0:03 Oh, I did it.
0:04 I did IT.
0:04 I FIGURED OUT a way to make money.
0:06 I'm going to open up my own massage place
0:08 and Frank's going to help me.
0:09 And we can work it around his schedule
0:11 so he doesn't have to quit school.
0:16 >> >> That sounds great, but how are you going to be able to afford it?
0:18 >> Well, we were walking down the street
0:19 and we saw that van
0:20 that you guys used for catering
0:21 and we realized >> I'm telling it.
0:25 I'm telling it.
0:25 >> Okay, you know how people need transportation, but they also need massages to relax.
0:30 So, I just figured we could combine the two.
0:33 Okay, I give the massages and Frank drives.
0:35 I can fix up the van, bolt a table in the back,
0:38 and you know what I've got?
0:40 >> A place that no one will ever get out of a line?
0:44 >> >> No.
0:44 Think about it.
0:45 It's a taxi that people take when they need to relax.
0:49 IT'S RELAXI-TAXI.
0:53 THE NAME WAS MY FAVORITE PART.
0:56 >> >> WELL, I CAME UP WITH IT.
0:58 >> YOU DID NOT.
1:02 >> >> NO.
1:02 YOU CAME UP WITH RELAXI-CAB.
1:03 >> WELL, that's not good.
1:08 >> >> Okay, just stay there a couple more hours
1:09 and if she doesn't show up by
1:10 then,
1:11 then just come on home.
1:12 >> Hey, tell him about Relaxi-Taxi.
1:14 And and ask him if he thinks that's better than Relaxi-Cab.
1:18 >> It's not Relaxi-Cab.
1:20 It's Relaxi-Cab, like taxi cab.
1:23 >> Oh, that is better.
1:25 >> You want to get this tattoo?
1:26 >> Yes, I do.
1:27 It's just that Ross, it's >> Okay, hey, hey.
1:29 Is your boyfriend the boss of you?
1:34 >> No.
1:34 >> Okay, who is the boss of you?
1:40 You?
1:41 No.
1:41 You are the boss of you.
1:42 Now, you march your hiney in there
1:43 and get that heart tattooed on your hip.
1:52 Go.
1:52 >> Oh, it looks so good.
1:54 Oh, I love it.
1:55 >> I know.
1:56 So do I.
1:56 >> Oh, Phoebe, I'm so you made me do this.
1:58 Okay, LET ME SEE YOURS.
2:04 >> >> OKAY, LET'S SEE YOURS AGAIN.
2:07 >> PHOEBE, WE JUST SAW MINE.
2:08 Let me see yours.
2:09 >> Oh, okay.
2:12 Oh, no.
2:14 Oh.
2:15 It's gone.
2:16 That's so weird.
2:17 I don't know how WHERE IT WENT.
2:22 >> >> YOU DIDN'T GET IT?
2:25 >> NO.
2:25 >> WHY didn't you get it?
2:26 I'm sorry.
2:27 I'm sorry.
2:28 >> Phoebe, how could you do this to me?
2:30 This was all your idea.
2:31 >> I know.
2:32 And I was going to get it,
2:33 but then he came in with this needle.
2:34 And like, did you know they do this with needles?
2:38 >> Really?
2:39 You don't say.
2:40 Because mine was licked on by kittens.
2:47 >> HI.
2:47 >> HI.
2:47 >> HI.
2:47 >> HI.
2:47 >> OOH, GIRLS' night out indeed.
2:51 >> Okay, so now I think Emma is probably down for the night,
2:53 but if you need anything you can >> be fine.
2:55 All right, you go have fun.
2:57 >> Okay, you too.
2:58 I hope you score.
3:05 Hi.
3:05 >> Hi.
3:05 >> Oh god, remember the girls' nights we used to have?
3:07 Sitting around talking about you and Ross.
3:09 >> Oh god, it seems like forever ago.
3:12 >> I know.
3:15 Oh.
3:15 >> So what's going on with you and Ross?
3:18 >> Well, um I don't know.
3:21 I mean, for a long time nothing.
3:23 You know, actually, right before you picked me up Ross
3:28 and I had a uh little thing.
3:30 >> Oh my god, I love things.
3:31 What happened?
3:33 >> Well, um first he told me he liked how I looked.
3:37 And uh then we had a little um eye contact.
3:45 >> Eye contact?
3:47 >> Mhm.
3:47 >> I hope you were using protection.
3:50 >> Excuse me.
3:51 Um these are from the two gentlemen at the end of the bar.
3:57 >> Oh, should we send them something back?
3:58 Oh, let's do.
3:59 >> Let's send them mashed potatoes.
4:00 >> No, wait, wait, wait, wait, don't do that.
4:02 They're going to think that's going to make them think they can come over
4:03 here.
4:04 >> So, what if they do?
4:05 >> Well, we're not here to meet guys.
4:07 You have a boyfriend.
4:08 I have a baby and a Ross.
4:12 >> Yeah, but nothing has to happen.
4:14 We're just having fun.
4:16 You know, not everything has to go as far as eye contact.
4:23 >> >> So, we're on our way to a couple of parties.
4:26 Um, >> >> maybe we can get your numbers
4:28 and give you guys a call
4:29 if we find something fun.
4:30 >> Yeah.
4:31 I'm sorry, we weren't really looking for anything to happen with you guys.
4:34 I I have a boyfriend.
4:37 >> All right.
4:38 It's no big deal.
4:42 >> Huh.
4:42 >> So, she has a boyfriend.
4:44 What is your situation?
4:46 >> Oh, well, it's complicated.
4:47 I don't actually have a boyfriend, but uh >> Can I have your number?
4:53 >> I'm sorry, no.
