what point did it stop being funny that I took her passport?
11:03 >> Hey guys.
11:04 >> Hey honey.
11:05 I got us that room at the Woodford in this weekend.
11:08 >> That place in Vermont.
11:09 You can take a hint.
11:12 >> Wait.
11:12 You can't go away this weekend.
11:14 It's Emma's birthday.
11:15 We're having a party.
11:16 >> Well, can't you just have the party when we get back?
11:19 >> No.
11:19 Well, there won't be her real birthday.
11:21 >> Gee, if only she were one
11:23 and had no idea what the hell a birthday was.
11:27 >> Come on, you guys.
11:28 This is really important to us.
11:29 >> Well, I'm sorry, but Chandler and I could really use a weekend away,
11:32 you know, to reconnect emotionally.
11:35 >> There's this thing I really want us to do.
11:37 I read about it in Maxim.
11:40 >> Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day?
11:43 >> Yeah, we want everyone to be there.
11:45 As much as I hate to delay,
11:47 you're doing weird sex stuff to my little sister.
11:51 >> And I mean, you know, you guys, this is a big deal.
11:53 I mean, how can we have her first birthday party without her aunt
11:56 and her uncle?
11:58 >> All right, we'll stay.
12:00 We can just drive up after the party.
12:01 >> Fine, but if we end up not doing this maximum thing
12:04 because of this party.
12:05 >> Believe me, that is not why we won't be doing that.
12:08 >> The trees and the big front yards and the actual picket fences.
12:13 Man, those two dogs are going at it.
12:20 >> Hey.
12:20 >> Hey.
12:20 Where you been?
12:21 >> Oh, just uh, you know, looking around.
12:23 But you know what?
12:25 This house is great.
12:27 >> Really?
12:28 What changed your mind?
12:29 >> Oh, well, the little girl who lives here made me feel a lot
12:31 better about the whole thing.
12:33 >> Joey, there was a little girl who lived here,
12:36 but she died like 30 years ago.
12:45 What?
12:45 I'm just messing with you.
12:49 >> That's not funny.
12:50 You know, I'm afraid of little girl ghosts.
12:53 >> Joey, now that you're okay with the house,
12:55 do you want to go see your room?
12:57 >> What?
12:58 I get my own room.
13:00 You don't think we'd buy a house and not have a Joey room,
13:03 do you?
13:05 >> Oh my god.
13:07 Oh.
13:08 Oh.
13:10 >> Can I have an aquarium and a sex swing?
13:14 >> No.
13:15 Why not?
13:16 I'll keep the tank clean.
13:18 >> Are we going to have a bidding war?
13:20 I better warn you.
13:21 I'm a toughy.
13:22 >> Don't Don't.
13:24 >> No.
13:25 Actually, we are buying THE HOUSE NEXT DOOR.
13:32 >> WHY?
13:34 >> I don't know why.
13:34 Oh, that decided then.
13:36 I was on the fence, but knowing that you two would BE OUR NEIGHBORS,
13:40 NOW WE HAVE TO get it.
13:43 Ellen, we're going to talk numbers.
13:50 >> This cannot be happening.
13:52 >> Okay.
13:53 The realtor said another couple made an offer.
13:55 Maybe the Janises won't get it.
13:58 >> Maybe the other couple will.
14:00 >> The only way
14:00 that that is going to happen is
14:01 if the other couple are the Hitlers.
14:07 >> >> Okay.
14:08 Okay.
14:08 All right.
14:08 What if we get both houses?
14:10 Huh?
14:10 We can turn this house into a guest house.
14:12 >> That's a great idea.
14:13 And by the way, I don't mean to sound distasteful,
14:15 but when did you start crapping money?
14:20 >> Okay, you come up with an idea.
14:21 >> All right.
14:21 All right.
14:21 All right.
14:22 We still got 3 hours until escrow closes on our house.
14:25 We can still get out.
14:27 >> But we love our house.
14:28 >> Well, we love it so much with her next door.
14:30 And she's going to be louder out here, too.
14:32 Just the just the crickets.
14:33 AND OH MY GOD.
14:37 >> OKAY, but if we don't get this house,
14:38 she's still going to show up wherever we go.
14:40 I mean, at least if she's here, it eliminates the element of surprise.
14:44 I mean, never again will you have to hear the three words
14:46 that make your balls jump back up inside your body.
14:55 >> Well, we have to do something.
14:57 We can't have her living next door.
15:03 >> >> Oh, that does it, too.
15:11 >> What are you guys doing?
15:13 >> Try it.
15:13 I can't feel a thing.
15:22 >> Are you kidding?
15:26 >> This is packing.
