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I was testing you and you FAILED... — The Office shadowing | TryShadowing
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The Office
I was testing you and you FAILED...
I was testing you and you FAILED...
The Office
·
41:13 · Nov 18, 2025
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I
hope
she
didn't
do
anything
to
the
food.
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0:04
I hope she didn't do anything to the food.
0:07
Like, like what?
0:08
I can't prove it, but I think she might be trying to poison me.
0:18
>> Hey, looks great, babe.
0:20
>> Yeah, really does.
0:21
>> I know Jan didn't poison the food.
0:23
I know that.
0:24
But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table,
0:28
wouldn't it be me?
0:30
Michael's former lover.
0:39
>> Do you not do that?
0:40
It's disgusting.
0:43
>> You know I have soft teeth.
0:45
How could you say that?
0:50
>> Oops.
0:50
>> Excuse me for a second.
0:58
So, how do you guys know each other?
1:01
>> I was his babysitter.
1:03
>> And now you guys are dating.
1:06
>> It's purely carnal.
1:07
That's all you need to know.
1:09
>> Would you write down your email?
1:10
Because I have just so many questions.
1:16
>> Email?
1:16
>> Never mind.
1:17
>> It was me.
1:20
>> What's that?
1:20
>> I spray painted that dog.
1:23
It was sleek and shiny and perfect little haircut.
1:27
It was parading around like it was God's gift to this godforsaken town.
1:32
I just couldn't take it anymore.
1:33
So, I went over there
1:34
and I held it down my knee
1:35
and I just spray painted it till I was good
1:37
and done and bit me on the arm.
1:39
I didn't even feel it.
1:45
Okay.
1:45
All right.
1:46
There we go. there.
2:00
Oh, okay.
2:01
It's nice.
2:02
Everybody enjoying their meal?
2:06
>> Hey, babe.
2:07
>> Yeah.
2:07
>> How about we take the beer sign down until our guests leave
2:10
and then we can discuss it?
2:11
>> No.
2:12
No.
2:13
I'm going to leave it up.
2:14
I think it ties the whole room together.
2:24
>> Okay.
2:24
>> >> Jim thinks Hunter is very talented.
2:27
>> You know what?
2:29
>> I don't think he's that good.
2:30
>> At least he's an artist.
2:32
>> BFD.
2:33
I'm a screenwriter >> and I'm a candle maker,
2:36
BUT YOU DON'T HEAR ME BRAGGING ABOUT IT.
2:38
>> NO.
2:38
ALL YOU DO IS YOU GET me to try to work on my rich
2:42
friends >> for an investment opportunity.
2:45
>> Man, I would love to burn your candles.
2:47
>> You burn it, you buy it.
2:49
>> OH, GOOD.
2:50
I'LL BE YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER.
2:52
>> But you're hardly my first.
2:54
>> That's what she said.
3:07
>> THAT IS A $200 PLASMA SCREEN TV YOU just killed.
3:11
Good luck paying ME BACK ON YOUR Z A YEAR SALARY PLUS BENEFITS, BABE.
3:24
I'm going to get going.
3:25
>> Fine, get out of here.
3:26
>> It's getting late.
3:27
We should do >> No.
3:28
You know what?
3:28
You guys, you'll be out in the bathroom soon.
3:31
>> I noticed you're wearing open toed shoes.
3:35
Since when did you become a >> There might be a lot of things
3:39
about me that shock you.
3:42
Now, if you excuse me, I have to get back to my date.
3:49
Do you need some help?
3:51
>> Have you seen my cooler?
3:56
>> No.
3:56
>> Thanks for everything, Jan.
3:58
>> Yeah, I want a rematch in Celebrity.
4:02
I want that recipe.
4:03
That was some awesome buo.
4:05
>> It was a little too flavorful.
4:08
>> Listen up.
4:09
Some of you may have heard some rumors about the branch closing.
4:13
Um, like when you said the ranch was closing,
4:15
>> but I am not going to take this lying down.
4:19
I have a plan and I am going to save our job.
4:21
So, just hang in there.
4:22
Let's go.
4:24
>> Yes.
4:24
>> Oh, good.
4:24
You're bringing Dwight.
4:25
>> Yes.
4:26
This might get ugly.
4:27
I need backup.
4:29
>> Feeling nostalgic.
4:32
>> Yeah, nostalgic.
4:36
>> Okay, this is it.
4:39
This is exactly what Michael Moore does. famous documentar
4:43
and he goes up to people with a camera
4:46
and he's like,
4:48
"Why did you do this?
4:49
Why did you pollute?
4:50
You are bad.
4:51
You're a bad person."
4:52
It's very dramatic.
4:54
Although I can't say I was a big fan of bowling for Coline
4:56
because I thought it was going to be a bowling movie like Kingpin
5:05
and it wasn't.
5:06
It was something else.
5:14
Do you know what you're going to say when he shows up?
5:17
>> I will improvise.
5:18
I will speak from the heart.
5:19
>> No.
5:20
Bad idea.
5:20
You need an attack plan here.
5:23
I'll be him.
5:23
You be you.
5:24
Let's practice.
5:25
>> Excuse me, >> Mr.
5:27
Wallace.
5:27
David Wallace.
5:28
>> Yes.
5:28
What is the meaning of this?
5:30
>> Can you tell us why you are shutting down Scranton
5:33
and putting 15 people out of work?
5:36
>> Well, the branch is no longer financially viable.
5:38
That's simple dollars and cents.
5:40
>> Yes, but these are employees, sir.
5:42
These are human beings.
