0:00 Hi, I'm Emma.
0:00 I'm a therapist.
0:01 I also meet the criteria for ADHD.
0:04 And I've had to manually learn to regulate my emotions for the last 35
0:08 years because it feels like the dial on my emotions is turned way,
0:13 way up.
0:14 And it turns out
0:14 that up to 70% of people with ADHD struggle with emotional dysregulation.
0:20 So today, we're going to dive into the brain science behind why ADHD
0:24 and emotional dysregulation are
0:26 so closely linked.
0:27 I'm going to break it down into three main chunks
0:30 and I have some practical strategies for you to manage those emotions.
0:35 Now guys, this is Therapy in a Nutshell,
0:38 but I have been working on this video for like 8 months,
0:41 and it's been hard for me to boil all this information down into a
0:45 short video.
0:46 So today's video is going to be the biggest nutshell in the world,
0:49 which happens to look like a butt.
0:51 And that has nothing to do with ADHD and emotional regulation,
0:55 but maybe everything to do with it.
0:58 So, let's go.
1:10 Okay.
1:11 So, what actually happens in the brain
1:14 that makes emotions feel
1:15 so hard with ADHD?
1:18 On average, kids with ADHD have a 2- to three-year delay in brain maturation.
1:25 MRI scans of hundreds of kids found
1:28 that cortical thickness typically peaks for a normal kid around the age of 10
1:34 and a half.
1:35 But for kids with ADHD, it's closer to 13.
1:39 And this delay was most pronounced in the areas responsible for executive function, attention,
1:46 and working memory.
1:47 So, this means that kids with ADHD often catch up neurologically in the mid
1:52 to late 20s,
1:53 but the timing lag can cause significant struggles with emotional
1:58 and behavioral regulation during childhood.
2:00 So, by that point, you've already gotten in trouble a bunch of times.
2:04 Maybe you've already labeled yourself as the bad kid, the dumb kid,
2:08 the sensitive kid, the reject,
2:10 or maybe you've built up a bunch of maladaptive coping strategies.
2:15 So this prefrontal cortex is the part of your brain, right behind your forehead.
2:20 It's your braking system.
2:21 It helps you pause and think and choose your response.
2:27 And in ADHD, that part of the brain tends to be a little underactive,
2:31 especially during stressful or emotional systems.
2:35 Whereas the alarm system in the brain, the amygdala, is overactive.
2:39 It tends to go off more easily and stay on longer,
2:42 especially when something feels unfair or frustrating or rejecting.
2:47 So instead of calmly deciding what to do,
2:50 the emotional part of the brain gets there first.
2:52 It's like the feelings hit the gas pedal before the brakes even know there's
2:56 a problem.
2:57 And that leads to what researchers call short emotional latency.
3:01 You feel something and react very fast,
3:04 often before you even had time to think about it.
3:06 Because of this, the brain is less likely to be aware of its overreactions
3:11 or thinking errors,
3:12 and it's a lot harder to calm down after an emotional event.
3:16 So, when you've had an emotional reaction, it can really quickly spiral.
3:20 Another interesting thing about the ADHD brain is low dopamine can make it hard
3:24 to be patient.
3:25 And the norepinephrine tends to swing between too much and too little,
3:29 which contributes to that feeling of tired
3:31 and wired that emotional volatility
3:34 that comes with ADHD.
3:36 So in a nutshell, with ADHD,
3:39 the manager brain develops much more slowly
3:43 and connects much less efficiently to the feeling brain.
3:47 And that's why emotions can flood the system so quickly.
3:50 And here's a side note.
3:52 Whatever you do find interesting or stimulating,
3:55 whether that's jumping your bike or art or music,
3:58 or for me it was actually school, like yay female ADHD,
4:02 that area that you're interested in is going to seem disproportionately advanced.
4:07 You might seem really skilled at basketball or piano,
4:10 but emotionally underdeveloped in other areas.
4:14 So, people might think, "Oh, she's so smart or gifted.
4:17 Why isn't she trying?
4:19 She has so much potential."
4:21 And then all of this can fuel that cycle of shame or withdrawal.
