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I Want To Squeeze Them — The Office shadowing | TryShadowing
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The Office
I Want To Squeeze Them
I Want To Squeeze Them
The Office
·
32:05 · Dec 8, 2025
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Hey,
Jan.
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0:00
Hey, Jan.
0:00
You went to a sperm bank?
0:02
>> Uh, yes I did.
0:04
>> I donated sperm.
0:08
>> Oh, >> maybe I'm the father.
0:11
>> Well, this is a a highly exclusive establishment >> next to the IHOP.
0:18
>> Well, I paid for an ideal specimen.
0:20
>> Are you saying Kevin is not an ideal specimen?
0:24
>> This is a wonderful shower, everyone.
0:26
Thank you.
0:27
I might have done it with Jan.
0:30
>> It's not Kevin's child.
0:33
Can't possibly be.
0:35
I mean, I I don't know what I would do.
0:40
Sue, this aside, Stanley, how about that hot picture you have by your desk?
0:46
Centerfold in the Catholic school girls outfit.
0:48
I mean, it is hot.
0:49
It is sexy.
0:50
And it turns him on.
0:51
And I will admit, best part of my morning staring at it.
0:55
But what are we going to just take it away?
0:57
>> That is my daughter.
0:58
She goes to Catholic girls school.
1:01
>> Great.
1:02
He can leave it up.
1:03
>> I'm taking it down right now.
1:05
>> Leave it up, Stanley.
1:06
Leave it up.
1:07
Fight the good fight.
1:09
Um, what about office romance?
1:12
>> Good point.
1:13
Yes, office romance.
1:16
For example, Pam and I are dating.
1:19
Do we have to disclose that?
1:21
>> We're not dating.
1:22
No, but I'm saying hypothetically if we were dating.
1:25
>> We're not dating.
1:25
I'm engaged.
1:27
>> Well, Roy is dead and I ask you out.
1:31
>> I would say no.
1:32
>> And you say yes and we go out.
1:33
>> I would drown myself.
1:34
>> And now Roy
1:36
and Pam are dead
1:38
and we have your stupid rules to blame.
1:40
Toby, >> office relationships are never a good idea.
1:44
So, let's just try to avoid them.
1:46
But, um, if you already have one,
1:48
you should disclose it to HR. all relationships.
1:51
Uh, even a one night stand.
1:55
>> Uh, full disclosure, Dwight and his electric pencil sharpener are dating.
1:59
Uh, no we are not.
2:00
Well, you said you hooked up.
2:01
>> Damn it, Dwight.
2:02
>> Okay, question.
2:03
When does this policy go into effect?
2:06
>> Immediately.
2:06
>> Wrong.
2:07
No.
2:08
New policies go into effect next business day.
2:11
>> Okay, Dwight.
2:11
>> I think the old honor system was fine.
2:13
For example, I have never slept with an employee, and believe me,
2:17
I could have.
2:18
Heck yeah.
2:18
Meredith.
2:19
>> No.
2:20
No.
2:20
Catherine, remember her?
2:21
Remember how hot she was?
2:22
She would have definitely slept with me.
2:24
>> She wasn't that hot.
2:26
>> Yes, she was.
2:27
>> Okay.
2:27
You know, Michael, >> I'm in an office relationship.
2:31
It's special.
2:32
Um, she's nice.
2:34
She's shy.
2:34
She's actually here if you want to meet her.
2:36
Hold on a second.
2:40
Oh my god.
2:41
Put on a shirt.
2:42
Put I told you that you'd be on camera.
2:45
I'm sorry.
2:45
She's European.
2:47
No, I told you that you'd be on camera.
2:57
Stop.
2:57
>> I have recently taken a lover.
2:58
>> Well, that's great.
3:00
Congratulations.
3:01
Who's the lucky lady?
3:03
>> Pam's mom.
3:06
>> What?
3:06
>> Pam's mom.
3:07
Helen, remember from your wedding?
3:10
>> You're messing with me >> about what?
3:12
>> You did not have sex with Pam's mom.