5:43
>> Listen, Scott, >> it's no longer financially viable.
5:46
We're losing money, okay?
5:48
It's not a charity.
5:49
It's a business, and it's a dying business.
5:52
Look, the whole business model of the small regional paper company simply doesn't make
5:56
sense anymore.
5:57
>> Stop it.
5:57
Just Okay, he's not going to say any of that.
6:00
>> Well, wait, why not?
6:00
>> Because he'd be intimidated, and I just Let's start again.
6:04
>> Excuse me, Mr.
6:05
Wallace.
6:07
I'm Michael Scott from Dunder Mifflin Scranton.
6:09
>> The Michael Scott?
6:11
>> Yes, sir.
6:12
You're putting 15 employees out of work, sir.
6:15
Did you realize you were doing that?
6:16
>> 15 people?
6:17
I hadn't thought of it that way before.
6:19
>> How does that make you feel?
6:20
>> It makes me feel like Hitler.
6:23
>> What did Okay.
6:25
>> Coming home FROM WORK, >> MR.
6:26
WALLACE.
6:28
>> OKAY, LET'S just skip it.
6:31
>> You scared me.
6:31
So, I was >> Yeah, I just >> He might know something.
6:34
I will improvise in the moment.
6:42
>> You can learn a great deal about a man from his trash.
6:47
Case in point, satellite TV bill.
6:52
Lesson learned.
6:53
He's rich.
6:58
Coffee grounds.
7:00
Was he enjoying a delicious hot beverage
7:05
or disguising the scent of cocaine from drug sniffing dogs?
7:10
It's a nice house.
7:34
Who is it?
7:35
>> The office.
7:36
>> You going to get it?
7:38
>> No.
7:39
Not until I have some good news for them.
7:44
Not until I have some good news.
7:46
>> What are we still doing here?
7:49
It's over.
7:51
Let's go home.
7:53
Get the car.
7:58
No.
7:59
This was such a stupid idea.
8:02
This was so stupid.
8:04
I am such a stupid idiot.
8:07
I let everybody down.
8:09
Everybody hates me.
8:11
I lost everybody's jobs.
8:14
Nobody likes me anymore.
8:16
>> Oh my god.
8:18
>> What?
8:18
>> STANFORD IS CLOSED.
8:20
MICHAEL, WE'RE NOT CLOSED.
8:22
St is closed.
8:23
STRA IS CLOSED.
8:24
WE DID IT.
8:25
>> WE DID IT.
8:26
>> WE DID IT.
8:27
>> WE DID IT.
8:32
>> WE DID IT.
8:33
>> WE DID IT.
8:45
>> YEAH.
8:45
We did it.
8:46
>> Oh, man.
8:49
How did we do it?
8:50
>> I don't have no idea.
8:51
>> I don't understand.
8:52
>> You can say anything you want with total and complete immunity.
8:56
>> Oh, no.
8:56
No.
8:56
>> Yeah.
8:57
Come on.
8:58
Anybody let it fly.
9:00
>> Okay.
9:00
Once once in a while, I'll take a long lunch.
9:03
>> A siesta.
9:04
>> Time thief.
9:04
Time thief.
9:05
Fire him.
9:06
>> Dwight.
9:07
You've really never stolen any company time.
9:11
>> Never.
9:11
>> You are a thief of joy.
9:13
>> I have never missed a day because of sickness.
9:16
I have had intestinal flu, scabies, lice, pink eye, mono, the pox.
9:26
I still come in.
9:27
>> Anybody else?
9:28
Yep.
9:29
>> Sometimes I download pirated music onto my work computer.
9:32
>> Who hasn't?
9:33
Good.
9:33
Good.
9:34
What else?
9:34
>> No, I I'd like to hear more about that.
9:36
>> Well, remember when Andy had his engagement brunch?
9:39
>> Several of us got together to come up with excuses why we couldn't
9:43
make it.
9:44
>> What?
9:45
Who else?
9:46
Phyllis, >> I don't want to say.
9:48
>> Yeah, cuz no one came and I threw a deli platter in the pool.
9:53
>> I once reported Oscar to the INS.
9:56
Turns out he's clean, but I'm glad I did it.
10:00
>> Well, let's keep this party moving on.
10:02
>> I've done some things I'm not proud of.
10:04
Committed some atrocities in Vietnam uh two years ago.
10:09
Princess Cruise Lines.
10:11
>> Ryan.
10:11
Oh, but you mean other than embezzling?
10:14
Fraud, Jim.
10:16
>> Fraud.
10:16
>> Fraud.
10:16
>> Sure.
10:17
Last year, you guys were riding me really hard for the website,
10:19
and I just peeled out my Z3,
10:21
and I knocked the mirror off somebody's car.
10:23
>> I never said a thing.
10:26
>> Wait, >> what?
10:26
>> I'll go.
10:28
Have you guys ever met Bruce Meyers, the Scranton rep for Hammer Mill?
10:31
>> Bruce?
10:33
>> Well, for the past six years,
10:34
I've been sleeping with him in exchange for discounts on our supplies
10:38
and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates.
10:44
>> Jackpot.
10:44
Meredith, that is serious.
10:47
I mean, not only is that a conflict of interest,
10:50
but there's also an exchange of goods.
10:52
>> Exchange of steak.
10:54
>> Have you ever had sirloin steak, honey?
10:56
>> That's crazy.
10:57
That's crazy talk, Meredith.
11:01
The marinator sleeping with suppliers.
11:07
Wow.
11:08
What time we got?
11:09
You know what?
