0:03 Hey.
0:03 I'm all packed and ready to go.
0:05 Oh, that's right.
0:06 Daddy and Uncle Joey are going on a trip today.
0:09 We're going to a conference in Barbados.
0:12 Right?
0:12 Can you say Barbados?
0:19 >> Barbados.
0:19 >> >> Hey, I got to say,
0:20 it means so much to me
0:22 that you guys are coming all the way over there to to hear me
0:24 give my speech.
0:25 Oh, and I have a surprise.
0:27 I had to pull some strings,
0:28 but I was able to get everyone passes to the entire conference.
0:32 That's right.
0:35 >> >> These babies will get you into all the paleontology lectures and seminars.
0:40 >> Do you have anything that will get us out of them?
0:45 >> >> Yeah, Ross, I mean, we're excited to hear the speech,
0:47 but the rest of the time we're going to want to do, you know,
0:49 island stuff.
0:50 >> I think David will probably want to hear a few lectures.
0:53 >> Oh, right, because he's a scientist.
0:54 >> No, no, well, because, you know, he's been in Minsk for 8 years,
0:57 and if he gets too much direct sunlight, he'll die.
1:01 >> Okay, we better go.
1:02 Yeah?
1:03 Um, so, we'll see you guys tomorrow.
1:05 >> All right, let's do it. 5-hour flight with Charlie, have a couple drinks,
1:09 get under that blanket, and do what comes natural.
1:12 >> It's a blanket, Joe, not a cloak of invisibility.
1:15 >> But he has ordered,
1:16 I would like to start the celebration and make a toast.
1:21 To Phoebe.
1:23 She dropped her sock.
1:27 >> Aw.
1:27 >> What?
1:27 >> >> No, Emma dropped her sock.
1:29 Mom's here?
1:30 I wanted to have lunch with her today.
1:31 She told me she was out of town.
1:34 >> Ross, she still has not noticed that the baby sock is on the ground.
1:37 >> It's a good toast.
1:40 >> >> Monica, will you please get her attention?
1:42 >> Oh, what?
1:54 Mommy?
1:54 >> >> Oh, for God's sake, Judy, PICK UP THE SOCK!
1:57 PICK UP THE SOCK!
1:59 PICK UP THE SOCK!
2:04 I'M SORRY, WAS THAT RUDE?
2:06 >> UH, BYE.
2:09 >> BYE, HONEY.
2:16 >> What's the matter, Joe?
2:17 >> I'm mad at you for leaving.
2:20 You're nothing but a big leaver.
2:24 Big leaver with the stupid suitcase.
2:29 >> >> Any chance you're trying to pick a fight to make all of this easier?
2:36 >> Oh, dude, you see right through me.
2:49 >> >> Hey, well, bye, Mom.
2:52 Bye, Ross.
2:53 Rachel.
2:54 Bye, Emma.
2:55 >> Okay, bye-bye.
2:58 Have a good trip.
3:05 Okay.
3:05 >> Malcolm.
3:05 Hey, can I borrow the Porsche?
3:08 >> Okay.
3:08 >> I'll bring it >> But, uh, what is it not?
3:12 >> A place to entertain my lady friends.
3:16 >> And what else is it not?
3:18 >> A place to eat spaghetti.
3:21 >> Very good.
3:22 >> Thanks.
3:22 >> What do you need it for, anyway?
3:23 >> Oh, well, the uh Powerball lottery is up to 300 million,
3:26 and they don't sell tickets here in New York, so.
3:28 >> Oh, so you're driving up to Connecticut?
3:31 >> Yeah, Connecticut, not West Virginia.
3:35 >> >> Hey, maybe I'll drive you up there.
3:37 I'd like to buy some tickets myself.
3:39 Yeah, with Chandler not getting paid, we could really use 300 million dollars.
3:43 >> Yes, because if I was at my old job, we'd say, "300 million?
3:47 No, thank you."