4:56 >> Okay.
4:56 >> Oh, sure.
5:00 >> Oh my god, you're giving your real number.
5:05 >> Okay, thanks.
5:06 I'll give you a call later tonight.
5:13 Bye.
5:13 >> Bye.
5:13 Wow.
5:13 So, that's great.
5:15 You, Bill, Ross, and Emma are going to be so happy together.
5:19 What were you thinking?
5:20 >> I don't know.
5:21 He was cute and he liked me.
5:23 It was an impulse.
5:24 >> But what about Ross?
5:25 What about your moment?
5:26 Don't you want to talk to Ross about it?
5:28 >> No, no, cuz I know exactly how the conversation's going to go.
5:32 Hey Ross, you know, I think we had a moment before.
5:35 Yeah.
5:36 >> >> Me, too.
5:38 Huh?
5:39 But I'm not sure I really want to do anything about it.
5:42 Yeah.
5:43 Me, neither.
5:45 Well, should we just continue to live together
5:47 and not really tell each other how we're really feeling?
5:50 >> Yeah, that works for me.
5:54 >> >> Yeah, I see what you mean.
5:56 By the way, nice Ross imitation.
6:00 But your Rachel wasn't whiny enough.
6:01 >> Well, hey!
6:06 >> Better.
6:06 >> >> Well, the point is maybe I should just stop waiting around for
6:08 moments with Ross,
6:10 you know?
6:10 I should just move on with my life.
6:13 >> So, really you're moving on from Ross?
6:16 >> I don't know.
6:17 Do I have to decide right now?
6:19 >> Well, you kind of just did.
6:20 That guy's going to call you tonight.
6:22 Ross is going to pick up the phone and that's pretty clear message.
6:25 >> Oh my god, Ross.
6:27 Ross is going to pick up the phone.
6:29 Oh, I have to get my number back.
6:31 Oh my god, he's gone.
6:32 Oh, I have to get my number back.
6:34 Oh my god, he's gone.
6:35 >> Dead on.
6:40 >> Hello.
6:40 >> Hey, Mike.
6:40 It's me.
6:41 Listen, is is Ross near you?
6:43 >> Uh no, I just left.
6:45 >> Well, you have to go back in.
6:48 >> What?
6:48 Go back?
6:49 To the land where time stands still?
6:53 >> >> I'm so sorry, honey, but okay,
6:55 Rachel gave this guy her number
6:57 and she doesn't want Ross to answer the phone,
6:59 so you have to intercept all his calls.
7:02 >> I can't do that.
7:03 >> He says he can't do that.
7:07 >> Okay.
7:07 Hi Mike.
7:07 Hi, listen, I know that this is a lot to ask,
7:10 but you know what?
7:10 If you do this, I Phoebe will do anything you want.
7:16 Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff.
7:19 >> I'll get it.
7:27 >> >> Hello.
7:27 Ross's place, Mike speaking.
7:32 It's for you.
7:37 >> >> I don't understand what just happened here.
7:39 >> >> Okay, Rachel, you're up first.
7:41 Situation number one.
7:43 You're with Monica.
7:44 The wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet.
7:48 Go.
7:48 >> I don't want to marry Chandler.
7:52 >> Okay, it's going to be okay.
7:53 >> One man the rest of my life?
7:55 I don't know if I can do it.
7:56 This means I'll never get to sleep with Joey.
8:03 >> >> Look, >> Monica, getting cold feet is very common.
8:05 You know, it's it's just because of all the anticipation.
8:08 And you just have to remember that you love Chandler.
8:13 And also, I ran out on a wedding.
8:15 You don't get to keep the gifts.
8:18 >> >> Very good.
8:19 Drawn on your own experience.
8:20 I like that.
8:22 >> Yes, very nice, Rachel.
8:25 >> Thank you, judges.
8:30 >> Oh, kiss-ass.
8:30 >> >> Okay, Phoebe.
8:31 >> Yes, your honor.
8:34 >> >> We're now in the ceremony.
8:35 Monica is about to say I do when her drunk uncle starts yelling.
8:41 What do you do?
8:41 Go.
8:42 >> When Monica was a little girl, I REMEMBER THAT >> >> NO.
8:51 VERY GOOD.
8:54 YES, EXCELLENT.
8:55 Perfect score.
8:56 >> Wait a minute, she just made a scene in the middle of the ceremony.
8:59 >> Hey, you want a little taste of Feebs?
9:05 >> We're going to find love.
9:09 >> Definitely.
9:09 >> >> Yeah, I'm pretty confident about that.
9:13 >> That's what makes it
9:13 so easy for me to be 80% happy for Monica
9:15 and Chandler.
9:18 >> >> It'd be nice to have a little guarantee though.
9:20 >> What do you mean?
9:21 >> Well, you know, some people make deals with a friend like
9:24 if neither of them are married by the time they're 40,
9:27 they marry each other.
9:29 >> You mean a backup?
9:30 >> Yeah, exactly.
9:30 >> Yeah, yeah, I've got that.
9:34 >> >> You do?
9:39 >> Mhm.
9:39 >> Who?
9:39 >> Joey.
9:39 >> Joey?
9:39 >> Yeah.
9:40 >> Are you serious?
9:40 >> Yeah, I locked him in years ago.
9:45 >> >> Wait, so if neither of you are married by the time you're 40,
9:49 you're going to marry Joey?
9:50 >> Yeah, we shook on it.
9:53 >> >> But believe me, that is not how he wanted to seal the deal.
9:58 >> Oh, seriously?
9:59 >> Oh, yeah, I think his exact words were >> Charming.
10:06 >> Yeah, he's just a backup.
10:08 >> Yeah.
