TryShadowing
Shadow YouTube. Speak English.
Home
Browse
Dictation
NEW
My Library
en
0
days
Sign in
Why Dating Destroys Your M… — The School of Life shadowing | TryShadowing
TryShadowing
Shadow YouTube. Speak English.
Home
Browse
Dictation
NEW
My Library
en
0
days
Sign in
Home
Browse
The School of Life
Why Dating Destroys Your Mental Health
Why Dating Destroys Your Mental Health
The School of Life
·
5:38 · Oct 1, 2025
Start Shadowing
0:00
0:00
Record
×1
1x
VI
EN
JA
KO
ZH
FR
PT
TH
IT
DE
IPA
Pronunciation scoring isn't supported on this browser — you can still record and listen back.
The
word
brutal
may
sound
a
little
hyperbolic
Translating…
Turn on Record to capture your voice and get scored
Smart
Karaoke
Original
Line
1
/118
0:03
The word brutal may sound a little hyperbolic
0:05
and self-pittitying when applied to an activity
0:08
whose chief outward requirements
0:10
involve attending romantic restaurants,
0:12
ordering olives, sharing small plates,
0:15
and at points perhaps
0:16
exchanging kisses near the bus stop.
0:18
Those in couples, and especially those who've been in them a long time,
0:22
can be forgiven for wondering what on earth the fuss might be about.
0:27
However, for those of us who know the activity from the inside,
0:30
who suffer from despondency
0:32
and fury and may have found themselves bursting into tears after yet another disappointment,
0:37
the word brutal, when applied to dating,
0:40
may be an understatement.
0:42
The reasons are multiple.
0:44
Firstly, this isn't just about one evening.
0:48
What's at stake extends far beyond a single encounter.
0:51
This isn't about the quest for an interesting conversational
0:54
list or a new sexual partner.
0:56
It's generally about the very long-term
0:58
future, the acute question of who will be there when our heart spasms,
1:03
when we're too frail to make it across the living room unaded,
1:06
and when we can barely remember our names.
1:09
The evening, so innocuous
1:11
in its outward form,
1:12
so enlivened by the arrival of a smiling waiter,
1:15
is in essence a referendum
1:17
on whether or not we must die alone.
1:20
Beneath the outward lightness of the occasion
1:23
lies a piercing existential cry.
1:26
When will I find a home?
1:30
Secondly, the rise and fall of hope.
1:34
We would never arrange a date without the thought that perhaps,
1:37
just perhaps, we may now
1:39
finally have stumbled on the answer.
1:42
We know, at least the sensible part of us does, that the odds are extremely slim.
1:47
This exercise has probably been going on for months, maybe years.
1:51
On so many occasions,
1:52
we've set out into the night in our smart yet demure
1:55
outfits, only to find within a few minutes of the candidates's arrival that of
2:00
course the photos were again
2:02
deceptive, that the manner was very strange, the views on astrology
2:06
maddening, the curiosity non-existent,
2:08
and therefore that the next 40 minutes or 3 hours would be a polite
2:12
hell haunted by the spectre of eternal
2:17
Thirdly, the million ways
2:19
in which someone can be wrong.
2:23
Of course, we don't want to be fussy.
2:25
It's obviously not in our interest to keep spotting issues.
2:28
But nor can we magically
2:30
erase the doubts or the sexual or mental incompatibilities.
2:34
It's hell because an urgent need for love collides with absurdly
2:38
non-negotiable criteria for acceptance
2:40
and an erratic flow of viable candidates.
2:44
despite our university degree
2:46
and outward philosophical manner
2:47
end up on the bathroom floor in the fetal position
2:50
screaming in incandescent sorrow
2:52
to a non-existent god. Fourthly, our powerlessness.
2:58
On the very rare occasions when we do find that we like them quite
3:02
a lot, then the problems really start.
3:04
They like us a lot too. Really, they do.
3:07
They enjoy the evening so much.
3:08
It's just that they are in a different place right now.
3:12
They're still finding their feet after the breakup.
3:14
Their children need extra attention.
3:16
They may be thinking that polyamory
3:18
might be for them at this point.
3:19
And of course, we're so understanding.
3:21
It would be such an honor to be their friend or occasional sexual playmate.