3:50 >> Hey, will you get me tickets, too?
3:52 >> Yeah, me, too.
3:53 >> Sure.
3:53 >> Oh, I have an idea.
3:54 Why don't we all pitch in 50 bucks, we'll pool our money together,
3:58 and then if we win, we'll split it.
3:59 >> Oh, that's that's a great idea.
4:02 >> No, thanks.
4:05 >> You don't want to win the lottery?
4:06 >> Uh sure I do.
4:07 I also want to be king of my own country
4:09 and find out what happened to Amelia Earhart.
4:13 >> >> Still on Amelia Earhart?
4:14 >> The woman just vanished.
4:18 >> Susie, Ross, you don't want in on this?
4:20 >> No.
4:20 Do Do you know what your odds are of winning the lottery?
4:23 I I mean, you have a better chance of being struck by lightning 42
4:26 times.
4:27 >> Yes, but there's six of us,
4:28 so we'd only have to get struck by lightning seven times.
4:30 >> I like those odds.
4:33 >> >> Seriously, you guys, I can't believe you're going to spend $250 on the lottery.
4:37 I mean, that's such a bunch of boo hockey.
4:44 >> I'll ask.
4:47 >> >> Boo hockey?
4:49 >> Oh, oh, we think Emma's about to start talking,
4:51 so we're trying to be careful about what words we use in front of
4:54 her.
4:55 >> Yeah, so get ready to hear a lot of boo hockey, gosh darn it,
4:58 and brother pucker.
5:02 >> How do you know she's going to start talking?
5:04 >> Well, when I talk to her,
5:05 I almost feel like she understands what I'm saying.
5:08 >> Kind of like Joey.
5:11 >> What's that now?
5:12 >> Joey is having a secret Days of Our Lives party up on the roof,
5:16 and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you.
5:21 >> What?
5:21 >> Wait, what's what's going on?
5:22 >> Joey is having a secret Days of Our Lives party up on the roof.
5:26 And and he didn't want you guys to know about it,
5:28 but I came over here to tell you.
5:31 >> >> I thought you came to say you were sick.
5:33 >> All right, PROFESSOR OR DETECTIVE?
5:37 >> >> JOEY'S HAVING A PARTY, AND HE wasn't going to invite us?
5:40 >> Yeah, he does it every year.
5:41 That's why he's sending you to the play.
5:43 That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant, and to that button factory,
5:48 and that that horrible museum tour?
5:50 >> No, I arranged that.
5:56 Hey, you guys, I'm turning in.
5:58 Have fun.
6:02 >> >> We know about your party, Joey.
6:04 >> What party?
6:05 >> The game's over.
6:06 Take off your robe.
6:09 >> Okay, I mean >> No!
6:19 >> >> NICE MEETING YOU.
6:20 >> YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS.
6:21 I WAS JUST saying goodnight to Emma, and she said her first words.
6:26 >> What?
6:26 What did she say?
6:26 >> She said gleeba.
6:33 >> >> MAKE ME RICH.
6:36 ISN'T THAT AMAZING?
6:37 >> OH, YEAH, NO, NO, NO, that's that's great.
6:40 >> What?
6:40 Why aren't you more excited?
6:42 >> Uh Rachel, gleeba's not a word.
6:46 >> Well, of course it is.
6:48 >> Okay, uh what does it mean?
6:51 >> Well, I don't know all the words.
6:54 >> Well, I'm just I'm just glad I didn't miss my daughter's first word.
6:57 >> Well, yes, you did.
6:59 Gleeba is a word.
7:00 >> Okay, use it in a sentence.
7:03 >> Okay, uh Emma just said gleeba.
7:09 >> >> It's not a word.
7:10 >> Okay, okay, okay, fine.
7:12 I'm going to look it up.
7:13 >> Oh, oh, okay, great.
7:15 You know what?
7:15 While you're at it, she said another word the other day.
7:17 Won't you Won't you look up >> >> All right, okay, okay, gleeba.
