0:01 Honey, what about you?
0:02 What?
0:06 Any fun, you know, fantasy type things?
0:14 No.
0:14 >> >> Come on, you got to have one.
0:19 Nope.
0:19 Ross, you know what?
0:20 >> What?
0:21 If you tell me, I might do it.
0:36 >> >> Okay.
0:36 Um Did you ever see um Return of the Jedi?
0:49 >> >> Yeah.
0:49 Do you remember the scene with um >> >> Jabba the Hutt?
0:57 Well, Jabba had as as his prisoner um Princess Leia.
1:07 Oh.
1:07 >> >> Princess Leia was wearing this um gold bikini thing.
1:15 >> >> It was pretty cool.
1:19 Look, that was supposed to be like a private, personal thing between us.
1:23 >> Okay, Ross, Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay?
1:26 We tell each other everything, you know?
1:28 I mean, come on, guys do the same thing.
1:30 Wait, what about that locker room stuff?
1:33 That's different, okay?
1:34 That's like uh who dated a stripper
1:36 or who did it on the back of the Staten Island Ferry.
1:40 Both of those, Joey?
1:41 Yeah.
1:43 >> >> But you don't you don't talk about like, you know,
1:46 your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you you do with her.
1:50 Not even with your best friend?
1:53 >> No.
1:53 That is so sad.
1:55 You're missing out on so much, Ross.
1:57 I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know?
2:00 And and knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.
2:06 Hm.
2:06 So, what?
2:06 You tell each other everything?
2:10 Pretty much.
2:13 Rachel says sharing's great and supposedly you know, we ought to be doing it.
2:20 All right.
2:20 You want to?
2:24 We're not going to talk about birth, are we?
2:27 >> No.
2:27 Yeah.
2:27 Okay.
2:28 Yeah?
2:28 Yeah.
2:29 All right.
2:30 You go first.
2:31 Okay.
2:32 Okay.
2:32 I'll go first.
2:34 >> Okay.
2:34 So, uh the other night Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies.
2:40 And I happened to describe a particular Star Wars thing.
2:46 Princess Leia in the gold bikini?
2:47 Yes!
2:54 Yes!
2:54 Well, wow.
2:54 Well, that That was easy.
2:56 Okay, you you go.
2:57 Okay.
2:57 Okay.
2:59 Okay.
2:59 Well, you know you know
3:00 when you're in bed with a woman
3:03 and uh you know,
3:05 you're fooling around with her
3:07 and you get all these like mental images in your brain,
3:09 you know, like uh Elle Macpherson
3:11 or uh that girl at the Xerox place >> belly button ring?
3:14 Oh my I know.
3:16 And then all of a sudden, your mom pops into your head.
3:20 And you're like, "Mom, get out of here."
3:24 You know, but of course like after
3:25 that you can't possibly think of anything else
3:27 and you can't,
3:27 you know, stop what you're doing, so it's kind of like you're you know.
3:34 You know.
3:35 You don't know.
3:37 Okay, here we go.
3:38 I'm Jabba's prisoner.
3:40 And you have a really weird look on your face.
3:45 >> >> What?
3:46 I mean, what is it?
3:46 Did I get it wrong?
3:47 Did I get the hair wrong?
3:48 Or did you just picture it differently?
3:50 What what?
3:51 No no it's um it's not you it's um it's >> >> Well, what is it?
4:01 Come on, sweetie, you're kind of like freaking me out here.
4:06 >> >> I HATE CHANDLER.
4:07 THE BASTARD ruined my life.
4:10 I took the quiz and it turns out I do put career before men.
4:17 Get up.
4:20 What?
4:20 You're in my seat.
4:21 How is this your seat?
4:26 Cuz I was sitting there.
4:28 But then you left.
4:30 Well, it's not like I went to Spain.
4:33 I went to the bathroom.
4:34 You knew I was coming back.
4:35 >> What's the big deal?
4:36 Sit somewhere else.
4:38 >> The big deal is I was sitting there last.
4:40 So, it's my seat.
4:43 Well, actually, the last place you were sitting was in there, so You guys,
4:48 you know what?
4:49 You know what?
4:50 It doesn't matter because you both have to go get dressed before the big
4:53 vein in my head pops.
4:55 So.
4:56 All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing really quickly.
4:58 It's not a big deal.
4:59 GET UP!
5:03 ALL RIGHT, FINE.
5:04 YOU KNOW WHAT?
5:04 WE'LL BOTH SIT IN THE CHAIR.
5:10 >> >> I'm so comfortable.
5:14 >> >> Me, too.
5:15 In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable.
5:23 >> Okay, look, we have 19 minutes, okay?
5:24 Chandler, I want you to go and change, okay?
5:26 And then when you come back,
5:28 Joey will go change and he'll have vacated the chair, okay?
5:31 Okay.
5:32 All right, fine.
5:33 I'm going.
5:34 When I get back,
5:35 IT'S CHAIR CITY AND I'M THE GUY WHO'S SITTING IN A CHAIR.
5:42 ALL RIGHT, YOU WILL NOTICE THAT I am fully dressed.
5:45 I, in turn, have noticed that you are not.
5:49 So, in the words of A.A.
5:50 Milne, get out of my chair, deal hole.
6:05 Okay.
6:05 >> >> What are you doing?
6:06 Well, you said I had to give you the chair.
6:07 You didn't say anything about the cushions.
6:10 The cushions are the essence of the chair.
6:12 That's right.
6:13 I'm taking the essence.
6:16 Oh, he'll be back.
6:18 Oh, there's nobody in the room.
6:23 Where's my underwear?
6:24 Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah.
6:26 Come on, come on, what?
6:27 You took his underwear?