3:14
>> Oh, big time.
3:15
>> What kind of car does she drive?
3:16
She drives a green camera.
3:17
>> And the seats go all the way down.
3:20
All the way down.
3:21
>> Oh my god.
3:24
Oh my god.
3:27
What?
3:27
>> Okay.
3:27
Never tell Pam.
3:28
And then secondly, >> good.
3:29
A packed.
3:30
A packed.
3:32
Although I may have to break it tonight
3:33
when Helena and I tell Pam over dinner.
3:36
>> You all right?
3:36
>> Oh my god.
3:38
>> Hey, Jim.
3:39
>> Not now, Toby.
3:40
My god.
3:41
>> Get the hell out of here, idiot.
3:42
>> What did I do?
3:43
Okay, as far as dinner tonight, cancel that.
3:46
And please, for both of our sakes, never ever ever see her again.
3:52
>> I think you're underestimating Pam.
3:54
I think more than anything, she wants me to be happy.
3:57
>> No, not more than anything.
3:59
>> Okay.
3:59
I I have a good thing with the mom.
4:02
She's right on my way home from work.
4:04
>> Then take a different way home, man.
4:05
>> All right, I'll take surface streets.
4:08
It's the last thing in the world I would want to do is upset
4:11
Pam.
4:11
>> Okay, so we're good.
4:13
Yeah.
4:14
Could you at least let me brag about the other night?
4:16
It was sublime.
4:17
I have had some incredible Okay, you know what?
4:21
That's disrespectful.
4:27
Wow.
4:28
Late every day this week.
4:29
>> Ah, we signed CC up for this daycare
4:31
and it's on the other side of town.
4:33
The traffic is >> Why didn't I think of this before?
4:35
Did you know that there is a daycare center opening right here in this
4:39
building?
4:40
>> Is there really?
4:41
Now that I own the building,
4:42
I'm looking for new sources of revenue and a daycare center.
4:51
Well, I guess it's not an evil idea.
4:53
It's just a regular idea.
4:54
But there's no good laugh for a regular idea.
4:58
Welcome to the Sesame Avenue daycare center for infants and toddlers.
5:06
>> You remember my cousin Moz?
5:08
>> Welcome, children.
5:09
Were you painting in the dark?
5:12
>> Wait, is this your place, Dwight?
5:13
>> Oh, no.
5:13
No.
5:14
I like to think of it as the kids' place.
5:16
Would you like a tour?
5:17
>> I don't think we really >> Oh, let's take the tour, Pam.
5:20
>> Yeah.
5:20
>> Come on.
5:22
>> Here is the language skills and cognitive development area.
5:25
These are English uh letters.
5:28
I see you found our magical toy box, Jim.
5:30
>> These are actually forks and knives from the break room.
5:32
>> Jim, to you and me, maybe, but come on.
5:35
To a child's imagination,
5:36
that's Mr. fork and lieutenant knife and misfork >> and a soy sauce packet.
5:44
>> That shouldn't have been in there.
5:46
I'm embarrassed.
5:46
>> Don't beat yourself up.
5:48
>> We come fully equipped with a restroom, feeding trough, play bucket,
5:53
and room for a plant in success.
5:55
>> Who will be watching the children?
5:56
>> No one.
5:56
The door locks from the outside.
5:57
Escape is impossible.
5:59
>> Prove it.
6:01
>> What?
6:01
>> We're going to head outside.
6:02
>> Give it a whirl.
6:03
I just want to see how it works.
6:05
>> Oh, no, no, no.
6:05
I'll tell you this.
6:06
>> If this works out, >> I think we're looking real good.
6:09
>> I promise you that door locks.
6:13
>> Oh, Andy, you know what?
6:15
We don't have a lot of time, so we should probably >> Jamie.
6:20
>> Andy.
6:20
>> Oh, what are you doing here?
6:22
>> Andy, >> are you a student here?
6:24
>> Oh, yeah.
6:26
>> You never told me you were in high school.
6:29
>> This is weird.
6:31
I got to go to Spanish.
6:38
Oh my god.