10:08 >> Hey, all right, sweetie, you want to go to a movie tonight?
10:10 >> Oh, you know what?
10:11 I can't.
10:11 I have to have dinner with that Melissa girl.
10:13 >> Can I come?
10:16 I won't even talk.
10:17 You just hear the noise from my video camera.
10:20 >> What is this?
10:20 What's going on?
10:21 >> Oh, good.
10:21 Can I tell it?
10:22 Can I tell it?
10:22 >> Well, do you want to hear what actually happened or Joey's lewd version?
10:28 >> Joey's.
10:28 >> Okay.
10:28 >> >> No, hey, come on.
10:29 I have this friend from college
10:31 and I made the stupid mistake of telling Joey
10:33 that one time she
10:35 and I,
10:36 you know, kissed a little bit.
10:40 >> Yeah, I'm sure that happened.
10:43 >> >> It it did.
10:50 >> SURE.
10:50 >> >> HEY, IT HAPPENED.
10:53 >> YEAH, IT WAS SENIOR year in college.
10:55 It was after the Sigma Chi Luau
10:57 and Melissa and I got very drunk
11:00 and we ended up kissing for several minutes.
11:04 >> Which means she had a couple of spritzers
11:06 and a quick peck on the cheek.
11:09 >> >> Why are you taking this away from me?
11:12 >> Yeah, why is it so hard for you to believe?
11:15 >> Okay, I just I didn't know that you were lesbian.
11:25 >> >> I'm not saying that I am a lesbian.
11:28 I'm just saying that this happened.
11:31 >> Okay.
11:31 >> It just seems pretty wild and you're just, you know, so vanilla.
11:39 >> >> Vanilla?
11:40 I'm not vanilla.
11:40 I've done lots of crazy things.
11:43 I mean, I got I got I got drunk and married in Vegas.
11:46 >> To Ross.
11:49 >> >> All right, you know what?
11:49 If you don't want to believe me about this,
11:51 why don't you just come with me to dinner tonight
11:53 and she will tell you.
11:54 >> Okay.
11:55 All right, yeah.
11:56 Cuz I just can't picture it.
11:58 >> No, you should get inside my head.
12:05 >> Wow.
12:05 Wow.
12:05 I mean, I had no idea
12:07 that that was a >> >> What the hell was
12:16 that?
12:17 >> Just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
12:21 >> >> And?
12:21 >> I've had better.
12:27 >> Hello, ya.
12:31 >> >> It's time for your massage, ya.
12:34 Put put your face in the hole.
12:38 >> >> Wow.
12:38 A Swedish massage from a real Swedish person.
12:42 >> Okay, then I'm Swedish.
12:48 >> So, what's your name?
12:49 >> It's a normal Swedish name.
12:56 IKEA.
12:56 >> >> Wow.
12:56 What an interesting name.
12:59 >> Ya.
12:59 >> You know, I >> It's time for YOUR SCALP MASSAGE.
13:05 >> >> WOW.
13:05 I REALLY love you >> >> Is something wrong?
13:11 >> No, it's just um just feels so good.
13:18 IKEA?
13:18 >> >> Oh, hey say, you'll know this.
13:20 What's the capital of Sweden?
13:26 Um Stockholm?
13:26 Damn, I wish I knew if that was right.
13:27 Hey Rach, can I ask you something?
13:29 >> Yeah.
13:29 >> Okay, you can totally say no.
13:31 But um would it be okay with you
13:33 if I set Ross up on a date?
13:38 >> Oh.
13:38 Uh with who?
13:39 >> Um my friend Bonnie.
13:40 She just always thought Ross was really cute
13:42 and now that you two aren't together she asked
13:44 if I could set it up.
13:44 But if you're not cool with it >> which one is Bonnie again?
13:48 >> You remember her from my birthday party 2 years ago.
13:50 She's like yeah, like average height medium build bald >> Oh.
13:59 >> >> That's fine.
14:01 >> GREAT.
14:01 OKAY.
14:02 OH, GOOD FOR YOU.
14:03 All right.
14:08 >> Well, that was depressing.
14:09 I think I just bought a soft pretzel from one of the kids from
14:11 Fame.
14:13 >> >> Ready to go to the movies?
14:15 >> Mhm.
14:15 >> Oh Rach, this is Bonnie.
14:19 >> Hi.
14:19 >> >> This is Bonnie?
14:20 This is Bonnie?
14:21 You're Bonnie?
14:22 >> I can show you an ID if you want.
14:25 >> >> Oh, no.
14:26 I'm sorry.
14:27 Just You look a lot different than the last time I I saw you.
14:30 >> Oh, yeah.
14:31 Well, I just started wearing bras again.
14:33 >> Oh, that must be it.
14:37 >> >> Well, I hope you have fun tonight.
14:38 >> Thanks.
14:39 You too.
14:46 >> Okay.
14:46 >> >> You said she was bald.
14:48 >> Yeah, she was bald.
14:48 She's not now.
14:51 >> >> How could you not tell me that she has hair?
14:53 >> I don't know.
14:54 I hardly ever say that about people.
14:57 >> Oh, well, this is just perfect.
15:00 >> Well, I'm sorry.
15:01 I thought you said it was okay.
15:02 >> Yeah, I said it was okay
15:03 when I thought you were some weird bald chick.
15:05 I mean, you know.
15:07 That girl has got hair all over her head.
15:12 >> >> WELL, MAYBE IT WON'T WORK OUT.
15:13 Maybe Ross won't like her personality.
15:15 >> Why does she have a bad personality?
15:16 >> Oh, no.
15:17 Bonnie's the best.
15:20 >> How did it go with Bonnie?
15:22 >> Oh, I got to tell you.