4:25 But the good news is with the right support,
4:27 with therapy and skills and medication and lifestyle tools,
4:31 these connections can strengthen and emotional regulation can absolutely improve.
4:38 Okay.
4:39 So I mentioned the prefrontal cortex.
4:43 This is where executive function happens.
4:45 It's the brain's ability to manage thoughts, emotions, and actions to reach a goal.
4:50 It includes skills like impulse control, prioritization, planning, shifting attention,
4:57 holding ideas in your mind, and time management.
5:00 Long story short, it is really important.
5:03 And so, let's just take a look at five areas where this poor executive
5:07 function shows up.
5:09 ADHDers have lower impulse control.
5:12 They may react to emotions quickly
5:14 and intensely before they have time to process them.
5:17 Let me tell you about Alex.
5:18 Alex is a 22-year-old college student who's working on a group project.
5:22 Yay.
5:24 A teammate Sam, suggests a different approach than the one
5:27 that Alex was thinking about.
5:28 Without thinking, Alex immediately snaps.
5:31 That's a terrible idea.
5:31 We don't have time to start over.
5:33 Sam looks offended.
5:34 The rest of the group goes quiet.
5:36 And then later, Alex feels really guilty for overreacting.
5:39 But he consistently struggles to control these emotional outbursts in the moment.
5:45 So poor impulse control can look like outbursts of anger
5:48 or tears or raised voices
5:50 or storming off.
5:51 But it can also show up as being like overly exuberant, overly happy,
5:55 laughing really hard and being unable to kind of stop and slow yourself down.
5:58 These executive function deficits can also show up as difficulty shifting emotional states.
6:04 So once an emotion takes hold, whether that's anger or sadness or excitement,
6:09 people with ADHD often struggle to shift states.
6:13 They might experience what's called emotional stickiness,
6:17 where these emotions linger longer than they do for neurotypical individuals.
6:21 So Jordan's a 35-year-old with ADHD and depression.
6:24 She made a small mistake in a work email.
6:27 Her boss pointed it out casually, but now Jordan feels embarrassed and ashamed.
6:32 And instead of moving on, she ruminates on the mistake for hours and hours,
6:36 replaying it in her mind and just feeling like a failure.
6:40 Even after work, she struggles to shake that feeling.
6:43 She ends up canceling dinner plans because she feels too down.
6:47 So this emotional stickiness as part of ADHD,
6:51 there's two processes that can fuel this.
6:54 The first one is hyperfocus.
6:56 This is an ADHD superpower, where when something is intense or stimulating or interesting,
7:03 you can get completely absorbed.
7:05 And this can happen with a new crush
7:07 or with the worry about what you said in
7:09 that email.
7:10 Hyperfocus can make it difficult to step back, shift attention, or gain perspective.
7:15 Positive or negative emotions can be really stimulating.
7:19 So, it's almost like a fidget toy to just dwell on them.
7:22 The second difference is the default mode network.
7:25 So, this is basically what's going on in your head
7:28 when you have nothing to think about.
7:29 People with ADHD are more likely to have their brain wander
7:33 and it might constantly wander into worries
7:36 or ruminations and this can fuel negative moods like anxiety
7:40 or depression.
7:41 Okay, the next one is low frustration tolerance.
7:44 So due to dopamine differences, ADHD brains crave instant rewards and stimulation.
7:50 This makes waiting or dealing with setbacks or handling boredom really difficult.
7:55 Small inconveniences can feel really overwhelming and that can lead to irritability or outbursts.
8:01 Okay, next one's time blindness.
8:03 ADHD brains struggle with tracking time.
8:05 So, when something feels bad,
8:07 it feels like it has always felt bad and it will always feel bad.
8:12 Dr.
8:12 Ned Hallowell said that for people with ADHD, there are only two times,
8:17 now and not now.
8:19 And you couple that with a low frustration tolerance
8:21 and it's a pretty potent way for any emotion to feel like it's going
8:25 to last forever and
8:26 then you start to spiral.
8:28 Number five is poor working memory.
8:31 Working through emotions is a multi-step process.
8:34 It requires you to hold multiple pieces of information while moving through the steps.
