0:00 Talking about who could kick whose ass in a fight, you or Ross.
0:03 >> There's no question.
0:04 >> So, you think Ross, too?
0:09 >> >> You picked Ross?
0:10 >> Ross is really strong.
0:12 He's the strongest out of all three of you.
0:14 Except for Joey.
0:17 >> >> I cannot believe you didn't pick me.
0:19 >> Uh in her defense, she's right.
0:21 I am stronger.
0:22 I would destroy you.
0:24 >> >> Oh, really?
0:25 You think you're stronger?
0:27 Why don't you prove it?
0:30 >> Oh, I'll prove it.
0:31 I'll prove IT LIKE A THEOREM.
0:33 >> HEY, WAIT, WAIT.
0:33 OKAY, STOP IT.
0:35 STOP IT.
0:36 STOP.
0:37 NOW, THERE'S NO ONE WHO'S GOING TO FIGHT IN THIS APARTMENT.
0:39 >> PEOPLE CAME TO SEE A FIGHT.
0:40 Let's give them what they came for.
0:44 >> You guys could arm wrestle.
0:45 >> Yeah, listen to the nurse.
0:49 >> You're going down.
0:51 >> Oh, yeah?
0:51 You're going further down, downtown. guys, the trash talk is embarrassing.
0:58 >> All right, Monica,
0:58 if there is something
0:59 that you would like to share. >> you had no right to go out
1:01 with him.
1:02 >> That is the most RIDICULOUS >> ME OUT.
1:05 >> NOT SAY YOU absolutely You let me >> >> talk.
1:12 Did you just flick me?
1:15 Okay, well, you wouldn't let me finish, and I was just >> >> Ow, that hurt.
1:22 QUICK FLICKING.
1:24 OW.
1:25 FLICKING.
1:25 YOU FLICKED ME.
1:27 OW.
1:27 DAMN IT.
1:33 OW.
1:33 OW.
1:33 NO, LET'S NOT DO THIS.
1:34 LET'S OW.
1:35 OW.
1:49 OW.
1:49 OW.
1:49 OW.
1:49 OW.
1:49 OW.
1:49 OW.
1:49 OW.
1:49 OW.
1:49 OW.
1:49 OW.
1:49 OW.
1:49 OKAY, NOW I'M GOING TO KICK SOME ASS.
1:54 OW.
1:55 OW.
1:56 >> >> OW.
1:56 OW.
1:57 OW.
2:00 OW.
2:00 OW.
2:00 OW.
2:00 OW.
2:00 >> ALL RIGHT.
2:00 NOW, I WILL let go if you both stop.
2:04 >> WHAT ARE YOU YOU WANT ME TO STOP SEEING HIM?
2:06 Is that what you want?
2:08 >> Uh-huh.
2:08 >> You want me to just call him up
2:09 and tell him that you're seeing him instead.
2:11 Is that what YOU WANT?
2:16 >> OKAY.
2:16 >> OH, THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.
2:23 >> YES.
2:23 >> FINE.
2:23 >> FINE.
2:23 >> There we go.
2:26 >> You know what?
2:26 If we were in prison,
2:27 you guys would be LIKE MY >> WHAT YOU GOT OVER THERE?
2:34 TACOS?
2:35 >> NO.
2:36 NO.
2:37 They're um They're just uh They're They're ground beef smileys.
2:43 >> Uh those are tacos.
2:46 >> Excuse me, Mr.
2:47 Mexico.
2:49 >> Uh either way, I'll pass.
2:51 Still can't eat those.
3:00 >> Uh-huh.
3:00 >> >> What's so funny?
3:08 >> >> I'm not laughing.
3:18 >> >> You told her.
3:21 >> Nancy Thompson's getting fired.
3:26 >> Okay.
3:27 Okay.
3:27 I had food poisoning.
3:29 It's not like I chose to do it.
3:31 It's not like It's not like I said, "Huh,
3:32 what would make this ride more fun?"
3:36 >> >> Right.
3:36 You're right.
3:36 I'm sorry.
3:37 I'm Yeah.
3:38 I shouldn't be laughing.
3:40 I should be laying down papers for you.
3:45 >> >> How could you tell her?
3:46 >> I had to, okay?
3:47 We're getting married.
3:48 Married couples can't keep secrets from one another.
3:51 >> Oh, really?
3:51 Well, I I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City.
3:54 >> Dude, wooed.
3:57 >> What happened in Atlantic City?
3:58 >> Well, Chandler and I are in a bar.
4:00 >> Did you not hear me say dude, wooed?
4:03 >> >> And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay?
4:06 So, after a while he he goes over to her
4:09 and after a minute
4:10 or two I see them kissing.
4:12 Now, I know what you're thinking,
4:13 Chandler is not the type of guy who just goes to bars
4:15 and makes out with girls
4:16 and you're right,
4:17 Chandler is not the type of guy who just goes to bars
4:20 and makes out with girls.
4:24 >> >> YOU KISSED A GUY?
4:29 >> YOU WANT TO TELL SECRETS?
4:30 OKAY.
4:30 OKAY, in college Ross used to wear leg warmers.
4:35 >> >> All right.
4:36 All right.
4:37 Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won.
4:43 Ross came in fourth and cried.
4:45 >> Oh my god.
4:48 >> >> OH, IS THAT FUNNY?
4:48 OH, you you find that funny?
4:50 Well, maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets, too.
4:54 >> Oh, >> >> I I already told him everything.
4:56 YOU SHUSH.
4:58 >> ONCE MONICA WAS SENT TO A ROOM WITHOUT DINNER,
5:01 so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry BOX SHE'D MADE.
5:07 >> >> ROSS USED TO STAY HOME EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT TO WATCH GOLDEN GIRLS.
5:13 >> >> MONICA COULDN'T TELL TIME UNTIL SHE WAS 13.
5:18 >> >> IT'S HARD FOR SOME PEOPLE.
5:21 >> OF COURSE, it is.
5:25 >> >> Chandler, one time wore MY UNDERWEAR TO WORK.