6:28 He took my essence.
6:29 Okay, hold on.
6:32 Joey, why why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
6:35 Cuz I'm not wearing any underwear now.
6:39 Okay, um then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?
6:41 It's a rented tux, okay?
6:43 Not going to go commando in a man's fatigues.
6:49 >> >> Well, then it looks like somebody's going to have to give somebody
6:51 back his cushions.
6:54 Okay.
6:54 You hide my clothes, I'm going to do the exact opposite to you.
7:00 What are you What are you going to show me my clothes?
7:03 Hey, opposite is opposite.
7:08 >> >> HE'S GOT NOTHING.
7:19 >> >> OKAY, buddy boy, here it is.
7:22 You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
7:26 OH MY GOD.
7:30 >> >> THAT IS SO NOT THE OPPOSITE OF TAKING SOMEBODY'S UNDERWEAR.
7:33 Look at me.
7:34 I'm Chandler.
7:35 Could I be wearing ANY MORE CLOTHES?
7:40 MAYBE IF I WASN'T GOING COMMANDO.
7:47 YEAH.
7:47 I'll tell you it's hot with all this stuff on.
7:49 I I better not do any, I don't know, lunges.
7:55 Okay.
7:56 Okay.
7:56 Enough.
7:57 Enough with the lunging.
7:58 No, I'm sick of this.
7:59 Okay, I've had it up to here with you two.
8:01 Neither of you can come to the party.
8:04 Geez, what a baby.
8:17 WHOA.
8:17 >> >> SEE, JOE, THAT'S WHY YOUR PARENTS told you not to jump on the bed.
8:23 Hey, look at me.
8:25 I'm making jam.
8:26 Been at it since 4:00 this morning.
8:29 Where'd you get fruit at 4:00 in the morning?
8:31 Went down to the docks.
8:32 Bet you didn't know you can get it wholesale.
8:34 I didn't know there were docks.
8:39 Hey.
8:39 Hey.
8:40 Oh, is it broken?
8:41 No.
8:42 I'm going to wear this thing for a couple of weeks.
8:44 Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up
8:46 and down on your bed?
8:48 No.
8:49 Had a whole story worked out, but then uh Chandler sold me out.
8:53 Well, I'm sorry, Joe.
8:54 I didn't think the doctor was going to buy
8:55 that it just fell out of the socket.
9:00 What is this?
9:05 Fruit.
9:05 Monica's making jam.
9:07 Oh, jam.
9:08 I love jam.
9:09 Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
9:12 Because the kids need new shoes.
9:15 I'm going into business, people.
9:17 I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard.
9:19 We need to plan.
9:21 Plan to get over my man.
9:22 What's the opposite of man?
9:27 Jam.
9:27 Come on, Joey.
9:28 DON'T.
9:28 IT'S WAY TOO HOT.
9:37 >> >> THIS WILL JUST BE MY BATCH.
9:39 MINE?
9:40 MINE?
9:43 Gone for more jars.
9:45 Back later.
9:46 Monica Geller.
9:48 Joey, take your time with that.
9:49 It's my last batch.
9:51 No more jam?
9:53 Well, what happened to your jam plan?
9:56 Huh, I figured out I need to charge 17 bucks a jar just to
9:59 break even.
9:59 So, I've got a new plan now.
10:04 Babies.
10:04 Oh, you're going to need much bigger jars.
10:07 I've got three of my five.
10:09 Three of your five what?
10:10 Celebrities I'm allowed to sleep with.
10:13 Oh my god, you are giving this a lot of thought.
10:16 >> Hey, it's hard, okay?
10:17 I only have two spots left.
10:19 All right, who you got to narrow down to?
10:20 Okay.
10:22 >> >> Elizabeth Hurley.
10:23 Ooh, very attractive.
10:25 >> Yeah.
10:25 Forgiving?
10:29 Susan Sarandon.
10:32 >> >> Eh, you know what?
10:33 She's too political.
10:35 You know, she probably wouldn't let you do it unless you donated four cans
10:37 of food first.
10:41 And Isabella Rossellini.
10:43 Ooh, very hot, very sexy.
10:45 But, uh You know what?
10:47 She's too international.
10:49 You know, she's never going to be around.
10:50 So?
10:51 So, you got to play the odds.
10:53 Pick somebody who's going to be in the country like all the time.
10:57 Yeah, cuz that's why you won't get Isabella Rossellini.
11:00 Geography.
11:02 Hey.
11:03 Hey.
11:05 Hee hee hee.
11:07 So, what happened?
11:08 Did a forest tick you off?
11:11 >> >> No.
11:12 You know how we're always saying we need a place for the mail?
11:21 Yeah?
11:21 Well, I started building one,
11:22 but then I decided to take it to the next step.
11:27 You're building a post office?
11:30 No, an entertainment unit with a mail cubby built right in.
11:34 It's a one-day job, Max.
11:36 Okay.
11:38 My word, those are snug.
11:42 Oh, yeah.
11:43 These are my old work pants.
11:45 Sergio Valente.
11:57 Power saw kind of got away from me there.
12:13 Oh, sorry.
12:13 Did I get you?
12:16 No, you didn't get me.
12:18 It's an electric drill.
12:19 You get me, you kill me.
12:22 Calm down.
12:23 Do you want this unit or not?
12:25 I do not want this unit.
12:27 Oh, you should have told me that before.
12:29 Not a mind reader.
12:32 >> >> And we're out of beer.
12:33 Okay, I'm going to Monica's.
12:42 Fine.
12:42 You seen Joey?
12:44 What's the matter?
12:44 Oh, just this.
12:52 You know what?
12:52 It's my fault, really, because the couch is where we usually keep the varnish.