7:27 Gleeba, gleeba, gleeba.
7:29 Oh, here it is.
7:30 The fleshy spore-bearing inner mass of a certain fungi.
7:39 >> >> She's going to be a scientist.
7:42 >> All I'm saying is I don't think
7:43 that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
7:46 >> I don't know.
7:47 They seem to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils.
7:51 >> Wow, Joey and a professor.
7:53 Can you imagine if they had kids?
7:56 And if if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism,
8:01 those nerds would get laid.
8:06 All right.
8:06 So, Ross, you're okay with all this?
8:08 I mean >> No, it's no big deal.
8:10 I mean, I just met her.
8:11 I'm fine with it.
8:16 Ugh, God, I forgot how hot she was.
8:19 >> >> I'm going to get some more coffee.
8:21 >> Hey.
8:21 Oh, you know, I'll I'll come with you.
8:25 >> Okay.
8:25 So, a professor, huh?
8:27 >> Yeah, she is cool and she's so smart.
8:30 Her mind is totally acrimonious.
8:38 Except that's not how she is.
8:43 >> >> I feel like I owe you an explanation.
8:46 I don't ordinarily go around kissing guys at parties.
8:50 I'm uh Well, I'm kind of embarrassed.
8:54 I really hope you don't think less of me.
8:56 >> No, think less of you?
8:57 No, I don't think less of you.
8:59 I mean, you you saw someone you liked and you kissed them.
9:02 I mean, those people who who like someone and and don't kiss them,
9:05 those those people are stupid.
9:07 I hate those people.
9:10 >> You know, actually, I'm a little surprised at myself.
9:12 I mean, Joey is so different from the guys I usually date.
9:15 I mean, they're all professors, intellectuals, paleontologists mostly.
9:19 You know, very cerebral. >> the type.
9:22 Hey, if we want to grab a bite before work, we better get acrimonious.
9:30 No?
9:30 Am I getting close?
9:32 We finally found a nanny.
9:33 This is Molly.
9:34 Molly, Chandler, Joey.
9:39 >> Hi.
9:39 >> Hi.
9:39 >> Oh, somebody's getting a little fussy.
9:41 >> You're damn right I am.
9:42 I've been waiting for a cookie for 7 minutes.
9:46 >> Okay.
9:47 You know what?
9:47 I'm just going to take her outside.
9:48 >> No, you stay.
9:49 I'll do it.
9:51 >> Okay.
9:51 >> Nice to meet you guys.
9:52 >> Yeah, you too.
9:53 You too.
9:55 >> Oh, wow.
9:55 Molly's just great.
9:57 >> Well, yes.
9:57 Bravo on the hot nanny.
10:01 >> What?
10:02 You really think she's hot?
10:03 >> Are you kidding?
10:04 If I wasn't married, she'd be rejecting me right now.
10:11 >> >> Joey?
10:11 >> How do you think she's doing?
10:15 >> Am I the only one that doesn't think that she's hot, Ross?
10:18 >> I mean I mean she's not unattractive, but but hot, huh?
10:25 >> Thank you.
10:29 >> Now that Rachel's gone, so hot.
10:31 I cried myself to sleep last night.
10:36 >> >> He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
10:39 and away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
10:43 But I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight,
10:46 "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."
10:55 >> >> Wow.
10:55 That was great.
10:57 >> Mhm.
10:57 >> You really wrote that?
11:01 >> >> Uh-huh.
11:01 >> Say goodbye, elves.
11:02 I'm off to Tulsa.
11:05 >> I can't believe you're not going to be here for Christmas.
11:07 >> You're really not coming back?
11:09 >> Yeah, we have all this paperwork
11:10 that needs to be filed by the end of the year.
11:12 If I don't get it done, I'll be fired.
11:14 >> It's so unfair.
11:15 You don't even like your job.
11:17 >> So, who does?
11:18 >> Oh, I like my job.
