4 Types of Overthinking and How to Stop Them - Worry, Intrusive Thoughts, Rumination, Over-Analyzing

Everyone hates how overthinking makes them feel,

but most people struggle to stop doing it.

And that's because your brain secretly believes that overthinking is protecting you.

So, let's talk about four types of overthinking

and four psychological skills to train your brain to quiet down.

Okay.

The four types of overthinking are worry, intrusive thoughts, overplanning or overanalyzing, and rumination.

So, let's start with worry.

Worry is the fuel of anxiety disorders.

Worry is where you're constantly thinking about what could go wrong in the future.

And worry turns on chronic stress in the body.

Even though nothing bad is currently happening, worry triggers the perception of danger.

And when your brain thinks about danger,

it triggers that same physiological response as a low-level threat,

turning on stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.

And chronic stress can have damaging effects on your health, your sleep, your energy,

your mood, your blood sugar, your appetite, all sorts of things.

So even though your body doesn't like how worry impacts you,

your brain thinks that it has to keep worrying.

You see, when you worry about something catastrophic happening,

and then the catastrophic thing doesn't happen,

your brain does some brain math and thinks, "Phew,

all that worrying kept my human alive.

I've got to do that again so that she doesn't die again."

And the cycle of worry just triggers over and over.

So, here's the skill.

Stop it.

Okay, just kidding.

Most people have tried to just stop.

It doesn't work.

Our brain actually doesn't know how to do subtractive commands.

It rarely works to tell your brain to stop thinking about a delicious,

mouthwatering cheesecake or a pink elephant, right?

Don't think about that.

The skill, it just doesn't work.

So, here's the real skill.

Scheduled worry.

You tell your brain when to worry.

Every day at a regular time, like 5:00 PM,

you're going to sit down for 20 minutes and worry on paper.

Write it down.

Your brain and body are actually really capable of handling acute stress.

Stress that comes in short bursts.

Instead of worrying a little bit throughout the whole day,

which keeps the stress response high,

you're going to train your brain to worry each day at a certain time.

If you catch yourself worrying during the rest of the day,

you just tell your mind, "We'll worry about that at 5:00 PM."

Now, I think it's really helpful for the first couple of weeks of doing

this to set a mindfulness bell on your phone.

The chime helps you check in

and see if you're slipping into worry throughout the day without realizing it.

So the bell dings, you check your thoughts.

You realize, "Ooh, I'm worrying."

And then you say, "Brain, we'll do that at 5:00 PM today."

Okay, so there's the first skill with worry.

Do scheduled worry and a mindfulness bell to catch yourself and redirect.

If you do this for a month,

you will retrain your brain to worry much, much less.

I think this can reduce anxiety by 80%.

Okay, now let's talk about intrusive thoughts or unwanted thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are super common.

Large studies with thousands of participants have found

that 95% or more of people experience unwanted

or intrusive thoughts.

These commonly include scary thoughts like, "What if I hurt someone else?

What if I do something sexually inappropriate?

What if I swerve into traffic?

What if I don't really love my partner?

What if I touch some bad germs?

What if I lose control?"

Almost everyone has these thoughts.

But there's a clear difference between all those people who have intrusive thoughts

and those thoughts don't bother them

and those who develop problems like OCD

or anxiety around them.

The people who handle them well brush them off.

They're like, "Oh, that was weird.

Oh well."

And they go back to doing what they were doing.

The people who struggle struggle against them.

They try to fight their brain

or reason with it

or force themselves to not think about it.

Or they do a safety behavior to avoid engaging in that dangerous thought.

Now, the more you try to prove these thoughts wrong,

the more your brain flags them as important.

When we believe a thought is dangerous,

when we think that a thought will harm us or make us take action,

we accidentally show our brain that the thought is actually dangerous,

which it is not.

And that tells our brain to make it louder.

When we fear, avoid, argue with, or debate,

or even believe these thoughts and take an action to avoid them,

our brain makes them louder.

When we do safety behaviors like avoiding driving

or avoiding cutting meat

or avoiding touching stuff,

and we don't die, our brain accidentally learns, "See, those thoughts really were dangerous.