11:10
That's a good place to end it right there.
11:12
This I think was a great ethics seminar.
11:15
She has given us a lot of wonderful things to think about.
11:18
Right?
11:19
What is wrong?
11:21
Who's to say really in the end?
11:24
I mean because it is unknowable.
11:27
But let's give her a round of applause.
11:28
Holly everybody.
11:29
Holly get back to work.
11:33
Great job.
11:35
I am truly impressed that uh you really pulled that one out.
11:39
Classic classic meeting.
11:40
We should celebrate.
11:42
>> Michael, there's some serious issues with Meredith.
11:45
>> Oh, >> I mean, all of you have done things I wouldn't have done myself,
11:48
but Meredith's actions are really over the line.
11:50
>> Yeah.
11:52
What you going to do, >> Ryan?
11:55
Is he bugging you, Dwight?
11:57
Dude, you got to take a chill pill, man.
11:59
It was one joint in the parking lot.
12:01
You know, you're you're totally harshing the office mellow.
12:05
>> I can't stop this investigation.
12:06
It is my job.
12:07
>> Whoa.
12:08
You are a volunteer.
12:08
I volunteered for this job >> and that's not the same.
12:11
>> It is my duty >> volunteer duty >> to investigate the crime scene.
12:14
I have six more interviews to go
12:16
and then I will reveal what I know.
12:21
>> Narc, >> if you're attempting to compliment me,
12:22
then you have done a very good job.
12:24
>> I wasn't attempting to compliment you.
12:25
>> Well, you have
12:26
because being an arc is one of the hardest jobs
12:28
that you can have.
12:28
Okay.
12:29
>> And I am very proud of being cool it.
12:30
Cool it.
12:31
Dwight, please.
12:32
God, dude.
12:33
Where's my office?
12:35
I totally lost it cuz I was half baked smoking doobies.
12:41
Doobie brothers.
12:42
I was smoking doobies with my brothers.
12:45
Peace out.
12:45
See you crushed.
12:48
>> Well, your office is behind you.
12:52
>> Thanks.
12:52
Munchies.
12:53
Who wants some munchies?
12:54
>> I don't think Michael's ever done drugs.
12:58
I don't know if anyone's ever offered him any.
13:00
>> Uhoh.
13:01
Uhoh.
13:02
Who's he calling?
13:03
Ratten somebody out.
13:05
Gnar.
13:06
Gnar.
13:07
Kevin.
13:08
>> That is so good.
13:09
>> Remember the narc bit?
13:12
>> Okay, I will let them know.
13:13
Uh >> oh.
13:14
>> Attention everyone.
13:16
>> Drug testers are coming in a couple hours to test everyone's urine.
13:20
>> Wow.
13:22
What?
13:22
What are you talking about?
13:23
>> Company policy.
13:24
If drugs are found on the premises,
13:26
there's automatic drug testing conducted within 24 hours.
13:30
>> Is that true, Toby?
13:31
Oh, when you sign your job application,
13:34
you agree to comply with the random drug testing.
13:39
>> Two nights ago, I went to an Alicia Keys concert at the Montage
13:41
Mountain Performing Arts Center.
13:43
I scored these great aisle seats.
13:45
Anyway, after the opening act, this beautiful girl sits down next to me,
13:48
and I never get to meet girls with lip rings, and she had one.
13:52
I don't know exactly how this happened,
13:54
but one of her friends started passing around some stuff,
13:57
and they said that it was closed cigarettes.
13:59
And I'm sure that it was closed cigarettes.
14:01
Everybody in the aisle was doing it.
14:04
>> Okay.
14:04
Attention everyone.
14:05
The drug testing has been cancelled.
14:08
Instead, I will be going around to each of you
14:10
and doing a visual inspection.
14:12
>> No, you can't do that.
14:13
>> I can't do that.
14:14
It is my office.
14:15
>> No, you cannot.
14:16
It has to be official and it has to be urine.
14:25
Uh, all right.
14:27
>> It has come to my attention
14:29
that some people here think
14:31
that the use of drugs is something to laugh about.
14:36
>> Well, you don't feel that way.
14:37
>> No, not at all.
14:38
>> You were the one joking around calling Twark.
14:41
>> No, no, that was a test.
14:43
I was testing you
14:45
and you all failed miserably
14:49
when I said that Dwight was a narc.
14:51
How many of you defended him?
14:53
How many of you said, "Hey, you know what?
14:55
He's right.
14:55
What he's doing is protecting this office from the evils of drugs."
15:00
>> Thank you, Michael.
15:01
>> I am ridiculously anti-drug.
15:03
I am so anti-drug
15:05
that I am above suspicion in any way
15:07
that involves suspicion or testing of any kind.
15:11
Drugs ruin lives, people.
15:14
Drugs destroy careers.
15:17
Take Chichin Chong.
15:18
Everybody knows that Chichin Chong are funny,
15:21
but just imagine how funny they would be if they didn't smoke pot.
15:25
I want everybody to take a look to their left.
15:29
Now, I want everybody to take a look to their right.
15:33
One of those people will be dead from drug use at some point in
15:39
their lives.
15:40
This year, more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their
15:45
children.
15:46
>> Where did you get these facts?
15:47
Are these facts scaring you or are they not?
15:50
>> They are not.
15:51
>> Do you think that smoking drugs is cool?
15:54
Do you think that doing alcohol is cool?
15:57
>> No, I don't.
15:58
I have a glass of red wine with dinner about once a week for
16:01
the antioxidants.
16:03
>> Okay, enough enough.