11:19 I can't wait to go back to work. >> get enough dinosaurs.
11:28 >> >> I'm sorry I won't be here.
11:30 >> It's hard enough not seeing you during the week,
11:33 but for Christmas and what this is what you have to do I understand.
11:40 >> Thanks.
11:40 I'll see you New Year's Day.
11:41 >> You're not going to be here New Year's Eve?
11:44 >> Did I not mention that?
11:48 >> No.
11:48 >> And you all a good night.
11:51 >> Chandler Bing.
11:52 >> Hi, honey.
11:52 We're all here.
11:53 We just want to wish you a Merry Christmas.
11:55 >> Merry Christmas.
12:00 >> >> AW, MERRY CHRISTMAS.
12:01 I MISS YOU GUYS.
12:02 >> Was it horrible?
12:03 Is everybody working really hard?
12:05 >> Uh well, no.
12:06 It's just uh me and Wendy.
12:08 >> Wendy?
12:09 That sounds like a girl's name.
12:12 >> It is.
12:12 Did I not tell you about her?
12:14 >> Mhm.
12:15 Mhm.
12:15 About the time you told me about New Year's Eve.
12:18 Where's everybody else?
12:20 >> I sent them home.
12:21 >> Aw, you are such a good boss.
12:24 Is she pretty?
12:27 >> >> Uh uh answer faster.
12:29 Answer faster.
12:31 I don't know.
12:31 Answer better.
12:32 Answer better.
12:34 >> >> I don't think of her that way, you know.
12:36 I she's a she's a colleague.
12:38 >> What does she do there?
12:39 >> Oh, she's regional vice president.
12:40 She's just below me.
12:42 >> SHE DID WHAT?
12:48 >> >> BELOW ME.
12:52 OH, WAIT.
12:52 Is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma?
12:58 >> What?
12:58 >> >> Well, she she didn't win.
13:01 >> All right.
13:02 Well, maybe I should let you
13:03 and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work.
13:06 >> Well, second prettiest that year.
13:08 I mean, of all the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably >> Oh, Chandler, stop talking.
13:15 >> >> Honey, there's really nothing to worry about.
13:18 >> Okay.
13:18 >> I'm serious.
13:21 >> Okay.
13:21 >> Merry Christmas.
13:23 >> Merry Christmas.
13:24 >> Merry Christmas, you guys.
13:26 >> Yeah, cuz I've been meaning to ask YOU ABOUT THAT.
13:34 >> >> THE WIFE SAYS HI.
13:35 >> AH, FUN CONVERSATION.
13:37 >> OH, WELL, she's just got this weird idea that uh you know,
13:41 just because you and I are alone that something's going to happen.
13:43 >> Huh?
13:44 Really?
13:47 Hm.
13:47 Would that be so terrible?
13:51 >> This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about,
13:56 but you're getting ham on my only tie.
14:01 >> Hey.
14:01 >> Oh my god.
14:03 >> Hey.
14:03 >> OH MY >> HEY.
14:06 LOOK AT THAT.
14:06 IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.
14:10 >> >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
14:12 >> I wanted to be with you.
14:15 I missed you so much.
14:16 >> Hey, hey, uh who'd you miss the most?
14:21 >> Monica.
14:21 >> Got you.
14:25 >> >> I never want to leave you again.
14:28 >> But I thought if you left, you'd get fired.
14:30 >> Turns out they can't fire me because I quit.
14:35 >> What?
14:35 >> What?
14:35 You You really quit your job?
14:37 >> Yeah.
14:38 It's a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you.
14:41 And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what
14:44 he really wants to do?
14:45 >> Well, what do you really want to do?
14:47 >> I have not thought this through.
14:51 >> >> OH MY GOD.
14:52 >> I KNOW.
14:52 I I should have talked to you first about it.
14:54 >> No, I think that this is what you want to do.
14:56 I think it's great.
15:02 >> Thanks.