5:30 >> HEY.
5:30 >> I'M SORRY, I COULDN'T THINK OF ANY MORE FOR ROSS.
5:33 >> IN COLLEGE, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who CLEANED OUR DORM.
5:39 >> >> THAT WAS YOU.
5:43 >> WHATEVER, DUDE.
5:44 YOU KISSED a guy.
5:46 >> Fine, okay, fine.
5:47 But, I got to say technically I didn't even do anything wrong.
5:52 >> What?
5:52 You You didn't do anything wrong?
5:55 >> I I said I didn't technically.
5:58 >> Okay, well let's put aside the fact
6:00 that you accidentally picked up my grandmother's ring
6:03 and you accidentally proposed to Rachel.
6:06 >> Can I just stop right there for a second?
6:08 When people do this, I don't really know what that means.
6:18 >> >> You saying?
6:19 >> And I can even understand that you couldn't tell Rachel.
6:23 But why couldn't you tell me?
6:25 Huh?
6:26 You had all day to and you didn't.
6:27 >> I know, I should have.
6:30 I'm sorry.
6:37 >> >> Not using it right, Joe.
6:45 >> >> I'm going to go.
6:46 >> No, come on.
6:47 Look, Ross, we have to get past this.
6:49 >> Give me the bag.
6:49 >> No, look, I I don't know what else to do.
6:51 I said I'm sorry.
6:52 Now Now you should scream at me
6:54 or or or curse me
6:55 or hit me.
6:56 >> I'm not going to hit you.
6:57 >> Why not?
6:57 You'll feel better.
6:58 I'll feel better.
6:59 And you know you want to.
7:00 I can see it in your eyes.
7:03 >> >> No, I don't.
7:04 >> A little bit.
7:08 >> No.
7:08 >> Little bit.
7:08 >> No.
7:08 >> Little bit more.
7:10 Now hit me.
7:11 >> Give me the bag.
7:12 >> Hit me.
7:13 >> Joey, give me the bag.
7:13 >> Hit me.
7:13 >> Joey, I'm not kidding.
7:15 >> No.
7:15 >> Hit me.
7:15 Hit me.
7:16 Hit me.
7:16 HIT ME.
7:29 >> >> YOU DUCKED.
7:30 >> I'M SORRY.
7:31 IT WAS A REFLEX.
7:33 >> OH MY GOD, THIS THIS REALLY HURT.
7:35 >> I COULDN'T help it.
7:36 When a fist comes at your face, you duck.
7:38 LOOK.
7:42 >> OH.
7:42 WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
7:45 YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DUCK.
7:46 WHY DIDN'T YOU DUCK?
7:47 WHY DON'T WE TALK about this on the way to the hospital?
7:49 >> Good.
7:49 Good.
7:50 Yeah, maybe while we're there they can check your reflexes.
7:54 >> I broke my thumb.
7:56 >> Your thumb?
8:00 >> >> That's weird.
8:02 Are you sure you're punching right?
8:03 Make a fist.
8:07 See you later.
8:09 Ross, I feel so >> terrible.
8:11 >> You know what?
8:11 You can go.
8:12 I just have to fill out some forms.
8:20 >> You uh you want you want me to help you with that?
8:22 >> Why?
8:22 Does it look like I'm having trouble with my misshapen claw?
8:33 >> Name.
8:33 No, I know Ross, but what's it short for?
8:36 You know, like like Russell.
8:40 Or or Ross the fair.
8:43 >> That's Ross.
8:46 >> It's pretty.
8:48 Okay, date of birth?
8:50 >> You know my birthday?
8:59 >> Sure.
8:59 Maytember.
8:59 >> October 18th.
9:01 >> Occupation?
9:02 Dinosaurs.
9:06 >> >> Actually, I'm a paleon Dinosaurs is fine.
9:12 >> >> The drawing is not.
9:18 >> All right.
9:18 Uh who who who do you want as your emergency contact?
9:21 >> Uh Rachel, I guess.
9:23 >> Okay.
9:24 Relationship?
9:25 Ooh hoo boy, this could take a while.
9:28 >> Yeah, I want to talk to you about
9:29 that that girl that you danced with.
9:31 She's nice, huh?
9:32 I think I almost brought my wife to this.
9:37 Yeah.
9:38 Yeah.
9:38 Okay.
9:41 Look, buddy.
9:42 I came with that girl, okay?
9:44 And I I had this plan to kiss her at the New Year's countdown.
9:46 I'm I'm trying to win her over, you know?
9:48 So, I was wondering if >> I don't think so.
9:50 >> Oh, come on, man.
9:51 You You could dance with my partner.
9:52 She's uh She's real mellow.
9:56 >> Look, you uh you dating this girl you came with?
9:59 >> Well, I was hoping after tonight that maybe I could, you know, >> No.
10:03 No.
10:03 She's fair game if you ask me.
10:04 Sorry about it.
10:06 >> All right.
10:08 Hey.
10:08 >> You know, fair's fair.
10:09 I mean, you know, when you're right, you're right.
10:11 What can I say?
10:11 BUT >> GETTING OLD, MAN.
10:16 WHAT?
10:17 ARE YOU IN THE SECOND GRADE?
10:18 >> HEY, MAN.
10:19 You're the one who WET HIS PANTS.
10:22 >> SOMETHING.
10:23 AS A WOMAN, THERE is nothing sexier than a man who does not want
10:29 to have sex.
10:32 >> No kidding.
10:33 >> Oh, yeah.
10:33 In fact, you know what I'd do?
10:35 >> What?
10:35 >> I'd wait.
10:38 >> You'd wait?
10:39 >> Yes, absolutely.
10:40 I would wait and wait.
10:45 Then I'd wait some more.
10:50 >> >> Really?
10:50 >> Oh, yeah.
10:50 I don't care how much he tells you she wants it.
10:52 I don't care if she begs, she pleads,
10:54 she tells you she she's going to have sex with with another man.
10:58 That just means it's working.
11:03 >> Do women really want this?
11:05 Huh?
