0:00 I feel bad.
0:01 Why, yeah.
0:02 Very bad.
0:03 Chandler, what are you doing?
0:05 Chandler!
0:07 OH MY GOD.
0:09 >> >> YOU'RE smoking again?
0:10 Well, actually yesterday I was smoking again.
0:12 Today I'm I'm smoking still.
0:16 >> >> Why would you start again after chewing all that quitting gum?
0:20 I'm telling you this is just like my parents' divorce,
0:22 which is when I started smoking in the first place.
0:26 Weren't you nine?
0:33 >> >> Yeah.
0:33 I'm telling you something that first smoke after nap time.
0:40 >> >> Oh, that's great.
0:40 With my luck, that's going to be him.
0:42 Him him, Ross?
0:44 No, him 253.
0:46 His eyes are on the sparrow.
0:49 >> >> My parents got divorced, that's when I started using humor as a defense mechanism.
0:58 >> >> Hi.
0:58 Do you guys have plans for the weekend?
0:59 Because I have my sister on hold
1:01 and she said that we could have her cabin for the weekend
1:03 and go skiing.
1:06 Huh?
1:07 I'm asking you first, right?
1:08 I mean, I'm playing by the rules.
1:11 Absolutely.
1:11 Chandler!
1:12 You're smoking?
1:13 What are you doing?
1:14 >> Hey, shut up.
1:15 You're not my real mom.
1:17 This is my favorite part.
1:18 >> Yeah, me too.
1:22 Oh, you know what's sadder than this?
1:26 Bambi.
1:26 I cried for 3 days with that movie.
1:28 No, wait, two.
1:29 Cuz on the third day my mother killed herself,
1:31 so I was partly crying for that.
1:36 Well, see now that I can see crying over, but Bambi is a cartoon.
1:39 You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died?
1:41 Yes, it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer.
1:47 You know, Chandler, there's nothing wrong with crying.
1:49 You don't have to be so macho all the time.
1:52 Macho?
1:54 Yeah, you're right.
1:56 I don't know what I was thinking.
1:59 >> >> Well, I guess I just never really cried, you know?
2:00 I'm not a crying kind of guy.
2:02 Come on, man.
2:03 There's got to be something that gets you choked up.
2:05 Like, uh Oh, what if you saw a three-legged puppy?
2:09 >> >> I'd be sad, sure.
2:14 But I wouldn't cry.
2:15 Okay, uh what if the puppy said, >> >> "Help me, Chandler.
2:21 All the other puppies pick on me."
2:26 Cry?
2:26 I just found a talking puppy.
2:28 I'm rich.
2:31 >> >> I've got it.
2:32 I have got it.
2:33 Pictures from your childhood.
2:35 This'll get you going good.
2:39 >> >> All right, what's going on there?
2:41 Uh that's Parents' Day, first grade.
2:43 That's me with the the janitor, Martin.
2:47 Where are your parents?
2:48 >> didn't want to come.
2:50 Oh, Chandler.
2:51 Poor thing.
2:52 So, that story doesn't make you cry?
2:55 No, look, I don't cry.
2:56 It's not a big deal, okay?
2:58 No, it's not okay.
3:01 >> >> It's not okay at all.
3:04 YOU'RE DEAD INSIDE.
3:10 >> >> HEY, SWEETIE.
3:11 HEY.
3:16 >> >> CHICKEN soup for the soul?
3:20 There's no back to this couch.
3:24 >> >> Why are you reading this?
3:25 You hate this kind of stuff.
3:26 >> Yeah, I know.
3:27 Well, I figured I'd give it a shot, you know?
3:28 I mean, maybe one of those stories would make me cry,
3:30 and then you wouldn't think I was, you know, all dead inside.
3:34 Aw, that's so sweet.
3:36 Chandler, I don't care if you can't cry.
3:38 I love you.
3:38 Aw, that makes me feel so warm in my hollow tin chest.
3:43 Stop it.
3:45 No, I mean, come on, seriously.
3:46 Think about it.
3:46 We get married, I'm up at the altar, and I'm like this.
3:52 I won't care.
3:53 Because I know that you'll be feeling it all in here.
3:57 Yeah?
3:58 Yeah.
3:59 And if And if we have a baby one day
4:01 and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room
4:04 and you don't cry
4:06 so what?
4:08 And And if And
4:08 if we take him to college
4:10 and we come home
4:10 and And we see his empty room for the first time
4:14 and you got nothing?
4:18 Won't matter to me.
4:24 Okay.
4:24 Well, I won't uh worry about this anymore then.
4:26 Yeah.
4:26 And And you know,
4:27 if I die from a long illness
4:33 and you're writing out my eulogy
4:35 and you open the desk drawer
4:36 and you you find a note from me
4:38 that says "I will always be with you."
4:42 And you still can't shed one tiny tear?
4:48 I know you'll be crying a river inside.
4:52 Oh, I love you so >> What is WRONG WITH YOU?
4:56 WHAT?
4:57 WHY YOU CAN'T SHED A TEAR FOR YOUR DEAD WIFE?
5:00 I LEFT YOU A NOTE FROM THE BEYOND.
5:03 SO, you didn't mean any of that?
5:04 NO, YOU ROBOT!
5:09 I I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
5:16 Thank you.
5:19 You're welcome.
5:27 >> >> Oh my god, are you crying?
5:29 I just don't see why those two can't WORK THINGS OUT.
5:35 I'D LIKE TO TOAST ROSS AND EMILY.
5:37 OF COURSE, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding,
5:39 so this is kind of my little toast or or Melba toast,
5:42 if you will.
5:48 >> >> Okay.
5:48 I've known Ross for a long time.
5:50 In fact, I knew him
5:51 when he was uh going out with his first girlfriend.
5:54 And I thought things were really going to work out for him until the
5:55 day he over inflated her.
6:02 >> >> Oh dear god.
6:05 >> >> I'm sure we're all very excited uh
6:07 that Ross and Emily are getting married at Montgomery Hall.
6:10 I mean, to think my friend getting married in money hall.
6:14 Oh, come on.
6:14 MONEY HALL, LET'S MAKE A DEAL.
6:16 COME ON, YOU PEOPLE.
6:19 >> >> ALL RIGHT, FORGET IT.
6:20 CONGRATULATIONS, ROSS AND EMILY.
6:27 >> >> HEY.