12:58 >> >> Hey, somebody want to hand me one of those tiles?
13:03 What's going on?
13:04 He's retiling my floor.
13:06 You, spackle boy.
13:10 Get up.
13:10 Uh-uh.
13:11 Now, you started this, you will finish it.
13:13 He started mine first.
13:15 Build the unit, Cinderella.
13:16 Lay the tile, Cinderella.
13:23 >> >> Okay, on three.
13:26 One, two, Why don't we just go on two?
13:29 Why two?
13:30 Because it's faster.
13:32 Yeah, I could have counted to three like four times without all this two
13:35 talk.
13:36 All right, but in the future LET'S SAY >> OKAY, OKAY, EVERYTHING NOT GETTING LIGHTER.
13:39 OKAY.
13:42 ONE.
13:42 >> >> TWO.
13:43 So we ARE GOING TWO?
13:54 >> >> A GOOD JOB, JOE.
13:59 WOW.
13:59 >> >> IT'S BIG.
14:01 YEAH, YEAH, so big that it actually makes our doors look smaller.
14:05 Maybe my ruler's wrong.
14:07 Maybe all the rulers are wrong.
14:10 But it's not that bad.
14:12 So what?
14:12 It blocks a little of your door, a little of my door.
14:15 Yeah, you know what?
14:15 I got a better idea.
14:16 How about How about it blocks none of my door
14:18 and a lot of your door?
14:23 Listen, before I forget, that side is still wet.
14:27 You know what?
14:29 Mhm.
14:29 I could fit in there.
14:33 I got five bucks says you can't.
14:37 Get out your checkbook, mister.
14:40 >> >> Oh, I think I have the cash.
14:48 You a dog, man.
14:51 I totally fit.
14:53 Yeah, you got me.
14:55 I'm out five big ones.
15:01 >> >> Here you go.
15:03 Thank you.
15:05 Ching ching.
15:09 WOOHOO, THE CURSE IS BROKEN.
15:10 I called everybody I know and everyone is alive.
15:16 Huh.
15:17 What?
15:18 Ugly naked guy looks awfully still.
15:27 >> >> Huh.
15:27 Huh.
15:27 Oh my god, I killed him.
15:28 I killed another one.
15:29 And this curse is getting stronger, too.
15:31 To bring down something that big?
15:34 Well, maybe he's just taking a nap.
15:36 I'm telling you, he hasn't moved since this morning.
15:39 Maybe we should call somebody.
15:40 And tell them what?
15:41 That the naked guy we stare at all the time isn't moving?
15:44 Well, we've got to find out if he is alive.
15:46 Yeah, but how are we going to do that?
15:47 There's no way.
15:49 Well, there is one way.
15:51 His window's open.
15:52 I say we poke him.
15:56 Remember, something this big and long is going to be very difficult to maneuver.
16:01 Fortunately, I have a lot of experience in that area.
16:04 >> >> Can we please focus here?
16:05 A naked man's life hangs in the balance.
16:09 I'm telling you he's dead.
16:10 What we're about to have here is a dead fat guy on a stick.
16:15 All right.
16:15 Ladies and gentlemen, let's poke.
16:21 Steady.
16:21 Steady.
16:21 Okay, a little higher.
16:23 Careful the angle.
16:25 Okay.
16:25 Okay.
16:26 We're approaching the window.
16:31 Thread the needle.
16:32 Thread the needle.
16:40 He's alive!
16:41 HE'S ALIVE!
16:44 >> >> AND YET WE'RE STILL POKING HIM.
16:47 OKAY, retract the device.
16:48 Retract the device.
16:50 >> >> He does not look happy.
16:52 >> Hey, hey.
16:53 Now he's showing us his poking device.
16:57 >> >> Hey, that's never going to make it all the way over here, buddy.
17:00 Ross?
17:01 What?
17:01 >> Want to play football?
17:06 Um Monica and I aren't supposed to play football.
17:10 Says who?
17:10 Your mom?
17:16 >> >> Yes.
17:16 >> >> Well, every Thanksgiving, um we used to have a touch football game
17:20 called the the Geller Bowl.
17:22 No, no, no.
17:23 You say that proudly.
17:26 Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and um, it got kind of competitive,
17:31 and one year, Geller Bowl 6, I accidentally broke Ross's nose.
17:38 It was so not an accident.
17:40 She saw I was about to tag her,
17:42 so she threw a big fat grandma arm elbow in my face.
17:46 Just kept running.
17:48 Just scored the winning touchdown, by the way.
17:50 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
17:52 Uh, you did not win the game.
17:53 The touchdown didn't count because of the spectacularly illegal, oh, and by the way,
17:57 savage nose-breaking.
18:01 I won the game.
18:02 Oh, yeah?
18:03 Then, how come you didn't get the Geller Cup?
18:07 >> >> There was a Geller Cup?
18:10 Yes.
18:11 It was the trophy you got if you won the game.
18:13 But, our dad said nobody won that game,
18:15 and he was sick of our fighting,
18:16 so he took the trophy >> >> threw it in the lake.
18:28 >> >> And, was the curse lifted?
18:34 Anyway, that's when Mom said we were not allowed to play football again.
18:37 You know what?
18:39 I think we should play a game.
18:41 Come on, it's been 12 years.
18:43 Can I see you for a second?
18:51 What?
18:51 All right, we're going to play.
19:45 >> >> Hey, you know Rachel, funny thing, actually the end zone starts at pole.
19:49 So, you're 5 ft short, SO WE WIN.
19:57 >> >> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
19:57 SO, EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO ME THOUGH.
19:59 If If nobody tagged Rachel, then isn't the play still going?