11:06 >> More than jewelry.
11:15 >> >> If Mike were here Okay, if Mike were here,
11:19 what would the two of you be doing?
11:23 What are you, animals?
11:24 It's 4:00 in the afternoon.
11:27 >> >> We got to call him.
11:28 Just Just to talk to him.
11:29 There's no harm in that.
11:31 >> Phoebe, that's how it starts.
11:32 I don't need to eat the cake, I'll just smell the icing.
11:36 Why not just a little sliver or Okay, just a a slice or two.
11:40 You know, the next thing you know,
11:41 you're 210 lb and you get wedged in going down THE TUNNEL SLIDE.
11:47 >> PHOEBE, HONEY, I KNOW THIS is hard.
11:50 But look, if you talk to him,
11:51 then you're going to want to see him.
11:53 And if you see him,
11:54 you're going to want to get back together with him.
11:56 And I know that's not what you want.
12:00 All right, so give me your phone.
12:05 >> Here.
12:05 >> And now your cell.
12:13 >> Okay.
12:13 >> Here you go.
12:22 >> >> This is your cell phone.
12:26 >> >> Yes.
12:26 >> This is your current cell phone.
12:31 >> >> Yes.
12:31 >> It reminds me of a simpler time.
12:36 >> >> Phoebe, where's your purse?
12:41 >> Um >> Hey!
12:41 No!
12:41 No!
12:41 Give it to me!
12:42 Hey!
12:42 You can't HAVE IT.
12:43 >> GIVE IT TO ME!
12:48 >> NO!
12:48 I'll go in there!
12:49 >> Oh, yeah?
12:50 >> Phoebe, come here!
12:51 >> No!
12:51 >> GIVE IT TO ME!
12:52 >> NO!
12:52 >> YOU QUIT!
12:57 >> GOD!
12:57 >> WHOA!
12:57 >> WHOA!
12:57 >> WHOA!
12:57 >> DAMN YOU, MONICA GELLER-BING!
12:58 >> HEY, RACH, >> >> you know what?
13:03 I think I think I know what'll make you feel better.
13:05 How about you make a list about me?
13:08 >> What?
13:08 Forget it, Ross.
13:09 No, I'm not going to stand here and make a list of Okay,
13:12 you're whiny, you are you're obsessive, you are insecure, you're you're gutless, you know,
13:19 you don't ever you don't just sort of seize the day, you know,
13:21 you liked me for what, a year and you didn't do anything about it,
13:24 and uh oh, you wear too much of that gel in your hair.
13:32 >> >> See, there you you all right, you did what I said.
13:37 >> Yeah, and you know what?
13:38 You're right.
13:39 I do feel better.
13:40 Thank you, Ross.
13:43 >> Why, what happened?
13:47 >> I fooled around with Joey's sister.
13:50 Well, that's not the worst part.
13:53 >> What is the worst part?
13:54 >> I can't remember which sister.
13:58 >> >> You see what men do?
13:59 Don't tell me men are nice.
14:00 THIS IS MAN.
14:04 >> ARE YOU INSANE?
14:06 I mean, Joey's going to kill you.
14:07 He's actually going to kill you dead.
14:09 >> Okay, you don't think I thought of that?
14:12 >> But how can you not know which one?
14:14 I mean, it's unbelievable.
14:15 I mean, was it Gina?
14:17 >> Which one is Gina?
14:17 >> The dark, big hair with the airplane earrings.
14:19 >> No, no, no, that's not Gina, that's Dina.
14:21 >> Oh, you see?
14:22 You can't tell which IS WHICH, EITHER.
14:26 >> WE DIDN'T FOOL AROUND WITH ANY OF THEM.
14:33 >> >> VERONICA, LOOK, it's got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt.
14:36 I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.
14:40 >> That was me.
14:44 >> Look, when I've been drinking, sometimes I tend to get a little overly friendly,
14:48 and I'm I'm sorry.
14:49 >> That's okay.
14:49 >> That's all right.
14:50 >> That's okay.
14:56 >> Can I talk to you FOR A SECOND?
14:59 >> >> HEY, JOEY.
15:03 >> COME ON.
15:05 >> >> Why can't we talk in here?
15:07 With witnesses.
15:10 >> I just got off the phone with my sister.
15:12 >> Uh which which one?
15:13 >> Mary Angela.
15:14 >> Mary Angela.
15:16 >> Yeah.
15:16 >> No, which one is she again?
15:18 >> Why don't you ask Chandler?
15:19 Cuz he's the one who fooled around with her.
15:21 She told me you said you could really fall for her.
15:24 Now, is that true?
15:25 Or you just getting over Janice by groping my sister?
15:31 >> >> It's got to be the first one.
15:36 >> Really?
15:36 That's great.
15:38 >> >> You and my sister sitting IN A TREE.
15:45 >> HEY.
15:45 HEY.
15:45 YOU GOT A SECOND?
15:46 >> SURE.
15:46 SURE.
15:47 Come on.
15:50 In.
15:50 >> Oh, sweetheart.
15:52 >> What you What are you guys doing here?
15:54 >> Uh we are here to break up with you.
15:58 >> Both of you?
16:00 >> Basically, we think you're a horrible human being
16:02 and bad things should happen to you.
16:07 >> Okay.
16:07 >> >> I'm sorry.
16:08 I'm sorry, God.
16:08 I am so sorry.
16:09 I'm an idiot.
16:10 I was weak.
16:10 I I couldn't help myself.
16:12 Whatever I did, I only did because I love you so much.
16:17 >> Uh which one of us are you talking to there, Bear?
16:24 >> Mindy.
16:25 Mindy, of course.
16:25 Mindy.
16:25 It was always Mindy.
16:27 >> Even when we were having sex in that chair?
16:30 >> I swear.
16:30 Whatever I was doing, I was always thinking of you.
16:33 >> Oh, please.
16:35 During that second time, you couldn't have picked her out of a lineup.
16:39 >> >> You did it twice?
16:41 >> Well, first time didn't really count.
16:42 I mean, you know, it was Barry.