16:04
Enough.
16:05
I have written down a list of illegal drugs.
16:11
Take a gander.
16:12
How many of these are you familiar with?
16:14
>> Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael.
16:16
Yes, it is.
16:17
>> No, it's not.
16:18
It's a type of pipe.
16:20
You can fill it with tobacco, often mixed with fruit or flavor.
16:24
>> Okay.
16:24
You know what, Toby?
16:26
Pam, could you take this down?
16:27
In addition to Toby's urine being tested,
16:30
I would like to test his blood and his hair.
16:32
>> You can't do that.
16:33
>> I can test anyone randomly, and I have chosen you randomly.
16:37
>> That's not random.
16:38
>> Okay.
16:38
Eeny, meeny, miny, mo is random.
16:48
Really?
16:48
Just the two?
16:49
You think that'll be enough?
16:50
>> No, I don't.
17:07
>> Smart.
17:07
>> Spring cleaning.
17:16
>> Sad.
17:16
>> What?
17:16
>> Smart.
17:16
>> Yeah.
17:16
>> >> Today is spring cleaning day here at Dunder Mifflin.
17:18
And yes, I know it's January.
17:20
I am not an idiot.
17:21
But if you do your spring cleaning in January,
17:24
guess what you don't have to do in the spring?
17:28
Anything.
17:28
They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind.
17:31
Well, I say an empty desk means an >> empty.
17:35
That's not No, that's not what I was going to say.
17:37
Look at them all out there.
17:38
My little worker bees buzzing away.
17:42
If they're the worker bees, you're the queen bee.
17:44
>> No, I am the king bee.
17:47
>> Queen's higher.
17:48
>> No, king is higher than ace.
17:52
>> I am the ace bee.
17:54
>> Angela kitchen.
17:56
Oscar dusting.
17:57
Where is Oscar?
17:58
>> He's out sick.
18:00
>> That is unacceptable.
18:02
>> I agree.
18:03
It's unacceptable.
18:09
>> What are you guys doing?
18:11
People magazine crossword puzzle.
18:13
Keep or toss.
18:15
>> Keep.
18:15
I will finish that later.
18:17
>> It's from 99.
18:19
>> Yeah, I know when it's from Ryan. 18 across.
18:23
Mary, Kate, and Ashley blank.
18:26
Michael wrote, "Jud Oscar is out sick >> on a Friday.
18:36
>> Can I do some of the talking?"
18:37
>> I will do the talking.
18:38
>> Okay.
18:38
Let him know that I'm here though.
18:40
What difference does it make whether you're here?
18:42
>> Hello.
18:42
>> Hi, Oscar.
18:43
It's Michael >> and right.
18:46
>> Yeah.
18:46
Um, heard you were under the weather.
18:48
>> Yeah, I think I came down with the flu.
18:50
>> Really?
18:51
Oh, that is a shame.
18:52
You know, it's cleaning day here today.
18:55
Could have used some of that famous Hispanic cleaning ethic.
18:57
>> Yeah, I feel terrible about it.
18:59
>> Ask me symptoms.
19:00
I'm on WebMD.
19:01
>> What are your symptoms?
19:03
I >> I have the chills.
19:04
I'm feeling nauseous and my head's killing.
19:10
Checks out.
19:11
Hey Oscar, how you doing?
19:12
Dwight Trude calling.
19:14
Listen, little question for you, buddy.
19:16
I called six minutes ago and no one answered,
19:19
so I was wondering if you could explain.
19:22
Oh, I see.
19:23
So, sounds like you're too sick to come into work,
19:26
but you're well enough to go to the pharmacy.
19:29
There are several different ways to tell if a perp is lying.
19:32
The liar will avoid direct eye contact.
19:35
The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hand,
19:39
especially the mouth.
19:41
The liar will persspire.
19:45
Unfortunately, I spoke to Oscar on the phone, so none of this is useful.
19:52
What took all the black ones?
19:54
>> That's a communal bowl.
19:55
>> So, how did Oscar sound when he called in?
19:58
>> Sick.
19:59
Like lots of sniffling.
20:00
I don't know. sniffling.
20:01
How?
20:03
>> Um, how many different ways are there to sniffle?
20:07
>> Three.
20:07
>> Okay, it was the second one.
20:09
>> Okay, good.
20:10
Thank you.
20:11
That wasn't so hard now, was it?
20:18
>> Mm-m.
20:18
>> Quick Oscar update.
20:19
I have conducted interviews with everyone in the office.
20:21
>> Just go to his house and see if he's sick.
20:23
I could have done this investigation like 20 minutes, >> including prep time.
20:27
>> Just do it.
20:30
Oh man, you are so busted.
20:32
Ice skates, shopping bags.
20:35
I think I know what's going on here.
20:38
You weren't sick at all.
20:40
>> Who's this?
20:41
>> Uh, this is Dwight Shroo.
20:43
Who is this?
20:46
>> Gil, are you going to tell Michael?
20:48
>> How about this?
20:49
I don't tell Michael.
20:51
And in exchange, you owe me one great big giant favor redeemable by me
20:57
at a time. and place of my choosing.
21:00
Guess what I found out about Oscar tonight?
21:04
He was lying about being sick.
21:06
Should I have reported Oscar's malfeasants?
21:09
H probably.
21:11
But now I know something he doesn't want me to know.
21:13
So I can use his malfeasants to establish leverage.
21:17
Otherwise, it's just malfeasants for malfeasants's sake.
21:23
I am your big daddy and I am going to kiss the boo boo.
21:28
>> Widow Andy is afraid.