6:40
Oh my god.
6:44
I had no idea.
6:47
Well, that's not going to hold up in court.
6:51
We didn't do anything illegal except knock over her mailbox with our friends.
6:57
Okay, then you did nothing wrong.
6:59
We should go.
7:00
How could I not realize she looks older?
7:05
Yeah, she does, doesn't she?
7:07
No, >> she acts older, too.
7:12
She knows everything about European history and photosynthesis.
7:15
And she made me this lanyard with like a female clay thing.
7:21
She's a Renaissance woman or a high school girl.
7:24
Let's go.
7:33
I'll be with you in a moment.
7:34
>> All right.
7:39
>> Who was that guy she was talking to at her locker?
7:42
>> Not important because you're not dating her because it's a felony.
7:47
>> But who was that guy?
7:49
>> Probably another high school student.
7:56
Chicken pot pie.
8:01
>> What's that?
8:03
>> It's what I was eating in the parking lot of 7-Eleven for dinner.
8:09
And I got out of the car to shake the crumbs off my shirt
8:13
and this smoking hot woman comes up
8:16
and we strike up a conversation.
8:17
>> Oh, you don't have to tell me this.
8:20
>> She lets me buy her
8:21
and her friends some wine coolers for a dinner party she's going to.
8:25
You shouldn't be talking about that.
8:31
>> I threw in some scratch tickets cuz generous guy.
8:35
>> The issue with the watermark is very serious.
8:38
>> Absolutely.
8:38
>> We teach our students that character counts.
8:40
>> And you should teach it well enough.
8:45
One of your students is a >> Andy is having a real rough day today.
8:51
>> I want to take out an ad in your yearbook.
8:54
Full page, two words.
8:55
Good luck.
8:57
>> That's not what I had in mind.
9:00
>> Jim, could you come in here, please?
9:09
>> Hi, Jim.
9:12
>> Hello.
9:12
>> I am Harvey, a computer.
9:14
Jim sucks.
9:17
I'm >> sorry.
9:18
Oh, wow.
9:20
That's so rude.
9:21
I'm sorry.
9:22
I can't control him.
9:23
Yeah, he can.
9:24
>> You know what?
9:24
I get Pam >> for this.
9:30
>> Pam.
9:30
>> Pam, you look very hot today.
9:35
>> Pam, meet Harvey.
9:36
This is Michael's new friend.
9:39
>> Great.
9:39
>> Me so horny.
9:40
Me love you.
9:40
Long Tim.
9:42
>> Whoa.
9:42
>> Ah, that is gross.
9:44
>> Who's Long Tim?
9:46
>> Damn it.
9:49
>> Long time.
9:50
Me loy long time.
9:52
>> Oh, well.
9:52
Yoy should bring Long Tim in one day.
9:54
>> Nope.
9:54
>> I'd love to meet Long.
9:56
>> Yeah, right.
9:57
>> Yeah.
9:57
>> You ruined a funny joke.
9:59
You get out of my offive.
10:02
>> Okay.
10:03
>> Okay.
10:03
Bye, Harvey.
10:12
>> Boobs.
10:12
>> Fellas, what's this guy's name again?
10:15
>> I don't know.
10:15
Is it Shadow or G?
10:17
It's something weird.
10:18
I >> My name is Nick.
10:19
>> Okay.
10:20
Well, Nick, we're in a meeting.
10:23
>> Okay, look.
10:23
I get it, people.
10:24
I'm the lame IT guy and everybody hates me.
10:27
>> Hey, listen, man.
10:28
You can't take it personally.
10:29
>> You call me man?
10:30
I just said my name just now.
10:32
Did you forget it already?
10:36
>> No.
10:36
>> Sport.
10:36
>> You You guys have 15 parties a week.
10:39
You can't learn my name.
10:39
>> Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
10:41
It guy, here's a story, Chad.
10:43
None of us have spent a lot of time getting to know you, okay?
10:45
Hey, we like the laughs guy, Sadiq,
10:47
because he kept to himself
10:49
and we also thought he might have been a terrorist.