16:45 >> I finished I finished it.
16:48 I did it all by myself.
16:50 And there's NOBODY TO HUG.
17:01 >> >> HEY!
17:01 HEY, YOU GUYS!
17:02 I FINISHED THE CROSSWORD all by myself.
17:04 Hug me.
17:14 >> Congratulations.
17:14 >> So, this is Brooklyn.
17:17 All right, listen up.
17:19 There's usually only one dress in each size.
17:21 So, when they open those doors, fan out.
17:24 Now, this is what you're looking for.
17:27 Memorize it.
17:30 >> >> When you locate the dress, blow on these, all right?
17:36 Three sharp blasts.
17:37 When you hear it, come running.
17:41 All right.
17:42 Go there, push it.
17:42 Go.
17:43 DON'T BE A BABY.
17:51 HEY, RACHEL, COME ON!
18:00 NO.
18:01 NO, NOT IT.
18:02 NOT IT.
18:07 Don't crowd me.
18:12 This is it.
18:13 This is the dress.
18:14 Oh my god, it's perfect.
18:15 I'm sorry, THIS ONE'S TAKEN.
18:19 WOW!
18:19 >> >> TAKEN?
18:20 MONICA!
18:22 YOU CAME!
18:23 >> YEAH!
18:23 >> This is my dress.
18:26 >> No!
18:26 >> Yes, it is.
18:27 You saw me wearing it.
18:29 >> And now you'll see me buying it.
18:30 >> What?
18:31 You freak!
18:33 >> >> You wouldn't even have known about this place if it wasn't for me.
18:36 >> Look, you don't want to fight me.
18:37 >> Maybe I do.
18:39 I'M PRETTY FEISTY.
18:42 I'M COMING.
18:43 I'M COMING.
18:48 OKAY.
18:48 HEY!
18:48 SO, WHAT DO I DO?
18:57 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
18:59 IS THAT MY DRESS?
19:01 DID YOU FIND THE DRESS?
19:02 NO, you've got to get me out of here, Phoebe.
19:04 These bargain shoppers are crazy.
19:06 WE'VE GOT TO GET MONICA.
19:07 YOU'VE GOT TO HOLD MY HAND.
19:08 OH MY GOD!
19:10 EXCUSE ME!
19:11 OH YEAH, ME!
19:13 >> Excuse me.
19:14 EXCUSE ME.
19:17 GO.
19:18 GO.
19:18 GO.
19:24 NO.
19:24 >> >> I THINK I BROUGHT BACK HALF OF THE BEACH IN MY HAIR.
19:27 It was so much easier when I used to shave my head.
19:34 You know, I got to tell you,
19:36 I just loved your look when you were bald.
19:42 Really?
19:42 Because I think about shaving it all off again sometimes.
19:45 Really?
19:46 Yeah.
19:47 I mean, you definitely should do that.
19:50 You know, what I should do it.
19:51 Yeah.
19:53 You know, what?
19:53 Thank you, Rachel.
19:54 You are so cool.
19:55 >> Oh, stop.
19:56 Come on.
19:58 >> I'm going to shave that head.
19:59 >> All right.
20:08 >> HEY, EVERYBODY.
20:13 >> WHAT?
20:14 >> >> HUH.
20:14 HUH.
20:14 LOOK WHAT YOU DID.
20:18 >> You want to touch it?
20:19 >> No, but but it's great.
20:21 >> Come on.
20:22 Touch it.
20:28 >> Okay.
20:28 You can feel all the bones in your skull.
20:33 Or you could just, YOU KNOW, >> >> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
20:44 WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?
20:45 You just broke my fridge.
20:50 What the what?
20:50 How do you know if How do you know it's even broken?
20:53 Oh, you think I don't know what breaks my fridge?
20:57 Excuse me.
21:00 Well, what do you know?
21:04 Broken.
21:04 That'll be $400.
21:07 Joey, I saw >> YOU PUSHED HIM?
21:13 >> JOEY, I DID NOT BREAK THIS, OKAY?
21:16 That has been broken for a while.
21:21 >> >> Rachel, remember I told you about our fridge?
21:24 >> Uh-huh.
21:24 >> Still haven't gotten the check for your half yet.
21:28 >> >> Do not give him any money.
21:30 >> I'm not talking to you.
21:31 YOU BROKE MY FRIDGE.
21:32 >> SOMEBODY not told you?
21:34 Oh, I don't know.
21:35 Um how about the fact
21:37 that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from
21:40 when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on THE TERRACE?
21:45 >> >> WHO TOLD YOU?
21:51 YOU ARE dead meat.
21:53 >> I didn't know it was a big secret.
21:55 >> Oh, it's not big at all.
21:58 You know, kind of the same lines as say, oh, I don't know,
22:00 having a third nipple.
22:04 >> >> You have a third nipple?
22:13 >> >> You >> >> WHIP IT OUT.
22:14 WHIP IT OUT.
22:16 >> COME ON.
22:16 >> THERE'S nothing to see.
22:17 It's just a tiny bump.
22:18 It's totally useless.
22:20 >> Oh, as opposed to your other multifunctional nipples?
22:27 >> Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window.
22:31 I saw what YOU WERE DOING TO MY SISTER.
22:32 NOW, GET OUT HERE.
22:35 >> >> LISTEN, WE HAD A GOOD RUN.
22:37 YOU KNOW, what was it, four, five months?
22:39 I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime.
22:41 So, goodbye.
22:42 Take care.
22:42 Bye-bye then.
22:45 >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
22:46 >> OH, I'M GOING ON THE LAM.
22:48 >> >> Come on, Chandler.
22:49 Come on.
22:50 I can handle Ross.
22:57 Hold on.
22:57 Hey, Ross.
22:57 What's up, bro?
23:02 >> >> What?
23:02 >> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
23:04 >> HEY, WHAT'S WHAT'S GOING ON?
23:05 >> WELL, I think I think Ross knows about me and Monica.
23:11 >> >> Dude, he's right there.
23:15 >> >> I thought you were my best friend.
