0:00 It's probably the therapist in me who wonders if this minivan might have trauma.
0:08 But to be serious, when you have trauma or anxiety,
0:10 it's like your nervous system is an overly sensitive car alarm
0:13 that goes off if anything gets too close.
0:15 For someone living with trauma or anxiety, stress, hyper-vigilance, anger,
0:20 and fear can seem to dominate your day and leave you feeling triggered, tense,
0:24 jumpy, and eventually exhausted and burnt out.
0:27 With trauma, it's common for your nervous system to be what's called sympathetically dominant.
0:33 The sympathetic state is the activated state, the anxious state of your nervous system.
0:39 And it's fine for brief spells, but when it's chronic,
0:41 that can lead to some unwanted negative impacts on your mental health
0:45 and physical health.
0:46 The good news is that we can retrain our nervous systems to be healthier,
0:50 to be parasympathetically dominant.
0:52 That's the calming state of your nervous system, where we feel safe, balanced,
0:56 and confident.
0:57 Then, when things get stressful, your alarm doesn't get triggered as often.
1:01 And when it does,
1:02 you can come back to a sense of safety more quickly.
1:05 But this retraining isn't something we do in therapy.
1:09 In this video, you'll learn nine micro-habits you can work into each day to
1:14 retrain your nervous system to be calmer
1:17 and healthier.
1:24 Number one.
1:25 Usually, when people say they want to manage their stress
1:28 or their chronic hyper-vigilance,
1:29 what they're thinking is, "I don't want to feel stressed.
1:33 I don't want to get triggered.
1:35 I want these feelings to go away.
1:37 I don't want to be so reactive."
1:39 And we can get there,
1:40 but the way we get there is somewhat counter-intuitive.
1:42 The harder you try to just not feel stressed, the more stressed you'll feel.
1:48 Being anti-reactive is just another form of reactivity.
1:51 You're reacting to your stress instead of choosing what you want instead.
1:57 That leaves you feeling out of control.
1:59 If you want to regulate your nervous system, you have to be proactive.
2:03 You need to take a moment to choose what you do want your day
2:06 to look like.
2:07 So, if the trauma behavior is saying,
2:09 "I don't want to feel stressed today." the regulating habit is to set an
2:13 actionable intention for the day.
2:16 It's important to choose something you will do instead of something you wish wouldn't
2:20 happen.
2:21 So, when we set goals around less of something
2:25 or something we want to have go away,
2:26 it doesn't give us very much power to act.
2:28 So, instead, choose forward momentum, something active that you can choose.
2:33 So, you choose something simple and empowering like,
2:35 "I will be kind to myself today."
2:37 or "I will notice
2:38 when I feel overwhelmed
2:39 and then I'll pause."
2:40 And you write this down
2:41 or you spend 1 minute visualizing this at the beginning of each day.
2:44 It's better to take a moment
2:45 and get a clear vision of what you want your life to be about
2:48 instead of running around wondering why you feel out of control.
2:52 And that takes us to our second micro habit for nervous system regulation.
2:56 And this is slow down instead of speed up.
2:59 So, when you're disregulated, you're going to feel rushed, hurried, perhaps a little scattered,
3:04 and you'll start moving in these frantic, tight, little jerking movements.
3:08 When you walk, when you eat, as you look at emails.
3:12 And this sends a message to your brain that you must be in danger.
3:14 A simple way to calm your nervous system is to slow down,
3:19 to move deliberately.
3:21 Going slowly regulates the nervous system and sends a message of safety.
3:25 So, the trauma behavior is rushing and frantic hurrying.
3:28 The regulating behavior is slow down and settle.
3:32 So, you can do this by creating pause routines.
3:35 You can build mini habits into transitions.
3:39 So, for example, before a meeting, pause yourself and take three slow breaths.
3:44 Or before you eat, check in with your body.
3:48 Or say a prayer.
3:50 Train yourself to walk more slowly, eat more slowly, respond more slowly.
3:55 With your kids say, I'll think about that for 5 minutes before deciding.
4:00 Okay, number three.
4:01 Set the tone for the day.
4:03 How we start our day sets the tone.
4:04 A lot of people experience higher cortisol levels in the morning,
4:07 and if we start the day to a blaring alarm clock,
4:10 or we lay in bed too long worrying about the day ahead,
4:13 or maybe you're exhausted from staying up too late the night before,
4:16 or the first thing we look at is the news or social media.