6:27 BEST MAN NUMBER TWO, JOEY TRIBBIANI.
6:30 NOW, I'm not good with the jokes like Chandler here, but Hey gorgeous,
6:38 how's it going?
6:39 Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights.
6:43 Does it get better than this?
6:47 Question.
6:47 You're not dating anybody, are you?
6:48 Because I met somebody who would be perfect for you.
6:51 Uh you see, perfect might be a problem.
6:54 Had you said codependent or self-destructive, Do you want to date Saturday?
6:59 Yes, please.
7:00 Okay.
7:02 >> >> He is cute, he's funny, He's a he?
7:06 Well, yeah.
7:08 Oh god.
7:09 I just Good, Shelly.
7:14 Okay, I'm just going to go flush myself down the toilet now.
7:17 Okay, bye-bye.
7:20 I mean, is that ridiculous?
7:21 Can you believe she actually thought that?
7:29 Um yeah.
7:29 >> >> Well, I mean, when I first met you, you know,
7:31 I thought maybe possibly you might be You did?
7:37 Yeah, but then but
7:38 then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts,
7:40 so then I figured maybe not.
7:44 Huh, did uh any of the rest of you guys think
7:48 that when you first met me?
7:49 I did.
7:50 >> Yeah, I think so, yeah.
7:53 >> >> Not me.
7:54 >> No, no.
7:54 Me, neither.
7:56 Although, uh you know, back in college, uh Susan Saladore did.
8:00 You're kidding.
8:01 Did you tell her I wasn't?
8:05 >> No.
8:05 No, it's just cuz uh I I kind of wanted to go out with
8:07 her,
8:07 too.
8:08 So, uh I told her actually you were seeing uh Bernie Spellman,
8:14 >> >> who also liked her, so.
8:20 Well, this is fascinating.
8:23 So, uh what is it about me?
8:25 I don't know.
8:26 Cuz you're smart, you're funny.
8:28 >> What's so smart and funny?
8:30 Do you ever think that about him?
8:31 YEAH, RIGHT.
8:33 WHAT IS IT?
8:36 >> >> OKAY, I I DON'T KNOW.
8:37 YOU YOU JUST You have a quality.
8:39 >> Yeah.
8:40 Right?
8:42 Oh, oh, a quality.
8:43 Good, because I was worried you guys were going to be vague about this.
8:54 Hey, gorgeous.
8:55 Hey.
8:57 Look, I'm sorry about yesterday.
8:59 I uh >> no, don't don't worry about it.
9:01 Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.
9:06 >> >> OH, OKAY.
9:07 PHEW.
9:10 SO, UH WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS ABOUT I don't know.
9:15 You just have a a quality. >> right.
9:20 >> >> You know, it's a shame
9:21 because you and Lowell would have made a great couple.
9:28 Lowell?
9:28 Financial Services Lowell?
9:28 That's who you saw me with?
9:30 What, he's cute.
9:31 Oh, yeah.
9:33 He's no Brian in Payroll.
9:38 >> >> Is Brian Oh, that I don't know.
9:41 Point is that if you were going to set me up with someone,
9:43 I'd like to think you would set me up with somebody like him.
9:45 Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league.
9:54 >> >> Excuse me.
9:56 >> >> You don't think I could get a Brian?
10:00 Because I could get a Brian.
10:03 Believe you me.
10:05 I'm really not.
10:10 >> >> Hey Lowell.
10:11 Oh, hey Chandler.
10:15 >> >> So how's it going down there in financial services?
10:18 It's like Mardi Gras without the paper mache heads.
10:21 How about you?
10:22 Good.
10:23 Good.
10:23 Listen, um I don't know what Shelly told you about me,
10:28 but uh I'm not.
10:33 I know.
10:33 That's what I told her.
10:36 Really?
10:37 Yeah.
10:39 So, you can tell?
10:42 >> >> Pretty much, most of the time.
10:44 We have a kind of radar.
10:48 So, you don't think I have a a quality?
10:52 Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no.
10:58 >> >> By the way, your friend Brian from payroll, he is.
11:02 He is?
11:03 Yep, and way out OF YOUR LEAGUE.
11:09 >> >> OUT OF MY LEAGUE.
11:11 I COULD GET A BRIAN.
11:13 If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian.
11:16 Hey Brian.
11:21 Hi.
11:21 It's me.
11:22 Oh my god.
11:27 >> >> Janice?
11:28 You called Janice?
11:31 Yes, Janice.
11:32 Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend?
11:35 You remember Janice, right?
11:38 >> >> Yes.
11:39 She was smart, she was pretty, and she honestly cared about me.
11:43 Janice is my last chance to have somebody.
11:52 Hello.
11:52 >> >> Oh my god.
11:57 Jeez, look how fat she got.
12:01 Hey, it's everybody.
12:05 >> >> Janice, you're Yes, I am.
12:09 Is it Is it yours?
12:10 Ha!
12:11 You wish, Chandler Bing.
12:14 You are looking at a married lady now.
12:18 Oh.
12:19 Yeah.
12:24 Congratulations.
12:24 Aw, sweetie.
12:26 I'm sorry.
12:27 You couldn't have told me about this over the phone?
12:29 And what?
12:30 Miss the expression on your face?
12:31 Oh, no.
12:32 Janice likes to have her fun.
12:35 Hey, you guys.
12:36 >> Oh, hey.
12:37 Hey, listen.
12:38 Let me ask you.
12:39 Do you believe in soulmates?
12:41 Oh, yes, I do.
12:42 I do.
12:42 I believe that there's one perfect person out there for everyone.
12:45 And you know how you find them?
12:46 You stop looking for them.
12:48 That's why I've stopped looking for Russell Crowe.
12:51 He'll find me.
12:53 Uh-huh.
12:54 And you?
12:55 No.
12:55 I mean, I believe that uh certain people are more suited for each other,
12:58 and I believe in falling in love, but soulmates, I don't think they exist.
13:02 Okay, good.
13:03 Why?
13:04 Well, last night I met Monica's.
13:11 What?
13:11 Yeah.
13:12 I I had a date with this guy,
13:13 and I swear to god he is her other half.
13:16 Come on, don't be crazy.
13:18 You don't think there's somebody out there better suited for Monica than me,
13:20 do you?
13:24 >> >> But what's he like?
13:27 Well, he's tall.
13:28 >> Uh-huh.