20:06 And when you have a second later,
20:08 I want to show you why we don't just trap spiders under coffee mugs
20:10 and leave them there.
20:15 I'm training to be better at a job that I hate.
20:18 My life officially sucks.
20:20 But Rach, wasn't it supposed to be a temporary thing?
20:22 I thought you wanted to do fashion stuff.
20:24 >> Well, yeah.
20:25 I'm still pursuing that.
20:27 How exactly are you pursuing that?
20:30 You know, other than sending out resumes like what, 2 years ago?
20:34 Well, I'm also sending out good thoughts.
20:41 >> >> If you ask me, as long as you got this job,
20:44 you got nothing pushing you to get another one.
20:47 You need the fear.
20:49 The fear?
20:51 He's right.
20:51 If you quit this job,
20:52 you then have motivation to go after a job you really want.
20:56 Well, then how come you're still at a job that you hate?
20:58 I mean, why don't you quit and get the fear?
21:02 >> >> Because I'm too afraid.
21:06 I don't know.
21:07 I mean, I would give anything to work for a designer, you know,
21:10 or a buyer.
21:11 Ugh, I just don't want to be 30 and still work here.
21:15 Yeah, that'd be much worse than being 28 and still working here.
21:21 >> >> Rachel?
21:21 Yeah.
21:22 Remind me to review with you which pot is decaf and which is regular.
21:28 >> >> Can't I just look at the handles on them?
21:30 You would think.
21:33 Okay, fine.
21:34 Gunther, I You know what?
21:35 I am a terrible waitress.
21:37 Do you know why I am a terrible waitress?
21:39 Because I don't care.
21:41 I don't care.
21:42 I don't care which pot is regular and which pot is decaf.
21:45 I don't care where the tray spot is.
21:47 I just don't care.
21:47 This is not what I want to do.
21:51 So, I don't think I should do it anymore.
21:55 I'm going to give you my week's notice.
21:58 What?
21:58 Gunther, I quit.
22:02 Does this mean we're going to have to start paying for coffee?
22:04 >> Ross, do you realize this is the first time in my life I'm
22:06 doing something I actually care about?
22:08 This is the first time in my life I'm doing something
22:09 that I'm actually good at.
22:11 I mean, if you don't get that >> I get that, okay?
22:14 I get that big time and I'm happy for you,
22:15 but I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine, okay?
22:18 I don't know what to do anymore.
22:19 >> Well, neither do I.
22:23 Is this about Mark?
22:27 Oh my god.
22:27 Okay, it's not.
22:28 Oh my god.
22:30 I cannot keep having the same fight over and over again, Ross.
22:33 No, you're you're you're making this too hard.
22:36 >> Oh, I'm I'm making this too hard.
22:37 Okay, what do you want me to do?
22:39 I don't know.
22:39 I don't know.
22:40 Look, maybe we should just take a break.
22:43 Okay, okay, fine.
22:44 You're right.
22:45 Let's let's take a break.
22:46 Let's cool off, okay?
22:47 Let's get some frozen yogurt or something.
22:56 No.
22:56 A break from us.
23:02 And the advantage is in collating in the past 5 years, I mean,
23:05 we just get an NX 5000, you know?
23:08 NX 5000 makes the NX 50 look like a T-71.
23:15 Hey, it's the dinosaur guy.
23:18 Hi, Russ.
23:19 Hi, Chloe.
23:19 And I want you to meet some friends of mine.
23:24 This guy is my hero.
23:25 He comes in with some stuff he wants it blown up 400%
23:28 which we don't do
23:29 that.
23:29 He says, "You got to."
23:30 And you know what?
23:31 We did it.
23:33 And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say, "Let's Russ it."
23:37 And that's the only color that comes in?
23:41 Yo, Chloe, do you have a quarter for the condom machine?
23:48 So, what are you doing here?
23:49 I thought tonight was your big anniversary dinner.
23:51 Yeah, a little change of plans.
23:53 We're going to break up instead.
24:00 Hello.
24:00 Oh, hi.
24:01 It's Mark.
24:04 Oh.
24:04 What?
24:05 Is it my breath?
24:06 No.
24:07 Sorry, I just thought you were somebody else.
24:09 Hi.
24:10 Hi.
24:10 Well, look, I was just going to leave a message.
24:13 Isn't tonight your your big anniversary dinner?
24:15 Well, what?
24:18 Rach, are you okay?
24:19 Yeah, I'm fine.
24:22 You want to talk?
24:23 I mean, I can come over.
24:24 No, really no.
24:25 Please.
24:26 That's that's okay.
24:27 >> All right.
24:28 All right, I'm coming over and I'm bringing Chinese Oh, yeah,
24:30 I'm not I'm not hungry.
24:32 It's for me.
24:34 >> Oh.
24:34 Okay.
24:35 Bye.
24:40 So, what are you going to do?
24:41 What can I do?
24:42 What person wants to break up, you break up.
24:44 Hey, no way.
24:45 Come on, this is you guys.
24:47 Call her and work it out.
24:48 >> Come on, we just had this huge fight, all right?
24:50 Don't I have to wait a while?
24:52 Hey, this isn't like swimming after you eat.
24:54 Pick up the phone.
25:01 Well, that whole swimming thing is a myth.
25:03 Yeah, tell that to my uncle Lenny.
25:06 Well, what happened to him?
25:08 Nothing.
25:09 He just really believes in that.
25:13 Oh, and then we got to this big stupid fight.
25:15 I just it was awful.
25:16 I told him treats me like a park ranger or something.
25:20 Oh.
25:22 >> >> And then I told him I wanted to take a break.
25:27 I don't want to take a break.
25:29 Oh, I'm sorry.
25:36 Um April?
25:36 No.