8:39 But people with ADHD often have poor working memory.
8:42 That means they have a hard time holding multiple ideas at the same time
8:46 or like remembering that it's all going to be okay.
8:49 So, let's take a look at Fred.
8:50 Fred says, "I hate my job.
8:52 My boss is a complete jerk.
8:53 When I requested to take a day off so I could attend a wedding,
8:57 he denied the request."
8:58 His impulse is to quit right now.
9:01 And before you know it, Sam is still mad at his boss,
9:04 but now he's panicking
9:05 because he doesn't have a job
9:06 and he's super mad at himself.
9:08 And if you really look at it,
9:10 he also had a hard time remembering to tell his boss he wanted the
9:14 time off and the wedding's tomorrow.
9:16 It's easy to see how poor working memory
9:18 and poor executive function start to pile up.
9:21 These deficits make it really hard to process emotions
9:25 and carefully plan how to act.
9:27 And I don't want to spend too much time on this,
9:29 but speaking of emotion processing,
9:31 emotion processing is how you work through and resolve emotions.
9:34 I've done a bunch of videos on this
9:36 and a whole course on emotion processing.
9:39 So, for this video,
9:39 I'm just going to briefly walk through what I would tell Fred to do
9:43 when his impulse is to quit
9:45 that job.
9:46 So, he needs to name his emotions, which requires him to like,
9:50 use the thinking part of his brain.
9:52 So, he would need to name his emotions, pause, notice his thoughts.
9:58 He needs to explore and clarify, like question your thoughts.
10:01 Huh?
10:02 Maybe the reason my boss isn't giving me time off is
10:04 because I gave him no warning.
10:07 And then to choose, you know, like what do I really want to do?
10:10 Do I really want to quit my job?
10:12 And to think through this
10:13 and then eventually to take action
10:16 that lines up with your values,
10:17 you know, like, oh, I need to keep my job.
10:20 Next time I need to do this differently, right?
10:22 And just notice how each of these steps in emotion processing requires you to
10:27 hold multiple ideas in your head
10:30 while trying to remember what to do next
10:32 while you're feeling intensely angry.
10:35 Right?
10:36 So, not only is it hard to work through those feelings,
10:39 but poor executive function makes it harder to solve the actual problem
10:43 that the emotion is about.
10:44 The actual problem is you need to plan ahead better to request time off.
10:48 Long story short, every single step of emotion processing requires executive function
10:54 and that requires multiple steps.
10:56 And as Kjrstin Walters, my favorite ADHD expert, says, "For people with ADHD,
11:01 two steps is one step too many."
11:03 Okay, so it's easy to see why people with ADHD struggle with emotion regulation.
11:08 But these are skills that can be learned and supported.
11:11 And I pretty much had to learn how to do this manually.
11:13 But with time, I did learn how to work through my feelings in a
11:17 healthy way.
11:17 Okay, so those are five ways that executive dysfunction really impairs regulation and ADHD.
11:25 Okay, now we're going to talk about RSD
11:28 and biological triggers and
11:29 then we'll talk about some helpful strategies.
11:32 Okay, many people with ADHD have rejection sensitive dysphoria.
11:36 This is intense emotional pain in response to perceived criticism or failure or rejection.
11:44 When you get criticized or rejected, it can feel like you're being stabbed.
11:48 And I can remember
11:49 when I had a friend breakup
11:51 and it destroyed me for like years.
11:53 I felt like there was something wrong with me.
11:56 I was so hurt
11:57 and confused that I literally withdrew from having any friends for like 2 years
12:05 now.
12:05 I know this doesn't make sense, and that's what dysphoria means.
12:09 It's a much bigger than expected emotional response
12:14 and it can happen even
12:16 when it's just a small piece of feedback
12:18 or a tiny mistake.
12:20 Now, because rejection feels so painful, it often leads to defensiveness, social anxiety,
12:29 social withdrawal, or people pleasing.
12:31 The fear of saying the wrong thing or making someone mad can be paralyzing.
12:36 Now, I'm going to make a whole video on this.
12:38 So, if you'd like to see that, you can subscribe or click the bell.
12:42 All right, there's my annoying call to action.