13:29 He has brown hair.
13:29 >> Of course, of course.
13:30 A tall guy with hair similar to mine.
13:32 Oh, unknowable universe.
13:36 >> >> He works with food.
13:37 Oh, sure.
13:38 Older?
13:38 Obviously, and he's British.
13:40 >> Oh, I was just going to ask.
13:41 Yeah?
13:42 And he's he's so centered and mature and confident.
13:47 Oh, it's so sad they never had a chance to meet.
13:50 Luckily, the guy she settled for can't hear what you're talking about.
13:54 Oh.
13:55 I'm so sorry.
13:56 Um and maybe I'm wrong.
13:57 I But, you know what?
13:58 I'm going to go out with him again.
13:59 I'll find out more.
14:00 You believe that this guy is destined for somebody else
14:02 and you're still going to date him?
14:04 Well, he may not be my soulmate, but a girl's got to eat.
14:08 Oh.
14:09 Oh.
14:09 Hi.
14:10 Hi.
14:10 Um Chandler, Monica, this is Don.
14:12 Oh, hey.
14:13 Hello.
14:14 Hello.
14:15 Nice to meet you.
14:16 How are you?
14:16 Call me.
14:21 What have you guys been doing?
14:22 Well, we just had a terrible lunch today at the Iatica.
14:25 What is with all the sun-dried tomatoes at that place?
14:27 I know.
14:28 What is this, 1985?
14:30 That's exactly what I said.
14:31 Phoebe, isn't that strange?
14:32 Not really.
14:35 >> >> What's wrong with sun-dried tomatoes?
14:39 On a barbecue chicken pizza?
14:45 No?
14:45 So, Don, what what other restaurants do you like?
14:47 >> Well, Octavio, 27 and 7.
14:49 Oh, there's this great little place, Alessandro's.
14:51 >> Oh my god, that's That's my restaurant.
14:53 I'm the chef there.
14:53 You're kidding me.
14:54 You You Your food is fantastic.
14:57 Wow, I really want to talk to you about your menu.
14:58 I'm just going to get some coffees first.
14:59 Um you don't want anything?
15:01 Oh, I'd like a latte.
15:02 Uh you know what?
15:02 If you're going to talk about me, I'm going to go with you.
15:07 >> >> What are you doing?
15:09 Nothing.
15:10 I swear to god I didn't know you guys would be here.
15:13 And the good news is you don't even believe in soulmates,
15:15 so I believe in tall, handsome strangers who hit on my wife.
15:19 They're We're talking, and you know what?
15:21 Just cuz I think there's so many things doesn't mean anything's going to happen.
15:25 Phoebe.
15:25 Yeah, good work.
15:26 Yeah.
15:27 Yeah, I'm just afraid I love him.
15:33 >> >> Don't worry, we'll find you someone else.
15:37 So, I've been slowly phasing out the wine importing
15:39 and focusing more on the um cheese side of things.
15:42 Cheese, you say?
15:44 That's some pretty smelly work, huh, Don?
15:48 >> >> Excuse me?
15:49 Cheese, it's smelly.
15:53 You must smell a lot of the time, too.
15:57 >> >> Uh not really.
15:59 But, when it comes to cheese,
16:00 I am one of those people who thinks the smellier the better.
16:03 Me, too.
16:03 Yet, Chandler can't stand it.
16:05 He He won't even allow me to have blue cheese in the house.
16:08 And you're still MARRIED TO HIM?
16:12 >> >> I'D LIKE TO HAVE DON AND PHOEBE OVER.
16:13 Wouldn't that be nice?
16:14 Sure, why don't you set it up?
16:16 I'll just be over here browsing through the personals.
16:21 >> >> Are you okay?
16:22 You've been acting weird all afternoon.
16:23 Yeah, fine.
16:24 Fine.
16:24 Not perfect, but good enough.
16:28 >> >> Geez, what is with you?
16:30 I'm sorry.
16:32 Did you say cheese?
16:35 All right, okay.
16:36 What's going on?
16:36 Phoebe thinks that you and Don are soulmates,
16:39 and I don't believe in that kind of stuff,
16:40 but then you two totally get along.
16:42 So, look, I won't stand in your way
16:43 if you want to run off with Don
16:45 and live in a house of cheese.
16:48 Chandler, you you don't believe in soulmates?
16:50 No, but I'm sure Tomatoes does.
16:55 I don't believe in soulmates, either.
16:58 You don't?
16:58 >> No.
16:59 I don't think that you and I were destined to end up together.
17:02 I think that we fell in love
17:03 and and we work hard at our relationship.
17:06 Some days we work really hard.
17:09 So, you you don't want to live with Don in the cheese house?
17:14 No, I I I had second thoughts about that.
17:16 Do you realize how hard that would be to clean?
17:20 >> >> I love you.
17:21 I know.
17:23 You know what?
17:23 I'm going to take you out to dinner tonight.
17:25 I found this place that makes the greatest mozzarella sticks and jalapeno poppers.
17:32 No, really?
17:32 They taste so good.
17:36 >> >> Hey, you guys.
17:37 Check it out.
17:38 Check it out.
17:38 Guess what job I just got.
17:42 >> >> I don't know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer back.
17:49 What?
17:49 Blue blazer back.
17:50 He He wants it back.
17:53 Wait, you said black.
17:55 Why would he want his BLUE BLAZER BACK?
17:59 >> >> WELL, YOU YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT.
18:01 NO, you messed it up.
18:04 >> >> You're stupid.
18:06 Phoebe, fatty.
18:10 Chandler, why so fancy?
18:11 Well, I got a job interview.
18:13 It's kind of a big deal, too.
18:14 It's a lot more money and I'd be doing data reconfiguration and statistical factoring.
18:18 Wait, I think I know someone who does that.
18:20 Me.
18:20 I do that.
18:23 So, seriously, do I Do I look okay?
18:25 I'm a little nervous.
18:26 Oh, yeah.
18:26 You really You look great.
18:28 You know, just don't get your hopes up.
18:32 Why not?
18:33 Well, the interview.
18:35 What about it?
18:35 You know, you don't make a very good first impression.
18:41 What?
18:41 Oh, you don't know.
18:44 Are you serious?
18:45 Yes, and when I first met you, you were like blah blah blah blah.
18:48 I was like Shh.
18:54 >> >> What is it that I do?