15:24 I I wasn't expecting to like her at all.
15:26 I mean, I actually wasn't expecting like anyone right now, but she's really terrific.
15:31 >> Oh, it's too bad.
15:35 >> No, I I'm saying I liked her.
15:38 >> Yeah, you know what?
15:39 There are other fish in the sea.
15:41 >> Phoebe, I think she's great, okay?
15:43 We're going out again.
15:45 >> Okay, I hear you.
15:46 Are you capable of talking about anything else?
15:52 >> >> Okay, would you rather live in the shirt pocket of a sweaty
15:55 giant or inside his shower drain?
16:00 Oh my god.
16:02 Phoebe, look at Ross and that girl.
16:06 >> Big flirt.
16:07 >> No, no, look at that.
16:08 IT'S A LINE OF ANTS.
16:10 THEY'RE WORKING AS A TEAM, BABY.
16:14 >> >> RIGHT.
16:14 OH, YEAH.
16:15 WELL, OH, it looks like Ross is breaking up with her.
16:18 Ooh, I hope he lets her down easy.
16:20 >> Come on, Phoebe, look at that.
16:21 They're not breaking up.
16:22 Look at them.
16:23 >> Okay, that you know what that is?
16:24 That is that is a second date.
16:25 That's what that is.
16:27 Look at that.
16:27 She just put her hand on his thigh.
16:29 >> Oh, no, that really isn't anything.
16:30 She's very sexually aggressive.
16:34 >> Phoebe, this is all your fault.
16:35 Now, he loves her, he's going to marry her,
16:36 and this is all your fault.
16:39 >> You said it was okay.
16:41 You said she was bold.
16:44 >> Was was was was was was Phoebe,
16:48 we can't we just can't let it happen, okay?
16:50 We have to do something, but we have to break them up, okay?
16:52 You Just go in there and like shave her head.
16:54 YOU OWE ME ONE BOLD GIRL.
16:58 >> OKAY, first of all, breathe.
17:01 Second of all, I don't get it.
17:04 Aren't you the one that decided you didn't want to be with Ross?
17:10 >> Yes.
17:10 >> Well, isn't he your friend?
17:12 Don't you want him to be happy?
17:24 >> Yes.
17:24 So?
17:24 It's just, you know, I didn't expect him to be this happy so soon.
17:38 Oh.
17:38 >> >> Oh.
17:40 >> Oh, no.
17:40 What?
17:40 Oh, we killed them all.
17:43 Now, look, there's only one problem, though.
17:44 There's only room for one,
17:45 so I guess one of you will have to stay at Joey's.
17:49 Well, since the fire was kind of my fault,
17:51 I guess you should get to stay here.
17:53 >> Hey, hey, hey.
17:54 No, this was no one's fault, Phoebe, okay?
17:56 It was an accident.
17:57 >> Well, no, it was my fault, so you should get the NICE ROOM.
18:03 >> OKAY.
18:03 SO, RACH, YOU'RE THE FIRST GUEST AT Hotel Monica.
18:05 >> Yeah.
18:06 Um you just have to tell me how you like your eggs in the
18:08 morning.
18:08 Oh, and I thought I would bring them to you, you know, in bed.
18:11 Oh, well, you've been through so much.
18:15 >> I have.
18:15 >> This, right here, is where I keep the pizza.
18:19 And uh that's where the napkin is.
18:23 >> What's that smell?
18:24 >> I know.
18:25 I don't >> >> So, did you sleep well last night?
18:31 >> I did.
18:32 Yeah, I did.
18:32 Monica was so sweet.
18:33 She left a little lint on my pillow.
18:36 >> >> You know what Joey left on my pillow?
18:40 >> What?
18:40 >> Gum.
18:40 >> Well, we determined the cause of the fire.
18:42 >> Yeah, I know, I know.
18:43 It was my candle.
18:44 My candle.
18:46 >> >> No, there was an appliance left on in the bathroom.
18:49 It looks like a curling iron.
18:50 >> I don't use a curling iron.
18:52 >> Well, someone does.
18:54 >> Well, they Don't look at me.
18:55 My hair's straight.
18:56 Straight, straight, straight.
18:58 >> Could have been a hair straightener.
19:03 >> Oh.
19:03 >> >> This is where I keep the pizza.
19:06 And hey, where did the napkin go?
19:13 >> >> Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before.
19:16 So, I called the father
19:17 and asked him to meet you here
19:18 so you could tell him.
19:19 Go.
19:19 >> What?
19:20 Hey, wait a minute.
19:21 Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?
19:24 >> I may play the fool at times,
19:26 but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass
19:30 that won't quit.
19:33 I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
19:37 >> Oh, god.
19:40 Oh, he's in there right now?
19:42 >> Uh-huh.
19:42 And you can turn around
19:43 or you can go in there
19:45 and rip the band-aid off.
19:47 What do you want to do?
19:50 >> Let's rip.
19:51 >> Really?
19:51 Are you sure?
19:52 >> Oh, Phoebe.
19:53 >> Okay, sorry.
19:53 Yeah.
19:57 >> Hey, Rach.
20:01 So, what's this about?
20:02 >> Rachel has something
20:03 that she wants to tell you
20:05 and um I believe
20:07 that this is your red sweater.
20:12 >> No.
20:12 This is my red sweater.
20:16 >> Oh, no.
20:20 >> >> Could I get anyone a coffee?
20:24 Poison?
20:25 No, just for me?
20:26 Okay.
20:28 >> The Brontë sisters were really remarkable women for their time.
20:32 They lived in a patriarchal society.
20:35 >> Sorry I'm late, but I left late.
20:39 >> Okay.
