0:00 What if you're stuck in the freeze response or the shutdown state?
0:03 This is pretty common after going through trauma.
0:05 Or what if you feel sluggish or exhausted or burnt out or depressed?
0:11 Maybe your limbs just feel heavy or you can't get yourself motivated.
0:16 How can you regulate your emotions and get yourself moving?
0:19 In this video, we're going to learn seven micro habits you can do to
0:23 get unstuck,
0:24 to move up the polyagal ladder, and to start to feel more alive,
0:28 more energetic, more hopeful, and more happy.
0:31 Let's go.
0:39 Hello everyone.
0:40 Before we jump into the seven micro habits,
0:42 first you've got to understand the polyagal ladder to know how these micro habits
0:46 are going to help you.
0:47 So our nervous system has three main states.
0:51 The ventral vagal state is where you feel safe and connected.
0:55 You are flexibly able to get energized but also able to rest.
1:00 Now the second state is the sympathetic state.
1:03 This is where we're more anxious, activated, stressed, or fearful.
1:07 And the third state is called the dorsal vagal state.
1:09 It's where our brain
1:11 and body are so overwhelmed
1:12 that we shut down both mentally
1:14 and physically.
1:15 When you're here, you might feel uh depressed, burnt out, exhausted, hopeless, frozen,
1:20 or unmotivated.
1:22 Now, usually this state is triggered by intense trauma, chronic stress, or overwhelming situations.
1:29 And even if you can't identify like a big trauma in your life,
1:32 it could be something like your mind cranking out negative thoughts over
1:36 and over for years,
1:37 that can trigger the dorsal vagal shutdown state.
1:41 It's like your nervous system is saying, "I can't overcome this,
1:45 so I might as well stop trying and conserve my energy."
1:49 And when you're in this state, there's actually physiological changes that happen.
1:53 Your heart rate slows, your blood pressure drops, maybe your appetite changes.
1:57 And all of those physiological changes in your nervous system lead to
2:01 that feeling of just heaviness
2:04 or loss of motivation.
2:06 Now, these physical changes and lack of energy, they're not your fault,
2:09 but there is something you can do about it.
2:11 So, let's talk about some daily habits
2:13 that can help you get unstuck from the freeze response.
2:16 And for those of you who are going to be very technical,
2:20 the freeze response is usually right here in the sympathetic state where you might
2:24 feel like really stressed out
2:26 and paralyzed.
2:28 And the dorsal vagal state usually you feel tired, exhausted, and unmotivated.
2:32 But a lot of people use these terms interchangeably.
2:34 So, I'm going to as well, mostly for SEO purposes.
2:38 First, before we jump into the seven micro habits
2:40 when you've tried to change things in the past,
2:42 there's probably two things you've tried over and over that backfire.
2:46 The first one is yelling at yourself, like saying, "Oh, you're such a loser.
2:50 If you stay in bed, everything's going to get worse and worse."
2:52 And you might think that you're motivating yourself, but it usually backfires.
2:56 And here's why.
2:58 When you berate yourself, you're not creating safety for yourself.
3:03 When we're stuck in a freeze state,
3:04 it's stress and overwhelm that are pushing us down the ladder.
3:08 And we can't climb back up the ladder by stressing ourselves out more
3:13 and more.
3:13 So instead, you need to restore your sense of safety
3:17 and remind yourself that you're capable
3:19 and that you're loved.
3:21 And this is going to help your nervous system get feeling better.
3:24 And I'm going to teach you some ways to do this on a physiological
3:27 level.
3:28 But when you do, when you restore your sense of safety,
3:31 that's when your nervous system responds by naturally re-energizing.
3:36 So, you can't hate yourself into being happier.
3:40 Okay, here's the second key.
3:41 When you're stuck in depression or the freeze response or the shutdown state,
3:45 one of the most common patterns I see is waiting until you feel like
3:48 it.
3:48 As in, mmm, I don't want to go see my friends until I'm feeling
3:52 better or I'm not going to get out of bed until I feel motivated,
3:56 etc.