4:20 Basically, any of this can prime your nervous system to think
4:23 that it's in danger.
4:24 You're primed to feel jittery and tense throughout the day.
4:27 And while you can put in the time to calm back down,
4:31 it's better to set a healthy tone for the day.
4:33 So, the trauma behavior is starting the day stressed,
4:35 and the regulating habit is to give yourself enough time in the morning.
4:39 Set the tone for your day.
4:41 Meditation, prayer, or reading work for me.
4:45 And I don't mean reading the news.
4:47 This usually looks like reading scriptures in bed,
4:50 or listening to a meditation as I wake up.
4:53 A few other things that make my day go great is if I exercise,
4:57 if I eat a lower carb breakfast,
4:59 and I can keep you off of
5:00 that roller coaster of high
5:02 and low blood sugar.
5:03 Take it easy on caffeine or cut it out,
5:05 and I promise after a withdrawal period,
5:07 you can get to a place where you don't need coffee to jump-start your
5:10 day.
5:11 If you do start off the morning feeling super low energy,
5:15 like a lot of people do,
5:16 look for ways to gently stimulate your nervous system.
5:19 So, maybe some happy music or something funny, or a lovely hot shower.
5:24 This video that we're making right now is mostly about people who get stuck
5:27 in this sympathetic response,
5:29 this activated state.
5:31 But, I'm going to make another video about daily routines for people who get
5:33 stuck in the dorsal vagal
5:36 or the shutdown or overwhelmed state.
5:38 Number four, schedule in time to rest.
5:41 So, the trauma behavior is filling every moment of the day with activity.
5:44 The regulating habit is to schedule in time throughout your day to rest, recover,
5:49 regulate, and check in.
5:50 Research shows that we function best
5:52 when 10% of your day is set aside for rest.
5:55 That's 2.4 hours.
5:58 Now, you might say, "But that's impossible with my kids, work, schedule."
6:04 I'm going to say, "Really?"
6:05 Hmm, like I'm going to question that.
6:07 How much time do you save by eating your lunch in a rush
6:10 while watching shorts versus sitting quietly to enjoy it
6:14 and taste your food?
6:16 You might be able to do lunch in 15 minutes either way,
6:18 but one way is regulating and the other is dysregulating.
6:22 How many hours of screen time do you get each day?
6:24 Most people average 4 to 8 hours, not counting work.
6:29 Screen time is dissociating, not regulating.
6:33 So, here's what scheduled relaxation might look like. 10 minutes in the morning to
6:38 meditate or read,
6:39 15 minutes to go for a walk at lunch,
6:42 half an hour before bed to wind down with a show,
6:45 or maybe you snuggle your child when she comes home from school,
6:48 or you sit on the porch and watch the sunset.
6:51 You slow down for 15 minutes each meal, you know?
6:55 And honestly, like when I look at my schedule,
6:58 that's probably more than I get per day,
7:01 but I'm going to work on this one myself, too.
7:03 As a mom, it really is hard to find 10 minutes to rest,
7:06 but I think when we get rid of the distractions, mostly our phones,
7:10 we're going to find that we can restore our nervous system better.
7:13 Okay, number five.
7:14 Trauma behavior, a disconnection from yourself.
7:17 Regulating habit, regular nervous system regulation.
7:20 So, the routine that has worked best for my clients is to have them
7:23 set a gentle chime on their phone with a free app like Lotus Bud
7:27 or Mindfulness Bell,
7:28 and to schedule it to go off a couple times each day.
7:32 And when that chime goes off, it's a reminder to just pause,
7:36 check in with yourself.
7:37 When you're severely dissociated,
7:39 you may need to practice this check in for 1 minute two to four
7:42 times per hour.
7:44 But with practice, eventually it's going to come naturally to you.
7:47 You're going to check in with your body, notice what physical sensations you're feeling.
7:52 Sometimes when I do that,
7:53 this leads me to getting up
7:55 and stretching for a few minutes
7:57 because my back hurts
7:58 or my legs are falling asleep,
7:59 right?
8:00 You might notice your posture, your breathing, or your emotional state.
8:05 And then just get in the habit of gently naming what state you're in.
8:09 You might say like, "Oh, I feel shut down."
8:11 Or I feel anxious, or I feel calm.
8:14 And this builds emotional awareness without judgment.
8:17 You can get good at this by practicing longer mindfulness meditations as well.
8:21 And then you can also when you do this check-in,
8:23 you can check in with your needs.
8:24 Ask yourself, "Am I thirsty?