20:39 >> So, Pheebs, what is the book about?
20:42 >> But you said you read it in high school.
20:44 >> Well, yeah, but
20:44 then I remembered I started it
20:46 and then there was this pep rally
20:47 and I was I was on top of the pyramid.
20:50 But anyway, um what's the book about?
20:53 Okay.
20:54 It's this tragic love story between Cathy
20:56 and Heathcliff and um it takes place on these like really creepy moors in
21:00 England,
21:01 which I think represent the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
21:05 >> I I get symbolism.
21:09 >> How would you characterize the theme of this book?
21:11 Uh >> Let's see.
21:13 Rachel Green.
21:19 Um well, I would have to say
21:20 that it's a it's a tragic love story.
21:24 >> Well, that's sort of a given, but yes.
21:28 Anyone else?
21:29 >> Oh, oh, oh, symbolism.
21:32 >> >> And the the wildness of the moors,
21:36 which I think is is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
21:44 >> >> Excellent.
21:45 What Rachel has shrewdly observed here.
21:49 >> >> You completely stole my answer.
21:51 >> Well, honey, that was pretty obvious.
21:53 >> Well, how would you know?
21:54 You didn't even READ IT.
21:57 >> >> UH WHAT DO YOU THINK?
21:58 UH you in the blue shirt.
22:03 >> I think that um yours is a question with many possible answers.
22:09 >> Would you care to venture one?
22:12 >> Would you care to venture one?
22:16 >> >> Are are you just repeating what I'm saying?
22:18 >> Are you just repeating what I'm saying?
22:24 >> I need some milk.
22:27 >> >> Okay, I've got milk.
22:35 Here you go.
22:51 >> >> Better?
22:51 No.
22:51 Oh, I feel so stupid.
22:54 Oh, I think about the other day with you guys, you know,
22:57 and I was all oh, Paolo, he's so great.
23:00 He makes ME FEEL SO UH GOD.
23:05 I'M SO EMBARRASSED.
23:07 >> I'm so embarrassed.
23:08 >> I'm the one he hit on.
23:10 >> Baby, I unleashed him on you.
23:11 If I had never met him, this would have never happened to you.
23:14 I'm so sorry.
23:15 >> No, baby, I'M SORRY.
23:16 >> NO, I'M SORRY.
23:18 >> OH, WAIT.
23:18 OH.
23:19 >> What are we sorry about?
23:21 >> I don't know.
23:23 >> Right.
23:23 >> He's the pig.
23:24 >> Such a pig.
23:25 >> Oh, god, he's such a pig.
23:27 >> Oh, he's like a >> He's like a big disgusting >> Yeah,
23:29 like a >> pig pig man.
23:31 >> Yes, good.
23:32 Okay.
23:37 >> >> Oh, but he was my pig man.
23:41 How did I not see this?
23:45 >> OH, I KNOW.
23:51 BECAUSE HE'S GORGEOUS.
23:53 AND he's charming.
23:56 And when he looks at you >> Okay, okay, Pheebs.
23:57 >> Uh the end.
24:05 Ugh, god.
24:05 Should I not have told you?
24:08 >> No.
24:08 No, trust me.
24:08 It's it's it's much better that I know.
24:14 >> Uh I just liked it better before.
24:17 It was better.
24:26 >> Rachel Green's office.
24:31 >> Tag.
24:31 >> Hi.
24:32 Who was that?
24:34 >> Nobody.
24:34 I was just practicing.
24:44 >> >> Hi.
24:44 >> Hi.
24:44 Rachel Green's office.
24:48 >> You must be Hilda.
24:52 >> >> Yeah, this is Tag.
24:53 Tag, this is Phoebe.
24:53 Phoebe, could I see you for a second?
24:57 >> Phoebe.
24:57 >> Mhm.
24:57 That's a great name.
24:58 >> Oh, you like that?
24:59 You should hear my phone number.
25:01 Okay.
25:02 I'll be right back.
25:07 >> >> So, you hired yourself a little treat, did you?
25:11 >> >> All right, I know.
25:12 I know how it looks, Pheebs, but I'm telling you >> but you know,
25:14 you cannot get involved with your assistant.
25:16 >> Yes, I know that.
25:18 I know that and I know
25:18 that hiring him was probably not the smartest thing
25:21 that I've ever done,
25:22 but I'm telling you from this moment on, I swear this is strictly professional.
25:27 >> Yes?
25:27 >> Hey Rachel.
25:29 >> Hi.
25:29 >> Cute assistant.
25:30 What's his story?
25:31 Is he >> Gay.
25:33 Yeah.
25:37 >> >> Hey Rach, somebody got you shoes.
25:39 >> Oh, GIVE ME.
25:43 WOW.
25:43 OH MY GOD, THEY'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
25:46 OH, THESE ARE MY RAT BABIES.
25:53 >> >> YEAH.
25:53 WE HAVE RAT BABIES NOW.
25:57 >> >> OH, you brought rats to my birthday party?
26:00 >> So, this is what a stroke feels like.
26:04 >> >> I had to bring them.
26:05 We killed their mother.
26:06 They're our responsibility now.
26:09 You know, they require constant care.
26:10 You should know that, Rachel.
26:11 You're a mother.
26:12 >> Oh, but Are you comparing my daughter to a rat?
26:17 >> No, seven rats.
26:21 >> >> I think we should take them home.
26:22 We need to feed them.
26:23 >> Wait, wait, you're going to leave my party to take care of a
26:25 box of rats?
26:26 >> Well, I'm sorry, Rachel, but I'm not like you, okay?
26:29 Not everyone can afford help.
26:32 >> >> I have to tie my shoes, so you go ahead.
26:34 I'll catch up.