23:17 THIS IS MY SISTER.
23:19 My best friend and my sister.
23:21 I can't I cannot BELIEVE THIS.
23:22 >> LOOK, WE'RE not just messing around.
23:24 I love her.
23:26 Okay, I'm in love with her.
23:29 >> I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way.
23:33 I'm sorry, but it it's true.
23:34 I I love him, too.
23:43 >> >> My best friend and my sister.
23:48 >> >> I cannot believe this.
23:51 >> >> Oh, I'm sorry.
23:53 You guys want to probably get some hugs in, too, huh?
23:55 Big news.
23:57 >> Oh, that's okay.
23:58 We've actually known for a while.
24:04 >> >> What what What do you guys knew you You all knew
24:08 and you didn't tell me?
24:10 >> Well, Ross, we were worried about you, okay?
24:12 We didn't know how you were going to react.
24:18 >> Mhm.
24:18 >> >> You were worried about me?
24:21 You didn't know how I was going to react?
24:27 >> >> Okay.
24:27 All right.
24:28 Woo.
24:29 What do you say we all uh clear out of here
24:30 and let these two lovebirds get back down to business?
24:36 Hey, hey, hey.
24:37 I'm just talking here.
24:38 He's the one doing your sister.
24:41 >> Hey, is this true that you write a lot of your own lines?
24:45 >> Uh well, kind of, yeah.
24:48 Like remember last week when Alex was in the accident?
24:51 Well, the line in the script was,
24:53 "If we don't get this woman to a hospital, she's going to die."
24:57 But I made it.
24:58 If this woman doesn't get to a hospital, she's not going to live.
25:03 >> >> Oh, okay.
25:05 I see what you did there.
25:09 >> >> Aren't you afraid
25:10 though that the writers are going to be kind of mad
25:12 when they read this?
25:15 >> Huh.
25:15 Never really thought about the writers.
25:17 The scripts just kind of come to my house.
25:22 But, you know what?
25:24 This makes me look good, which makes the show look good,
25:28 which makes the writers look good.
25:29 So, how could they be mad about that?
25:33 Makes up most of his lines.
25:35 Son of a >> >> Yeah, well.
25:39 Write this jerkweed.
25:41 I fall down an elevator shaft?
25:43 What the hell does this mean?
25:44 I fall down an elevator shaft?
25:46 >> Uh I don't know.
25:48 I just bring the scripts.
25:51 >> >> They can't kill me.
25:53 I'm Francesca's long-lost son.
26:00 >> Right.
26:00 >> Amber, I want you to know that I'll always be there for you.
26:03 As a friend and as your brother.
26:06 >> Oh, Drake.
26:08 >> A day, huh?
26:09 First the medical award.
26:12 >> This?
26:12 >> Yeah.
26:12 Some guys are just lucky, I guess.
26:16 >> >> Dr.
26:16 Ramoray, report to first floor emergency stat.
26:20 >> Oh, okay.
26:21 Well, then uh Yeah.
26:25 Guess that's me.
26:28 Anyone else need to go in the elevator?
26:29 Dr.
26:29 Wong?
26:30 >> >> Dr.
26:31 Wong?
26:31 No, no.
26:32 >> They only said you.
26:37 >> Oh, okay.
26:39 All right.
26:40 >> I love you, Drake.
26:41 >> Yeah, whatever.
26:43 Oh, no.
26:45 >> Drake, look out!
26:51 >> >> Did they just kill off Joey?
26:55 >> No!
26:55 Now, maybe.
26:57 >> Rachel, you're up first.
26:59 Situation number one.
27:00 You're with Monica.
27:01 The wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet.
27:05 Go.
27:06 >> I don't want to marry Chandler.
27:09 >> >> Okay, it's going to be okay.
27:11 >> One man the rest of my life?
27:12 I don't know if I can do it.
27:13 This means I'll never get to sleep with Joey.
27:21 >> Look, >> Monica, >> Yeah?
27:21 getting cold feet is very common.
27:23 You know, it's it's just because of all the anticipation.
27:26 And you just have to remember that you love Chandler.
27:30 And also, I ran out on a wedding.
27:33 You don't get to keep the gifts.
27:36 >> >> Very good.
27:36 Drawing on your own experience.
27:37 I like that.
27:39 Yes, very nice, Rachel.
27:42 >> Thank you, judges.
27:48 >> Kiss-ass.
27:48 >> >> Okay, Phoebe.
27:49 >> Yes, your honor.
27:51 >> We're now in the ceremony.
27:53 Monica is about to say I do when her drunk uncle starts yelling.
27:58 What do you do?
27:59 Go.
28:00 >> When Monica was a little girl, I REMEMBER AND NO!
28:09 >> VERY GOOD.
28:11 YES, EXCELLENT.
28:12 Perfect score.
28:13 >> Wait a minute, she just made a scene in the middle of the ceremony.
28:17 Hey, you want a little taste of feeds?
28:21 >> for >> Thanksgiving?
28:21 >> I know, it's sick.
28:22 >> Why is it sick?
28:23 >> Because it's Richard's son.
28:25 It's like inviting a Greek tragedy over for dinner.
28:29 >> >> Come on, Phoebe, you understand, don't you?
28:32 >> Yeah, I could see where I'd be your best shot, but no.
28:36 >> >> Sorry, I mean I think it's twisted.
28:39 >> Yeah, what's twisted?
28:40 >> Me going out with Richard's son.
28:45 >> Ew!
28:46 Ew, ew, ew.
28:48 Sounds like a really bad idea to me.
28:53 >> >> Is he okay in there?
28:55 >> He's fine.
28:57 >> And you know mine, if things work out between you and Richard's son,
29:00 you'll be able to tell your kids that you slept with your grandfather.
29:07 >> Fine, judge all you want to, but married a lesbian,
29:09 left a man at the altar, fell in love with a gay ice dancer,
29:12 threw a girl's wooden leg in the fire, LIVE IN A BOX.
29:17 >> HEY RACH, HOW YOU DOING with The Shining?