10:51
You know what?
10:51
I'm going to leave you with one other thought.
10:53
Inner city kids use computers for two things: games and porn.
10:56
So, good luck wasting your life.
10:58
Lurch, >> thank you so much for that.
11:01
I saw all your hard drives and guess what?
11:03
You're not a photographer and you definitely can't fit into a size two.
11:06
And you write creepy, flirty emails to your stepson.
11:10
Darl, man, you're on Facebook.
11:11
Why you been telling people you're not on Facebook?
11:13
People want to be your friend, man.
11:15
All right.
11:16
And you, this guy, you're the one who told the press.
11:19
You wrote an email to the editor.
11:20
I saw it.
11:21
And I also saw a quick time movie of your little printer fire test
11:24
on your hard drive.
11:25
But this guy's a snitch.
11:26
He's the snitch.
11:27
So that's it.
11:28
Check it out.
11:31
>> We're going to believe that guy.
11:34
>> Picture this.
11:35
Kid goes to print out his very first report card.
11:38
Goes to show his parents report card's on fire.
11:41
Everyone's on fire.
11:42
Everyone dies.
11:44
And the report card, it was all A's.
11:48
>> Dwight's room key.
11:51
>> And Dwight's room.
11:54
What can I say?
11:55
Old habits.
11:56
Die hard.
11:59
>> D.
11:59
>> Oh my god.
12:01
Dwight got a hooker.
12:03
Oh my god.
12:04
I got to call.
12:05
I got to call somebody.
12:06
I don't even know who to call.
12:08
I got a hooker.
12:10
Get in the closet
12:11
and tie the doors with the wire hanger like I taught you.
12:15
No, Michael needs me.
12:17
But I'll be up in 90 minutes.
12:19
I promise.
12:19
Okay.
12:20
Bye, monkey.
12:23
>> Cosmos.
12:24
Just like Carrie Bradshaw.
12:26
Great quarterback.
12:28
>> No.
12:28
>> Come on.
12:28
Hurry up, you guys.
12:29
>> My life.
12:32
Oh, my life.
12:34
>> Michael, what's wrong?
12:36
>> Everything's wrong.
12:38
The stress OF MY MODERN OFFICE HAS CAUSED ME TO GO into a depression.
12:45
>> Depression?
12:45
Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?
12:48
>> Dwight, you ignorant DEPRESSION IS A VERY SERIOUS ILLNESS.
12:53
OVER 32,000 PEOPLE COMMIT SUICIDE.
12:57
Every year, ACCORDING TO A 2004 STUDY.
13:01
>> Is that the last year that data was available?
13:03
>> Yes.
13:04
My head IS IN SUCH PAIN AND TURMOIL.
13:08
>> Don't do anything rash.
13:09
>> Wait, where are the warehouse guys?
13:12
I didn't I didn't think you needed him for this part.
13:19
>> Okay, that's you said to just >> That's the whole point, dummy.
13:23
>> Okay, I'm on it.
13:27
>> Okay, >> attention blue collar workers.
13:30
>> What are the odds that this is in any way real?
13:33
I'd say like 10,000 to one.
13:36
>> Okay.
13:36
I'd like 10 bucks on those odds.
13:39
>> If someone gives you 10,000 to one on anything, you take it.
13:45
If John Melanchamp ever wins an Oscar,
13:48
I am going to be a very rich dude.
13:54
>> Michael is up on the roof and he's acting strange.
13:57
>> Oh my life.
13:59
>> MICHAEL, WHAT'S WRONG?
14:01
EVERYTHING IS WRONG, DWIGHT.
14:03
THE STRESS OF MY MODERN OFFICE has made me depressed.
14:07
>> Depressed?
14:08
Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?
14:11
>> Dwight, you ignorant >> Well, you know, the first performance was a little off,
14:15
but I really think they hit their stride in the second show.
14:18
Um, might even bring my parents tomorrow to the matinea.
14:22
>> And that is why I am going to my favorite part.
14:27
>> This is just offensive.
14:29
>> At least we're outside.