26:40 >> Okay.
26:40 >> Okay.
26:40 Come on, LET'S GO, RUNNING.
26:42 LET'S GO.
26:49 >> >> YOU GUYS, I'M TELLING YOU, WHEN SHE RUNS,
26:52 she looks like a cross between Kermit the Frog
26:54 and the Six Billion Dollar Man.
26:58 >> >> Monica had such a crush on him
27:01 that she used to kiss his poster every night before she went to bed.
27:06 >> Oh, I used to do that, too.
27:08 Did you also have his album, It's Not Easy Being Green?
27:13 >> Oh, mom.
27:17 >> >> So, Phoebe runs weird, huh?
27:19 >> Yeah, yeah, and you know what?
27:20 And and I know she's going to want to run again.
27:22 I just don't I don't know how to get out of it.
27:23 I mean, I live with her.
27:25 >> Why don't you just be straight with her?
27:27 Tell her the truth.
27:28 >> You're right.
27:30 You're right.
27:30 I should just tell her the truth.
27:33 >> Hey.
27:34 >> Hey.
27:34 >> Hey.
27:34 Pheebs, Monica tripped me.
27:35 I don't think I can ever run again, EVER.
27:39 >> WHY?
27:39 WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
27:41 >> I don't know.
27:44 >> >> Phoebe, I'm sorry that I hurt your ankles.
27:48 >> Ankle.
27:48 >> We'll see.
27:58 >> Hey.
27:58 Oh, yeah.
27:59 Uh-huh, it's me.
28:00 I saw you grab your running shoes this morning and sneak out.
28:03 You lied so you could run by yourself.
28:05 >> No, no, Phoebe, no.
28:06 I was No, you know what?
28:07 I was I was actually just checking to see if I could run,
28:12 and I can.
28:13 >> Please, Rachel, I'm not an idiot.
28:15 >> NO, WAIT, PHOEBE.
28:22 HEY.
28:22 PHOEBE, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
28:25 >> SURE.
28:25 >> OKAY.
28:26 Um I >> >> Phoebe, look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, okay?
28:34 I handled the situation horribly, and and I should not have lied to you.
28:40 >> So, what should you have done?
28:42 >> Well, I I should have told you the truth.
28:45 >> Uh-huh, which is?
28:49 >> Well, you know, the reason
28:50 that I didn't want to go running with you is
28:53 because um well,
28:55 you know, the way that you run is just a little >> >> So?
29:01 >> Well, it's embarrassing.
29:02 People were looking at us like we were crazy.
29:04 >> Why do you care?
29:05 >> Because they're people.
29:08 >> But people that you don't know and will never see again.
29:11 >> Yes, but still they are people with eyes.
29:16 >> >> Well, I didn't get embarrassed running next to miss >> >> But oh, okay.
29:24 No, no, I can see why running with me would be embarrassing to you.
29:28 Yeah, okay.
29:29 You're uptight.
29:30 >> What?
29:31 I I am not uptight.
29:35 I am not uptight, man.
29:40 >> >> That's okay, Rachel.
29:42 I'm not judging you.
29:43 That's just who you are.
29:44 Me, I'm more free.
29:45 You know, I run like I did
29:47 when I was a kid
29:48 because it's the only way it's fun.
29:50 You know?
29:51 I mean, didn't you ever run
29:52 so fast you thought your legs were going to fall off?
29:54 You know, like when you were like running toward the swings
29:57 or running away from Satan?
30:03 >> >> The neighbor's dog.
30:24 >> >> I'm so sorry.
30:25 You're right.
30:26 This feels great.
30:27 >> See?
30:28 And you don't care if people are staring.
30:29 It's just FOR A SECOND CUZ THEN YOU'RE GONE.
30:32 >> I MEAN, IT'S AMAZING, I FEEL SO FREE AND SO GRACEFUL.
30:39 >> >> LOVE YOU.
30:40 JUST BE YOURSELF.
30:41 THEY live on the Upper East Side on Park Avenue.
30:44 >> Oh, yeah, she can't be herself.
30:47 >> Okay, so all right, which dress?
30:54 >> >> You can say neither.
30:55 >> Oh god, neither.
30:58 >> I'm sorry, honey.
30:59 We're going to take you shopping.
31:00 It's going to be fine.
31:01 >> Yeah, totally.
31:02 You are in such good hands and I am so good with meeting parents.
31:05 With the father, you know, you want to flirt a little bit,
31:07 but not in a gross way.
31:08 Just kind of like, "Oh, Mr.
31:10 Pinser, I can see where Wallace gets his good looks."
31:13 >> You went out with Wallace Pinser?
31:15 >> Oh, he took the SATs for me.
31:18 >> I knew you didn't get a 1400.
31:21 >> Well, duh.
31:23 >> >> So, now what about with Mike's mom?
31:26 >> Oh, well, with the mother,
31:27 just just constantly tell her how amazing her son is.
31:30 Take it from me, moms love me.
31:32 Ross's mom one time actually said,
31:34 "I am like the daughter that she never had."
31:40 >> >> She said what?
31:42 >> That she's like the daughter she never had.
31:45 >> Okay, you look in the kitchen, I will look in the back closet.
31:47 >> I can save you time, ladies.
31:48 I'm right here.
31:52 >> >> Yeah.
31:52 Chandler, why don't you take a walk?
31:53 This doesn't concern you.
31:56 We are looking for our Christmas presents for Monica.
31:59 >> What?
31:59 That's terrible.
32:00 >> No, no, we do it every year.
32:02 >> Oh, well, that that makes it not terrible.
32:06 >> No, yeah, we never find them.
32:08 She's always bested us, that >> wily minx.