12:45 But I am making a bunch of videos on this, so stay tuned.
12:48 Okay, the last main category of how ADHD is linked to emotional dysregulation is
12:55 biological triggers.
12:57 Up to 70% of ADHDers have a natural delay in their internal clock.
13:02 This means that their brains don't start releasing melatonin until much later at night.
13:08 This is like 2 hours later.
13:10 So even if they go to bed early, they just lie there awake.
13:14 Then you add in the racing background noise of the brain,
13:18 that loud default mode network, and difficulty calming down.
13:23 And what you end up with is a lot of ADHDers end up chronically
13:26 sleep-deprived and that makes it much harder to regulate emotions.
13:30 Now again, this topic deserves a whole video, so stay tuned.
13:33 But let's talk about hanger.
13:35 People with ADHD often struggle to eat on a regular schedule
13:38 because the same brain networks
13:40 that manage attention and time awareness
13:43 and self-regulation,
13:44 those same networks also control hunger cues and routines.
13:49 So, when you're hyperfocused,
13:50 you might not notice that you're hungry until you're shaky and irritable.
13:54 Or when you're distracted or overwhelmed, preparing food can feel like an impossible task.
13:59 So this irregular eating pattern causes these blood sugar spikes and crashes,
14:05 which intensifies emotional dysregulation and that can lead to irritability, anxiety and impulsivity.
14:12 Okay, last is sensory overload.
14:15 People with ADHD have brains that are extra sensitive to incoming information, sounds, lights,
14:22 textures, and movement.
14:23 They all compete for attention at once.
14:26 And when too much sensory input hits the system,
14:29 the brain's filtering mechanism gets overwhelmed
14:31 and that overload can quickly trigger the nervous system's fight
14:35 or flight response.
14:37 So to manage your sensory load,
14:39 it might be really important to decrease multitasking
14:43 and to change your environment to be more ADHD friendly.
14:47 Okay, before you get all down in the dumps about all the ways
14:50 that ADHD makes it hard to regulate emotions,
14:53 I have to tell you about some ADHD superpowers.
14:57 And I'm just going to list a few.
15:00 Strong emotional intuition.
15:02 This is one of my gifts that helps me be a good therapist.
15:04 Quick emotional recovery from setbacks.
15:07 Some emotions are intense but fleeting.
15:10 Now, this can feel really confusing
15:11 because some emotions are intense
15:13 and stick around for a long time,
15:15 but sometimes you just bounce back.
15:16 High emotional resilience in stressful situations.
15:19 There's some fascinating studies showing
15:21 that many people with ADHD perform really well under pressure
15:25 and they regulate emotions much better in fast-paced,
15:27 high-intensity situations.
15:30 So, you might make a great first responder.
15:34 Passion-driven emotional regulation.
15:36 When we care about a goal, we can channel frustration into action.
15:41 And creativity.
15:42 People with ADHD often find unique and adaptive ways to regulate emotions.
15:47 We might use humor, storytelling, music, art, or movement to shift our emotional state.
15:52 You aren't broken.
15:53 You aren't bad.
15:54 Your brain is just different from typical brains.
15:57 You might just thrive in a different environment.
16:00 Okay.
16:01 So, finally, we're at the part of this video where we are going to
16:04 talk about the practical strategies
16:06 that help ADHDers regulate their emotions.
16:09 Okay, so first let's talk about biological triggers.
16:12 Again, with ADHD and these changes, it almost never works to just try harder.
16:17 That's like telling someone who needs glasses
16:19 that they just need to try harder to see.
16:21 That just won't get them very far.
16:23 They need glasses.
16:24 And if you've got ADHD,
16:26 you need systems that change the environment around you to work for you.
16:32 So, make it easier to get sleep
16:34 and hydrated by keeping granola bars
16:37 and water bottles nearby.
16:39 I don't have time to address like all of these topics.
16:41 So, we are going to touch on them briefly
16:43 and you and your brilliant ADHD brain can watch the videos
16:48 and do the research.
16:49 When you choose one of these areas to work on, watch the videos,
16:51 do the research, and figure out how to implement one of these changes into
16:56 your life.