18:56 Well, it's just like you're trying too hard.
18:58 Always making jokes, you know, you just You come off a little needy.
19:03 Did you like me when we first met?
19:05 Chandler, I'm not going to lie to you.
19:08 But I am going to run away from you.
19:09 Okay, let's see.
19:10 Okay, the turkey's in the oven, the stuffing is ready.
19:13 You know, you always cook this meal all by yourself.
19:16 Let me help this year.
19:17 Aw, Chandler, that's sweet.
19:19 But, you don't have to do everything Dr.
19:20 Phil tells you to do.
19:23 I'm serious.
19:24 Let me do something.
19:25 Just not the turkey or the stuffing.
19:26 Nothing high profile.
19:30 >> >> Oh, the cranberry sauce.
19:31 It's easy to make and no one really cares about it.
19:35 Tell me more.
19:37 I'm going to go check on something across the hall.
19:39 You start by washing these.
19:43 Okay.
19:43 NOT WITH SOAP!
19:49 >> >> YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVEN'T TASTED MY paella potatoes.
19:52 I don't know why you're so embarrassed.
19:53 They were very nice boobies.
19:58 >> >> Nice?
20:00 They were nice.
20:00 I mean, that that that's it?
20:01 I mean, mittens are nice.
20:04 >> >> Okay, rock hard place, me.
20:14 >> >> You're so funny.
20:16 He's really funny.
20:19 I wouldn't want to be there when when the laughter stops.
20:23 >> >> Whoa, whoa, back up there, Sparky.
20:27 What did you mean by that?
20:28 Mhm.
20:29 Huh?
20:29 Just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy issues.
20:32 You know, that you use your humor
20:33 as a way of keeping people at a distance.
20:39 Huh?
20:39 I mean, hey.
20:39 I just met you.
20:40 I don't know you from Adam.
20:43 Only child, right?
20:46 Parents divorced before you hit puberty.
20:51 >> >> Uh-huh.
20:51 How did you know that?
20:53 It's textbook.
20:57 >> >> Hey, you guys.
20:58 You all know my dad?
21:01 Hey, how long you in the city?
21:02 Just for a couple of days.
21:03 I got a job midtown.
21:04 I figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling ass back
21:07 and forth on a ferry.
21:09 I don't know this one.
21:10 Oh, this is my friend Roger.
21:12 >> Hi.
21:12 Hey.
21:13 Hey, good to meet you, Roger.
21:14 >> You too, sir.
21:15 What happened to the puppet guy?
21:19 Dead.
21:19 Oh.
21:19 Oh.
21:20 Excuse me.
21:21 So, Ross, how's the wife?
21:26 Oh, for two, huh?
21:28 Uh Chandler, quick, SAY SOMETHING FUNNY.
21:33 >> >> I'LL WRAP all of your Christmas gifts.
21:38 >> No.
21:38 >> >> I Oh, I'll squeeze you fresh orange juice every morning.
21:41 With extra pulp?
21:41 Yeah.
21:42 No.
21:43 Damn it.
21:47 >> >> I've got it.
21:49 You don't have it.
21:51 I so got it.
21:54 There's going to be rumors about this.
21:56 There's no way to stop it.
21:57 Sophie knows.
21:58 Monica and Phoebe know.
21:59 How do Monica and Phoebe know?
22:00 Well, I called them.
22:03 >> >> And when they asked me what I saw,
22:05 I can be very generous >> >> or very stingy.
22:14 Go on.
22:16 I can make you a legend.
22:19 I can make you this generation's Milton Berle.
22:24 And Milton Berle has >> Oh, not compared to you.
22:32 Hello.
22:33 Hey.
22:34 Hey.
22:35 Hello, Chandler.
22:39 I love you.
22:41 Hey, what's going on?
22:47 Oh.
22:47 No, he doesn't.
22:52 >> >> Two hours that lasted.
22:53 And you know, if I get really hot,
22:55 um I I like to pick up this knife.
22:59 And and um I I put the the cold steel against um my body.
23:11 Are you all right?
23:12 Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
23:14 It's >> >> What we got up here?
23:31 20-year-old male.
23:32 He's got a severed toe on HIS RIGHT FOOT.
23:37 COULD YOU PLEASE NOT DO THAT FEET FIRST?
23:39 You know where his injury is.
23:40 SEVERED TOE, YOU JUST SAID IT.
23:44 >> >> SAYS HERE THE KNIFE WENT RIGHT THROUGH YOUR SHOE.
23:46 >> Of course it did.
23:47 They're made of wicker.
23:50 Did you bring the toe?
23:51 Oh, yes.
23:51 I have it right here on ice.
23:54 Don't worry, son.
23:55 We'll just reattach it and then What?
23:58 What is it?
23:59 You brought a carrot.
24:03 >> >> What?
24:04 This isn't your toe.
24:04 This is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
24:08 You brought a carrot?
24:10 Oh my god.
24:12 There's a toe in my kitchen.
24:18 Hey.
24:18 What's the matter?
24:19 Somebody on the subway licked my neck.
24:20 Licked my neck.
24:22 Oh, Willie's still alive.
24:26 What are you guys doing?
24:27 Oh, my mom called.
24:27 They're going to run our engagement announcement in the local paper.
24:30 So, we're looking for a good picture of us.
24:31 Ooh, I'm afraid that does not exist.
24:35 That's not true.
24:36 There are great pictures of us.
24:37 No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy who's going
24:40 like this.
24:43 Oh my god, that's the creep that you're with at the Statue of Liberty.
24:49 I don't know what it is.
24:49 I just can't take a good picture.
24:51 Oh, here's a great one.
24:53 Yeah, I'm not in that.
24:55 No, but look at me all tan.
24:58 >> >> Hey, why don't you guys go get portraits done by a professional photographer?
25:01 It's a great idea.
25:03 But they have one of those wind machines, you know, like >> >> Well, that's great.
25:09 Next to that, Chandler won't look so stupid.
25:13 >> >> Chandler, what do you say?
25:14 All right, but I should warn you, I'm not going.
25:17 I'm going.
25:25 Great.
25:25 >> >> That's great, Monica.
25:28 Great.
25:28 >> >> Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
25:35 Okay.
25:35 I'm sorry, is the seat uncomfortable?
25:37 No, I am.
25:39 Chandler, listen to me.
25:40 I know you can do this, okay?