29:19 >> Uh Danny just went into room 217.
29:22 >> Ooh, the next part's the best, when that dead lady in the bathtub.
29:26 >> Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
29:27 no, no, no, come on, you're going to ruin it.
29:28 >> All right, I'll talk in code.
29:31 Remember when the kid sees those two blanks in the hallway?
29:35 That's very cool.
29:38 All blank and no blank makes blank a blank blank.
29:44 >> >> Oh, no, no, no, the end,
29:45 when Jack almost kills them all with that blank,
29:47 but then in the last second THEY GET AWAY.
29:52 >> JOEY, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST did that.
29:54 >> I can't believe she cracked your code.
30:01 >> >> All right, okay.
30:03 Laurie proposes to Joe and she says no,
30:05 even though she's still in love with him
30:07 and then he ends up marrying Amy.
30:13 >> Hey.
30:13 Mine was by accident.
30:15 All right.
30:17 The boiler explodes and destroys the hotel and kills the dad.
30:23 >> Beth dies.
30:34 >> >> Beth Beth dies?
30:36 Is that true?
30:37 If I keep reading this, Beth going to die?
30:40 >> >> No, Beth doesn't die.
30:42 She doesn't die, does she, Rachel?
30:44 >> What?
30:44 >> Joey's asking if you've just ruined the first book he's ever loved
30:48 that didn't star Jack Nicholson.
30:50 >> So, we're going to get back at Ross.
30:52 >> Oh, yeah.
30:53 This will show him.
30:54 Here we go.
30:55 >> What are you doing?
30:56 >> Oh, you'll see, MY FRIEND.
31:03 >> I'M DEAD?
31:07 >> >> And so young.
31:10 >> Posting that I died, that really isn't funny.
31:14 >> Well, how you died was funny.
31:16 >> Oh, please.
31:17 Hit by a blimp?
31:20 >> It kills over one Americans every year.
31:25 >> Unbelievable.
31:26 My classmates are going to think I'm dead.
31:28 My professors, my my parents are going to get phone calls.
31:31 You're messing with people's feelings here.
31:33 >> Oh, you want to talk about people's feelings?
31:35 You should have heard how hurt Professor Stern was yesterday
31:37 when I told him I wouldn't be able to go with him TO KEY
31:39 WEST.
31:42 >> YOU'VE REALLY CROSSED THE line here, but that's okay.
31:45 It's okay cuz I'm on my way to buy some Photoshop software
31:48 and a stack of gay porn.
31:50 >> That's right.
31:51 Your coming out's about to get real graphic.
31:53 >> You know what?
31:54 Why don't we start with a practice one, okay?
31:56 >> Okay.
31:56 >> No drop.
31:59 >> Great.
31:59 >> Okay.
31:59 >> Okay.
31:59 >> On three, one, two, three.
32:04 >> >> My pillow's all wet.
32:06 >> Well, well, you said it was practice.
32:08 >> Then why did you move?
32:09 >> Because I knew you were lying.
32:13 ALL RIGHT.
32:13 COME HERE.
32:13 >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
32:14 >> COME ON.
32:14 Get Monica.
32:15 >> STOP IT.
32:16 >> OH MY GOD.
32:17 >> STOP IT.
32:18 >> I AM GOING I'M >> TURN IT OVER.
32:21 >> I AM going to get >> Hey.
32:25 >> Get these SOCKS IN YOUR EYES.
32:27 >> OH MY GOD, YOU REALLY ARE FREAKISHLY STRONG.
32:33 >> >> MONICA, STOP IT.
32:36 >> DAMN IT, CINDY.
32:39 >> >> YOU KNOW IF JOEY AND Chandler walked in right now,
32:41 we could make a fortune.
32:44 >> Can you pass me the TV Guide?
32:47 >> YEAH.
32:47 NO!
32:48 WHAT?
32:49 >> I KNEW IT!
32:52 >> OH MY GOD!
33:01 OKAY.
33:01 >> >> WE'LL SEE YOU IN ABOUT 3 OR 4 HOURS.
33:04 EVERYBODY has ordered.
33:05 Here I would like to start the celebration and make a toast.
33:09 To Phoebe.
33:11 She dropped her sock.
33:13 >> Aw.
33:13 What?
33:16 >> >> No, Emma dropped her sock.
33:17 >> Mom's here?
33:18 I wanted to have lunch with her today.
33:20 She told me she was out of town.
33:22 >> Like Ross, she still has not noticed
33:24 that the baby sock is on the ground.
33:26 >> It's a good toast.
33:29 >> >> Mom, will you please get her attention?
33:30 >> Oh, what?
33:43 >> Mommy?
33:43 >> >> Oh, for God's sake, Judy, PICK UP THE SOCK!
33:46 PICK UP THE SOCK!
33:47 PICK UP THE SOCK!
33:53 >> I'M SORRY, WAS THAT RUDE?
33:54 I DON'T EMBARRASS that easily.
33:57 >> What?
33:57 You totally get embarrassed.
33:59 >> No, I don't, Ross.
34:01 I I think I'm just a more secure person than you are.
34:04 >> Is that so?
34:08 >> Yeah.
34:08 >> Hey, lady.
34:09 I don't care how much you want it, okay?
34:12 I am not going to have sex with you in the bathroom.
34:21 I'm on my way back to the bathroom.
34:26 >> Yeah.
34:26 All right.
34:26 All right.
34:27 Just keep walking, all right?
34:38 >> >> Ooh.
34:38 >> What's What are you >> I am sorry, sir.
34:41 I just I think he just really likes you.
34:50 >> >> Hey.
34:50 You know that teacher who had a baby with her student?
35:05 >> >> Hi.
35:05 >> Can I help you?
35:06 >> Yes, I'm sorry, sir.
35:07 Do you have any extra pants?
35:08 Uh my friend seems to have had a little accident.
35:15 >> >> I think the check-in is that way.
35:25 >> Ah.
35:25 >> >> Aw, KIDS LOVE ME.
35:29 HEY.
35:29 HI, HONEY.