25:36 And then I called him and he wasn't there.
25:39 Well, maybe he's probably just out.
25:41 Oh, thank you.
25:42 That's very helpful.
25:43 I'm glad you came over.
25:51 Hello.
25:51 Hi, it's me.
25:52 Hi.
25:53 Oh, I'm so glad you called.
25:55 Really?
25:56 I've been thinking this is crazy.
25:57 I mean, don't don't you think we can work on this?
26:00 Hey, what do you want to drink?
26:02 Who's that?
26:07 Nobody.
26:07 Is it okay if I finish the apple juice?
26:10 Is that Mark?
26:12 Hello.
26:13 Honey, look, he just came over.
26:14 >> Yeah, I got it.
26:21 Hey, dinosaur guy.
26:22 Look at you, so sad.
26:24 Come back.
26:25 Uh that's okay, thanks.
26:29 Hey.
26:29 You don't have to smile.
26:30 Just have to dance.
26:31 >> Look, I don't feel like dancing.
26:33 I feel like having a drink, okay?
26:35 Oh, okay.
26:36 Hey, two beers.
26:38 It was a mistake.
26:39 I made a mistake, okay?
26:41 >> A mistake?
26:42 Where were you trying to put it in?
26:43 Her purse?
26:47 >> >> Where?
26:47 Where did HE PUT IT?
26:52 MARK, YOU HAD SEX WITH ANOTHER WOMAN?
26:55 Oh my god.
26:56 Oh, I knew something had to be wrong
26:58 because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.
27:03 Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight and he got drunk.
27:06 >> Oh, you guys knew about this and you didn't tell us?
27:09 He has sex and we get hit in our heads.
27:12 You know what?
27:13 I want you to leave.
27:13 Get out of here.
27:14 Just get out now.
27:15 >> I know.
27:15 I want to stay.
27:16 I want to talk about this.
27:17 Okay.
27:18 All right.
27:19 How was she?
27:20 Uh-oh.
27:25 What?
27:26 Was she good?
27:27 Don't answer that.
27:32 Well, she said you wanted to talk about it.
27:33 Let's talk about it.
27:34 How was she?
27:37 She was awful.
27:38 She was not good.
27:39 Not good.
27:40 Nothing compared to you.
27:43 She She was different.
27:44 Oh.
27:47 >> Uh-oh.
27:47 Good different?
27:50 Nobody likes change.
27:54 >> >> What the hell?
27:57 Should we do something?
27:58 Yeah, never cheat on Rachel.
28:02 >> >> I'm sorry, okay?
28:03 I'm sorry.
28:04 I I was disgusted with myself
28:06 and then this morning I was
28:07 so I was I was
28:09 so upset and then I got your message
28:10 and I was so happy
28:11 and all I wanted was to get her out of my apartment
28:14 as FAST AS POSSIBLE.
28:15 >> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
28:16 Wait a minute.
28:19 What time did your little friend leave?
28:25 Oh my god, she was there.
28:27 She was still there?
28:29 She was in there when I WAS IN THERE?
28:32 OH, JUST LISTEN, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY,
28:37 THE IMPORTANT THING IS SHE MEANT SHE meant nothing to me.
28:39 And yet she WAS WORTH JEOPARDIZING OUR RELATIONSHIP?
28:44 LOOK, I DIDN'T THINK THERE was a relationship to jeopardize.
28:47 I thought we were broken up.
28:48 >> We were on a break.
28:50 >> That for all I knew could last forever.
28:52 That to me is a breakup.
28:53 >> You think you're going to get out of this on a technicality?
28:56 >> I'm not trying to get out of anything, okay?
28:58 I thought our relationship was dead.
29:00 >> Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake.
29:05 You know what?
29:06 I don't think we should listen to this anymore.
29:08 >> What?
29:08 What are you doing?
29:09 You can't go out there.
29:10 Why not?
29:11 I'm hungry.
29:14 >> >> Because they'll know we've been listening.
29:16 God, and I have to hear about it from Gunther.
29:19 >> Come on, like I wanted him to tell you.
29:21 I ran all over the place trying to make sure that didn't happen.
29:26 Oh, that is so sweet.
29:30 >> >> I think I'm falling in love with you all over again.
29:35 You know what?
29:35 I think we can go out there.
29:37 I mean, they have more important things to worry about.
29:39 >> Yeah, we'll be fine.
29:40 Look, Rachel, I wanted to tell you.
29:42 I thought I should.
29:43 I I did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
29:51 >> >> Wax the door shut.
29:52 We're never leaving ever.
29:53 Ross did ask us first, and we set that night aside.
29:56 >> No, okay.
29:56 Come on, you know, if he asked you first, it's only fair.
30:03 Boy, do I feel bad.
30:05 Oh, yeah.
30:06 Very bad.
30:07 Chandler, what are you doing?
30:08 Chandler!
30:10 Oh my god.
30:13 >> >> You're smoking again?
30:14 Well, actually yesterday I was smoking again.
30:16 Today I'm I'm smoking still.
30:20 >> >> Why would you start again after chewing all that quitting gum?
30:24 I'm telling you, this is just like my parents' divorce,
30:26 which is when I started smoking in the first place.
30:30 >> >> Weren't you nine?
30:37 Yeah.
30:37 >> >> I'm telling you something, that first smoke after nap time.
30:43 >> >> Oh, that's great.
30:44 With my luck, that's going to be him.
30:46 Him, him, Ross?
30:47 No, him 253.
30:49 His eyes are on the sparrow.
30:53 >> >> All right, my parents got divorced.
30:54 That's when I started using humor as a defense mechanism.
31:02 Hi.
31:02 Do you guys have plans for the weekend?