16:56 Okay, second one is sleep.
16:58 Get better sleep.
16:59 This is easier said than done, but do your best.
17:01 Again, video incoming.
17:02 Exercise and nature time have both been shown to improve mood and focus.
17:07 Manage your environment to deal with sensory overload.
17:11 Now, again, guys, I know I'm just listing these ideas,
17:14 but out of everything I say in this segment, choose one.
17:16 Go do your ADHD fueled research on the topic.
17:19 Pick one action item.
17:21 There's plenty of good videos on how to do this with ADHD.
17:25 And then of course, medication.
17:27 ADHD meds can help strengthen the brain's ability to pause before reacting.
17:32 And stimulants can often reduce emotional impulsivity
17:36 and mood swings by enhancing the thinking part of your brain.
17:40 Non-stimulants can also help level out your emotional reactivity.
17:43 And of course, talk with your doctor.
17:46 Okay, so minimizing biological triggers
17:48 and using medication will help prevent some of the overwhelming levels of emotion,
17:53 but stuff is still going to come up.
17:55 So, let's talk about nine skills you can do to help regulate your emotions
17:59 even when ADHD is doing its thing.
18:02 Learn to pause when you feel a strong emotion.
18:04 The number one most important skill is to buy your brain some time for
18:08 your executive function to turn on.
18:11 You've got to train yourself to pause before reacting.
18:14 So, let's go back to Alex.
18:15 He was the college student who made it awkward during the group project.
18:19 What I would say is Alex could use a script,
18:22 a neutral phrase to buy himself some time.
18:24 It might be something like, "Hm, let me think about that."
18:27 Or you just repeat back to them what they said.
18:31 Something like, "Oh, you're saying we should take a different approach."
18:34 Or take a break
18:35 when you're feeling overwhelmed
18:36 and go for a walk
18:38 or go to the bathroom.
18:40 Okay.
18:40 Now, here's the thing with ADHD, right?
18:42 When you're trying to make changes, when you have ADHD,
18:45 you have probably tried over
18:46 and over and struggle to be consistent to actually maintain those changes.
18:50 So, you might feel like giving up or like, "Oh, yeah.
18:52 I've tried that, but it just hasn't worked."
18:53 I would just say, "Don't give up.
18:56 Don't just try harder.
18:57 Try differently."
18:59 With ADHD, you've got to outsource your executive function
19:02 and treat each attempt
19:04 as a tiny experiment.
19:05 And you're probably not going to succeed the first time you try to learn
19:08 to pause.
19:10 So you've got to build better systems.
19:12 So let me give you an example.
19:13 When it comes to outsourcing that executive function,
19:16 let's say like your impulse is that you spend money impulsively.
19:21 You can't just try harder to not spend money.
19:23 You've got to build in things that are going to slow you down.
19:26 So some examples of this are like taping a reminder on your credit card
19:29 that you have to call your partner before spending over $100
19:33 and you have to sleep on it before spending over $500.
19:37 You gotta outsource your executive function
19:39 so you don't have to remember to slow down.
19:41 It's like printed right there.
19:43 You could delete the autopay options,
19:45 like saved credit cards on online shopping
19:48 and that forces you to stand up
19:50 and get your credit card
19:52 and manually add it to the purchase.
19:54 Or you can add an app to your phone
19:56 that forces you to wait before making online purchases.
19:59 Long story short, these are all examples of how to build an environment
20:02 that supports your executive function to help you be less impulsive.
20:06 Now again, this topic deserves a whole video.
20:08 I'm actually writing it right now.
20:09 It'll be out in a couple months.
20:11 As we talk about the next couple of ideas,
20:14 pick just one area to work on.
20:16 Watch three to four videos on that specific area.
20:19 And then you could work with an executive function coach
20:21 or a therapist to come up with some creative strategies of how to implement
20:24 that change in an ADHD friendly way.
20:26 And I would just say don't try to change everything at once.
20:29 Just pick one area at a time to work on for a month until
20:32 you find a routine
20:33 that works for you
20:34 and becomes a new habit.