35:32 WHERE DID YOU WHERE DID YOU GO to a costume party?
35:35 >> Let me guess.
35:36 Um Pancho Villa.
35:39 And you're Bob Saget.
35:44 >> Pancho Villa?
35:47 >> Yeah.
35:47 >> What?
35:47 >> What are you talking about, B?
35:48 I DON'T >> >> OH MY GOD, YOU DREW ON ME?
35:56 >> HEY, YOU WET MY PANTS.
35:59 >> >> OH, WHAT KIND OF PARTY WAS THIS?
36:02 >> I've been walking around like this since the plane.
36:03 I You have so crossed a line.
36:06 >> Wait, wait.
36:07 The men's room is that way.
36:10 You know what?
36:10 Actually, I'm kind of glad they're leaving cuz uh I need to talk to
36:15 you about something.
36:17 >> What's up?
36:18 >> Well, this uh this may be a little awkward.
36:20 >> Listen, if you want to borrow money, it's kind of a bad time.
36:22 I'm buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.
36:26 >> >> Well, it's it's not that.
36:28 Um Now, what I'm going to say to you,
36:30 I'm I'm not saying it as your friend, okay?
36:32 I'm I'm saying it as Monica's older brother.
36:35 >> But, you're still my friend.
36:36 >> Not for the next few minutes.
36:39 >> During this time are you are you still my best man?
36:45 >> No.
36:45 >> Do I still call you Ross?
36:49 >> Okay.
36:49 You guys are getting married tomorrow,
36:50 and and I couldn't be more thrilled for both of you.
36:55 But, as Monica's older brother, I I have to tell you this.
37:00 If you ever hurt my little sister
37:04 if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind I will hunt you
37:11 down and kick your ass.
37:21 >> >> No, I'M I'M I'M SERIOUS.
37:26 >> >> OKAY, DUDE, STOP IT, OKAY?
37:28 I'm I'm not kidding here.
37:29 >> Hey, I hear what you're saying, okay?
37:32 And thanks for the warning.
37:34 >> No problem.
37:36 >> So, are we friends again?
37:41 >> Yeah.
37:41 >> Okay.
37:41 You won't believe what Monica's older brother just said to me.
37:45 >> It was a mistake.
37:46 I made a mistake, okay?
37:47 >> A mistake?
37:49 Where were you trying to put it in?
37:50 Her purse?
37:54 >> >> Where?
37:54 Where did HE PUT IT?
37:59 ROSS, YOU HAD SEX WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.
38:02 Oh my god.
38:03 Oh I knew something had to be wrong
38:05 because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.
38:10 >> Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight and he got drunk.
38:13 >> You guys knew about this and you didn't tell us?
38:16 >> He had sex and we get hit in our heads.
38:19 >> You know what?
38:19 I I you to leave.
38:20 Get out of here.
38:21 Just get out now.
38:22 >> I want to stay.
38:22 I want to talk about this.
38:25 >> Okay.
38:25 All right.
38:26 How was she?
38:33 >> Uh-oh.
38:33 What?
38:33 >> Was she good?
38:34 >> Don't answer that.
38:38 >> >> I don't KNOW.
38:39 SHE SAID YOU wanted to talk about it.
38:40 Let's talk about it.
38:41 How was she?
38:43 >> She was awful.
38:45 >> She was not good.
38:46 Not good.
38:46 Not good. >> good compared to you at all.
38:50 >> She was different.
38:51 >> Oh.
38:52 Uh-oh.
38:52 >> Good different?
38:57 >> Nobody likes change.
39:04 >> >> Should we do something?
39:05 >> Yeah, never cheat on Rachel.
39:09 >> >> I'm sorry, okay?
39:10 I'm sorry.
39:11 I was I was disgusted with myself
39:13 and then this morning I was
39:14 so I was I was
39:15 so upset and then I got your message
39:17 and I was so happy
39:18 and all I wanted was to get her out of my apartment
39:20 as FAST AS POSSIBLE.
39:21 >> WHOA.
39:22 WHOA.
39:23 WHOA.
39:23 Wait a minute.
39:26 What time did your little friend leave?
39:32 >> >> Oh my god.
39:33 She was there.
39:34 She was still there?
39:35 She was in there when I WAS IN THERE?
39:39 OH.
39:40 JUST GET >> LISTEN.
39:43 OH HEY.
39:44 HEY.
39:44 THE IMPORTANT THING IS she meant she meant nothing to me.
39:46 >> And yet she WAS WORTH JEOPARDIZING OUR RELATIONSHIP.
39:51 >> HEY.
39:51 HEY.
39:51 WHOA.
39:52 OH, you want some of this, huh?
39:53 You want a piece of this, huh?
39:54 You're standing here, huh?
39:56 Hey.
39:57 Hey.
39:57 Those guys are taking our stuff.
40:00 >> Hey.
40:00 Hey.
40:00 Get away from that.
40:04 >> God, that was that was amazing.
40:06 That was incredible.
40:07 You guys You guys kicked butt.
40:09 >> Us?
40:09 What about you guys?
40:10 Man, you really bang gave it to old Mr.
40:12 Clean back there.
40:13 He was a big guy.
40:14 >> Yeah, he was, wasn't he?
40:15 accident.
40:16 >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. know having missed everything.
40:18 >> Oh, You do that to yourself.
40:21 Any one of us could have tripped over that little girl's jump rope.
40:27 >> >> So, listen guys, are we uh Are we okay here?
40:34 >> We're okay.
40:35 >> All right.
40:35 >> Okay, so can I have my hat back?
40:48 >> No.
40:48 >> >> Huh.
40:48 >> Let me do it, Ross.
40:50 >> What?
40:50 >> Want to play football?
40:55 >> Um Monica and I aren't supposed to play football.
40:58 >> Says who, your mom?
41:05 >> >> Yes.
41:05 >> >> Well, every Thanksgiving, um we used to have a touch football game
41:09 called the the Geller Bowl.
41:11 >> No, no, no.
41:11 You say that proudly.