15:27 We're taking a break >> from >> jumping on the bed.
15:33 >> All right.
15:33 Rachel's party is in a couple of hours
15:35 and there's a lot to do now.
15:36 Ross, you've got Geller blood.
15:38 You're in charge of these yahoos.
15:40 >> You got it.
15:40 >> All right.
15:41 >> All right.
15:42 She's right.
15:42 We got to get serious.
15:44 Let's put styrofoam peanuts down his pants and kick him.
15:49 >> Hey.
15:49 Ah.
15:52 >> What do you think?
15:53 I think I think I can see your scalp.
15:58 >> Don't you just love it?
16:00 >> Yeah.
16:00 Yeah.
16:00 You You got shellfish in your head.
16:04 >> It's uh It's something.
16:06 You go, girlfriend.
16:09 >> You never said that in your life, have you?
16:11 >> Not once.
16:11 >> I thought >> And listen to this.
16:19 >> What do you know?
16:19 It's a treat for the eyes and the ears.
16:26 I can't wait for everyone at work to see these.
16:29 Ow.
16:31 >> You go back to work tomorrow night, right?
16:34 >> Yeah.
16:34 >> So, if you want people to see them, then by definition,
16:36 you're not having them taken out, say, at the break of dawn.
16:40 >> Well, if I had them taken out,
16:42 then I wouldn't be able to do this.
16:50 >> You like that, right?
16:59 What are you singing?
17:01 >> It's Valero from 10.
17:03 >> It's Ride of the Valkyries from Apocalypse Now.
17:07 See, here's the thing.
17:08 The cornrows are really a solution to your frizzy hair problem.
17:11 And now that we're home, you don't have that problem anymore.
17:13 So, if you think about it, I hate them.
17:17 >> What?
17:18 You said you like them.
17:20 >> Did I?
17:20 Let's refresh.
17:22 I believe what I said was that I could see your scalp.
17:26 >> Well, fine.
17:26 So, you don't like them?
17:28 Everybody else does >> again.
17:30 Let's journey back.
17:33 >> As I recall, what Rachel said was she had never noticed the shape
17:36 of your skull before.
17:38 And Joey, well, Joey didn't realize it was anything different.
17:43 But >> you know what?
17:44 I don't care.
17:44 I like it like this.
17:45 And and I'm going to keep it.
17:47 You're just jealous because your hair can't do this.
17:51 Ow.
17:53 >> Get yourself in the tooth >> and the eye.
18:01 >> Honey, you've been in there for a long time.
18:03 Is everything okay?
18:05 >> Not really.
18:09 >> I have a problem.
18:14 >> Really?
18:14 What happened?
18:15 Well, I was dancing around
18:17 and singing No Woman No Cry
18:21 and uh I got stuck.
18:25 >> You can't move at all.
18:27 >> Oh, I can move.
18:35 >> If I untangle you, will you please get rid of the cornrows?
18:38 >> I guess so.
18:42 >> Some of these look a little frayed.
18:44 Yeah, I I tried to gnaw myself free.
18:48 >> Did you know Chandler kissed Rachel?
18:51 >> What?
18:52 When When was this?
18:53 >> 1987.
18:54 The weekend you guys visited me at school.
18:57 >> Oh my god, that's wild.
18:59 >> Yeah, but it was like a million years ago, so it doesn't matter.
19:02 >> Well, it matters to me.
19:03 >> Why?
19:03 >> Because the night you kissed Rachel was the night I kissed Rachel for
19:07 the very first time.
19:08 >> You kissed her that night, too?
19:10 >> Two guys in one night?
19:12 Wow.
19:12 How?
19:12 I thought she became a sled after she got her nose fixed.
19:17 >> Seriously, where did this happen?
19:19 >> Okay, after you told me she was passed out in our room,
19:22 I went in there to make sure she was all right.
19:25 She was lying on my bed all buried in people's coats.
19:29 Well, I I went to kiss her on the forehead, you know,
19:31 but it was so dark I accidentally got her lips.
19:33 I I started to pull away,
19:34 but then I I felt her start to kiss me back.
19:37 It was only for a second, but it was amazing.
19:40 And now now I find out that you kissed her first.
19:44 Oh, >> wait.
19:44 What bed did you say she was on?
19:47 >> Mine?
19:47 >> I'm pretty sure I put her on my bed.
19:49 >> No, she was definitely on my bed.
19:50 >> Why would I kiss a girl and then put her on your bed?
19:54 >> Well, then who was on my bed?
19:56 >> Oh.
19:56 Oh.
19:57 OH, >> NO.
20:00 NO, NO, >> you were under the pile of coats.
20:06 >> I was THE PILE OF COATS.