14:30
Hey, check it out.
14:31
There's a there's a castle over there.
14:34
>> Oh my god, there is a castle.
14:36
>> No, there's nothing to see over there, people.
14:39
There's nothing to see.
14:42
>> They found the castle, Michael.
14:44
>> Damn it.
14:47
>> Oh god.
14:49
Oh my god.
14:50
He's going to jump.
14:54
>> Oh, he's going to kill himself.
14:56
Pretending to kill himself.
14:58
>> Yeah.
14:58
Excuse me.
15:02
Hey, uh, Michael, don't jump on the bouncy castle.
15:09
>> You can't do that cuz you're going to get horribly, horribly injured.
15:13
>> Hey, Michael, I have a present for you,
15:17
but you have to come down and get it.
15:20
>> What is it?
15:22
>> Come down and open it, and you'll see.
15:24
>> Dwight, find out what the present is.
15:26
>> Okay.
15:26
Uh, I don't see anything.
15:28
She might be bluffing.
15:30
>> Dwight, what?
15:34
>> Oh, it's a a Replier Q1 Expo female robot.
15:41
They're only available in Japan.
15:43
>> Dwight, you are such a liar.
15:44
Pam, really?
15:45
What is it?
15:46
>> Mike, this is the opposite of safety.
15:48
You jump, you're going to seriously hurt yourself.
15:50
You told me that I lead a a cushy, wimpy, Nerf life.
15:58
>> Yeah, but I never said you had nothing to live for.
16:01
>> What do I have to live for?
16:03
>> A lot of things.
16:08
Oh, you uh you What about Jan?
16:17
Lovely, lovely, lovely Jan.
16:20
Man, it's going good, right?
16:23
>> It's complicated with Jan.
16:26
I don't know where I stand or what I want.
16:30
The sex isn't nearly as good as it used to be.
16:35
>> Mike, you're a very brave man.
16:36
I mean, it takes courage just to be you.
16:40
To get out of bed every single day knowing full well you got to
16:45
be you.
16:47
Do you really mean that?
16:49
>> I couldn't do it.
16:49
I I ain't that strong and I ain't that brave.
16:53
>> I'm braver than you.
16:54
>> Way braver.
16:56
You braveheart, man.
17:01
>> I brave heart.
17:03
>> Good morning, everybody.
17:05
Who would like an authentic New York bagel?
17:07
Hm.
17:09
Stanley.
17:09
>> Thank you.
17:10
>> No, no, no, no.
17:10
I got a pumpern nickel just for you.
17:13
Wow.
17:14
H&H.
17:16
You went all the way to New York City to get us bagels.
17:19
Oh, why is there a place closer that sells them?
17:22
>> This is really nice, Dwight.
17:23
Thanks.
17:24
>> Thanks.
17:24
Oh, don't mention it.
17:26
You owe me one.
17:27
You all owe me one.
17:29
Good morning, Michael.
17:30
>> Morning, Dwight.
17:32
>> Hungry?
17:32
>> No, I had a fish stickick sandwich.
17:34
Actually, I had two fish stickick sandwiches.
17:36
My girlfriend didn't want hers because I guess I'm the only aphrodisiac she needs.
17:40
>> Fish sticks are not an aphrodisiac.
17:42
You're thinking of deer penis.
17:43
>> It worked.
17:43
Regardless, that was over two hours ago,
17:46
and it is now a scientific fact that you are hungry.
17:49
Bagel?
17:50
>> I don't mind if I do.
17:51
>> Okay.
17:52
I brought cheese, too.
17:53
>> I'm taking one for my lady friend.
17:56
>> Excellent.
17:56
>> Brain food.
17:57
Thank you very much.
18:00
>> Okay.
18:00
You owe me.
18:01
Can a guy just buy some bagels for his friends
18:03
so they'll owe him a favor,
18:05
which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from
18:08
him anymore?
18:12
Jeez, when did everyone get so cynical?
18:24
Do you hate that I am proud
18:26
and brown and standing here alive with baby oil on my Nubian thighs?