32:13 >> >> Yeah, don't worry.
32:13 We're just going to search here for an hour
32:15 and then we're going to go over to Joey's
32:16 and search,
32:18 okay?
32:18 >> No, not okay.
32:18 You can't look for Monica's presents.
32:20 >> Oh, no, we have to.
32:21 >> No, you don't have to and you can't because I I live here, too.
32:27 >> Well, then you should look with us.
32:31 >> Why?
32:31 >> Chandler, are you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?
32:34 >> No, I have a great idea for a present for her.
32:36 >> Oh, that's it.
32:38 A great idea again?
32:41 Chandler, that's not enough.
32:42 I mean, what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents,
32:45 and then a bunch of little presents,
32:46 and you've just gotten her one great present?
32:48 I mean, that's just going to make her feel bad.
32:49 Why would you do that to her, Chandler?
32:51 Why?
32:54 Why?
32:54 >> >> IF I HELPED, WE COULD FIND THEM FASTER.
32:56 >> THAT'S RIGHT.
32:57 >> I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE'S GOING PRETTY WELL,
32:58 but I look around
32:59 and I just see
33:00 so many people who have accomplished
33:02 so many of their goals by the time they're 30.
33:04 >> Yeah, but you >> shouldn't compare yourself to me.
33:12 THERE YOU GO.
33:20 YOU DID IT.
33:21 1 MILE ON A HIPPITY HOP.
33:23 THAT'S IT.
33:24 THAT'S EVERYTHING I WANTED TO DO BEFORE I WAS 30.
33:27 Except I wanted to patch things up with my sister.
33:30 Oh, WELL.
33:30 BUT, YEAH!
33:33 AND AND GIRLS, THIS THING IS A GODSEND, if you know what I mean.
33:43 >> >> It's amazing.
33:44 You better hurry up and fill out an application,
33:46 or I'm going to beat you to it.
33:53 >> Oh.
33:53 >> >> Well, I never thought I'd say this,
33:54 but I'm going to go use Ugly Naked Guy's bathroom.
34:01 Oh, look.
34:02 There's There's Monica and Chandler.
34:03 Hey!
34:04 Hey, you guys.
34:06 Hey!
34:15 >> >> Chandler and Chandler and Oh my god!
34:19 Chandler and Oh my god!
34:22 Oh my god!
34:23 OH MY PHOEBE.
34:26 IT'S OKAY.
34:27 IT'S OKAY.
34:28 NO, THEY'RE DOING IT!
34:29 I KNOW.
34:30 I KNOW.
34:31 I KNOW.
34:31 YOU KNOW?
34:32 YES, I KNOW AND JOEY KNOWS
34:34 BUT ROSS DOESN'T KNOW
34:35 SO YOU HAVE TO STOP SCREAMING.
34:37 >> HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
34:42 WHAT?
34:42 >> NOTHING.
34:42 OH GOD, NO.
34:43 WE'RE JUST SO EXCITED that you want TO GET THIS APARTMENT.
34:46 >> UH ACTUALLY IT LOOKS REALLY GOOD.
34:49 >> NO, REALLY GOOD.
34:50 GET IN HERE.
34:54 >> TO PHOEBE AND MIKE.
34:57 >> THANK YOU.
34:58 >> OH, and I have something for you.
35:00 It's Yeah, it's my little black book.
35:01 It's got the numbers of all the guys I've dated.
35:06 >> Oh.
35:06 Phoebe, that's nice but you know what?
35:07 I think I'm okay.
35:08 Why don't you give it to one of your other single girlfriends?
35:10 >> I would but you're the last one.
35:15 >> Give me the book.
35:18 >> >> Pablo Diaz, Brady Smith guy in van >> Aw, my first love.
35:28 >> What does the red X next to Bob Greenmore's name mean?
35:34 >> Dead.
35:34 Oh, it's okay.
35:35 No, he was old.
35:37 >> Yeah.
35:37 >> And he lived a full life.
35:39 He was in the first wave AT OMAHA BEACH.
35:47 >> >> I THINK I JUST CRACKED A RIB
35:48 BUT I DON'T CARE
35:49 BECAUSE TODAY IS MY WEDDING DAY.
35:51 MY DAY IS FINALLY HERE.
35:56 >> You know, she might not even NOTICE HE'S GONE.
36:00 >> >> I'M GOING TO START GETTING READY.
36:04 >> OH NO, WE CAN'T LET HER START GETTING READY.
36:06 This is too awful.
36:08 >> Oh god, but wait.
36:09 She'll be in the gown
36:10 and then he won't show up
36:12 and then she's going to have to take off the gown
36:14 and then >> Just stop it.
36:15 Stop it, Rachel.
36:16 You can't do this here.
36:20 >> I'm sorry.
36:21 It's just It's just so sad.
36:23 You You've got to pull Get together.
36:25 Monica I see you like this, then she'll know something's wrong.
36:28 >> I know.
36:29 I know.
36:31 There's no tissue.
36:33 Can you grab me some toilet paper?
36:35 >> Yeah.
36:35 >> Oh, that's gone, too.
36:37 This is Monica's bathroom, right?
36:40 >> I I I found one.
36:46 >> Okay.
36:46 >> Oh, thank you.
36:48 Oh, god.
36:52 Oh, god.
36:52 >> Can I have another one?
36:59 >> >> Sure.
36:59 >> >> Do you NEED SOME FLOSS?
37:03 >> OH, I JUST CANNOT IMAGINE WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN
37:05 if Chandler doesn't show up.
37:07 >> Oh, here's a whole bunch.
37:08 >> Oh, I mean, she's going to be at the wedding waiting for him,
37:11 and people will be whispering, "Oh, that poor girl."
37:15 You know, and then she'll have to come back here and live all alone.
37:18 Oh my god.
37:21 >> What?
37:21 >> There was a pregnancy test in the garbage.
37:24 And it's positive.
37:27 Monica's pregnant.
37:30 >> Can I miss it?
37:38 >> Rachel.
37:38 >> I I want you to know that if it's positive, we're going to >> Oh,
37:43 I know.
37:44 I know.
37:44 >> We do.
37:48 >> It's time.
37:56 >> No!
37:56 >> >> Go ahead, Rach.
37:58 >> Oh, wait.
37:58 You know what?
37:59 I can't I can't look at it.
38:00 I can't look at it.
38:00 Somebody else tell me.
38:01 Somebody tell me.
38:08 >> Okay.
38:08 Okay.
38:08 Um >> It's negative.
38:12 >> What?
38:12 >> It's negative.
38:22 >> Oh.
38:22 Oh.
38:22 Well, there you go.
38:30 Phew.
38:30 That is That's great.
38:31 That is really great great news.
38:37 You know, cuz the whole uh not being ready in kind of financial aspects,
38:43 all that.
38:48 Oh, this is so just the way it was supposed to be.
38:55 Well, then great.
39:00 It's gone so stupid.
39:06 How can I be upset over something I never had?
39:10 It's negative.
39:12 >> No, it's positive.
39:20 >> >> What?
39:20 >> It's It's not negative.
39:21 It's positive.
39:24 >> Are you sure?
39:25 >> Well, yeah, I LIED BEFORE.
39:30 >> OH MY GOD.
39:31 >> NOW YOU KNOW HOW YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT IT.
39:33 >> OH, THAT'S A RISKY LITTLE GAME.
39:39 ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO DO THIS?
39:45 YEAH.
39:45 I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY.
39:48 >> >> I'm going to have a baby.
39:50 I'm going to HAVE A BABY.
39:54 >> >> I TOLD YOU.
39:59 >> >> WITH WHO?
40:00 >> DON'T GOT THE TIME.
40:04 OKAY.
40:04 >> HEY, what have you guys been up to?
40:05 >> Oh, we went to a self-defense class today.
40:08 Yeah, kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of
40:11 you.
40:13 >> >> Takes it out of you.
40:16 >> No, now we can kick anybody's ass.
40:19 >> Yeah.
40:19 >> After one class?
40:20 I don't think so.
40:22 >> What?
40:22 You want to see me self-defend myself?
40:24 Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator.
40:26 GO ON, I DARE YOU.
40:29 >> >> OF COURSE you could defend yourself from an attack you know is coming.
40:33 That's not enough.
40:35 Look, I studied karate for a long time.
40:40 >> >> And there's a concept you should really be familiar with.
40:43 It's what the Japanese call unagi.
40:49 >> >> Isn't that a kind of sushi?
40:52 >> No, it's a concept.
40:54 >> Yeah, it is.
40:54 It is.
40:54 It's fresh water eel.
40:57 >> >> All right, maybe it means that too.
40:59 >> Oh, I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now.
41:03 >> >> No, fine.
41:04 Get attacked.
41:04 I don't even care.
41:07 >> Come on, Ross.
41:07 We're sorry.
41:08 Please tell us what it is.
41:13 >> >> Unagi is a state of total awareness.
41:18 Okay?
41:18 Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger
41:22 that may befall you.
41:26 >> You mean in case someone's trying to steal your bamboo sleeping matter
41:29 or your kettle of fish?
41:34 >> >> All I'm saying is it's one thing being prepared for an attack
41:38 against like each other.
41:39 Whole 'nother story being prepared for an attack, I don't know, LIKE A SURPRISE.
41:52 >> >> ALL RIGHT, YOU KNEW THAT WAS COMING, but that doesn't mean you have unagi.
42:00 >> >> Ooh, you know what?
42:01 If we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half hour.
42:11 >> DANGER!
42:17 >> WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
42:20 >> A lesson in the importance of unagi.
42:26 >> YOU'RE A FREAK.
42:32 >> >> PERHAPS.
42:32 NOW I'M CURIOUS.
42:33 At what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my
42:37 ass?
42:41 >> >> All right, so we were prepared.
42:45 >> >> I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point,
42:49 but I look, I just want you guys to BE SAFE.
43:20 >> OH.
43:20 >> DANGER!
43:20 >> >> AHA, UNAGI.
43:20 >> >> DANGER!
43:20 >> >> AH.
43:20 SALMON skin roll.
43:27 >> Pat Sajak?
43:30 >> Yeah.
43:30 >> Alex Trebek?
43:30 >> Oh, of course.
43:32 >> Chuck Woolery?
43:33 >> Definitely, Phoebe.
43:34 You will not find a single game show host whose ass I cannot kick.
43:49 >> >> NO.
43:49 >> SAY IT.
43:50 SAY WE ARE UNAGI.
43:53 >> >> IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU ARE, IT'S SOMETHING YOU HAVE.
43:57 >> SAY IT.
43:58 >> I CAN easily get out of this,
44:00 but there's a chance you COULD GET VERY, VERY HURT.
44:13 >> >> OH!
44:13 >> >> AHA.
44:13 NOWHERE to run.
44:17 >> >> I don't like sitting up here.
44:19 I'm going to go OVER THERE.
44:20 NO, RACHEL, THEY GOT HERE FIRST.
44:31 >> >> WHAT IS FARRIS DOING THAT?
44:34 >> DANGER!
44:34 >> OH MY GOD!
44:35 Why is he jumping on those women?
44:40 We should help them.
44:42 I What?
44:43 I don't think they need any help.
44:44 >>