20:12 OH MY GOD, >> you were my midnight mystery kisser.
20:19 >> You were MY FIRST KISS WITH RACHEL.
20:23 >> You were my first kiss ever.
20:28 >> WHAT DID I MARRY INTO?
20:31 >> Let me just say something because once we get into this,
20:34 I'm going to get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke.
20:40 I just want to say
20:41 that I I love you
20:45 and I'm going to miss you
20:48 and I'm so sad
20:49 that you're leaving.
20:54 Oh, you know what?
20:57 Let's not say anything else.
20:59 I love you.
21:03 >> Not so tight.
21:04 Oh.
21:08 Let's talk to Sid.
21:09 We are definitely putting in an offer on the house
21:12 and I'll bet we get it.
21:14 >> The Hitlers will be so disappointed.
21:18 >> All right, I got to run.
21:20 Tell Monica I say goodbye and I'll see you later, neighbor.
21:28 >> Wait, I just want you to know
21:29 that I'm so happy you're going to be here.
21:33 >> Oh, me too.
21:35 Because that way we can pick up where we left off.
21:46 >> Huh?
21:46 >> I never stopped loving you.
21:49 >> Oh, mom.
21:50 >> Yeah.
21:51 Yeah.
21:51 Yeah.
21:55 >> I want you.
21:57 I need you.
21:59 I must have you.
22:00 Janice Litman, Galnick, Nay, Hosenstein.
22:08 Chandler, what are you talking about?
22:11 >> Now that you live next door, we can be together every day.
22:14 Sid and Monica never have to know a thing.
22:17 >> I don't know what to say.
22:20 I mean, you know, obviously we have this heat between us.
22:34 >> Obviously, But I love my husband and I know you love your wife.
22:39 I I don't think we should get this house now.
22:42 >> Don't say that.
22:42 Don't dangle the dream and take it away.
22:47 >> Chandler, one of us has got to be strong.
22:50 >> I understand.
22:56 >> Although maybe just one last moment of weakness.
23:13 >> >> Goodbye.
23:13 She moving.
23:20 >> They're never coming down now.
23:22 Twins.
23:24 >> Taylor, you're panicking.
23:26 >> Uh-huh.
23:26 Join me, won't you?
23:29 >> Okay.
23:30 What do you say we keep one
23:31 and then just like have an option on the other one?
23:34 >> We can't split them up.
23:35 >> Why not?
23:36 We could give each of them half a medallion
23:39 and then years later they'll find each other
23:44 and be reunited.
23:46 I mean, that's a great day for everybody.
23:49 >> Okay.
23:49 What if the person who adopts the other one is horrible?
23:52 >> What if they're not?
23:53 What if it's adopted by a king?
23:55 >> Yeah, because I hear the king is looking to adopt.
23:59 Michael, we are not ready to have two babies.
24:02 >> That doesn't matter.
24:04 We have waited so long for this.
24:06 I don't care if it's two babies.
24:07 I don't care if it's three babies.
24:09 I don't care if the entire cast of eight is enough comes out of
24:12 there.
24:19 >> Do you think they recognize each other from in there?
24:22 >> Maybe.
24:23 Unless they're like two people who've lived in apartments next to each other for
24:26 years and then one day they're pushed through a vagina
24:29 and they meet.
24:38 >> Oh, >> look at these little buddies.
24:39 >> I know.
24:42 >> You ready to trade?
24:47 >> Okay.
24:47 >> Okay.
24:47 >> All right.
24:47 Let's see.
24:58 We could trade later.
24:59 >> Yeah, I'm good.
25:02 >> Oh my god.
25:03 Oh my god.
25:07 >> Oh my god.
25:15 >> Hey.
25:15 >> Hey.
25:15 So, what is the big surprise?
25:24 Okay.
25:24 Okay.
25:24 Okay.
25:25 Awkward question.
25:26 The hospital knows you took two, right?
25:30 >> Twins.
25:30 >> Oh my.
25:31 They're so cute.
25:32 Now, what what what kinds are they?
25:34 Are they >> Okay.
25:35 This is a boy.
25:36 That's a girl.
25:37 >> Her name is Erica.
25:40 >> Hey, that pregnant girl's name was Erica.
25:43 >> Yeah.
25:44 It's a shame you two didn't get to spend more time together.
25:48 >> Yeah.
25:48 And we named the boy Jack after dad.
25:51 >> He's going to be so happy.
25:53 >> Ah, Jack Bing.
25:54 I love that.
25:55 Well, it sounds like like a 40s newspaper guy, you know?
25:58 Jack Bing, Morning Gazette.
25:59 I'm going to I'm going to blow this story wide open.