18:33
I will survive.
18:34
I will survive.
18:37
Big Mama Angelou.
18:41
Doing a cross word.
18:42
Let us do one last cross word together as brothers.
18:47
>> No.
18:47
>> Shall we?
18:48
Yes.
18:48
Let's >> Nope.
18:54
>> No.
18:54
>> It's called hentai and it's art.
19:12
Okay, Strley, you want to try the other side?
19:15
Okay, go.
19:18
That's good.
19:23
>> Hey, Jan.
19:24
What's new?
19:26
>> Nothing since the last time you asked two minutes ago.
19:36
>> Cool.
19:36
You know what, Kevin?
19:37
Why don't you just go ahead and stare?
19:39
Because, you know, it's it's fine with me.
19:42
I mean, this is so natural and so beautiful.
19:46
And >> seriously, you're okay with that?
19:50
>> Of course.
19:50
I mean, there's nothing erotic about this, you know?
19:52
It's it's it's what these were made for, you know?
19:57
I mean, they're full of baby milk.
19:59
They're nourishing my baby.
20:02
So, Michael Morning, Dwight.
20:37
Who are you?
20:39
Who am I?
20:41
I'm Jim.
20:42
We've been working together for 12 years.
20:44
We're Jug Dwight.
20:46
You're not Jim.
20:47
Jim's not Asian.
20:48
>> You seriously never noticed?
20:50
Hey, hats off to you for not seeing race.
20:55
>> All right, then.
20:56
Jim, uh, why don't you tell me about that sale that you made yesterday?
21:01
>> Uh, Wellington Systems sold them 10 cases of 24 pound letter stock.
21:06
Or were you talking about Creger Murphy?
21:07
Because I didn't close that one yet.
21:09
But I'm hoping I've got a voicemail from Paul Creger waiting for me.
21:14
>> Please enter your password.
21:21
>> You have one new message.
21:23
>> How did you know?
21:24
No, no, no.
21:25
That is sensitive information only for employees, not outsiders.
21:29
>> Dwight, cut it out.
21:30
I'm trying to work.
21:31
>> You don't work here.
21:32
You're not Jim.
21:33
>> Jim, I got us that dinner reservation.
21:35
Greek go 7:30.
21:35
>> Oh, great.
21:36
Can't wait.
21:40
>> Jim's at the dentist this morning.
21:42
And Steve is an actor friend of ours.
21:44
>> I don't know who you are, but you are not Jim.
21:49
This is Jim. home.
21:57
Oh, uh, how did Okay.
22:07
Well, I did not get the job in New York,
22:10
but I got the real prize.
22:12
Domestic bliss.
22:15
Jan made me breakfast this morning.
22:18
Well, she bought the milk.
22:21
It's soy.
22:24
This is why I do it.
22:27
That's what I have to come home to.
22:33
She probably won't be up for a few hours.
22:36
This is going to be a very good year.
22:38
Very good.
22:40
Jan is at home.
22:41
Jim is back.
22:43
My protege Ryan is at corporate.
22:45
Good stuff.
22:47
Um Andy and Dwight are rocking the sales team.
22:51
I feel very blessed.
22:59
There's somebody I'd like you to meet.
23:01
Somebody else who has been to prison who can tell you what it is
23:07
really like.
23:10
I'm Prison Mike.
23:12
You know why they call me Prison Mike?
23:15
>> Do you really expect us to believe you're somebody else?
23:17
>> Do you really expect ME TO NOT PUSH YOU UP AGAINST THE WALL?
23:20
BATCH.
23:21
OH WOW.
23:22
ALL RIGHT.
23:22
HEY, HEY, HEY.
23:23
That's just the way we talk in the clink.
23:26
Been a lot of fun talk about prison today,
23:28
but I am here to scare you straight.
23:32
I AM HERE TO SCARE YOU STRAIGHT.
23:36
In prison, you are somebody's Oh,
23:39
and you you my friend would be the bell of the ball.
23:44
Don't drop the soap.
23:46
Don't drop the soap.