25:41 You have a beautiful smile.
25:43 >> I do?
25:47 >> Yeah.
25:47 All right, maybe you don't have to smile.
25:49 Let's try something else.
25:50 Let's try um Try looking sexy.
26:00 >> Okay.
26:00 >> >> Or not.
26:05 I know.
26:06 Let's try a look a far-off wonderment.
26:11 Okay, we'll we'll gaze into our future
26:13 and we'll think about our marriage
26:15 and the days to come.
26:22 >> >> Chandler, what is the matter with your face?
26:26 >> >> Like, this is picture supposed to say Geller and Bing to be married,
26:28 not local woman saves drowning >> >> Hey, don't laugh at him.
26:35 He's my drowning THAT'S IT.
26:39 THAT'S IT.
26:39 TAKE IT.
26:39 TAKE IT.
26:47 >> >> I LIKE THIS ONE.
26:48 IT seems to say I love you
26:49 and that's why I have to kill you.
26:54 >> >> Can't all be bad.
26:56 Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes.
27:00 Oh, there it is.
27:01 Oh my god, those are my bedroom eyes?
27:05 Why did you ever sleep with me?
27:08 Do you really want to pull at that thread?
27:13 Sweetie, that's a great smile.
27:15 Easy, natural.
27:17 Now, pretend I have a camera.
27:21 >> >> You're changing it. >> help it.
27:24 All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.
27:25 You want to know what I do when I take resume shots?
27:27 Borrow money from me?
27:32 Yeah.
27:32 Okay.
27:32 First First of all, you want to make it look spontaneous, right?
27:35 Okay, so here's what I do.
27:37 I look down, look down, keep looking down, then I look up.
27:44 >> >> See?
27:45 All right, now you try.
27:46 Look down.
27:47 You're looking down, keep looking down.
27:50 Why is there jelly on your shoe?
27:52 I had a donut.
27:59 >> >> Hey, there you are.
28:00 There I am.
28:02 You okay?
28:03 Yeah, Joey said I I needed to relax, so he gave me an antihistamine.
28:09 >> >> Yeah, and
28:09 then I fell asleep on the subway
28:10 and went all the way to Brooklyn.
28:12 Brooklyn is far.
28:15 >> >> Chandler, what were you thinking?
28:17 >> I don't know, but don't worry.
28:18 Don't worry because I know how to take a picture now.
28:22 Okay, see?
28:23 Look down.
28:25 Look down.
28:27 Look down.
28:35 Chandler?
28:35 Yeah.
28:40 Guys, check it out.
28:42 My mom sent me the paper.
28:43 Ooh, let's see it.
28:46 Okay.
28:46 Oh, yeah, that looks good.
28:48 You guys make a very attractive couple.
28:54 >> >> Yeah, we look great together.
28:55 Yeah, we really do.
29:00 Okay.
29:00 Wow, imagine what our kids would look like.
29:02 You know, we don't have to imagine.
29:06 >> >> I'm marrying her.
29:08 We'll just see.
29:31 >> >> Joey?
29:31 Ma?
29:31 JOEY!
29:31 CHANDLER?
29:31 What are you still doing here?
29:32 I thought you guys took off.
29:33 >> Oh, no, no, no.
29:33 She took OFF.
29:34 WITH MY CLOTHES.
29:38 >> >> HE NAKED IN THERE?
29:39 WELL, NOT EXACTLY.
29:42 I'm wearing panties.
29:47 You uh You always wear panties?
29:51 No, no.
29:52 This is the first time.
29:55 Wow.
29:56 Talk about your bad luck.
29:58 I mean the first time you try panties
30:01 and someone walks off with your clothes.
30:05 >> >> I was not trying them out.
30:07 Susie asked me to wear them.
30:09 Well, let me see.
30:10 No.
30:12 I'm not letting you or anybody else see, ever.
30:14 All right, all right.
30:21 Whoa.
30:21 Someone's flossing.
30:29 >> >> Joey, some people DON'T LIKE THAT.
30:33 CHANDLER'S WEARING PANTIES.
30:35 WHAT?
30:36 Let me see.
30:37 >> No, no, you don't have to see.
30:41 I do, she.
30:44 >> >> All right.
30:45 When are you going to give me your underpants?
30:46 Oh, no.
30:47 No, no.
30:47 Can't help you.
30:48 I'm not wearing any.
30:51 How can you not be wearing any underwear?
30:53 Oh, I'm getting heat from the guy in the hot pink thong.
30:58 All right, look, Ross.
31:00 I'll give you $50 for your underpants.
31:23 Hey.
31:24 Hey, Chandler.
31:24 >> Okay.
31:25 And your horoscope says, on the 5th,
31:27 a special someone is going to give you a gift.
31:30 Oh, well, thank you in advance.
31:33 Oh, but the 12th brings a lovers' spat.
31:36 You're going to make a joke about my special present.
31:39 Why would you do that?
31:42 Oh, wait.
31:42 And on the 19th, a secret crush announces itself.
31:52 Hey, guys.
31:53 HEY.
31:54 OH MY GOD, IT'S JOEY TRIBBIANI OF MAC AND CHEESE.
31:59 OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
32:00 IT'S YOUR first day.
32:01 So, are you psyched to fight fake crime with your robot sidekick?
32:05 >> Am I psyched to lead my own TV series?
32:07 I've dreamed about this for years.
32:10 What if I'VE NOT BEEN PREPARING?
32:13 NO, JOEY, you're going to be great.
32:16 But I got to act with a robot thieves,
32:17 and and I don't know anything about technology.
32:20 I can't even use Chandler's computer to find porn.
32:24 And and that's only cuz it's right there when you turn it on.
32:29 >> >> I think our lovers' spat will start a little early this month.
32:32 I'll be waiting.
32:42 >> >> Good morning, everybody.
32:43 Can I get you a cup of coffee, sir?
32:44 Oh, no, no, no.
32:45 I'm an intern, just like you guys.
32:48 Except for the tie, the briefcase,
32:49 and the fact that I can rent a car.
32:52 Seriously.
32:53 You're an intern?
32:54 Yeah, well, I'm kind of heading in a new career direction, and you know,
32:57 you got to start at the bottom.
33:02 Dude.
33:02 All right, look, I know I'm a little bit older than you guys,
33:04 but it's not like I'm Bob Hope.
33:09 The comedian?
