0:00 Okay, okay, okay, you.
0:01 Here, come here.
0:02 Here.
0:02 Okay.
0:03 You're going to take this tray, you're going to stand on this yellow mark.
0:05 You're going to move on action.
0:07 You're going to walk over to the operating table,
0:08 you're going to stop on that blue mark,
0:09 you're going to put the tray down.
0:10 Don't walk too fast.
0:13 But don't dawdle.
0:16 Okay, but now what?
0:27 And action.
0:27 Cut, cut.
0:28 I'm sorry.
0:29 I'm sorry.
0:30 I'm sorry.
0:30 I'm just a little nervous.
0:31 >> Yeah, well, don't be.
0:33 Okay, that helps.
0:44 And action.
0:44 Cut.
0:44 Hey, you know what?
0:45 Don't worry about it, Pheebs.
0:45 Usually it takes me three takes, too.
0:48 All right, eight.
1:17 And action.
1:17 >> >> Somebody say Uh well, he can be a little rough around the edges,
1:22 so I'm going to replace a word he used a lot with the word
1:26 puppy.
1:29 Okay.
1:29 So, he said, "If your puppy friend doesn't get her puppy act together,
1:34 I am going to fire her mother puppy ass."
1:38 I'm sorry.
1:39 I can't do this.
1:39 I'm just not an actor.
1:41 >> That's right.
1:42 You're not.
1:42 You're a nurse.
1:44 You're nurse with tray.
1:45 Uh Joey >> No, no, nurse with tray doesn't know Joey.
1:48 She doesn't have time for friends.
1:49 She gets in that operating room, and she carries that tray to the doctor,
1:53 because if she doesn't, people die.
1:56 Who dies?
1:57 Man with eye patch.
1:59 Now, you get in there, and you do your job.
2:02 Yes, doctor.
2:05 >> Okay.
2:06 Okay, let's try this one more time.
2:08 Hang in there, man with eye patch.
2:10 Your tray is coming.
2:22 And action.
2:22 YES, I DID IT.
2:23 I NAILED IT.
2:26 WHAT'S NEXT?
2:27 THE REST OF THE SCENE.
2:31 OKAY, FROM THE TOP, PEOPLE.
2:36 HEY.
2:37 >> HEY.
2:37 WOW, IT is true what they say.
2:38 Pregnant bellies look like a drum.
2:45 >> >> Uh-huh.
2:45 It's I'm so pregnant that I my guitar doesn't fit anymore.
2:48 So, I thought till I'm not,
2:50 I'm just going to play all my songs on this drum.
2:52 It sounds really cool.
2:54 Listen, listen.
2:58 Smelly cat Smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
3:11 >> >> Oh, Pheebs, that sounds great.
3:12 I know.
3:13 I know, and I've only been playing for like an hour.
3:16 Ugh, I hate this year.
3:18 What's wrong with this year?
3:20 It's already February, and I've only given two massages,
3:23 and they were both the worst tippers in the world.
3:26 That was me and Ross.
3:30 >> >> Oh, that's right.
3:32 Hey, you know, if you want to pick up some extra cash,
3:34 some friends of mine made good money in college doing uh telemarketing.
3:38 Yeah, it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had.
3:41 You know, I probably won't have to say spank as much.
3:50 >> >> What?
3:50 Oh, yeah, like you never called.
3:59 So, basically, this is very easy.
4:01 You read from the script,
4:02 and you try to sell as much toner as you possibly can.
4:05 Okay, I can do that.
4:07 Oh, by the way, I love my office.
4:11 >> >> Why don't we do a trial run?
4:12 Oh, okay.
4:16 Um All right.
4:18 Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies.
4:21 Can I speak to your supply manager, please?
4:23 I'm the supply manager.
4:24 Um okay, I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs.
4:27 We don't need any toner.
4:28 >> Oh, okay.
4:29 Well, I'm sorry to bother you.
4:32 Goodbye.
4:32 Oh, you're right.
4:32 This is easy.
4:34 Okay, what was wrong with that call?
4:36 Oh, well, all right.
4:38 Um no offense, but you were kind of rude.
4:43 >> >> They're always going to tell you they don't need toner, but that's okay,
4:46 because whatever they say,
4:48 you can find the answer to it here in the script.
4:50 Oh.
4:51 So, I think you're ready to sell toner.
4:53 Do you have any last questions?
4:56 >> No.
4:56 Oh, wait, yes, I do.
4:57 I do have one question.
4:59 What is toner?
5:00 Like took care of everything.
5:01 Thanks a lot, co-host.
5:04 Wait a minute.
5:05 Take care of everything?
5:06 There's there's plenty of things for you to do.
5:08 >> Uh-huh, like what?
5:13 Cups.
5:13 >> >> Cups?