41:14 >> >> Anyway, Ross
41:15 and I were always captains
41:16 and um it got kind of competitive
41:19 and one year,
41:20 Geller Bowl 6, I accidentally broke Ross's nose.
41:26 >> It was so not an accident.
41:29 She saw I was about to tag her,
41:30 so she threw a big fat grandma arm elbow in my face
41:34 and just kept running.
41:36 >> To score the winning touchdown, by the way.
41:38 >> Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho,
41:40 uh you did not win the game.
41:42 The touchdown didn't count because of the spectacularly illegal, oh, and by the way,
41:46 savage nose breaking.
41:50 >> I won the game.
41:51 >> Oh, yeah?
41:51 Then how come you didn't get the Geller Cup?
41:56 >> >> There was a Geller Cup?
41:59 >> Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game,
42:01 but our dad said nobody won
42:03 that game and he was sick of our fighting,
42:05 so he took the trophy threw it in the lake.
42:16 >> >> And was the curse lifted?
42:23 >> Anyway, that's when mom said we were not allowed to play football again.
42:26 >> You what?
42:28 I think we should play a game.
42:29 >> I mean, come on, it's been 12 years.
42:32 >> Can I see you for a second?
42:40 >> What?
42:40 >> All right, we're going to play.
42:43 >> But wait a minute though,
42:43 how are we going to get there
42:44 because my mom won't let me cross the street?
42:46 >> Okay, you want to play rough?
42:48 We can play rough.
42:50 >> Let's get ready to rumble!
43:01 >> >> Y'all ready for this?
43:40 >> >> Oh, thank god you're here.
43:42 Listen to this.
43:43 So, Joey and my friend are out last night, they're having dinner,
43:45 and she reaches over and takes a few of his fries.
43:48 >> OH, NO.
43:53 >> WHAT?
43:53 YOU YOU KNOW ABOUT THE THE THE PLATE THING?
43:55 >> OH, YEAH.
43:56 YEAH, I know.
43:56 Joey doesn't share food.
43:58 I mean, just just last week we were having breakfast
44:01 and and he had a couple of grapes on his plate.
44:03 >> You wouldn't let her have a grape?
44:05 >> Oh, no, not me.
44:10 Emma.
44:10 >> JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD.
44:17 >> >> WELL, I STILL THINK THAT IS A STUPID reason not to call someone again.
44:21 >> You are calling her, okay?
44:23 And if if you need to,
44:24 then just get an extra plate of fries for the table.
44:33 >> Okay.
44:33 >> Hey, what have you guys been up to?
44:35 >> Oh, we went to a self-defense class today.
44:37 >> Wow.
44:37 >> Yeah, kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out
44:40 of you.
44:42 >> Takes it out of you.
44:45 >> Now, now we can kick anybody's ass.
44:48 >> Yeah.
44:48 >> After one class?
44:50 I don't think so.
44:51 >> What?
44:51 You want to see me self-defend myself?
44:53 Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator.
44:56 Go on, I DARE YOU.
44:58 >> >> OF COURSE YOU COULD DEFEND YOURSELF from an attack you know is coming.
45:02 That's not enough.
45:04 Look, I studied karate for a long time.
45:09 >> >> And there's a concept you should really be familiar with.
45:12 It's what the Japanese call unagi.
45:18 >> Isn't that a kind of sushi?
45:22 >> >> No, it's a concept.
45:23 >> Yeah, it is.
45:23 It is.
45:23 It's freshwater eel.
45:26 >> All right, maybe it means that too.
45:28 >> Oh, I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now.
45:32 >> >> No, fine.
45:33 Get attacked.
45:33 I don't even care.
45:36 >> Come on, Ross.
45:36 We're sorry.
45:37 Please tell us what it is.
45:42 >> Unagi is a state of total awareness.
45:47 Okay?
45:47 Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger
45:51 that may befall you.
45:55 >> You mean in case someone's trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat
45:58 or your kettle of fish?
46:03 >> All I'm saying is it's one thing being prepared for an attack against
46:07 like each other,
46:08 whole another story being prepared for an attack I don't KNOW LIKE A SURPRISE.
46:21 >> >> ALL RIGHT, YOU KNEW THAT WAS coming but that doesn't mean you have unagi.
46:29 >> >> Ooh, you know what?
46:30 If we made reservations we could have unagi in about a half hour.
46:46 >> >> DANGER!
46:46 >> WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
46:49 >> A lesson in the importance OF UNAGI.
46:55 >> YOU'RE A FREAK.
47:01 >> >> PERHAPS.
47:01 NOW I'M curious at what point during those girlish screams would you have begun
47:06 to kick my ass?
47:10 >> >> All right, so we weren't prepared.
47:14 >> >> I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my
47:17 point but I look I just want you guys to be safe.
47:49 DANGER!
47:49 >> >> AHA, UNAGI.
47:49 >> >> DANGER!
47:49 >> >> AH.
47:49 SALMON skin roll.
47:56 Can't say jack?
47:59 >> Yeah.
47:59 >> Alex Trebek?
48:00 >> Oh, of course.
48:01 Chuck Woolery.
48:02 >> Phoebe, definitely Phoebe.
48:03 You will not find a single game show host whose ass I CANNOT KICK.
48:18 >> >> NO.
48:18 >> SAY IT.
48:19 SAY WE ARE UNAGI.
48:22 >> >> IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU ARE, IT'S SOMETHING YOU HAVE.
48:26 >> SAY IT.
48:27 >> WELL, I can easily get out of this,
48:29 but there's a chance you could GET VERY, VERY HURT.
48:42 >> >> UH-HUH.
48:42 NOWHERE to run.
48:47 >> I don't like sitting up here.
48:49 I'm I'm going TO GO NO, RACHEL, THEY GOT HERE FIRST.
49:00 >> >> WHY IS ROSS DOING THAT?
49:03 >> DANGER!
49:03 >> OH MY GOD!
49:04 WHY IS HE jumping on those women?
49:09 We should help them.
49:11 >> I What?
49:12 I don't think they need any help.
49:13 >>