21:31
>> Andy's afraid?
21:33
>> Yes.
21:33
>> Are you all afraid?
21:34
>> No.
21:34
>> Daddy's here for you, my widow angels.
21:40
Okay.
21:40
>> I think that I have figured a way to get you guys out
21:43
of your funk.
21:44
>> What?
21:44
>> Funk is the problem and the solution.
21:47
>> That makes sense.
21:48
>> I have taken my downstairs office
21:49
and I have turned it into a place to hang out.
21:52
A place where unattractive and attractive people can get together to meet, to greet,
21:58
to see the ones that you love, to love the ones that you see.
22:03
>> This our punishment for not wanting to have lunch with him.
22:05
>> Why don't you get over lunch, Oscar?
22:07
Everybody else is passing.
22:08
>> All work and no play makes Michael a dull boy.
22:12
>> This is like a haunted coffee house.
22:14
>> No, Dwight is confusing you.
22:16
That it's it's more of a disco.
22:18
It's like a haunted disco >> with coffee but without the haunting.
22:21
>> It's a combo dance house coffee bar.
22:24
>> It is a daytime disco on the ground floor of an industrial office building.
22:29
>> It's a cafe disco.
22:31
>> Exactly.
22:31
>> So like a disco cafe.
22:33
>> What?
22:34
No.
22:34
No.
22:35
Not even close.
22:36
I can't force you to go down, but I can entice you.
22:40
I'm going to be down there.
22:42
Aaron will be down there from time to time.
22:44
And all you can eat espresso.
22:52
>> >> Well, Kevin, I guess it is just me and you.
22:56
>> Yeah, >> holding down the fort.
22:58
>> Yeah, this place is great.
23:01
>> Thank you.
23:02
>> Oh my god, Kevin.
23:03
I am still on hold.
23:04
You were supposed to get the answer from Michael and come back up.
23:07
>> This is a no work zone.
23:09
Please respect the lay.
23:11
>> Yeah, respect the lay.
23:18
Come, >> Kevin.
23:20
Stay.
23:20
>> Kevin, come.
23:21
>> Kevin, stay.
23:22
>> Kevin, come.
23:23
>> Stay.
23:23
Stay.
23:23
>> Come on.
23:23
Right now.
23:23
>> Cookie.
23:24
Kevin.
23:24
Cookie.
23:26
>> There is no cookie.
23:27
Kevin, >> is there a cookie?
23:30
>> Mhm.
23:30
>> What?
23:32
Come on.
23:34
>> Oh, for goodness sakes, Kevin.
23:36
There's no cookie.
23:37
There's no cookie.
23:38
Come on.
23:39
Come.
23:39
>> I wanted a cookie.
23:41
>> Completely unacceptable.
23:44
You all took a life here today.
23:46
You did.
23:48
The life of the party, Aaron.
23:52
>> Yes.
23:52
>> I want you to go downstairs and I want you to shut it down.
23:56
>> You mean like unplug the coffee machine and bring it?
23:58
>> I don't care.
23:58
Bury it.
24:00
I hope you're happy.
24:07
>> Okay.
24:08
I'm going to need two able-bodied men.
24:12
>> Cafeisco. really like crap it disco.
24:15
You're bad.
24:23
I've got a boy hang over.
24:33
>> There's girls in there.
24:35
>> Where?
24:35
>> The other room.
24:36
>> What other room?
24:37
>> Down the hall.
24:38
>> There's girls in there.
24:39
>> What did I just say?
24:40
You >> give me my sandwich.
24:41
>> Forget the sandwich.
24:43
Girls, girls.
24:46
>> I'm loving the vibe down here.
24:52
>> You invited someone?
24:54
>> Oh, yeah.
24:54
Was I not allowed to do that?
24:56
>> I've been here 8 years and I've never >> I'm not sure,
25:09
but I'm pretty sure I'm GOING TO DANCE.
25:13
>> >> ALL RIGHT, >> cafe disco is dead,
25:17
but I can still hear the music in my head.
25:19
>> I hear you too, boss.
25:32
>> Take a breath and go for yours on my command.
25:34
Now hit the dance floor.
25:36
It's going to make us sweat that upside down.
25:54
Here we go.
26:06
YEAH.
26:23
>> HERE WE GO.
26:23
YEAH.
26:23
YEAH.
26:23
>> All righty.
26:24
Dwighty, let's see how you did.
26:25
>> Bring it on.
26:29
>> Sorry.
26:29
What do I do with my bonus check?
26:31
Simple.
26:33
Purchase paper from myself.
26:35
Boosts my sales, which boosts my bonus.
26:39
Last year, I bought even more paper to make this year's bonus even bigger.
26:43
Eventually, I'll get a bonus so big I can retire on it.
26:46
And I'll use the paper to write my memoirs.
26:52
Wow.
26:52
>> What does it say?
26:55
>> Dwight, your feedback is horrible.
26:57
That's impossible.
26:58
>> A number of your clients found your personal style abrasive and distasteful.
27:02
>> I saw more.
27:03
>> No, no, no.
27:04
>> Wait, is this a joke?
27:06
I'm getting that queasy feeling that sometimes accompanies jokes.
27:09
>> Do I look like I am joking?
27:10
>> No, but that's sometimes part of it.
27:12
>> Are we joking?
27:13
You'd be laughing.
27:14
Do you look like you are laughing?
27:16
>> Impossible to say.
27:16
I can't see myself.
27:18
>> You're not.
27:19
>> My job is to manipulate the customer into buying paper.