33:14 USO?
33:14 Uh, it's USA, sir.
33:18 Hey.
33:19 Hey, how was it?
33:20 Well, I had a great time.
33:22 Um, Chauncey, on the other hand, I will tell the story.
33:28 It was going great.
33:29 I let him win.
33:30 We were bonding.
33:31 He even said that I could call him dad.
33:33 >> And what did he ask you not to call him?
33:39 Daddy.
33:39 >> >> All right, look, here's the story.
33:42 Well, we had just finished playing racquetball,
33:44 and we were going to take a steam.
33:46 I walk into the steam room, and it's really steamy.
33:52 So, I take off my glasses, and that's when it happened.
33:57 >> Guys?
33:57 Over here.
33:58 Have a seat, son.
34:17 >> >> Hey.
34:17 >> >> Oh my god, Chandler, I can't believe it.
34:19 >> I know.
34:20 You gave my father a lap dance.
34:26 Why do they put so much steam in there?
34:30 >> >> UH, CUZ OTHERWISE they'd have to call it the room room.
34:36 Why?
34:37 Okay, why?
34:38 Why did that have to happen?
34:42 Come on, it's not that big a deal.
34:43 >> Not that big a deal?
34:44 There there was touching of things.
34:48 All right, I know you wanted to bond with my dad,
34:51 but did you really have to bond to that part?
34:57 Listen, I'm sure that Dad doesn't care.
34:59 He probably thought this was really funny.
35:01 He'll be telling the story for years.
35:03 I don't want him to tell this story for years.
35:06 Oh, but he will.
35:09 >> >> He still tells a story about how Monica tried to escape from fat camp.
35:15 I wasn't escaping.
35:16 Then how'd you get caught in the barbed wire?
35:20 I was trying to help out a squirrel.
35:22 >> You were trying to eat it.
35:27 >> >> If that is your father calling to tell this story,
35:30 then the marriage is off.
35:32 Come on.
35:33 Hello.
35:35 I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
35:38 Okay, I'll call you later, Dad.
35:38 I love you.
35:46 >> >> All right, I'm off to see your dad.
35:48 Whoa, whoa.
35:49 Aren't you a little overdressed?
35:52 >> >> Yeah, and and you better make sure he tips you this time.
35:56 Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story
35:59 anymore,
36:00 and I figured the best way to do that was face-to-face.
36:04 And by face, I don't mean his lap.
36:06 And by face, I don't mean my ass.
36:13 See, I understand I'd feel a lot more comfortable
36:15 if you didn't tell people what happened.
36:17 You know, I'm a little I'm a little embarrassed about it.
36:20 >> I understand completely.
36:22 There's nothing more horrifying than embarrassing yourself in front of your in-laws.
36:26 As a matter of fact, when I started dating Judy,
36:29 I was unemployed and her father asked me what I did for a living
36:33 and I told him I was a lawyer.
36:34 Hm, what what did you do when they found out?
36:36 They never did.
36:38 So, if you ever see me giving them legal advice, just nod along.
36:43 Shall we?
36:59 >> >> So, I guess we wear swimsuits in here.
37:04 You guys have any wrapping paper?
37:06 Oh, is it for my birthday present?
37:08 Seems it was your birthday like months ago.
37:11 Yeah, but remember you said you ordered something special
37:13 and it just hadn't come yet?
37:18 Well, I have a call in about that.
37:22 >> >> Ah.
37:22 Okay.
37:22 Actually, this is for uh Cathy's birthday.
37:24 It's an early edition of her favorite book.
37:26 Oh, The Velveteen Rabbit.
37:29 Oh my god, when the boy's love makes the rabbit real.
37:32 Okay, but don't touch it because your fingers have destructive oils.
37:36 Well, then you better keep it away from Ross's hair.
37:41 >> >> So, this is pretty rare.
37:43 How did you get that?
37:44 Oh, it wasn't a big deal.
37:45 Just went to a couple of bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers,
37:48 called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
37:52 Honey, that's so sweet.
37:53 Yeah, and what a great way to say I secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend.
37:59 It doesn't say that.
38:01 Does it?
38:03 How do you think it's going to look
38:04 when you get her something incredibly meaningful
38:07 and expensive and her boyfriend Joey gives her an orange?
38:11 You know what?
38:11 Actually, I'm kind of glad they're leaving cuz uh I need to talk to
38:16 you about something.
38:18 What's up?
38:19 Well, this uh this may be a little awkward.
38:21 Listen, if you want to borrow money, it's kind of a bad time.
38:23 I'm buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.
38:27 >> >> No, it's it's not that.
38:29 Um Now, what I'm going to say to you,
38:31 I'm I'm not saying this as your friend, okay?
38:33 I'm I'm saying it as Monica's older brother.
38:36 But you're still my friend.
38:37 Not for the next few minutes.
38:40 During this time?
38:41 Are you Are you still my best man?
38:46 Nope.
38:46 Do I still call you Ross?
38:50 >> Okay.
38:50 You guys are getting married tomorrow,
38:51 and and I couldn't be more thrilled for both of you.
38:56 But as Monica's older brother, I I have to tell you this.
39:01 If you ever hurt my little sister,
39:05 if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind,
39:11 I will hunt you down and kick your ass.
39:22 >> >> But I'm I'M I'M SERIOUS.
39:27 >> >> OKAY, DUDE, STOP IT, OKAY?
39:29 I'm I'm not kidding here.
39:30 >> Hey, I hear what you're saying, okay?
39:33 And thanks for the warning.
39:35 No problem.
39:37 So, are we friends again?
39:40 Yeah.
39:41 Okay.
39:42 >> >> You won't believe what Monica's older brother just said to me.
39:46 I got to tell you, I love your mom's books.
39:49 I love her books.
39:50 I cannot get on a plane without one.
39:51 I mean, this is
39:52 so cool. >> you wouldn't think it's cool
39:53 if you're 11 years old
39:54 and all your friends are passing around page 79 of Mistress Hey,
39:59 hey, HEY, SHE'S ON.
40:03 >> >> AH, NADA BING.
40:07 IT'S ALL GETTING TO THE BOOK.
40:07 NOW, NOW, WHAT IS THIS about you you being arrested in London?
40:11 What is that all about?
40:12 Your mom was arrested?
40:13 >> Shh.
40:13 Busy beaming with pride. >> okay.