15:02 >> Chandler, >> Hm?
15:02 >> your being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined.
15:07 >> Aw.
15:07 >> Now, give me my real gift, too.
15:10 >> Happy birth Oh, see later.
15:16 >> Hey, Rach, somebody got you shoes.
15:18 Oh, GIVE ME.
15:22 >> WOW.
15:22 >> OH MY >> >> GOD.
15:25 >> OH, THESE ARE MY RAT BABIES.
15:32 >> >> YEAH.
15:32 WE HAVE RAT BABIES NOW.
15:36 >> OH, you brought rats to my birthday party?
15:40 >> So, this is what a stroke feels like.
15:43 >> >> I had to bring them.
15:44 We killed their mother.
15:45 They're our responsibility now.
15:48 >> You know, they require constant care.
15:50 You should know that, Rachel.
15:51 You're a mother.
15:54 >> Are you comparing my daughter to a rat?
15:56 >> No, seven rats.
16:00 >> >> I think we should take them home.
16:01 We need to feed them.
16:02 >> What?
16:03 What?
16:03 You're going to leave my party to take care of a box of rats?
16:06 >> I'm sorry, Rachel, but I'm not like you, okay?
16:08 Not everyone can afford help.
16:14 >> >> Oh, hey.
16:15 Thank god you guys are here.
16:17 >> What's what's going on?
16:19 >> Everything is upside down here.
16:21 It rains all day long, nobody watches TV, and Ross is famous.
16:29 >> >> All right, I don't want to alarm anybody,
16:31 but Monica's hair is twice as big as it was when we landed.
16:35 >> >> Okay, when I go places with high humidity, it gets a little extra body,
16:41 okay?
16:41 >> >> That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross.
16:45 Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in.
16:48 >> Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a king-size bed?
16:51 >> Oh, David, get one for us, too.
16:53 Oh, and and see if they have a heart-shaped one.
16:55 And with mirrors on the ceiling.
16:59 >> >> And and make sure our room isn't next to theirs.
17:02 >> I got a job in advertising.
17:05 >> HEY.
17:05 >> HONEY, THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
17:07 GOSH, what's the pay like?
17:12 >> Oh, come on, people.
17:14 Come on now, if I don't know who makes the most,
17:16 how do I know who I like the most?
17:18 Hi Joey.
17:21 >> Well, actually it pays nothing.
17:22 It's an internship.
17:23 Oh, that's cool.
17:24 We have interns at Days of Our Lives.
17:26 Right, so it'll be the same except less sex with you.
17:30 >> So, what kind of stuff do you think they'll have you do there?
17:33 >> Well, it's a training program,
17:34 but at the end they hire the people they like.
17:37 >> That's great.
17:38 >> Yeah, I mean there's probably going to be some grunt work
17:39 which will probably stink,
17:40 you know, grown man getting people coffee is a little humiliating.
17:46 Humiliating and noble.
17:50 Thank you.
17:53 >> >> You know, if I didn't already have a job,
17:55 I I think I would have been really good in advertising.
17:58 >> Ross, you did not come up with Got Milk.
18:01 >> Yes, I did.
18:02 I did.
18:05 I SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN IT DOWN.
18:07 >> I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind.
18:10 I'm going to do it.
18:11 I'm going to kiss Joey.
18:12 >> No, you can't.
18:13 Friends hooking up is a bad idea.
18:16 >> Please, what about you and Chandler?
18:18 >> That's different.
18:19 I was drunk and stupid.
18:21 Well, hello.
18:25 What about all the guys that you got the phone numbers from?
18:27 What Why don't you just kiss one of them?
18:29 >> I could.
18:30 I could, but I don't want to.
18:32 I want to kiss Joey.
18:35 >> All right.
18:36 I think it's a big mistake, but it's it's your decision.
18:44 I'm going to do it.
18:46 And I can't stop you.
18:46 No.
19:01 >> >> Hey Rach, have you seen Charlie anywhere?