27:22
In return, they give me money.
27:24
I am the predator and they are the prey.
27:26
Would a mouse give a positive review to a hawk?
27:30
>> Should the hawk even care?
27:36
>> Excuse me.
27:37
I've got work to do.
27:39
>> What was that?
27:40
>> Wow.
27:42
That was Dwight.
27:42
He seems upset about something.
27:44
>> Describe him exactly.
27:45
What color mustard is his shirt?
27:47
Yellow or Djon?
27:48
>> It is more of a spicy brown, actually.
27:51
>> What are you mumbling about?
27:52
>> How was your meeting with Michael?
27:53
>> None of your business.
27:54
>> Was it your scores?
27:55
These can't be my scores, Jim.
27:58
>> For your information.
28:01
>> Mhm.
28:01
>> I'm being sabotaged.
28:02
>> Of course.
28:02
>> And I'm going to find that person and punish them.
28:05
>> Absolutely.
28:05
Or you could just be nice to your customers.
28:09
>> You're an idiot.
28:10
>> There's the charm.
28:11
>> Jimbo, let's do this thing.
28:13
>> Are we even sure that's my file?
28:17
>> No.
28:17
Yes, I am sure.
28:19
Jim, it >> Well, there's got to be an explanation.
28:22
>> I agree.
28:22
>> Yeah.
28:23
So, let's see what we can find out from reading.
28:28
>> Jim Halbert is smudge an arrogant.
28:30
I >> think you mean smug.
28:33
>> Arrogance.
28:33
>> Michael, I'm just trying.
28:34
>> And there's our smudgess.
28:37
>> Dwight and I are both writing letters to our clients.
28:40
I'm just sending a quick note to say how much I appreciate their business.
28:43
And he is writing notorized letters to inform them
28:47
that lying on customer reviews is a prosecutable form of fraud
28:50
and defamation.
28:52
Just different styles.
28:57
>> Attention all problem salespersons.
29:01
Jim Halpert, Dwight Shroot >> here.
29:07
>> Intensive one-on-one retraining will begin after lunch.
29:10
That is all.
29:12
>> I am no longer the worst salesman in the office.
29:15
Yes.
29:16
Oh, damn it.
29:19
I taught Jim and Dwight everything I know about sales.
29:22
But there are certain things that cannot be taught.
29:24
And it is these things that I now must teach them.
29:27
Here's going to happen.
29:28
I am going to have to fix you.
29:30
Manage you to on a more personal scale.
29:35
A a more micro form of management.
29:37
Jim, what is that called?
29:39
>> Microment.
29:39
>> Boom.
29:40
Yes.
29:40
Now Jim is going to be the client.
29:42
Dwight, you're going to have to sell to him without being aggressive, hostile,
29:47
or difficult.
29:48
Let's go.
29:49
>> All right, fine.
29:54
>> Hello.
29:55
>> Hello.
29:55
This is Dwight Fruit from the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company.
29:57
>> Well, that's great cuz I need paper.
29:59
>> Excellent.
30:00
Then you are in luck
30:00
because we are having a limited time offer only on everything.
30:04
>> Wow, this is my lucky day.
30:05
>> Ask him his name.
30:06
>> What is your name, sir?
30:08
>> I am Bill Butlicker.
30:10
>> Really?
30:10
That's your real name?
30:12
How dare you?
30:14
My family built this country, by the way.
30:16
>> Be respectful, Dwight, please.
30:17
>> Oh, yes.
30:18
Michael, >> could you hold on one second?
30:19
That's my other line.
30:20
>> What?
30:20
No, but I Hello.
30:24
>> Yeah.
30:24
>> No, I'm just on the phone with this stupid salesman.
30:26
He's so dumb.
30:28
Probably just going to keep him on the line forever and not buy anything.
30:32
>> Okay, it's up to you to change his mind.
30:35
>> Sorry, that was a family emergency.
30:37
>> Oh, no.
30:38
What's wrong?
30:39
You know what?
30:39
That's private >> boundaries, Dwight.
30:41
Come on.
30:42
>> I'm sorry, Mr.
30:43
Butler.
30:43
As I was saying, >> we're having a limited >> a little bit louder.
30:46
I'm hard of hearing.
30:47
>> He's hard if he's an old man.
30:48
>> Okay.
30:49
As I was saying, right now we are having >> talk louder.
30:51
>> Okay.
30:52
Our prices have never been lower.
30:53
>> Son, you have to talk louder.
30:54
>> NEVER BEEN LOWER.
30:55
>> LOUDER, SON.
30:56
>> BUT OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER.
30:59
>> STOP IT.
31:00
He >> That is totally inappropriate.
31:04
You never yell at the client.
31:05
You >> Now you listen to me, sir.
31:07
>> Here we go.
31:08
The three words I would describe you as is aggressive, hostile, and definitely difficult.
31:14
Mr.
31:14
Butler, my rate right now.
31:16
Please give me another chance.
31:17
Give me the phone.
31:17
Mr.
31:17
Butler, give me the phone.
31:18
>> I have to put you on with my boss.
31:20
>> Well, I should hope so.
31:22
>> All right, let's get this started.
31:23
I'm going to be reading the action descriptions and Phyllis,
31:27
I would like you to play Captain Zeta Jones.
31:30
>> That's the character's name.
31:31
>> You guys should not be doing this.
31:33
>> Why not, Dwight?
31:34
This is a movie.
31:35
I mean, this is for all of America to enjoy.
31:38
>> You took something that doesn't belong to you, >> brought it in here,
31:42
copies of it, >> to play the lead role of agent Michael Scarn.