3:25
But can we really be condemned
3:27
if after the 20th time of this, we were to push back our chair,
3:30
fall to our knees, smear ourselves in a plate of tahini or garlic mayonnaise,
3:34
and attempt to impale ourselves on the bread knife in front of our stunned
3:37
fellow diners and the puzzle waiting staff.
3:40
Fifthly, it's every rejection you've ever had.
3:44
It may seem to be only about Abda from Mumbai or Sophie from Peekom,
3:48
but deep down it's also about our awful mother who was never there,
3:52
our father who bullied us, the people who hated us at school, and the
3:55
partner who left us ambiguously
3:56
after a 5-year relationship
3:58
we did everything to save.
4:00
Everyone tells us it's not personal,
4:02
but our unconscious knows better.
4:04
It couldn't be more personal.
4:06
This is the universe reconfirming
4:07
its fundamental verdict on us.
4:09
We're a piece of vermin and the gods are vengefully
4:12
urinating on us from on high.
4:15
Sixthly, rejecting is as bad as being rejected.
4:19
Worse still, we can't comfortably play the victim for long.
4:23
Because even as we process our rejections,
4:25
we're called upon to perform an equal or greater number of our own assassinations,
4:30
talking sweetly to unsuitable
4:31
suitors about our busyiness
4:33
and hopes for warm friendships.
4:35
We can't in the midst of our orals
4:38
even think of ourselves as particularly nice.
4:41
Finally, We're so tired,
4:46
although stensibly we haven't done very much at all.
4:49
We're tired of our uncertain
4:51
destinies, of repeated encounters with our unbudgetable
4:54
fussiness, of the wrongness of everyone, of our mental instability,
4:57
of the hours lost of swiping,
4:59
and of the continuous cycles of felling and being felled.
5:03
What is so awful about us?
5:05
Who did we kill in a previous life?
5:07
Why is everyone either unavailable or unappealing?
5:10
Why is this so hard? Where are they?
5:12
How can we find the strength to keep going?
5:15
We're two bad dates away from the locked ward.
5:18
We haven't just been out for dinner.
5:19
We haven't just met someone for a chat.
5:21
We've once again attempted to find a restbite
5:24
from cosmic alienation and failed.
5:27
We deserve a lot of understanding.
5:29
And ideally before much longer when they finally stop laughing up there in Mount
5:34
Olympus, some sort of a lucky break.
Like
Share
The School of Life
View all →
B2
Psychology
Karaoke
5:44
The Only Relationship Rule That Matters
The School of Life
1
B2
Psychology
Karaoke
3:28
Your Two Options in Love After a Bad Childhood
The School of Life
1
B2
Psychology
Karaoke
5:21
The Three Steps to Making Someone Fall in Love
The School of Life
B2
Psychology
Karaoke
6:50
The Only Way to Date Successfully
The School of Life
1
B2
Psychology
Karaoke
4:35
The Most Romantic Thing You Can Ever Say to Someone
The School of Life
B2
Psychology
Karaoke
3:17
How to Know When You've Found a Great Partner
The School of Life
B2
Psychology
Karaoke
4:29
You Will Always Reject Love Until You Do This...
The School of Life
B2
Psychology
Karaoke
4:21
Your Mind Is Trying to Heal You (By Hurting You)
The School of Life
Suggested videos
C1
Psychology
Karaoke
4:36
Harvard negotiator explains how to argue | Dan Shapiro
Big Think
5
B1
Psychology
Karaoke
16:44
9 Micro Habits for Self-Regulation of Trauma or Anxiety
Therapy in a Nutshell
B1
Psychology
Karaoke
28:21
The Neuroscience of ADHD and Emotional Dysregulation
Therapy in a Nutshell
3
B1
Psychology
Karaoke
27:12
A nerdy deep dive into ADHD and Anxiety
Therapy in a Nutshell
C1
Psychology
16:56
What Newton and Einstein agreed on that our society doesn’t | Sean Carroll
Big Think
B1
Psychology
Karaoke
18:34
7 Micro Habits to Escape the Freeze Response - Polyvagal Tools for Depression & Burnout
Therapy in a Nutshell
B1
Psychology
Karaoke
12:44
How to Process Emotional Numbness and Dissociation
Therapy in a Nutshell
B2
Psychology
Karaoke
5:44
The Only Relationship Rule That Matters
The School of Life
1