I better make my human more anxious

and pay more attention to those intrusive thoughts."

So, here's the skill.

It's called cognitive defusion.

Label your mind as a word machine.

And when you notice an intrusive thought, say, "Thank you, brain, for that thought.

Thanks for trying to keep me safe.

I'm good."

You notice it, you name it.

That's an intrusive thought.

And if it keeps yelling that something bad is going to happen,

just say maybe, maybe not.

Don't do the safety behavior.

Redirect your attention just back to the present moment.

Okay?

This trains your brain because then when you don't die,

it trains your brain to not be so anxious about these thoughts.

Okay, there's a few other ways to practice cognitive diffusion.

You can sing the thought in a ridiculous voice over and over.

Um, you could imagine the thought as a part and give it a name,

like, "Oh, there's negative Nancy again."

Or, "There's Bob.

He's always worried."

If you feel stuck believing that thoughts are actually dangerous,

then I'd encourage you to work with an OCD trained therapist who can help

you practice noticing your thoughts

and not acting on them,

not doing the safety behavior.

So, this looks like someone who has the thought, what if I cut someone,

going to therapy, and holding a knife and not cutting someone?

Right?

As you practice this, you'll show your brain that thoughts are just thoughts.

Your mind is a word machine.

Thank you for those thoughts.

Let's move on.

Right?

That's what you're teaching your brain.

And when we show our brain by not avoiding those thoughts

or arguing with those thoughts

that you also don't die,

your brain learns those thoughts aren't

that important and it dials down the intensity on them.

Okay.

I've made a bunch of videos on cognitive diffusion

and we also have an entire course on how to overcome intrusive thoughts

and I'll just make sure

and link those below

if you'd like to learn more.

Okay.

Number three.

Do you find yourself going over every possible scenario,

trying to plan to make everything perfect?

Like, oh, I need to get this exactly right.

Overplanning is when your brain runs scenarios, makes lists, rewrites messages,

and tries to avoid mistakes.

Now, your brain is trying to control outcomes so that nothing goes wrong.

If I say it just right, no one will be upset.

If I plan this trip perfectly, nothing will go wrong.

If I analyze enough, I won't get hurt.

Now, the brain likes this because it does two things.

It pretends that it can control everything.

And this is a great way to limit anxiety in the short term

because it feels like you're actually in control.

And two, intellectualizing is a great way to avoid emotions.

Analyzing is so much more comfortable than being present with your uncertainty

or vulnerability or fear

or hurt.

So, strangely, I consider intellectualizing as a form of emotionality.

You're secretly running from your emotions by thinking about them instead.

This is one of my favorite ways to pretend

that I'm dealing with my problems by avoiding them.

Okay?

When we over plan, overanalyze, we're seeking to manage our anxiety,

our uncertainty by controlling the outcome,

by by making sure that we never mess up,

by guaranteeing that the trip goes perfectly.

And this accidentally shows our brain

that we are fragile

and can't handle it

if things don't go smoothly.

If we want to regain power over our anxiety,

we have to transition from control to trust.

From controlling outside circumstances to trusting

that we can handle it

when things don't go smoothly.

We're putting all this effort into controlling the outside stuff, how people see us,

how comfortable our life is,

but we're accidentally training our brain to be less secure on the inside.

Now, here's the thing.

We can't just tell our brain to chill out.

We have to show it by taking action, noticing things not going perfectly,

and then surviving.

Then our brain learns through experience that we can handle it.

Let me give you an example.

For years, I've tried to manage social situations to make sure

that people don't dislike me.

I've hidden what I really think.

I've masked what I really like.

And I've tried not to say stuff that might be offensive.

But little by little, as I've grown,

I've started being more authentic and I've focused more on saying things like,

"I can handle it if people don't like me."

Being on YouTube has helped me practice that one.

First rule of the internet, do not read the comments.

But I do read the comments and that's okay, right?

I have other mantras that help like it's okay if I'm not perfect.

I can feel anxious and do it anyway.

I can practice going with the flow.

I've focused more on embracing my inner experience

and showing courage to my inner anxiety than on manipulating the external world to

make me comfortable.

Last fall, I went to Harvard to be on a panel for this summit.