31:48
>> Location, a bank.
31:49
A man, very good-looking, runs into a bank and kills a bank robber.
31:52
>> I'm Michael Scarn with the FBI.
31:54
Freeze.
31:55
>> Who's he saying freeze to if the bank robber's dead?
31:58
>> I don't know.
31:59
Inside the FBI, agent Michael Scarn sits with his feet up on his desk.
32:03
Katherine Zeta Jones enters.
32:05
Um, sir, you have some messages.
32:07
>> Not now.
32:08
>> They're important.
32:09
>> Okay.
32:10
What are they?
32:11
>> First message is I love you.
32:14
That's from me.
32:15
>> Not in a thousand years, Catherine.
32:17
We worked together.
32:18
And get off my desk.
32:20
>> Yes, I have acted before.
32:21
I was in a production of Oklahoma in the seventh grade.
32:24
I played the part of Muty the Mailman.
32:28
They had too many kids, so they made up roles like that.
32:32
That was good.
32:34
Let's maintain this.
32:35
Where are you?
32:35
Where are you going?
32:36
>> Home.
32:36
It's after 5.
32:38
>> Yeah, but Michael said for us to stay until he got back.
32:46
>> Okay.
32:46
>> What is When he comes back, he's going to see you're not here.
32:54
>> Okay.
32:55
>> Okay.
32:55
Don't let it affect your performance.
32:57
Here we go.
32:58
Phyllis.
32:59
>> The president called.
33:00
>> Business or social?
33:01
>> Both.
33:02
He has an assignment for you.
33:03
Very dangerous, maybe deadly.
33:06
And he wants you to be the best man at his wedding.
33:08
>> Put him through.
33:09
But I'm only going to talk business.
33:11
>> Hey, Michael.
33:12
How's it hanging?
33:14
>> It's hanging pretty good, Mr.
33:15
President.
33:16
I understand you have a dangerous assignment, and I'm your man.
33:20
>> I do.
33:20
I have a dangerous assignment.
33:23
Are you my man?
33:24
>> You heard me the first time, you joker.
33:27
That would be pretty cool
33:28
if Michael starred in a movie with Katherine Zeta Jones.
33:35
She's so hot.
33:36
>> I bet a hundred.
33:38
>> Sir, the minimum bet is a thousand.
33:41
>> If you had let me finish my sentence,
33:43
you would have heard me say I bet a hundred thousand.
33:48
Sam, get me my money bag.
33:50
Haha.
33:51
Agent Michael Scarn, you so funny.
33:53
You the bomb.
33:55
Um, yeah, it kind of seems like all the movies that I like.
34:01
>> A man sitting several seats down who has a gold face turns to
34:05
Michael Scarn.
34:06
Uh, Oscar, you want to play Golden Face?
34:11
>> Mr.
34:12
Scarn, perhaps you would be more comfortable in my private jet.
34:15
>> Yes, perhaps I would, Golden Face.
34:17
Sam, get my luggage.
34:19
>> I forget it, brother.
34:21
Samuel, you are such an idiot.
34:22
You are the worst assistant ever.
34:24
And you're disgusting.
34:25
Dwigd.
34:26
Wait, who's Dwigd?
34:29
>> Here's what we think happened.
34:31
Michael's sidekick, who all through the movie is this complete idiot who's causing the
34:35
downfall of the United States,
34:37
was originally named Dwight.
34:40
But then Michael changed it to Samuel L.
34:42
Chang using a search and replace, but that doesn't work on misspelled words.
34:47
>> Leaving behind one dwigged >> and Dwight figured it out.
34:52
Oops.
34:53
D W I G H T.
34:57
Okay, you know what?
34:58
I am done with this.
34:59
That's it.
34:59
The end.
35:00
>> Well, some of us want to keep reading.
35:03
>> Uh, you don't speak for everyone, Jim.
35:05
Okay, announcement.
35:07
My uncle bought me some fireworks.
35:09
And anyone who wants to see a real show, come with me outside now.
35:14
>> That's actually a good idea.
35:15
We'll all take a brief intermission.
35:16
Bullets are flying everywhere.
35:19
Wait, last page.
35:20
Big finish.
35:20
Here we go.
35:21
Agent Scarn kicks open the plane door with a karate chop.
35:24
>> Kick and a chop are two totally different things.
35:27
>> Well, it's just a movie, Dwig.
35:28
>> It doesn't make any sense.
35:30
>> Yeah, now it doesn't make any sense.
35:31
>> Don't jump, Agent Scarn.
35:33
There are no parachutes.
35:34
>> Just then, Agent Chang gets a bullet in the head.
35:36
>> Oh, so close to retirement.
35:39
>> Another bullet heads towards Agent Michael Scarn,
35:41
but he jumps out of the plane without a parachute.
35:48
Is that it?
35:50
>> Yep.
35:51
I guess so.
35:52
Does >> he die?
35:53
I sincerely doubt it.
35:55
>> I have to say I think this is a terrible movie.
35:58
>> Okay, so three books on a desert island.
36:02
Angela, >> the Bible.
36:06
>> That's one book.
36:07
You've got two others.
36:10
>> A purpose-driven life.
36:13
>> Nice.
36:13
>> Third book.
36:16
>> No.
36:16
>> Okay, Phyllis.
36:17
>> Um, the Da Vinci Code.
36:19
The Da Vinci Code.
36:20
I would take the Da Vinci Code
36:22
so I could burn the Da Vinci Code.
36:23
>> Okay, great.