19:10 >> >> I'm smarter than him.
19:12 >> You guys, just in case maybe a genie will come out
19:14 if we RUB THIS LAMP.
19:18 THAT THING GETS HOT.
19:20 >> YOU KNOW ROSS, just keep making your jokes.
19:22 How are you going to feel if we actually do win?
19:24 >> Uh, you're not going to win.
19:26 >> Oh, I know.
19:26 I know the odds are against us,
19:28 but somebody has to win and it could be us.
19:31 And then how you going to feel?
19:32 You know, we're going to be all like, "Oh,
19:34 everybody let's take our helicopters up to the cave."
19:36 And you're going to And you're going to be all like, "Oh,
19:38 I can't guys.
19:39 I have to meet you up there.
19:40 I got to gas up the Hyundai."
19:46 >> >> Okay, I've heard myself on tape and I sound nothing like that.
19:51 >> >> I can see the headline now.
19:52 Lottery winner's friend filled with regret eats own arm.
19:57 >> Why would I eat my own arm?
19:58 >> Well, you wouldn't, but we own the paper.
19:59 We can print whatever we want.
20:02 >> You know what Ross, I'm going to throw in 50 bucks for you.
20:06 >> Why?
20:06 >> Because I know I know that you think that the lottery is hooey hockey.
20:11 >> >> But we're all here.
20:12 We're going to watch the numbers and have fun.
20:15 You're my brother and I want you to be a part of this.
20:20 >> You don't have to do that.
20:21 I mean I'll I'll pay for myself,
20:22 but just the fact that you want me to have fun with you guys,
20:26 that's so sweet.
20:27 Come here.
20:30 >> Get a room.
20:32 >> You sang Baby Got Back, didn't you?
20:34 >> If nothing else works, that girl is all about the ass.
20:41 >> She's sweat, wet, got to go on like a turbo vet.
20:47 >> Fellas.
20:47 >> Yeah.
20:47 >> Fellas.
20:47 >> Yeah.
20:47 >> Has your girlfriend GOT THE BUTT?
20:49 >> HELL YEAH.
20:49 >> SO SHAKE IT.
20:50 >> SHAKE IT.
20:51 >> SHAKE IT.
20:51 >> SHAKE IT.
20:52 >> SHAKE that nasty butt.
20:54 >> >> Baby got back.
20:55 >> One more time from the top.
20:57 I like big BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE.
21:01 You other brothers >> >> Rachel, please.
21:06 That is so inappropriate.
21:11 >> >> Ah, isn't this nice?
21:13 So quiet.
21:14 I could just lie here all day.
21:16 >> Oh, I know.
21:19 Open your drapes.
21:20 Open your drapes.
21:21 >> So glad we got a joining rooms.
21:25 >> The sun IS OUT.
21:27 >> HEY, remember when I had Cornelius?
21:30 >> Okay, listen.
21:30 You go down to the pool
21:31 and reserve the chairs
21:32 and I'll get the magazines
21:33 and the lotion.
21:34 >> Uh ladies, Ross has speeches IN 45 MINUTES.
21:40 >> NO!
21:40 >> >> WALLS ARE PRETTY THIN, GUYS.
21:48 >> >> Then we have to weigh the data from recent MRI scans and DNA testing,
21:54 which call into question information gathered from years of simple carbon dating.
21:59 >> Look at that woman sitting out by the pool getting tan.
22:03 So leathery and wrinkled.
22:05 I'M SO JEALOUS.
22:07 >> FINALLY, FACTOR IN THE profusion of new species recently discovered, Gigantosaurous, Argentinasaurus,
22:16 >> not to mention coldsaurus.
22:21 >> >> And that's just the herbivores.
22:23 I'm not even going to discuss the carnivores.
22:25 Their heads are already too big, which is ironic considering their stunted CEREBRAL DEVELOPMENT.
22:30 >> >> REALLY?
22:30 >>