31:03 Because I have my sister on hold
31:05 and she said that we could have her cabin for the weekend
31:07 and go skiing.
31:10 Huh?
31:10 I'm asking you first, right?
31:12 I mean, I'm playing by the rules.
31:15 Absolutely.
31:15 Chandler, you're smoking.
31:17 What are you doing?
31:18 >> Hey, shut up.
31:19 You're not my real mom.
31:20 Dad's ready.
31:21 All right, let's go.
31:23 You're welcome.
31:24 Oh, I'm sorry.
31:25 Were you speaking to me or were you sleeping with someone else?
31:29 >> >> We were on a break.
31:30 >> Okay.
31:31 You know Ross, why don't you just put that on your answering machine?
31:34 >> Hey, hey, it's valid, okay?
31:35 And I'm not the only one who thinks so.
31:37 Monica agrees with me.
31:41 What?
31:41 I don't know.
31:44 That's what you said last night.
31:46 What I said was was that I understood.
31:49 Joey is the one who agreed with you.
31:53 Okay.
31:53 Really, Joey?
31:58 What?
31:58 You know what?
31:58 But there is there is no right or wrong here.
32:01 No, I think it's very obvious who's wrong here.
32:04 Obviously not to Joey.
32:11 What?
32:11 >> >> Joey is not going to tell you the same thing that I did.
32:13 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
32:14 No, I I guess WHAT I AM.
32:34 >> >> OKAY, THAT'S LIKE THE LEAST FUN GAME EVER.
32:37 WELL, I'm really sick of your smoking,
32:39 so I brought something that is going to help you quit.
32:50 Oh.
32:50 Nope, that patch is no good.
32:56 >> >> Come on, it's a hypnosis tape.
32:57 This woman at work used it for 2 weeks straight
33:00 and she hasn't smoked since.
33:04 Huh.
33:04 What's your problem?
33:06 Nothing.
33:06 It's just that hypnosis is beyond crap.
33:11 >> >> Ross, I watched you get hypnotized in Atlantic City.
33:14 >> Hey, that guy did not hypnotize me, okay?
33:16 All right, cuz you always pull your pants down on the count of three
33:19 and play wipeout on your butt cheeks.
33:22 All right, you know, forget hypnosis.
33:24 The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field
33:27 of heather and then bathe in the sweat of six healthy young men.
33:32 Or what my father calls Thursday night.
33:36 Falling fast asleep.
33:38 Deeper, deeper, deeper.
33:41 You are now completely asleep.
33:44 You don't need to smoke.
33:47 Cigarettes don't control you.
33:49 You are a strong, confident woman who doesn't need to smoke.
33:56 A strong, confident woman.
34:08 >> >> The millionaire's here.
34:09 Oh my god.
34:16 >> >> Guys, please.
34:17 I'm just going to have dinner with him, okay?
34:19 Okay.
34:19 Okay, just because he buys you dinner does not mean you owe him anything.
34:25 >> >> I know.
34:27 Okay, then get the lobster.
34:38 Oh.
34:38 >> >> Every night.
34:42 >> >> Don't need to smoke.
34:44 Cigarettes don't control you.
34:47 You are a strong, confident woman >> >> that does not need to smoke.
34:54 A strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke.
35:00 Cigarettes don't control you.
35:02 You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke.
35:11 Joey's your best friend.
35:14 >> >> You want to make him a cheese sandwich every day.
35:21 >> >> And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.
35:29 Hi.
35:29 You uh wanted to see me?
35:37 >> >> Yeah.
35:37 Uh here's a box of your stuff.
35:42 What?
35:43 Uh you know, it's just like hats and shirts and CDs,
35:46 just sort of stuff that you've left here.
35:49 What are you doing?
35:49 Are you Are you trying to hurt me or something?
35:55 No.
35:55 Ross, if It just seems that, you know, it's time we, you know,
36:01 move on.
36:02 I I mean, don't you think?
36:07 Yes.
36:09 Yeah.
36:09 Yes, I do.
36:14 Good.
36:14 Yeah, I I I really do.
36:14 Hey.
36:14 This This was a gift.
36:17 Ross, you got that for free from the museum gift shop.
36:21 It's still a gift.
36:23 I got it from the gift shop.
36:27 >> >> Okay, all right.
36:28 Give me the mug.
36:28 I'll keep the mug.
36:29 >> No.
36:30 You know You know what?
36:31 Don't do me any favors.
36:32 In fact, where Where's the rest of my stuff?
36:36 Huh?
36:36 Like like my um Hey!
36:39 This book is mine.
36:42 >> >> And and and and that T-shirt you're sleeping in, I'd like that back,
36:46 too.
36:46 Yes, I do.
36:50 >> >> You know how much I love that T-shirt.
36:52 You never even wear that T-shirt.
36:54 I'm just trying to help you move on.
36:58 Oh, you are a petty man.
37:01 You are a petty petty petty petty petty SMALL >> >> YOU ARE
37:10 SO JUST DOING this out of spite.
37:12 >> Aw!
37:13 No, no, no.
37:14 I'm I'm going to wear this all the time.
37:16 I LOVE THIS SHIRT.
37:18 >> >> YOU HAVE NOT WORN THAT T-shirt since you were 15.
37:20 It doesn't even fit you anymore.
37:22 >> Oh, yeah.
37:23 Yeah.
37:23 Yeah.
37:25 Oh, look at that.
37:26 Oh, okay.
37:26 Okay.
37:39 >> >> If you don't mind,
37:39 I'm going to take the rest of my stuff >> >>
37:42 and relax in my favorite shirt.
37:49 You have a pleasant evening.
37:57 I need to talk to you.
37:58 Sure.
37:59 What's up?