And I had the goal not to say something stupid.

And guess what happened?

I accidentally did.

In a panel discussion about content creation,

I said the algorithm is not inherently biased.

And I was quickly informed that it actually is.

I had a blind spot

and they let me know in a rather public way

and I was super duper embarrassed.

I wanted to run away.

I wanted to hide my face and never see any of them again.

But instead, I handled it better than ever.

I reminded myself, okay, it's okay if I'm not perfect.

I stayed present.

I connected with people.

I learned more about things I didn't know.

And I was gentle with myself.

Mistakes are human and I stayed with it.

I sat with it.

Now, I haven't done a lot of public speaking,

but what I learned from this experience is

that I can handle my own feelings

when I'm not perfect.

I actually came away

so much more confident

because I no longer have a rule

that I have to handle things perfectly

or else it's the end of the world.

And now I believe like I can show up authentically, offer what I have,

be imperfect, and I can handle that discomfort.

I feel much more confident

because I'm letting go of

that control a little bit.

I can trust myself to handle big feelings like embarrassment when things aren't perfect.

Okay, so here's the skill.

Focus on building up trust, not control.

Trust in yourself that you can handle it.

And the way our brains work is you can't just tell your brain to

do this.

Your brain is like a child, right?

They learn more from what you do than from what you say.

You have to show your brain

that you can handle uncertainty by doing something imperfectly.

So, there's a few ways to practice this.

Go on a spontaneous trip without having every detail figured out.

On purpose, say something silly in a social setting

and watch how people don't actually care.

Make a beautiful piece of art and add an intentional flaw.

Publish a video to YouTube that isn't perfect.

Watch yourself and the anxiety you feel around it and just say something like,

"I am getting so good at being imperfect.

I'm getting so good at tolerating uncertainty.

I can do hard things.

Today is a great day to feel a little discomfort.

Over time, your anxiety will decrease and so will your need to overthink, overplan,

and be so dang perfect.

Okay, let me give you one more example.

This guy, Jia, practiced desensitizing himself to rejection by intentionally getting rejected every day

for 100 days.

Day two, request a burger refill. this where I finished uh went to a

burger joint.

I finished lunch and I went to the cashier and said, "Hey,

can I get a burger refill?"

And he was all confused.

I like, "What's a burger refill?"

I said, "Well, just like a drink refill, but with a burger?"

And he said, "Sorry, we don't do a burger refill, man."

So, this is where rejection happened.

I I could have run, but I stayed.

I said, "Well, I love your burger.

I love your your joint and if you guys do burger refill,

I will love you guys more.

And he said, "Well, okay.

I'll tell my manager about it

and maybe we'll do it

but sorry we can't do this today."

Then I left and by the way I don't think they ever done burger

refill.

I think they're still there.

Um but the life

and death feeling I was feeling the first time was no longer there just

because I stay engaged

because I didn't run.

I said, "Wow, great.

I'm already learning things."

The more he practiced getting rejected on purpose, the less he feared rejection.

He built up trust in his ability to handle discomfort instead of trying to

control everything to be comfortable.

Okay.

Lastly, rumination.

Rumination is literally chewing on the past,

where you keep dwelling on your past mistakes or the wrongs you were wronged.

Where you wish you'd done something differently

or had taken a different path

or just had the eagles drop you off at Mordor.

Rumination is like a deep rut in a muddy road

or or like an icy ski path.

The more you travel it, the harder it is to escape.

And rumination can be the fuel of depression, hopelessness, and despair.

When this happens, our thinking patterns can get stuck

and they can be really rigid.

And that can be hard to escape.

Now, you have to admit this.

Rumination secretly feels good.

When there's nothing you can do about the past,

your brain likes to ruminate

because it pretends that it is taking action by thinking about it.

Uh once when I was in college,

I'd been on a handful of dates with this guy, let's call him Alexander.

Um things did not go anywhere after that.

Then like 6 months later,

I'm visiting my parents on Christmas Day and guess who knocks on the door?

Alex.

Um, I had no idea he was coming

and I was pretty surprised to see him.

It was pretty weird.

Uh, but we found a quiet place to catch up on life.

We talked for a little bit and he said, "Oh,

I really wish we had tried to see if this relationship would work.

I really regret that we didn't keep dating."

Now, just to clarify, I didn't break up with him or anything.

We just never were exclusive.

We still lived in the same town.

So, I basically just said, "There's no reason we can't try dating again.

We're both single.

I'm willing."

And then he got super awkward

and he said something about needing to go fix something on his car.

And basically, that was the end of that.

Now, for all I know,

he had a dozen reasons why he didn't want to date me.

That's cool.

But if we take it at face value,

what he said is the essence of depressive rumination.

You dwell on your regrets,

but you do nothing about them in the present moment.

The essential skill to escape rumination is to identify the value

and take action on it here in the present.

What do you do with the regret that comes from making a mistake?

Uh rumination.

I ruin everything.

Why can't I do anything right?

Okay.

So, what do you really value?

A value is something within your control.

I value trying hard.

I value learning from my mistakes.

I value taking responsibility.

And the best thing about values is

that you can always take action in the present.

So what is the present moment action, fix one small part, apologize,

learn one thing.

By acting on your values,

you shift out of rumination toward action here in the present moment.

Okay, here's another one.

I didn't speak up when I should have.

Rumination.

I should have said something.

I'm such a coward.

What do you value?

Honesty, self-respect.

What's your action?

Write what you wish you had said.

You're practicing a different action when you reflect and when you write.

You're training your brain to act differently.

You could also say something small but honest now.

You could you could speak up in the next tiny moment.

You practice the value now instead of beating yourself up for before.

What if you snap at your kid?

The rumination says, "I'm a terrible mom.

I always mess this up.

I shouldn't have yelled."

The value underneath is being a caring parent, emotional safety, repairing relationships.

Okay.

So, what's your present moment action?

Go give a hug.

Apologize.

Say, "I'm sorry I got loud."

Make repairs.

Sit on the floor and play for 2 minutes.

Live that value of love

and compassion by by treating yourself with patience

and with compassion.

Or schedule in some time for self-care

so that you can respond differently next time.

Now, none of this erases the past,

but you're embodying that value of connection now.

You've got to redirect your attention from the past to the now,

and then just do one dang thing.

Okay, now I get it.

Rumination and overthinking can be really deep ruts to get out of.

Sometimes we just can't make ourselves do it.

We need some support.

So there are some good medical treatments for depression

that seem to help create new neural pathways.

SSRIs um which is a form of antidepressant,

were previously thought to help depression by fixing a chemical imbalance.

Uh but now the theory is that they help with neuroplasticity.

They make the brain more adaptable so it can make new connections.

Ketamine therapy seems to help increase BDNF, which is brain-derived neurotropic factor.

It's basically fertilizer.

It helps neurons grow new branches and form new connections and repair damaged circuits.

And all of this can help your brain be more flexible at building new

thinking patterns.

Uh so can TMS, transcranial magnetic stimulation.

This is a treatment

that can be done in the office

and it has relatively few side effects,

but it can help people really improve their ability to build new thinking patterns

and get out of depression

or even anxiety.

One of the psychiatrists I've collaborated with said

that these treatments are like

when you get fresh snow on a ski hill.

It's easier to get out of the icy ruts

and create new pathways

and new thinking patterns.

But these medical options really are best when they're paired with cognitive therapy,

working with a therapist to help change how you think

so that you can ski these new mental trails.

Okay, so there's four ways you can get stuck in overthinking

or intrusive thoughts and four skills to get unstuck from them.

I do want to mention a fifth skill.

Mindfulness is a daily practice to notice your thoughts

and redirect your attention to the present moment.

A daily mindfulness practice is strength training for being able to do these other

skills.

It's like building up the mental muscle memory to be able to notice your

thoughts and redirect.

I'm personally using Insight Timer for some free courses on that.

They are not a sponsor, but I like them.

Okay, I hope that's helpful.

Thank you so much for watching.

And if you'd like to learn more skills to work with difficult thoughts

or painful emotions,

you can check out my online course, How to Process Your Emotions.

It's part of my membership that has 10 courses.

Thank you again and please take care.