40:16 This is kind of embarrassing,
40:18 but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man Now,
40:23 why would you say that's embarrassing?
40:26 I just get this craving for Kung Pao chicken.
40:29 THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION.
40:36 ALL RIGHT, SO NOW YOU'RE DOING THIS WHOLE book tour thing.
40:38 How's that going?
40:39 Oh, fine.
40:40 I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate,
40:43 but I get to see my son, who I love.
40:47 And this is the way that I find out.
40:48 Most moms use the phone.
40:51 You know, I don't think there's anything wrong.
40:53 I I just don't see you as a mom somehow.
40:55 I don't mean that I don't mean that bad.
40:57 >> Oh, no, I am a fabulous mom.
41:00 I got my son his first condoms.
41:04 Still doing the screening thing?
41:06 I had sex today.
41:09 >> >> I never have to answer that phone again.
41:12 Come to baby, you know what to do.
41:15 Hey Bob, it's Jade.
41:16 Listen, I just wanted to tell you
41:18 that I was really hurt
41:19 when you didn't show up the other day.
41:21 And just so you know, I ended up meeting a guy.
41:26 Bob here.
41:27 Oh, hi.
41:29 So, uh, you met someone, huh?
41:31 Yes.
41:32 Yes, I did.
41:33 In fact, I had sex with him 2 hours ago.
41:39 >> >> So, uh, how was he?
41:52 EH.
41:52 >> >> EH?
41:52 >> >> OH, BOB, HE WAS NOTHING compared to you.
41:59 >> >> I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your name.
42:04 Well, that makes me feel so good.
42:08 It was just so awkward and bumpy.
42:12 >> >> Well, maybe he had some kind of uh,
42:14 new cool style that you're not familiar with.
42:18 And maybe you have to get used to it.
42:19 >> Well, there really wasn't much time to get used to it,
42:21 if you know what I mean.
42:24 Isn't this great?
42:25 Mhm.
42:26 Can we just stay like this forever?
42:32 Come on, Blair.
42:34 Can you just stay here forever?
42:36 Yeah, here, somewhere else, you know, where wherever.
42:41 >> >> Are you okay?
42:42 Yeah, I'm cool.
42:46 Casual.
42:46 What What are you doing?
42:48 Well, just hanging out, you know, having fun, you know,
42:50 with the girl that I'm seeing casually.
42:54 Man, I knew it.
42:55 I knew you were going to do this.
42:57 What?
42:57 Get all freaked out
42:58 because everybody was talking
42:59 and just joking around about marriage
43:01 and stuff.
43:02 Well, you you do want all that stuff, right?
43:05 Oh, and you know what I want.
43:07 Yes, you want babies.
43:08 You have baby fever.
43:11 I DO NOT HAVE BABY FEVER.
43:13 >> OH, PLEASE, you are obsessed with babies
43:16 and and marriage and everything that's related to babies
43:18 and and and marriage.
43:21 You know what?
43:21 I got a good idea.
43:22 Why don't we turn the heat down on this pressure cooker?
43:27 >> >> Lost your mind?
43:28 Taylor, this isn't about me.
43:29 This is about you and all your weird relationship commitment crap.
43:33 >> No, I know you, okay?
43:34 I know the thoughts that you have in the head in your head.
43:38 >> >> You don't know everything.
43:40 Did you know that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you?
43:42 Hm?
43:43 And did you know that the only baby around here is you?
43:46 And did you know that I can't even look at you right now?
43:52 You know, I did not know that.
43:57 >> >> This is going to be okay, right?
43:58 I mean, she's not going to leave me.
43:59 This is This is fixable.
44:01 Oh.
44:01 Yeah, yeah, sure, yeah, absolutely.
44:03 By me.
44:04 Oh, no.
44:05 >> No, no.
44:08 >> >> Well, unless you make some kind of big gesture.
44:11 Yeah, big.
44:13 Oh, she misses.
44:17 Can I get a coffee?
44:20 To go?
44:22 Monica, please.
44:23 I'm I'm still not done not wanting to talk to you.
44:25 Just tell me what I need to do to make things right.
44:28 What?
44:29 Well, that's what we do, you know?
44:30 I I mess up
44:31 and then you tell me how to fix it
44:32 and then I do
44:33 and then you know,
44:33 you think I'm all cute again.
44:37 >> >> Really, I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor.
44:40 You're going to have to figure this one out for yourself.
44:42 Right?
44:43 You know what?
44:44 If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship,
44:46 then don't be in one.
44:55 Okay, now remember, no trading.
44:57 You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
45:00 >> >> Hi, Joey.
45:01 Hey.
45:05 Well, well.
45:06 Look what you brought.
45:08 Very nice.
45:11 And what did you bring?
45:14 >> >> She's checking her coat.
45:16 Joey, I'm going to go wash the cab smell off my hands.
45:20 Will you get me a white zin zinfandel and a glass of red fajitas?
45:34 Janice?
45:34 Janice?
45:34 Oh my god.
45:42 >> >> Hey, it's Janice.
45:52 You know, >> >> ever since I was little,
45:55 I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes.
46:00 Yeah?
46:00 Good for you.
46:04 Uh waters or ROLLS OF WATER?
46:13 >> >> BY THE WAY, CHANDLER, I CUT you out of all my pictures.
46:17 So, if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
46:22 >> >> That's okay.
46:24 Oh, are you sure?
46:25 Really?
46:26 Because, you know, you could make little puppets out of them
46:28 and you could use them in your THEATER OF CRUELTY.
46:34 >> >> WE CAN'T DO THAT.
46:37 WHAT?
46:37 What can't you do?
46:42 Uh Can I talk to you for a second?
46:43 Over there.
46:52 >> >> Uh We might be leaving now.
46:55 Tell me it's you and me we.
46:58 >> >> She said she wants to slather my body with stuff
47:00 and then lick it off.
47:02 I'm not even sure what slathering is.
47:05 But I definitely want to be a part of it.
47:10 Okay, you cannot do this to me.
47:14 You're right.
47:14 I'm sorry.
47:15 You're right.
47:16 Okay.
47:16 Uh can we have three chocolate mousses to go, please?
47:21 I'm out of here.
47:24 >> >> Here's my credit card.
47:26 Dinner's on me.
47:26 I'm sorry, Chandler.
47:28 I hope she throws up on you.