38:00 Oh, sorry.
38:01 I meant Chandler.
38:03 I know.
38:07 Well, if something comes up >> >> Oh,
38:13 I'm glad you guys are past that little awkward phase.
38:18 Okay, my boss, Joanna.
38:20 When you left, she started asking questions about you.
38:24 Ha ha, liked what she saw, huh?
38:28 Dug my action, did she?
38:31 Checking out the chin chin man.
38:38 That was surreal.
38:41 >> >> Okay, what do you think?
38:42 You interested at all?
38:44 Yeah, she seemed cool, attractive.
38:47 I'll do it.
38:48 Oh, thank you, Chandler.
38:49 This is so great.
38:50 She's going to love me.
38:51 Oh.
38:53 Okay.
38:53 Dinosaur attack.
38:53 Quick, everybody into the house.
38:58 Hey.
38:58 Did you get anything?
39:00 Open it.
39:00 Open it.
39:09 >> >> Okay.
39:09 >> >> It's a chicken.
39:12 It's cute, huh?
39:13 Whoa, whoa, whoa, you guys, do you know anything about chicks?
39:16 Fowl?
39:17 No.
39:22 Women?
39:22 No.
39:22 Okay, well, they are a huge responsibility, especially at this age.
39:26 They require constant care.
39:27 They They need just the right food and lots and lots of love.
39:31 >> Oh, well, no problem >> >> Easy, Lenny.
39:41 But this is the last time.
39:43 With a chick chick here and a chick chick there.
39:46 Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick chick chicken.
39:54 >> >> Hey.
39:54 Hey.
39:54 How's she doing?
39:58 She?
39:58 Well, yeah.
39:58 Don't Don't you think it's a she?
40:00 I don't know.
40:12 >> >> I can't tell.
40:13 Whatever it was went back in too quickly.
40:16 Well, anyway, I got to go change.
40:17 I'm uh meeting some of the cast for drinks.
40:19 Excuse me?
40:23 What?
40:23 I stayed home from work today
40:24 while you were rehearsal
40:25 so somebody could be here with our chick.
40:28 Hey, who was up from 2:00 this morning until 5:00 this morning trying to
40:32 get her back to sleep?
40:34 >> >> You don't think I get up when you get up?
40:37 Uh here it comes.
40:39 Yes, here it comes.
40:41 I'm stuck here all day
40:43 and then you come in
40:44 and spend 2 seconds with us
40:47 and then expect to go off gallivanting with your friends?
40:51 >> >> Well, I don't think so, mister.
40:53 Hey, I need to relax, okay?
40:56 I was working all day.
40:58 And you don't think taking care of our chick is work?
41:04 >> >> That's not what I said.
41:06 Okay, I just meant >> I know WHAT YOU MEANT.
41:16 >> >> YOU NOTICE
41:16 that ever since we got this chick we've been fighting a lot more than
41:20 we used to.
41:24 I don't know.
41:24 Maybe we weren't ready to have a chick.
41:29 >> >> I'll take her back tomorrow.
41:31 You think we'll get our three bucks back?
41:35 Wow, that was depressing.
41:36 I think I just bought a soft pretzel from one of the kids from
41:38 Fame.
41:40 >> >> Ready for the movies?
41:41 Mhm.
41:42 Oh, Rach, this is Bonnie.
41:44 Hi.
41:46 This is Bonnie?
41:47 This is Bonnie?
41:48 You're Bonnie?
41:49 I can show you an ID if you want.
41:52 Oh, no, I'm just You look a lot different than the last time I
41:56 I saw you.
41:57 Oh, yeah, well, I just started wearing bras again.
42:00 >> >> Oh, that must be it.
42:04 Well, I hope you have fun tonight.
42:05 Thanks, you too.
42:13 >> Okay.
42:13 >> >> You said she was bald.
42:15 Yes, she was bald.
42:16 She's not now.
42:19 >> >> How could you not tell me that she has hair?
42:21 I don't know.
42:21 I hardly ever say that about people.
42:24 Oh, well, this is just perfect.
42:27 Well, I'm sorry.
42:28 I thought you said it was okay.
42:29 Yeah, I said it was okay
42:30 when I thought you were some weird bald chick.
42:33 I mean, you know.
42:34 That girl has got hair all over her head.
42:39 WELL, MAYBE IT WON'T WORK OUT.
42:40 MAYBE Ross won't like her personality.
42:42 >> What, does she have a bad personality?
42:44 Oh, no.
42:44 Bonnie's the best.
42:47 How did it go with Bonnie?
42:49 Oh, I got to tell you.
42:51 I I wasn't expecting to like her at all.
42:53 I mean, I actually wasn't expecting like anyone right now, but she's really terrific.
42:58 Oh, it's too bad.
43:02 No, I I'm saying I liked her.
43:05 Yeah, you know what?
43:06 There are other fish in the sea.
43:08 Phoebe, I think she's great, okay?
43:10 We're going out again.
43:12 Okay, I hear you.
43:13 Are you capable of talking about anything else?
43:19 >> >> Okay, would you rather live in the shirt pocket of a sweaty
43:22 giant or inside his shower drain?
43:27 Oh my god.
43:29 Phoebe, look at Ross and that girl.
43:33 Big flip.
43:34 No, no.
43:34 Look at that.
43:35 IT'S A LINE OF ANTS.
43:37 THEY'RE WORKING AS A TEAM, BABY.
43:41 >> >> RIGHT.
43:41 OH, YEAH.
43:42 WELL, OH, it looks like Ross is breaking up with her.
43:45 Oof, I hope he lets her down easy.
43:47 Let's go.
43:47 Come on, Phoebe.
43:48 Look at that.
43:48 They are not breaking up.