8:25 Am I hungry?
8:26 Do I need rest?
8:28 Am I holding my breath?"
8:29 Meeting your basic needs supports nervous system regulation.
8:34 So after you've checked in, then you just slowly, gently slow down and soften.
8:39 Okay.
8:40 The next regulating habit you can work on is to counteract hypervigilance by restoring
8:45 your sense of safety.
8:47 So the trauma behavior is hypervigilance.
8:49 You're constantly just scanning for danger.
8:51 The regulating habit is to remind yourself
8:53 that you are safe
8:54 because you can trust yourself to get through it.
8:58 So here's a quick activity you could do.
9:00 It's called orienting to safety.
9:02 When you're feeling hypervigilant,
9:04 you can gently turn your head and look around your space.
9:09 What you're doing is grounding yourself in this present moment,
9:12 and usually this present moment is safe enough.
9:15 Name three things you can see, three things you can hear,
9:17 and three things you feel.
9:19 Might be like the floor under your feet.
9:21 And this helps anchor your nervous system in the present moment,
9:25 which again is safe enough.
9:27 Okay?
9:28 Another way you can do this is you can carry an anchor object
9:31 or a mantra.
9:32 So you could carry like a small object that reminds you of safety,
9:35 or you could also use like a healing affirmation like I am safe enough
9:40 right now.
9:41 So, these acts can condition our nervous system to remember
9:45 that we are safe right now,
9:46 right here.
9:48 Okay, number seven.
9:49 Build skills to bounce back from triggers.
9:52 So, speaking of moments of stress,
9:54 let's admit that sometimes something is going to trigger our alarm.
9:58 It's not that healthy people don't get dysregulated, upset, or overwhelmed.
10:02 It's that they've built skills to come back to a sense of safety quickly.
10:07 With a healthy nervous system,
10:08 an upsetting event or a scary situation might make a person feel upset for
10:12 a few minutes,
10:13 but with an unregulated nervous system,
10:15 that same event might leave them upset for days.
10:18 They might rage with anger, exacerbate the problem by fighting,
10:21 they might numb out with alcohol, or they don't sleep well,
10:25 and then they just continue to feel on edge,
10:27 and it just continues and continues.
10:30 So, the trauma behaviors are an addictive, avoidant,
10:33 or reactive behavior when you get triggered.
10:36 And the regulating habit is you have a plan for when you're dysregulated.
10:41 This might include something sensory, something to help you process, that's like journaling,
10:46 something to re-engage your sense of safety.
10:49 So, that might be like sipping some ice water or washing your face.
10:56 It might be to go for a walk
10:58 or listen to some music you love.
11:00 For processing, you could write it out, talk it out,
11:04 you could share it with a friend or a therapist,
11:07 or you could just talk into the voice-to-text in your phone,
11:11 or write in your journal.
11:12 Sometimes when I have a tricky problem that's really bothering me,
11:15 I'll I'll kind of draw out the problem on a piece of paper with
11:18 a diagram,
11:19 and that'll help me process it as well.
11:21 And then again, to restore your sense of safety,
11:23 you could try a reminder or mantra, like "Oh,
11:26 here in this moment I'm safe.
11:28 I've gotten through 100% of tough days in the past.
11:31 I can trust myself to feel my feelings and be okay.
11:34 Or you could request support.
11:36 Say, "Hey, I'm having a tough day today.
11:38 Can I have a hug?"
11:39 Or you could pray.
11:40 "God, can you give me the courage to face the day
11:42 and be my protector?"
11:44 And social safety.
11:46 Being with someone is a powerful regulator.
11:48 So, whenever possible, coregulate, right?
11:51 You can call a safe person, sit with a pet,
11:53 or even look at a photo of someone who helps you feel connected
11:56 and calm.
11:57 Okay, so that's just a big laundry list.
11:59 What I want you to do is to take what works for you from
12:03 this list and make a plan
12:04 so that the next time something bad happens,
12:07 you go for a quiet walk, you write in your journal,
12:10 you call your friend, you remind yourself that you're capable,
12:14 and then you come back
12:15 and you face the problem with
12:17 that sense of calm
12:18 and connection.
12:20 Okay, number eight.
12:21 Expand your window of tolerance.
12:23 So, trauma habit is being frozen, having like low energy,
12:27 being really stuck in this overwhelmed state where you feel numb
12:31 or you constantly withdraw
12:32 and shrink back.
12:34 The regulating habit is to move your body.