20:36 So, going back to this learning to pause thing,
20:38 I know we're spending a lot of time on this one,
20:39 but I'm trying to teach you the system for creating change instead of just
20:42 like trying to white-knuckle these changes.
20:44 So, if you're trying to train yourself to pause before speaking impulsively,
20:47 you might decide that you're going to use a script.
20:49 And your script is, "Hmm, let me think about that."
20:53 And you are going to need to practice
20:54 that at home like 20 times before you start to remember to use it
20:58 at work.
20:59 Maybe you're going to make yourself a bracelet that says, "Hmm,
21:01 let me think about that."
21:02 And you're going to add a reminder to your phone that says, "Hmm,
21:04 let me think about that."
21:05 And then you make a physical calendar where you do a tally mark for
21:09 each day where you use
21:10 that skill at least once.
21:12 You have to make this physical, tangible, not too big.
21:15 The last thing to remember is this is all a huge experiment
21:18 and you're probably going to find a lot of things
21:20 that don't work for you,
21:21 but keep trying and just keep experimenting with new things until you do find
21:25 something that works for you.
21:26 Okay, so that's the process, right?
21:28 Like we have all these psychological strategies.
21:30 Just pick one.
21:32 Experiment with a system that's going to help you support your working memory
21:35 and executive function so you can make the changes you want to make.
21:38 Okay, now we're going to move through these other ones a little bit more
21:41 quickly.
21:42 The second one is labeling or naming the emotion.
21:46 Alex could think, I feel frustrated because my idea wasn't accepted.
21:51 It's important to say this out loud
21:53 and be sure to use an emotion word.
21:56 And what this is doing is it helps sync the amydala
21:58 and the prefrontal cortex.
22:00 It helps your brain slow down.
22:02 The third one is calm your body.
22:04 Learn some skills to ground your nervous system when you're feeling overwhelmed.
22:09 You can learn a bunch in my free course, Grounding Skills for Stress, Anxiety,
22:13 and PTSD.
22:14 The easiest one though, is to take a slow exhale.
22:22 Okay.
22:22 Number four, support your working memory.
22:24 Make it concrete.
22:26 Because your working memory can't hold so many ideas at once,
22:28 you've got to find a system to process your feelings in an external way.
22:33 This can include writing,
22:34 whether in a journal
22:36 or even just talking into a voice note on your phone
22:39 or talking it out with a friend
22:41 or a therapist or diagramming it.
22:44 When you want to actually make a change,
22:45 when you've chosen one thing you want to change
22:48 and you've built a new routine,
22:49 you're going to make copies of this.
22:51 You're going to write this down
22:52 and put copies of it all over your house
22:54 so that you can remember it.
22:56 And what we're doing is we're taking all these ideas out of your head
23:00 with the gazillion flighty thoughts
23:02 that you have and we're making it concrete.
23:04 Now you can look at it and you can see the various parts.
23:07 Number five is learn to shift focus.
23:09 Remember Jordan, who messed up the email at work?
23:12 ADHD brains often have a hard time thinking their way out of hyperfocus.
23:16 You can't think your way out of hyperfocus.
23:18 We often need a physical or body sensory activity to help shift emotions.
23:23 And one of my followers told me that his mantra is move a muscle,
23:27 move a thought.
23:28 Now, in the past,
23:29 you may have tried to do this in harmful ways like eating something,
23:32 breaking things, or dangerous stimulating activities.
23:36 Instead, let's explore some like healthy ways to do this.
23:39 This might be a quick walk,
23:42 even just walking around the room or doing some jumping jacks or stretching.
23:46 Movement helps the various parts of the brain connect
23:49 and talk to each other better.
23:51 So you could talk through emotions
23:53 while folding laundry or you could process anger
23:56 or sadness while exercising.
23:58 Long story short is if you have ADHD, move a muscle, move a thought.
24:02 It's much harder to just sit there
24:03 and think your way out of a problem.
24:04 On to number six.
24:06 You've got to prepare ahead of time to counteract negative thoughts
24:09 because you're going to have a hard time slowing yourself down.
24:11 Now, this is probably best done by working with a therapist,
24:15 but you can practice on your own as well.