43:49 Look at them.
43:50 Okay, that's You know what that is?
43:51 That is a That is a second date.
43:52 That's what that is.
43:54 Look at that.
43:54 She just put her hand on his thigh.
43:56 Oh, no.
43:56 That really is nothing.
43:58 She's very sexually aggressive.
44:01 >> Oh.
44:01 Phoebe, this is all your fault.
44:02 Now he loves her, he's going to marry her,
44:04 and this is all your fault.
44:06 You said it was okay.
44:08 You said she was bald.
44:11 >> >> Was.
44:12 Was.
44:12 Was.
44:13 Was.
44:13 Was.
44:13 Was.
44:14 >> Okay, so what?
44:15 Baby, we can't We just can't let it happen, okay?
44:17 We have to do something.
44:18 We have to break them up, okay?
44:19 You Just go in there and like shave her head.
44:21 YOU OWE ME ONE bald girl.
44:25 Okay, first of all, breathe.
44:29 Second of all, I don't get it.
44:31 Aren't you the one that decided you didn't want to be with Ross?
44:38 Yes.
44:38 Well, isn't he your friend?
44:39 Don't you want him to be happy?
44:51 Yes.
44:51 So?
44:51 I just, you know, I didn't expect him to be this happy so soon.
45:05 Oh.
45:07 Oh, no.
45:07 What?
45:07 Oh, we killed them all.
45:14 >> >> Did you look at them?
45:16 I'm never going to find a boyfriend again.
45:19 I'll die an old maid.
45:21 You're not going to die an old maid.
45:24 Maybe an old spinster cook.
45:29 Thanks.
45:30 Hey, and on the bright side, worst comes to worst, I'll be your boyfriend.
45:38 Yeah, right.
45:42 Why is that so funny?
45:44 You made a joke, right?
45:46 >> >> So, I laughed.
45:50 A little too hard.
45:53 >> >> What am I not boyfriend material?
45:56 No, you're Chandler.
46:00 >> >> You know.
46:03 Chandler.
46:03 Okay, so we've established my name and hit me.
46:07 But theoretically, you know, I mean, say we weren't friends.
46:09 Say it's a blind date.
46:10 I show up at your door and I'm like, "Hey, nice to meet you."
46:13 Hey, really?
46:16 I'd probably be scared of the guy using a fake voice.
46:27 Oi!
46:27 What is all this sand?
46:29 Oh, yeah, but I'm sure there might be flood damage.
46:31 Either that or he has a really big cat.
46:36 What is going on here?
46:38 What?
46:39 You're painting his toenails?
46:41 Oh, come on.
46:42 Chasing him around the room?
46:43 >> Monica, please.
46:44 Okay, he's totally flirting with you, too.
46:47 He is, isn't he?
46:50 I don't know.
46:51 I don't know.
46:52 I mean, maybe it's just being here at the beach together
46:54 or I don't know,
46:55 but it's like something Hey!
46:58 Hey!
47:02 Hey!
47:02 Hi, Bonnie.
47:04 My boss let me off early, so I took the train.
47:06 Oh.
47:07 What are you guys doing?
47:08 We're playing strip Happy Days game.
47:12 Cool, I'll catch up.
47:16 Well, is everybody else having just the best time?
47:19 Shh.
47:21 Shh, Joey's asleep.
47:32 After he passed out, we put the sand around him to keep him warm.
47:38 Well, I assume the happy couple isn't up yet.
47:42 Did you guys hear them last night?
47:44 Oh, yeah.
47:45 I don't know what they were doing, but at one point,
47:46 sea turtles actually came up to the house.
47:51 GOOD MORNING.
47:52 HEY.
47:52 HI.
47:53 HEY.
47:53 How'd everybody sleep?
47:54 >> Oh, great.
47:55 Like a lot.
47:56 Us, too, man.
48:00 >> >> I'm going for a walk.
48:06 Good morning.
48:08 Nice breasts, by the way.
48:17 >> >> Hey, what happened to you?
48:19 Oh, nothing.
48:20 I just felt like hanging out here and reading.
48:23 The water was so great.
48:24 We jumped off this pier and my suit came off.
48:29 >> Oh.
48:29 Sorry I missed that.
48:30 God, Joey and Chandler sure are funny.
48:35 >> >> I think I brought back half of the beach in my hair.
48:37 It was so much easier when I used to shave my head.
48:44 You know, I got to tell you,
48:47 I just loved your look when you were bald.
48:52 Really?
48:52 Because I think about shaving it all off sometimes.
48:58 Really?
48:58 >> >> I mean, you definitely should do that.
49:01 You know what?
49:01 I should do it.
49:03 >> Yeah.
49:03 You know what?
49:03 Thank you, Rachel.
49:04 You are so cool.
49:05 Oh, stop.
49:07 Come on.
49:08 >> >> I'm going to shave that head.
49:14 >> All right.
49:14 HEY, EVERYBODY.
49:21 WOW.
49:21 HUH, LOOK WHAT YOU DID.
49:24 >> >> YOU WANT TO touch it?
49:25 No, but but it's great.
49:27 >> Come on.
49:28 Touch it.
49:34 Okay.
49:34 >> >> You can feel all the bones in your skull.
49:38 Hi there.
49:41 >> >> That's that weird voice again.
49:44 Okay.
49:44 Okay.
49:44 Let me try it again.
49:45 You're going to want to date this next guy, I swear.
49:47 Okay, come on.
49:53 >> >> Hi.
49:54 I'M DWARF.
49:57 YOUR DATE FOR THE EVENING.
50:01 OH, COME ON.
50:02 DWARF ON DATING?
50:03 THAT'S GOOD STUFF.
50:03 >>