5:15 You're giving me cups?
5:18 And ice?
5:18 Cups and ice?
5:18 Oh, I get to be in charge of cups and ice?
5:21 All right.
5:23 Fine, okay, I will be in charge of cups and ice.
5:27 Wait a minute.
5:27 I get ice at the restaurant.
5:28 I GOT IT GOING.
5:33 >> >> HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
5:35 UM CUP HAT, cup banner, >> >> cup chandelier, and the thing that started it all,
5:39 the cup.
5:42 >> >> Great job with the cups, Pheebs.
5:45 Why don't you just go out with her?
5:49 >> >> And did you notice the ice?
5:51 Look, we have it all.
5:52 We have crushed, cubed, and dry.
5:55 Watch.
5:56 Ah, mystical.
6:04 >> >> I don't know who's eating my Tuscan finger food,
6:07 because they're all filling up on Phoebe's snow cones.
6:09 >> They're snow cones?
6:10 You want my tin foil hat?
6:12 No, cuz you need that.
6:14 No, it's okay, thanks.
6:15 Please, let me do something.
6:18 Okay, all right, I'll tell you what.
6:19 You buy me a soda, and then we're even.
6:23 Keep the change.
6:26 Thanks, Lizzie.
6:27 Sure you don't want a pretzel?
6:28 No, I'm fine, thanks.
6:30 See you.
6:39 Huh.
6:39 >> >> A thumb?
6:43 I know.
6:43 I know.
6:44 I opened it up, and there it was,
6:45 just floating in there like this tiny little hitchhiker.
6:50 Well, maybe it's a contest, you know, like collect all five.
6:55 I WON.
6:57 I WON.
6:57 I FINALLY WON.
6:59 I WON THAT WITH MY QUARTER.
7:01 All right, here, take a hike, toe.
7:05 Excuse me, sir.
7:06 This lady played my quarter.
7:08 This is my money.
7:09 Is that true, miss?
7:12 She sells drugs to kids.
7:15 What?
7:15 She sells drugs to kids.
7:19 It was my quarter.
7:21 Was it her quarter?
7:23 How about we talk about this over dinner?
7:26 Okay, lady, you're out of here.
7:27 >> NO.
7:28 NO, YOU CAN'T ARREST ME.
7:29 NO, DON'T GO BACK.
7:30 DON'T GO BACK TO THAT HELLHOLE.
7:34 JUST TAKING YOU OUTSIDE.
7:36 OH, OKAY.
7:48 Are you going to play?
7:49 No.
7:49 No, I don't really have any money.
7:52 Not yet, anyway.
7:57 >> >> Can't sit here if you're not going to play.
8:13 Hello.
8:14 My name is Regina Phalange.
8:18 I'm a business woman in town on business.
8:21 Would you like to see my card?
8:23 Oh, what did I do with my file effects?
8:25 I must have left it in conference room B.
8:29 Okay.
8:29 Hit me.
8:31 Oh my god.
8:32 May I just say that you two gentlemen have the exact same hands?
8:38 They're identical.
8:39 Now, I've never seen anything like that in the business world.
8:44 Stop it.
8:46 Uh Miss Phalange, may I ask you a question
8:49 as an impartial person at this table?
8:51 Please, stop it.
8:55 >> >> Uh wouldn't you pay good money to see these identical hands showcased
8:59 in some type of a entertainment venue,
9:02 huh?
9:03 If you leave now,
9:04 I will chop off my hand and give it to you.
9:10 Didn't I just throw you out of here?
9:12 No, you threw out Phoebe.
9:14 I'm Regina Phalange.
9:16 Phalange.
9:18 Come on, lady.
9:19 Please, please take him, too.
9:21 Me?
9:22 Oh, come on, man.
9:24 Whoa, whoa, whoa, look.
9:25 I know my life's gone pretty well, but I look around,
9:27 and I just see
9:28 so many people who have accomplished
9:30 so many of their goals by the time they're 30.
9:32 >> Yeah, but you shouldn't compare yourself to me.
9:40 THERE YOU GO.
9:47 >> >> I DID IT.
9:49 ONE MILE ON A HIPPITY HOP.
9:51 That's it.
9:52 THAT'S EVERYTHING I WANTED TO DO BEFORE I was 30.
9:55 Except I wanted to patch things up with my sister.
9:58 OH, WELL.
9:58 BUT YAY!
10:01 AND AND GIRLS, THIS THING IS A GODSEND, if you know what I mean.
10:12 >> >> This is my real father.
10:14 And I just I want things to be like just right.
10:17 Yeah, Phoebe, I completely understand. >> whatever you need.
10:23 Hey.
10:23 You want to go home?
10:24 Okay.
10:25 Thanks.
10:25 Sorry again.
10:46 >> >> What was that?