12:38 I've mentioned a lot of dysregulated behaviors that leave you feeling tense rigidery,
12:43 but a healthy regulated nervous system isn't calm all the time.
12:46 In fact, if you feel too relaxed, too unmotivated, too low energy,
12:51 you might be stuck in or dominated by the dorsal vagal response.
12:56 This is what we call the shutdown state.
12:59 In this case, it's great to expand your nervous system's capacity by upregulating through
13:04 movement.
13:05 So, we're going to be doing things that stretch your nervous system,
13:08 and the way to get back to this window of tolerance
13:11 when you're in hypoarousal is actually to go through activation
13:15 and then back into
13:16 that sense of calm.
13:18 So, this is going to look like using things
13:20 that are slightly stressful
13:22 that lead to laughter
13:23 and play.
13:23 So, if you have a tendency to be dominated by shutdown state,
13:27 incorporate more movement and high energy into your day.
13:31 If you tend to be dominated by stress and busyness and tension,
13:35 then you're going to incorporate more play into your day.
13:38 So, this could look like playing sports
13:41 or playing with your kids
13:42 or doing something funny
13:43 that makes you laugh.
13:45 It could also look like expanding your window of tolerance by adding in some
13:48 discomfort.
13:49 This This might look like exercise, fasting with your physician's approval,
13:54 or cold water exposure.
13:56 All of these can expand your nervous system's ability to tolerate stress.
14:00 Okay, number nine.
14:02 Intentionally wind down in the evening.
14:04 Trauma behavior is avoidance
14:05 and the regulating habit is to have an intentional evening wind down.
14:09 Okay, so let's think about the end of your day.
14:10 When you're stressed or you're anxious,
14:12 it's so easy to just get stuck in a pattern of avoidance,
14:15 just scrolling through your phone at night.
14:18 You can give yourself a little time early in the evening to do this,
14:21 but you'll also want to create some soothing intentional practices towards night to help
14:25 you calm down and end your day on a positive note.
14:28 Here's a couple of ideas.
14:29 Journaling or voice notes, reflecting on your day.
14:32 What felt good?
14:33 What was hard?
14:34 What helped you cope?
14:35 And by writing about this,
14:37 this can help you build self-compassion and emotional processing skills.
14:41 There's another one you can do which is a somatic release ritual.
14:44 This is where you gently tap or rub your arms and legs,
14:49 or you can lie on the floor,
14:51 breathe deeply to help discharge stress and reconnect to your body.
14:55 I think another is is doing gratitude or the three good things exercise.
15:00 So, you could just name three small things that brought comfort or peace today.
15:04 Looking for good in the world
15:06 and in yourself helps retrain your brain to notice safety
15:09 and goodness.
15:11 Okay, another exercise is progressive muscle relaxation
15:14 or safe place visualization
15:17 and I'll link those in the um description below.
15:21 Progressive muscle relaxation, you essentially lay down
15:24 and you just tense
15:25 and then relax each muscle group.
15:28 Or you imagine, for the safe place visualization,
15:31 you just imagine a safe soothing place before bed to help you ease your
15:35 body into rest.
15:37 Okay, so there you have it.
15:38 That's nine things you can incorporate into your daily routine to help you regulate
15:42 your nervous system if you have trauma
15:43 or anxiety.
15:44 And as always, please do not feel like you have to do them all.
15:47 Maybe start with one of your anxiety
15:50 or trauma behaviors that's most disruptive
15:52 and replace that one first.
15:54 And it's better to just start with small changes
15:55 and practice them for a few weeks until they become habit
15:58 and then you can incorporate another new habit.
16:01 Okay, did any of these micro habits stand out to you?
16:05 What are you going to add to or take out of your routine?
16:08 Go ahead and comment below.
16:09 I'd love to hear about it.
16:11 And also, if you'd like to learn more skills to regulate your nervous system,
16:14 check out my free course, Grounding Skills for Stress, Anxiety, and PTSD.
16:18 In that course, I teach you how to identify the various states of your
16:21 nervous system and find out what you need to help you return to a
16:25 state of centeredness and calm.
16:27 You can find it for free on my website, therapyinanutshell.com, and of course,
16:31 the link is in the description.
16:33 Okay, thank you for being here.
16:34 Take care.
16:35 Hi there.
16:36 If you found anything in this video helpful,
16:38 I would really appreciate it
16:39 if you could give it a thumbs up
16:41 or share it with someone who could benefit from it today.