3:56 Right?
3:57 And so we get stuck in inaction
3:59 because we want our mood to change first
4:01 and then we'll take action.
4:03 But that is not how the brain works.
4:04 It's not how dopamine, the motivation chemical, works.
4:07 Dopamine follows action.
4:10 Mood follows action.
4:11 So you take action and then you get motivated.
4:15 You spend time with your friends and then you feel better.
4:18 So for these micro habits to work,
4:19 you have to start doing tiny things that help you get moving,
4:23 that help you upregulate your sense of safety and movement.
4:27 So this is the two-pronged approach we're going to take.
4:29 We're going to be restoring your sense of safety while increasing activation.
4:34 And this is going to help you move up the polyvagal ladder into being
4:37 more flexibly able to have better energy,
4:40 to feel less stressed out, and to get stuff done.
4:44 Okay, I know this can feel really hard to do.
4:46 So, let's start super tiny.
4:48 Are you ready for the seven micro habits?
4:51 Okay, let's go.
4:51 Here's the first one.
4:53 As you're watching this video, how is your posture?
4:57 Go ahead and sit a little taller right now.
5:01 Bring your head up.
5:04 Roll your shoulders back a little bit.
5:08 Just notice how that feels.
5:09 I don't just mean physically.
5:11 Do you notice how when you change your posture,
5:16 you might feel just slightly more confident or a little bit more energized?
5:23 A tiny shift in posture can create a ripple effect in how you feel
5:27 overall.
5:27 So why is this?
5:28 Just getting moving or holding your head up high can send a message to
5:33 your nervous system that you are capable of handling even
5:37 if it's just this moment.
5:39 So, if you're lying in bed right now, sit up in bed instead.
5:43 Getting upright and holding your head up helps your nervous system activate.
5:48 Instead of looking down, raise your eyes.
5:51 Look around the room.
5:53 Okay?
5:54 Put your feet on the floor.
5:56 Stand upright if you feel like it.
5:58 Anything that helps you get more vertical sends a message from your body up
6:03 to your brain to feel safer.
6:05 It sends a message that I am more competent, that I'm capable.
6:09 Okay, so that's the first micro habit.
6:12 Just have a more erect posture.
6:16 This first micro habit was activating.
6:18 The next one is going to be both restoring safety
6:21 and helping you get activated.
6:23 And that is getting morning light.
6:25 The light that enters our eyes sends a message to our brain about how
6:29 much energy to have.
6:30 Our primal ancestors knew
6:32 that a bright sunny day was a great day to go out
6:34 and chase some woolly mammoths.
6:36 And a cold rainy day was a good day to stay in the cave
6:39 and conserve energy.
6:41 So light exposure actually changes your brain.
6:44 Light exposure is one of the simplest
6:46 and most scientifically proven ways to improve mood,
6:49 energy, focus, and sleep.
6:50 When your eyes take in light,
6:52 your brain releases energizing neurotransmitters so you can go run after that mammoth.
6:57 Right?
6:58 Research shows that light exposure can improve metabolic health, lower blood pressure,
7:02 and support immune function.
7:04 And guess what?
7:05 All of this helps regulate emotions.
7:08 So, how do you do it?
7:09 Best way to do this is to try to get 10 to 20 minutes
7:12 of natural sunlight within the first hour of waking up.
7:15 This is best outside without sunglasses.
7:18 Don't stare at the sun.
7:20 Um, if it's cloudy, stay a little bit longer.
7:22 Diffuse daylight still counts.
7:24 Okay, that's your best option.
7:26 Go outside in the morning, sit on your porch,
7:28 drink a cup of hot cocoa, whatever it is that you do.
7:31 Okay, that's great.
7:34 It's good for your mood
7:35 and it's good to help you both get activated
7:38 and restore your sense of safety.
7:39 Hopefully, that's possible for you.
7:40 There's a few other ways we can get more light in our eyes
7:43 as well.
7:43 Open your blinds in your home and turn on more lights.
7:46 That natural light coming from outside and the artificial lights can both be helpful.
7:52 And if you live in somewhere that's dark a lot of the time
7:55 or it's winter or
7:57 if you're experiencing depression even in the summer,
8:00 you could consider a 10,000 lux light therapy lamp.
8:03 There's been some large highquality studies
8:05 that have shown that light therapy is one of the most powerful antidepressants.
8:10 So getting plenty of light exposure helps prime your brain to be more active
8:14 and to feel more safe.
8:15 Okay, on to number three.
8:17 Use heat and cold.
8:18 Temperature can wake up your system
8:20 and get you unstuck from the freeze response down here.
8:23 Sip a warm drink.
8:24 Holding a warm cup and noticing the sensation.
8:28 And taking one slow sip can give your body a cue of comfort
8:32 and help you be more present.
8:34 Or if you'd like something a bit more activating,
8:36 you could try washing your face in cold water.
8:39 Or with doctor supervision, you could consider cold plunges.
8:43 The cold water triggers a bunch of positive effects from slowing your heart rate
8:47 to expanding your window of tolerance.
8:49 Now, if the idea of a cold plunge seems like a bit much,
8:52 you could try experimenting with temperature in the shower.
8:55 You could take a hot shower
8:56 and just notice how the water feels on your skin
8:59 or gradually switch the temperature up
9:01 and down and watch your body get more alert
9:03 and activated.
9:04 So, heat and cold can help your nervous system get unstuck from freeze.
9:09 And you know, one of the things I want to mention is it's not
9:11 always the case,
9:12 but it's often the case that to go from dorsal veagal,
9:15 this shutdown response to safe and connected, we have to go through activation.
9:20 So that's one of the reasons why temperature changes can do that.
9:23 Okay.
9:23 Number four, let's trigger the vagus nerve.
9:26 The vagus nerve has a lot to do with the connection between mind
9:28 and body.
9:29 When it's activated, it can help your nervous system calm down.
9:31 So here's two easy ways to do that.
9:33 First one, to hum or sigh.
9:36 Your vag nerve loves vibration.
9:39 Humming, singing a little tune,
9:41 or even letting out a long sigh stimulates that vagus nerve,
9:46 which can help you regulate without needing a lot of energy to do so.
9:51 So, you could try letting out the fog horn breath.
9:54 Allah Peter Lavine.
9:55 Oh, just like that. or just a long sigh or you could just hum.
10:10 Next one is massaging your face.
10:11 Your vagus nerve actually runs all through your face.
10:14 You can gently stimulate it by massaging your face.
10:19 You can tap right under your eyes.
10:22 Gently massage it.
10:24 You can stroke your cheeks or tap them.
10:29 You can stroke your forehead.
10:32 And you might not realize this, but when people are stressed,
10:35 they naturally do this.
10:36 Like Messi, when he's stressed, he's always rubbing his forehead like this.
10:41 And one of the reasons we do this is the vagus nerve stimulation sends
10:44 messages to your nervous system
10:46 that here in this moment,
10:48 I'm safe enough.
10:49 Okay?
10:49 And if you'd like to learn more ways to calm your nervous system
10:52 and turn on that parasympathetic response,
10:54 you can check out my how to process trauma online course.
10:56 It's included as part of the therapy in a nutshell membership.
10:59 I'll link that below.
11:00 Okay.
11:00 Number five, for many people, the worst time of their day is the morning.
11:05 For other people, it's later in the day.
11:07 What's important is that you structure the worst time of your day.
11:11 Like, you might feel
11:11 so overwhelmed or frozen in the morning
11:13 that you can't get out of bed
11:15 or get yourself going.
11:16 So, during this time,
11:17 you'll most likely benefit from some structure to get through it.
11:21 Uh, let me give you an example.
11:21 My friend Rachel struggled with paralyzing anxiety in the mornings,
11:24 and she had a super hard time getting out of bed.
11:27 So, she arranged to have her mom call her every morning at 9:00 a.m.
11:31 And her goal was to be out of bed
11:33 and sitting up in a chair
11:34 when her mom called.
11:36 And this structure helped her get moving
11:38 when she was really just drowning in anxiety.
11:41 She also got a dog
11:42 and the dog helps her get outside
11:43 and on a walk each morning.
11:45 And she said that's been one of the most helpful things for her to
11:48 break the cycle of being stuck in bed.
11:51 So, how can you set structure around your worst times?
11:54 I'll give you a few examples.
11:55 Pick one thing you always do
11:57 when you wake up
11:58 that does not require a decision
12:00 and then do it.
12:00 So this might be something like drinking a glass of water on your nightstand
12:04 or just sitting up
12:05 and opening your blinds.
12:06 Uh you can make this easier by making the decision the night before.
12:09 So lay your clothes out
12:11 or have the same breakfast ready every morning like overnight oats
12:15 or something or just keeping your meds
12:17 or a toothbrush right where you'll see it first thing in the morning.
12:21 Long story short is what we're trying to do is make it easier for
12:23 you to get moving.
12:24 We're going to try and remove those obstacles.
12:26 So, this might look like keeping a robe
12:28 or a hoodie right next to your bed
12:29 so you're warm when you stand up
12:31 or moving your alarm across the room
12:33 and setting it to play like upbeat music
12:35 or a funny podcast in the morning.
12:37 Anything that's kind of activating
12:38 and helps you overcome this dread of overwhelm is going to help you.
12:42 So, you got to build some structure around the hardest time of your day.
12:46 Maybe it's night time.
12:47 Like whatever time it is,
12:49 plan something small to help you get through that time.
12:51 Even if it's just like a reminder on your phone that you are loved,
12:55 right?
12:55 Like that's an example of structure.
12:56 So think of a way to add structure to the worst part of your
12:59 day.
12:59 Okay.
12:59 Number six, you've got to combat your negativity filter.
13:03 You got to restore balance to the force.
13:04 So depression drains your energy and it constantly tells you like why bother?
13:09 Everything's pointless.
13:11 There's no point in trying.
13:13 And when we're constantly exposed to like stressful thoughts or worrisome messaging,
13:18 it sends a message to our nervous system
13:21 that the best option is to just shut down
13:23 and conserve energy.
13:24 And that's where we get stuck in this freeze or shutdown response.
13:27 So, if we want to restore a sense of safety and agency,
13:30 we need to actively combat our negativity bias and look for good.
13:34 And here's a few ways to do that.
13:36 Limit negative stimuli like the news, negative people,
13:40 even opening your email or looking around your messy house.
13:43 I know we can't avoid this forever, but just for now,
13:46 we're going to filter out those negative stimuli.
13:49 So, close up the door to a messy room.
13:52 Cover your sink with a towel.
13:54 Disorganization and negative inputs can feel really overwhelming,
13:58 which is why we're going to address them,
13:59 but we're just going to do it one at a time.
14:01 And then intentionally seek out stuff that brings you good energy.
14:05 It might be a group chat where you share funny memes with your siblings
14:09 or you could follow good news channels like
14:11 That Good News Girl
14:12 or like this is literally one of the best things you can do is
14:15 simple gratitude practice.
14:16 When you write down three things you're grateful for every day.
14:20 It helps your nervous system get the message
14:22 that maybe life is not
14:24 so awful that I just need to hide in my cave.
14:27 My old boss, Monica, she was amazing.
14:30 And with her clients who were struggling,
14:31 she would ask them to sit out on their porch
14:33 and send her a picture of one good thing every day.
14:37 So you could try sending a photo to someone every morning.
14:40 Lastly, I would say one of the things
14:41 that can truly bring the most happiness is to find someone to help.
14:45 Look for a little way to take action
14:47 that adds just a little bit of love
14:48 or joy to the world.
14:50 So that might be like just saying hi to someone on the street
14:52 or petting the neighbor's dog
14:54 or sending an I love you text.
14:56 I would walk down the sidewalk
14:57 and I would sometimes just pull a few weeds
14:59 or pick up a piece of trash
15:00 and put it in the trash.
15:01 Like that would make my day just like incrementally better.
15:05 And noticing the good
15:06 or being the good in the world helps restore your sense of safety
15:10 and can move you up the ladder.
15:12 Okay, last one.
15:13 Number seven.
15:14 One of the biggest problems with modern life is
15:16 that most of us are
15:17 so dang busy all the time.
15:20 Busyiness keeps us stuck in high alert and stuck in this sympathetic state.
15:25 And then this can be exhausting which can trigger that dorsal vagal state.
15:29 In order to restore our energy and sense of safety,
15:33 we need to create a sustainable approach to work and rest.
15:36 So you've got to schedule in time to heal and restore.
15:41 So while getting out of the freeze state does involve activating,
15:44 if your only way to manage life is to always be busy
15:47 and stressed out,
15:48 you are going to burn out and you'll get stuck here.
15:50 So you've got to schedule in time to rest and heal.
15:53 So true rest looks different for everyone.
15:57 For me, it's like hiking or tinkering in my garage.
16:00 Those literally give me more energy.
16:02 For others, it's taking a nap or coloring.
16:04 You've got to find what fills your soul.
16:07 And again, it's not stress here that's the problem.
16:10 Stress is actually good for you.
16:10 It's good to spend moments in these states.
16:12 It's good to be stressed out occasionally.
16:14 No problem.
16:15 The problem is chronic stress.
16:17 So being stressed out all the time wears out your nervous system.
16:21 So, it's really important
16:23 that you have a clear line between on
16:26 and off times for work
16:28 and rest.
16:29 That might look like having a ritual to disconnect
16:31 when you go home from work
16:33 or taking email off your phone
16:34 or turning off notifications.
16:36 And I would just say like again, you want to identify real rest,
16:39 not just distraction.
16:41 True rest helps your nervous system recharge and restore.
16:44 And screen time often just distracts you while keeping your nervous system stressed.
16:49 So, I truly think one of the reasons people feel
16:51 so burnt out and tired
16:52 and stressed and exhausted is
16:54 because they think they're resting
16:55 when they're just kind of putting their nervous system like in their backpack,
16:59 like their stress in their backpack
17:01 and they're just like carrying it around like metaphorically
17:04 while watching a show.
17:05 It's usually not true rest.
17:07 Practicing mindfulness can help you expand your capacity to rest.
17:10 Again, this is a hard one for me,
17:12 but learning to slow down is a really valuable way to teach your nervous
17:16 system that you're safe.
17:18 And on that note, multitasking is your enemy.
17:20 Just look it up, right?
17:21 Doing one thing at a time can be very soothing.
17:24 Okay, maybe I'm getting carried away with all the advice,
17:27 but I have a bonus tip for you.
17:28 Scents are a super pleasant way to get activated.
17:31 Orange zest, aromatherapy oils,
17:32 or even a strong peppermint can help your senses wake up
17:36 and help you get like
17:36 that initial boost to your nervous system.
17:40 Okay, so there you have it.
17:41 Seven micro habits to help you get unstuck from freeze
17:44 or the dorsal vagal state.
17:46 And if you'd like to give the gift of calm to someone you care
17:50 about,
17:50 you could send them a link to my free Grounding Skills Course.
17:53 They don't have to sign up for anything that costs money.
17:57 And it gives you access to 15 simple lessons to soothe stress, PTSD,
18:03 and anxiety in the body.
18:04 So, I'll definitely put that link in the description.
18:06 And if you have any other micro habits
18:08 that pull you out of feeling depressed,
18:10 I'd love to see you share those in the comments as well.
18:14 Whatever works to pull you up the ladder
18:17 and out of that dorsal vagal shutdown.
18:19 I would love to hear what works for you.
18:21 Okay.
18:21 Thank you for being a positive online community for each other
18:24 and please take care.