10:52 Uh I'm guessing the threshold's clear now.
10:58 Hey.
10:58 Hey, Pheebs.
10:59 Oh, hey.
10:59 How's the dog?
10:59 >> Yeah.
11:00 Okay, I talked to the vet.
11:01 People are so nice upstate.
11:04 >> >> Anyway, he said
11:04 that the little fellow is going to be okay
11:06 and I can pick him up tomorrow.
11:07 Oh, good.
11:08 >> Oh my god.
11:08 Yeah.
11:09 Yeah, but he did have to have like a bunch of stitches
11:11 and he said that only once in a blue moon does a dog's ear
11:15 grow back.
11:15 So Pheebs, you got a second?
11:19 Sure.
11:20 Yeah.
11:20 Ever since you uh told me that story about that bike,
11:24 I couldn't stop thinking about it.
11:26 I mean, everyone should have a first bike, you know?
11:28 So Oh my god, what?
11:37 You like it?
11:37 >> I love it!
11:39 >> Yeah.
11:39 Oh, oh and I love you.
11:43 >> Uh Not that way.
11:46 But the bike got you a lot closer.
11:48 Well, well, take it downstairs, you know, give it a test drive.
11:53 >> Okay.
11:54 Oh my god, my first bike.
11:57 Thank you for the best present I've ever gotten.
12:01 You're welcome.
12:05 Oh, and Chandler's about to cry.
12:09 >> >> I'm not.
12:14 Okay, now just remember everything I taught you and you'll be fine, okay?
12:18 Here we go.
12:20 Ready?
12:20 Set.
12:21 Wait, this seat is really uncomfortable.
12:25 Maybe before we start, we should just get another one.
12:27 Perhaps like an airplane seat or a bean bag chair.
12:32 >> >> Phoebe, you can't get out of this, okay?
12:34 You have to learn how to ride a bike.
12:36 Why?
12:37 Why do I have to learn?
12:40 Well, in in case of an emergency.
12:43 What kind of emergency?
12:45 Well, what if a man comes along
12:48 and puts a gun to your head
12:49 and says,
12:49 "You ride this bike or I'll I'll shoot you."
12:55 >> >> Okay, I would ring the bell to distract him
12:58 and then I would knock the gun out of his hand with the Chinese
13:00 throwing star.
13:03 >> >> Okay, Phoebe.
13:04 Just just get get on the bike and hey,
13:07 I'll hold you up and and push it, okay?
13:11 You won't let go?
13:13 No.
13:14 You swear?
13:14 >> I swear.
13:18 Okay.
13:18 Come on.
13:22 All right, here we go.
13:24 All right?
13:24 All right.
13:25 All right?
13:25 Feel good?
13:26 Well All right, try pedaling.
13:28 That's it, you're doing great.
13:29 You're doing great.
13:30 Yes, yes, yes, take control.
13:31 Yes.
13:31 Whee!
13:34 HEY!
13:34 OH, OH, >> >> OH, NO!
13:39 YOU SWORE!
13:41 I I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING SO WELL.
13:42 I I STOP.
13:44 STOP.
13:50 >> >> IT'S A LEGITIMATE LEARNING TECHNIQUE.
13:59 >> >> WOW.
13:59 OH, HELLO, LIAR.
14:04 >> >> LOOK, I'm I'm really sorry I let go of the bike.
14:08 I could have been killed, I hope you know.
14:12 >> >> I know.
14:13 I know.
14:16 >> >> But can we please try it again, huh?
14:18 I mean, you were so close, Phoebe.
14:20 Well, I would love to,
14:22 but the bike got stolen and the police have no suspects.
14:33 >> >> Phoebe.
14:34 What?
14:38 >> >> What the hell?
14:41 All right, you know what?
14:42 If you are not going to learn how to ride this bike,
14:45 then I'm sorry.
14:46 I'm just going to have to take it back.
14:47 What?
14:48 Why?
14:48 >> Because because it's it's It'd be like you having this guitar
14:55 and and never playing it.
14:58 Okay, this guitar wants to be played.
15:01 And and this bike wants to be ridden
15:04 and and if you don't ride it,
15:07 you you you killing its spirit.
15:13 The bike is dying.
15:21 >> >> All right.
15:22 You care enough to make up that load of crap, okay.
15:26 Great, great.
15:30 >> >> You're making the bike very happy.
15:32 Okay, Ross.
15:36 >> >> Please don't talk.
15:44 I can't believe it, I did it.
15:46 I rode a bike.
15:48 I never thought I'd be able to do that.
15:50 Thank you, Ross.
15:51 Oh, hey, don't thank me, thank yourself.
15:54 You're the one who faced your fears and ultimately overcame them.
15:58 Don't be so corny, Ross.
15:59 It's not an after-school special.
16:09 >> >> