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Why Social Health Is Key to Happiness and Longevity | Kasley Killam | TED
Why Social Health Is Key to Happiness and Longevity | Kasley Killam | TED
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9:35 · Mar 14, 2025
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So
a
couple
of
years
ago,
a
woman
I
know
who
I'll
call
Maya,
Translating…
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0:04
So a couple of years ago, a woman I know who I'll call Maya,
0:09
went through a lot of big changes in a short amount of time.
0:12
She got married.
0:13
She and her husband moved for his job to a new city where she
0:16
didn’t know anyone.
0:17
She started a new role working from home,
0:20
all while managing her dad's new diagnosis of dementia.
0:24
And to manage the stress of all this change,
0:27
Maya doubled down on her physical and mental health.
0:31
She exercised almost every day, she ate healthy foods,
0:34
she went to therapy once a week.
0:36
And these actions really helped.
0:38
Her body got stronger.
0:39
Her mind got more resilient, but only up to a point.
0:44
She was still struggling, often losing sleep in the middle of the night,
0:48
feeling unfocused, unmotivated during the day.
0:51
Maya was doing everything
0:52
that doctors typically tell us to do to be physically
0:56
and mentally healthy,
0:57
and yet something was missing.
1:01
What if I told you
1:02
that what was missing for Maya is also missing for billions of people around
1:06
the world,
1:08
and that it might be missing for you?
1:10
What if I told you
1:12
that not having it undermines our other efforts to be healthy
1:16
and can even shorten your lifespan?
1:20
I’ve been studying this for over a decade,
1:22
and I've discovered that the traditional way we think about health is incomplete.
1:28
By thinking of our health as primarily physical and mental,
1:32
we overlook what I believe is the greatest challenge
1:35
and the greatest opportunity of our time.
1:39
Social health.
1:41
While physical health is about our bodies and mental health is about our minds,
1:46
social health is about our relationships.
1:50
And if you haven't heard this term before,
1:52
that's because it hasn't yet made its way into mainstream vocabulary,
1:56
yet it is equally important.
2:00
Maya didn't yet have a sense of community in her new home.
2:03
She wasn't seeing her family, or her friends or her coworkers in person anymore,
2:08
and she often went weeks only spending quality time with her husband.
2:12
Her story shows us that we can't be fully healthy, we can’t thrive,
2:18
if we take care of our bodies and our minds, but not our relationships.
2:23
Similar to Maya, hundreds of millions of people around the world go weeks at
2:28
a time without talking to a single friend
2:32
or family member.
2:34
Globally, one in four people feel lonely.
2:38
And 20 percent of adults worldwide don't feel like they have anyone they can
2:42
reach out to for support.
2:45
Think about that.
2:46
One in five people you encounter may feel like they have no one.
2:52
This is more than heartbreaking.
2:55
It's also a public health crisis.
2:57
Disconnection triggers stress in the body.
3:00
It weakens people's immune systems.
3:03
It puts them at a risk, greater risk, of stroke, heart disease, diabetes, dementia,
3:08
depression and early death.
3:11
Social health is essential for longevity.
3:16
So you might be wondering, what does it look like to be socially healthy?
3:19
What does that even mean?
3:21
Well it’s about developing close relationships with your family, your friends, your partner,
3:27
yourself.
3:28
It's about having regular interaction with your coworkers, your neighbors.
3:32
It's about feeling like you belong to a community.
3:36
Being socially healthy is about having the right quantity
3:40
and quality of connection for you.
3:43
And Maya's story is one example of how social health challenges come up.
3:48
In my work, I hear many others.
3:50
Stories like Jay, a freshman in college who’s eager to get involved in campus
3:56
yet is having a hard time fitting in with people in his dorm
3:58
and often feels homesick.
4:01
Or Serena and Ali,
4:02
a couple juggling the chaos of young kids with demanding jobs,
4:06
they rarely have time to see friends or spend time one-on-one.
4:10
Or Henry, recently retired,
4:13
who cherishes time with his spouse
4:15
and yet feels untethered without his team anymore
4:19
and wishes he could see his kids
4:20
and grandkids more often.
4:22
These stories show that social health is relevant to each of us at every
4:27
life stage.
4:29
So if you're not sure where to start,
4:31
try the 5-3-1 guideline from my book.
4:34
It goes like this.
4:35
Aim to interact with five different people each week,
4:39
to strengthen at least three close relationships overall,
4:43
and to spend one hour a day connecting.
4:46
Let's dig into these.
4:48
So first, interact with five different people each week.
4:52
Just like eating a variety of vegetables and other food groups is more nutritious,
4:57
research has shown that interacting with a variety of people is more rewarding.
5:01
So your five could include close loved ones, casual acquaintances, even complete strangers.
5:07
In fact, in one study that I love, people who just smiled,
5:10
made eye contact and chit-chatted with a barista,
5:13
felt happier and a greater sense of belonging than people who just rushed to
5:17
get their coffee and go.
5:20
Next, strengthen at least three close relationships.
5:24
OK, we've all heard of a to-do list,
5:26
but I would like to invite you to write a to-love list.
5:31
Who matters most to you?
5:33
Who can you be yourself with?
5:35
Make sure that you invest in the names of at least three of the
5:39
people that you write down.
5:40
By scheduling regular time together, by showing a genuine interest in their lives,
5:45
and also by opening up about the experiences that you're going through.
5:49
And I'm often asked, does it have to be in person?
5:52
Does texting count?
5:54
Studies have shown that face-to-face is ideal, so do that whenever possible.
5:58
But there are absolutely still benefits to staying connected virtually.
6:03
And last, spend one hour a day on meaningful connection.
6:07
OK, if you're an introvert,
6:09
right now you're probably thinking one hour sounds like a lot.
6:13
I get it.
6:14
It might be surprising, but I'm actually also an introvert.
6:19
However, keep in mind that just like getting eight hours of sleep at night,
6:22
the exact amount that's right for you personally might be higher or lower.
6:28
But if you are thinking
6:30
that one hour a day sounds like way too much
6:32
because you're just way too busy,
6:34
I challenge you.
6:35
Adults in the US spend an average of 4.5 hours each day on their
6:40
smartphones.
6:41
So instead of scrolling on social media, text a friend.
6:46
Instead of reading news headlines, write a thank-you card.
6:50
Instead of listening to a podcast, call a family member.
6:55
Maya put this into practice by scheduling recurring hangouts with a new local friend
6:59
that she made,
7:01
by attending community events and dropping cards off in her neighbors mailboxes,
7:07
by planning trips to see family
7:09
and inviting friends in other cities to come visit.
7:12
And bolstering her social health made more of a difference than focusing solely on
7:18
her physical and mental health ever could.
7:21
And I know this because Maya is actually me.
7:28
I am so passionate about sharing tools to be socially healthy because honestly,
7:33
I need them too.
7:34
And the 5-3-1 guideline is one way
7:37
that we can be proactive
7:38
and intentional about our relationships.
7:41
And that is really the point.
7:43
Be proactive and intentional about your social health.
7:48
So zooming out beyond the steps that you and I take individually, together,
7:54
we need to shape a society that thrives through social health.
7:58
Over the next decade, I envision educators championing social health in schools.
8:03
And just like kids build their physical muscles in gym class,
8:06
they'll exercise their social muscles in connection class.
8:11
Over the next decade,
8:12
I see our cities and neighborhoods being designed with social health in mind,
8:17
where vibrant gathering places foster unity
8:20
and community builders are empowered to bring them to life.
8:24
Over the next decade,
8:26
I believe that social health will become
8:28
as ingrained in our collective consciousness
8:31
as mental health is today.
8:33
Because not that long ago, mental health was a taboo topic shrouded in stigma.
8:38
And now public figures talk openly about it,
8:41
there's an entire industry to support it,
8:44
and more and more people think of going to therapy like going to the
8:48
gym.
8:49
In this future, loneliness will subside,
8:52
just like smoking subsided
8:54
when we recognized and treated it
8:55
as a public health issue.
8:58
In this future, I hope
9:00
that social health will become
9:02
so deeply woven into the fabric of our culture
9:05
that no one needs the 5-3-1 guideline anymore.
9:09
So to get there, make relationships your priority not only for you,
9:15
but also for the people you love.
9:18
Because the beauty of nurturing your own social health is
9:21
that it naturally enriches the social health of everyone you connect with.
9:26
Thank you.
9:27
(Applause)
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