23:47
>> Michael, please.
23:50
Where did you learn all of this?
23:54
>> Internet.
23:54
>> So, not prison.
23:55
>> And prison at 50/50 boat.
23:59
Look, prison stinks is what I'm saying.
24:02
It's not like you can go home
24:03
and recharge your batteries
24:05
and come back in the morning
24:06
and be with your friends having fun in the office.
24:11
>> What'd you do, President Mike?
24:13
I stole and I robbed
24:18
and I kidnapped the president's son >>
24:22
and held him for ransom.
24:24
>> That is quite the rap sheet.
24:26
Prison Mike.
24:26
>> And I never got caught neither.
24:28
>> Well, you're in prison, but Mhm.
24:30
>> Prison Mike.
24:31
What was the food like in prison?
24:33
>> Grl sandwiches.
24:36
Grul omelets.
24:37
Nothing but grl.
24:38
Plus, you can eat your own hair.
24:41
>> Wow.
24:42
Prison sounds horrible.
24:44
>> Yeah.
24:45
Yeah.
24:45
Well, thank you, Andy.
24:47
Thanks.
24:47
>> Prison me.
24:49
What's the very very worst thing about prison?
24:51
>> Don't encourage him, Dwight.
24:53
>> The worst thing about prison was the was the dementors.
24:57
They were flying all over the place
24:59
and they were scary
25:00
and then they come down
25:01
and they suck the soul out of your body
25:02
and at height.
25:03
>> Dementors like in Harry Potter.
25:06
>> No, not Harry Potter.
25:08
There are no movies in prison.
25:10
This is my point.
25:11
You guys got it soft and cushy.
25:14
THIS PLACE IS FREAKING AWESOME.
25:16
THE PEOPLE ARE AWESOME.
25:17
YOUR BOSS IS NICE.
25:18
EVERYBODY SEEMS TO GET ALONG.
25:20
People are tolerant.
25:21
People who have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves.
25:25
Nobody's nobody's I hope that this scared you.
25:30
And from me, Prison Mike, to you,
25:32
I just want to thank you for listening to me
25:35
and letting me be a part of your life today
25:38
because you got a good life.
25:42
You got a good life.
25:43
A good life.
25:51
So, what do you think?
25:53
It doesn't sound so great, does it?
25:59
>> Wow.
25:59
Thank you.
26:00
Um, that must been hard for you to relive that, both of you.
26:04
>> Yeah, that wasn't really at all my experience. it.
26:10
There's certain elements of what you've performed I I've seen on television,
26:15
but it didn't remind me of my time in prison.
26:21
>> Okay.
26:21
Okay.
26:22
Fine.
26:23
You guys think prison is so great.
26:26
All right.
26:27
Well, here you go.
26:31
>> Okay.
26:31
Michael, come on.
26:32
Let us >> No.
26:33
If you think prison is so wonderful, then enjoy prison.
26:37
They are such babies.
26:39
I am going to leave them in there until they can appreciate what it's
26:43
like to have freedom.
26:46
>> And if this doesn't bother them, then I am out of ideas.
27:04
It's Britney, and I am back in the form of a new company,
27:09
the Michael Scott Paper Company.
27:20
>> Okay, not going to make this one.
27:29
Love the hair.
27:33
>> Morning, Michael.
27:37
>> Hello.
27:37
>> They took away my parking space, but they can't take away my pride.
27:47
I would like to invite you all to come along with me on a
27:50
journey.
28:02
Welcome to the Michael Scott Paper Company.
28:09
Hey, ready?
28:13
Come on, show me excited.
28:17
>> Yes.
28:17
>> Yeah, I'm pretty excited, too.
28:19
Today I'm headed over to the job fair at Valley View High School to
28:23
find some new interns.
28:25
Want to get some fresh blood.
28:27
Um, euthanize this place.
28:29
>> Hey, we doing this thing?
28:31
>> Yeah.
28:31
>> Oh my god, Darl, you look like Barack Obama.
28:34
Everybody dating Barack Obama.
28:36
>> Why are you dressed like that?