36:24
That's going to keep you warm for like 7 seconds.
36:27
Question: Is there firewood on the island?
36:30
>> I guess.
36:30
>> Then I would bring an axe.
36:32
No books.
36:33
>> No, it has to be a book, Dwight.
36:35
>> Fine.
36:36
Physician's desk reference.
36:38
>> Nice.
36:38
Smart.
36:39
>> Hollowed out inside.
36:40
Waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket,
36:47
and in case I get bored, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer Stone.
36:52
No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Asco.
36:55
Question: Did my shoes come off in the plane crash?
36:58
>> Swing crash.
36:59
>> This is important.
37:01
Leather is a food source.
37:03
>> No, it's not.
37:04
>> Leather from shoes can be boiled down to a simple broth
37:07
that can sustain a man for over 2 weeks.
37:10
You just made that up.
37:11
>> Question.
37:12
Are there animals on the island?
37:14
>> Okay.
37:14
Thought people read more books.
37:16
DVDs.
37:18
Five movies.
37:18
What would you bring to the island?
37:19
Toby, go ahead.
37:20
>> Um, Say Anything, The Shining, uh, Annie Hall.
37:24
That's too obvious.
37:25
>> Those are like my favorite movies.
37:27
I didn't really think you could win Desert Island,
37:29
but I think you just did.
37:30
>> Oh, Toy Story 2.
37:32
Uh, one of the best movies I ever saw.
37:34
I I went for my daughter
37:36
and stayed because you can't leave your daughter in a theater.
37:39
>> Toby and I used to sit together until Michael moved us
37:42
because he thought we talked too much.
37:45
>> Really?
37:45
>> Yeah.
37:45
>> Can I go next?
37:46
>> Yes.
37:46
Meredith.
37:47
>> Legends of the Fall.
37:48
My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
37:50
Legally Blonde.
37:51
Bridges of Madison County.
37:54
>> Wow.
37:54
>> Legends of the Fall.
37:55
>> Wow.
37:56
Bridges of Madison County.
37:57
Legally Blonde.
37:58
These movies.
37:59
>> Well, I kind of like >> Wait, wait, wait, Pam.
38:02
No.
38:02
Do you understand the the game is desert island movies, not guilty pleasure movies.
38:08
Desert island movies are the movies you're going to watch for the rest of
38:11
your life,
38:14
>> forever.
38:14
>> Unforgivable.
38:14
>> I take it back.
38:16
>> Unforgivable.
38:16
>> I take it back.
38:18
>> Good.
38:18
>> And ghosts.
38:19
But uh just that one scene.
38:24
>> Yep.
38:25
Yes.
38:26
That was a good scene.
38:27
>> Um Kevin, do it.
38:31
Uh, Cannonball Run.
38:33
Cannonball Run 2.
38:35
Weekended at Bernie's Weekend at Bernie's Too.
38:42
Oh, Groundhog Day.
38:45
>> Groundhog Day.
38:45
>> I have a client who watches that movie once a week at least.
38:48
>> Really?
38:48
>> I should put you in touch with him.
38:50
Maybe we could get together and work on that account.
38:52
I would love to.
38:52
>> Okay, guys.
38:53
Guys, guys, that almost sounded like business
38:56
and we are trying to focus here today.
38:58
Okay, Pam got us back into it.
39:01
Five.
39:01
Go ahead.
39:02
>> Um, Fargo.
39:04
>> Um, Edward Scissor Hands, Dazed and Confused.
39:07
>> Oh, definitely in my top five.
39:08
>> Yes, in my top three.
39:10
So, suck it.
39:11
>> Breakfast Club.
39:13
Um, The Princess Bride.
39:15
>> Okay, that's five.
39:16
>> No, my all-time favorite.
39:17
>> Pam, play by the rules.
39:18
Play by the rules.
39:23
>> Dwight, all time favorite movie. the crow.
39:31
>> All right, let's move on.
39:33
Let's move on to the main event.
39:34
Who would you do?
39:36
>> Present company excluded.
39:37
>> Um, not necessarily.
39:43
>> Pam.
39:43
>> Pam.
39:43
>> Um, okay.
39:43
Uh, you know what?
39:44
Maybe I'll I'll finish explaining the rules.
39:46
Let's Let me explain it first and then.
39:48
>> Boobs.
39:50
What question are you responding to?
39:53
Come on, people.
39:53
You know the rules of the game now.
39:55
>> Oh, ho.
39:55
Hey game.
39:56
What game are we playing here?
39:57
>> Okay, it's called Who' You Do?
40:01
>> Oh, I play this at home all the time while I'm falling asleep.
40:05
What?
40:06
Uh, where are we?
40:07
Where are we here?
40:09
Roy.
40:10
Roy.
40:10
Who would you do?
40:11
Roy.
40:13
>> Uh, I got it.
40:14
Uh, what's the name of that uh tightass Christian uh chick,
40:18
the uh the blonde?
40:19
>> My name is Angela.
40:21
>> Hey, Angela.
40:22
Roy.
40:22
Nice to meet you.
40:24
>> All right.
40:24
All right.
40:25
Who's next?
40:25
Who's next?
40:25
Who's next?
40:26
Do Jim.
40:27
You're next.
40:28
Who would you do?
40:31
>> Um Kevin, hands down.
40:34
>> Yeah.
40:35
He's really got that teddy bear thing going on.
40:37
And afterwards, we could just watch bowling.
40:41
>> Well, I would definitely have sex with Ryan cuz he is going to
40:48
own his own business.
40:50
>> You're all gay.
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