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How to Know When You've Fo… — The School of Life shadowing | TryShadowing
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The School of Life
How to Know When You've Found a Great Partner
How to Know When You've Found a Great Partner
The School of Life
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3:17 · Oct 22, 2025
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There's
a
peculiar
and
paradoxical
way
in
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0:03
There's a peculiar and paradoxical way in
0:06
which we can't really tell who our partner is until
0:10
and unless our relationship with them comes to an end.
0:15
Of course, we can know many things about them. how charming they can be
0:19
or how witty and entertaining,
0:21
what accomplished friends or parents they make.
0:24
But we aren't for
0:25
that matter ever being shown the truly complete picture for one fundamental reason.
0:31
They still have a lot to lose.
0:33
After all, they're our wife or husband.
0:36
They're our long-term partner.
0:38
They're meant to be with us until death.
0:40
And therefore, they have a reputation to defend.
0:42
They're reliant on our ongoing goodwill.
0:45
They have an incentive to maintain a front.
0:49
However, once it's evident that things really will come to a close,
0:53
that the lawyers are being called in the morning,
0:55
that the removal van is outside, then the bets are off.
0:59
There's no more good name to defend, the future has vanished,
1:03
they're going to become strangers again.
1:05
Furthermore, there may be fury, a sense of betrayal, a grief, a pentup rage,
1:09
a terror. all ingredients
1:11
that help one to lose command over one's more diplomatic faculties.
1:16
It's now when it no longer matters
1:18
that we stand to gain our most telling glimpse of who we've actually been
1:23
together with all these years.
1:25
Sometimes, even often, the news is pretty sobering.
1:30
For a long time, we took them to be touchingly shy and rather modest.
1:34
In the closing scenes,
1:36
we discover that what they are most of all is appallingly immature
1:40
when it comes to expressing their needs
1:41
and willing to cause us immense pain in a bid to evade responsibility.
1:46
Or for so long we imagine that beneath a slightly steelely exterior.
1:50
They surely had deep feelings for us.
1:53
They were welldefended, but they weren't without emotion.
1:57
And yet, as we discover in the last months,
1:59
perhaps they truly were without any care.
2:03
There isn't a single tear.
2:04
There are no protests at all.
2:06
They seem to be plainly and simply glad to see the back of us.
2:10
Maybe we weren't hallucinating during the relationship.
2:13
Maybe they just didn't like us very much.
2:16
To think that all along this kind of stuff was hidden below the surface
2:20
and that it took an ending to make it clear.
2:24
But the news is not only and always grim.
2:27
In some cases, we can discover enormous hopeinducing decency.
2:32
When they have every chance to exact revenge, they don't.
2:36
When they no longer need to be nice, they remain so.
2:40
Even when it isn't going to change anything,
2:42
they work with us to achieve a good ending.
2:45
They may also help us with a health issue or give us a loan.
2:49
The index of a person's real character is how they behave towards those who
2:54
are no longer of any use to them.
2:57
Hence the wisdom of the saying,
2:59
we should marry the person that we would want to be divorced from.
3:03
Or rather, we should want to be together with the person who it would
3:06
be a heartwarming surprise no longer to be with.
3:10
We can learn a lot from being with someone.
3:13
We may learn even more when we're no longer.
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