47:38 Thanks.
47:38 So.
47:38 Just us.
47:39 Ugh, what a crappy night.
47:44 Although, I have enjoyed the fact
47:45 that you shirt's been sticking out of your zipper ever since you came back
47:47 from the bathroom.
47:55 Excuse me.
47:59 >> >> How you doing?
48:01 Have I not told you?
48:03 Oh, I don't know.
48:04 Um how about the fact
48:06 that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from
48:09 when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out ON THE TERRACE?
48:13 WAIT A MINUTE.
48:14 WHO TOLD YOU?
48:20 You are dead meat.
48:22 I didn't know it was a big secret.
48:25 No, it's not big.
48:26 Not at all.
48:27 You know, kind of the same lines as say, oh, I don't know,
48:29 having a third nipple.
48:33 You have a third nipple?
48:42 >> >> You >> >> WHIP IT OUT.
48:43 WHIP IT OUT.
48:45 OH, COME ON.
48:45 There's nothing to see.
48:46 It's just a tiny bump.
48:47 It's totally useless.
48:49 Oh, as opposed to your other multifunctional nipples?
48:54 >> >> I can't believe you.
48:55 You told me it was a nubbin.
48:59 >> >> Joey, what do you think a nubbin was?
49:02 I don't know.
49:02 You see something, you hear a word.
49:04 I thought that's what it was.
49:05 Chandler Bing.
49:06 Hi, honey.
49:07 We're all here.
49:08 We just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.
49:10 Merry Christmas.
49:14 >> >> Aw, Merry Christmas.
49:16 I miss you guys.
49:17 So, is it horrible?
49:18 Is everybody working really hard?
49:20 Uh well, no.
49:20 It's just uh me and Wendy.
49:23 Wendy?
49:24 That sounds like a girl's name.
49:26 >> >> It is.
49:27 Did I not tell you about her?
49:29 Mhm.
49:30 Mhm.
49:30 About the time you told me about New Year's Eve.
49:33 Where is everybody else?
49:34 I sent them home.
49:36 Aw, you are such a good boss.
49:38 Is she pretty?
49:41 >> >> Uh uh answer faster.
49:44 Answer faster.
49:45 I don't know.
49:46 Answer better.
49:47 Answer better.
49:49 I don't think of her that way, you know.
49:50 I mean, she's a uh she's a colleague.
49:52 What does she do there?
49:54 Oh, she's regional vice president.
49:55 She's just below me.
49:57 SHE DID WHAT?
50:02 >> >> BELOW ME.
50:06 >> >> OH, WAIT, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma?
50:09 What?
50:13 >> >> Well, she she didn't win.
50:16 All right, well, maybe I should let you
50:18 and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work.
50:21 Well, second prettiest that year.
50:22 I mean, of all the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably Oh, Chandler, stop talking.
50:30 >> >> Honey, there's really nothing to worry about.
50:34 Okay.
50:36 I'm serious.
50:36 Okay.
50:36 Merry Christmas.
50:37 Merry Christmas.
50:39 Merry Christmas, you guys.
50:40 Yeah, Merry Christmas.
50:48 >> >> The wife says hi.
50:49 Ah.
50:50 Fun conversation.
50:52 Oh, well, she's just got this weird idea that uh you know,
50:55 just because you and I are alone that something's going to happen.
50:58 Huh?
51:01 Really?
51:01 Huh.
51:01 Would that be so terrible?
51:06 This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about,
51:11 but you're getting ham on my only tie.
51:14 You're going to settle this?
51:17 >> >> Let's have Monica decide.
51:18 Yeah.
51:19 Yeah.
51:19 Monica, Monica, get out of here.
51:21 Want to go?
51:22 Okay.
51:23 Okay.
51:23 You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
51:26 Why do I have to decide?
51:27 >> Because you're the only one that can be fair.
51:29 Huh.
51:29 I can't be fair.
51:30 You're my boyfriend.
51:32 Yeah, yeah, but I'm your brother.
51:33 We're family.
51:34 That's the most important thing in the world.
51:40 Don't try to sway her.
51:42 I'm your only chance to have a baby.
51:49 Okay, let's go.
51:50 >> All right.
51:50 Okay, we'll we'll each tell you how we came up with the joke
51:54 and then you decide
51:55 which one of us is telling the truth,
51:57 me.
51:59 Chandler, you go first.
52:00 >> Okay.
52:01 I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.
52:04 Oh wait, is he the guy that I met at Christmas?
52:06 Can I finish my story?
52:07 Do you want me to pick you?
52:10 See, I would never snap at you like that.
52:21 >> >> Continue.
52:22 Okay.
52:23 So, Steve said he had to go to the doctor
52:25 and Steve's doctor's name is Dr.
52:26 Monkey.
52:27 So, I said, "Dr.
52:29 Monkey?"
52:30 And that is how the whole Dr.
52:31 Monkey thing came up.
52:37 Are you kidding?
52:39 Okay, look, I I study evolution.
52:42 Remember?
52:43 Evolution, monkey into man.
52:45 Plus, I'm a doctor and I had A MONKEY.
52:52 >> >> I'M DR.
52:53 MONKEY.
52:57 >> >> I'M NOT ARGUING WITH THAT.
52:59 ALL RIGHT.
53:00 I've heard enough.
53:01 I've made my decision.
53:02 >> Oh, okay.
53:04 Okay.
53:04 You are both idiots.
53:08 The joke is not funny and it's offensive to women and DOCTORS AND MONKEYS.
53:14 >> >> WAIT A MINUTE.
53:15 YOU SHOULDN'T BE ARGUING over who gets credit.
53:16 You should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon
53:21 the world.
53:22 Now, let it go.
53:23 THE JOKE SUCKS.
53:31 IT'S YOUR JOKE.
53:34 >> NOT.
53:34 >> >> WHAT IS CHANDLER Bing's job?
53:40 Oh gosh, does it have something to do numbers and processing?
53:44 He carries A BRIEFCASE.
53:45 >> 10 SECONDS.
53:45 YOU NEED THIS or you LOSE THE GAME.
53:47 IT'S SOMETHING TO DO WITH TRANSPONDING.
53:49 OH, OH, he's a trans- TRANS MONSTER.
53:54 >> >> THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD.
53:58 I CAN GET THIS.
53:59 I CAN GET THIS.
54:02 OH MY >>