28:37
>> Like what?
28:38
>> Like you're applying for a loan.
28:39
>> Maybe he's going to church or court.
28:42
>> Figured I look presentable.
28:44
>> Yeah, >> you went a different way.
28:46
>> I think you look nice.
28:47
>> Thank you.
28:48
Okay, here's what we're going to do.
28:49
I am going to instruct the kids about management and sales.
28:53
Oscar will be in charge of accounting.
28:55
Pam will be eye candy.
28:57
No.
28:58
And also because that is your alma mater.
29:01
Uh Daryl will hire some kids for the warehouse.
29:03
We don't have to worry about internships with them
29:06
because they definitely ain't going to college.
29:08
>> What college did you go to, Mike?
29:09
>> Let's go.
29:11
YEAH.
29:11
EVERYTHING.
29:12
OH, IT'S ALL GOOD.
29:12
IT'S ALL GOOD, PHYLLIS.
29:13
>> DANCING BABIES.
29:14
>> DANCING BABIES.
29:15
I LOVE IT.
29:15
I love it.
29:16
We are making a commercial for Dunder Mifflin today.
29:19
Our first ad ever.
29:21
Corporate purchased some airtime in local markets to spread the word about Dunder Mifflin
29:24
Infinity.
29:25
And they are even sending up a professional ad company to help us make
29:29
it later.
29:30
So, it's uh not too shabby.
29:33
>> Best ad ever.
29:35
Give me a break.
29:37
Give me a break.
29:38
Break me off a piece of that.
29:43
I am totally blanking.
29:46
What is the thing?
29:47
>> Nobody tell him.
29:48
>> What?
29:48
No.
29:49
Why?
29:50
>> You got it.
29:50
You're so close.
29:51
>> Break me off a piece of that.
29:56
It's applesauce.
29:57
>> Break me off a piece of that applesauce.
29:59
I don't think >> piece of that Chrysler car.
30:03
>> Nope.
30:03
>> Football cream.
30:04
>> Okay.
30:05
It's football cream.
30:06
It's football cream.
30:07
All right.
30:07
So, anybody else?
30:09
>> I'm taking a computer animation class so I could try to do a logo.
30:12
>> Look at that.
30:13
Even the receptionist is getting in on the creativity.
30:15
Very good.
30:16
Very good.
30:17
Hello.
30:17
Hello.
30:18
>> Hey.
30:18
How you doing?
30:18
>> Michael Scott, regional manager.
30:20
Nice to meet you.
30:21
Excited to talk ideas.
30:22
>> Let's do, man.
30:23
>> You know what?
30:23
I want this to be cutting edge.
30:25
I want it to be fast, quick cuts, you know, youthful,
30:29
sort of um MTV on crack kind of thing.
30:32
>> That sounds great.
30:33
>> All right.
30:33
Good.
30:33
Well, this is what we have to work with.
30:35
I would like you to meet Andrew Bernard, the nard dog.
30:39
Let the nard dog out.
30:42
He gives the best back rubs in the office.
30:44
>> That's true.
30:45
I give a mean back rub.
30:46
I also do good aroma therapy.
30:49
>> You just got n dogged.
30:51
>> Now this gentleman right here is the key to our urban vibe.
30:57
>> Urban?
30:58
I grew up in a small town.
31:00
What about me seems urban to you?
31:02
>> Stanley is hilarious.
31:03
Phyllis is like our Mrs.
31:05
Butterworth.
31:06
Kind of a less urban anchima.
31:10
These are our accountants.
31:12
And as you can see, they are very different sizes.
31:17
What you might want to do is kind of a a papa bear,
31:20
mama bear, baby bear thing.
31:22
That might be kind of fun.
31:24
>> Mama bear.
31:25
>> Who else?
31:26
>> I think it's great
31:27
that the company's making a commercial
31:28
because not very many people have heard of us.
31:31
I mean, when I tell people that I work at Dunder Mifflin,
31:34
they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or And frankly,
31:41
all of those sound better than paper.
31:43
So, I let it slide.
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