24:17 So, let's use the example of Maya.
24:19 She's a teenager with ADHD, and she has a tendency toward rejection sensitivity.
24:25 Now, her friends aren't texting her back.
24:27 Are they mad at her?
24:28 Are they doing something fun without her?
24:30 Do they hate her?
24:31 My therapist taught her to write down the negative thought, like,
24:35 "They don't like me."
24:37 And then list at least two to three alternative explanations.
24:41 So you remind yourself, "Oh, this feeling is intense, but it will pass."
24:45 Or, "My brain is jumping to conclusions because of ADHD, not because it's true."
24:50 Now, if you have ADHD
24:52 and you also frequently go down the rabbit hole of catastrophizing,
24:56 you'll probably need a visual reminder to not believe everything you think,
25:00 that you are safe and you are loved and everything is figureoutable.
25:05 Okay.
25:06 Number seven, break down big tasks or problems.
25:09 So instead of being paralyzed by big problems,
25:12 one of the essential skills with ADHD is to break down tasks into actionable
25:16 chunks.
25:17 There's like two ways you could do this.
25:19 You could write it out on paper.
25:21 And again, this is supporting a working memory by writing it down.
25:23 Write out a now versus later list to separate what's urgent from what can
25:29 wait.
25:30 Or find one to two tiny goals per day.
25:33 So for example, find one document instead of getting all the paperwork done.
25:38 And again, with all of these ideas,
25:40 there's like 20 plus ways to do this,
25:42 and a great therapist
25:43 or executive function coach can help you come up with some good ways to
25:46 implement these strategies.
25:48 You don't have to do this on your own.
25:50 Okay, we are almost done.
25:51 Number eight, schedule emotional check-ins.
25:54 Because emotions can feel really overwhelming, it's easy to want to avoid them.
25:58 And plus, when there's no crisis, it's boring.
26:00 It's not urgent.
26:02 So, schedule a regular time to check in with your feelings instead of ignoring
26:07 them. until there's a crisis.
26:09 And this could look like a weekly therapy session
26:11 or a set time to talk with a friend
26:15 or a 5-minute check-in every evening
26:17 and just ask yourself like,
26:18 "How did I feel today?"
26:19 This can help you manage your emotions before they become overwhelming.
26:24 Okay.
26:24 Number nine, reflect.
26:26 You don't have to be perfect.
26:27 It's okay.
26:28 Learning to regulate emotions is a process.
26:30 It's not a destination.
26:32 One of the best things you can do is a careful reflection after a
26:36 big emotion. like you could write about what happened,
26:39 what triggered my reaction, how could I have responded differently,
26:43 and write out exactly what you would say or do next time.
26:47 This lays neural pathways to act differently in the future.
26:51 And I would say just get good at apologizing.
26:54 This is a skill that can be learned, so work on that.
26:58 Okay, was that all super overwhelming?
27:00 Just as a reminder, just pick one area to work on.
27:03 Write it down.
27:04 Add a daily reminder to your phone, outsource the executive function,
27:08 and work on it for a few weeks.
27:10 While regulating emotions is harder for many people with ADHD,
27:14 I know that you can learn the skills to get better
27:16 and better at feeling.
27:18 For me, big emotions used to feel like the end of the world.
27:22 Like literally the end of the world.
27:23 Everything is awful and it will never get better.
27:26 Now, I only feel like that sometimes.
27:29 Just kidding.
27:29 Um, big emotions do take over sometimes.
27:31 But what's different now is
27:32 that I feel super confident
27:34 that I can figure them out,
27:36 that they won't last forever,
27:38 and that I have the supports in place to work through them.
27:41 So, what this means is they don't usually stick around nearly as long,
27:44 and overall, I handle situations a lot better.
27:48 So, by practicing these strategies,
27:50 you can learn to interrupt impulsive emotional reactions
27:54 and build better emotional regulation over time.
27:57 Okay, I hope this was helpful.
28:00 I've mentioned several resources in this video, including videos I'm working on about ADHD,
28:04 and I'll put those links in the description.
28:07 So, if you'd like to learn more, you can check those out.
28:10 Thank you again for being here, and please take care.
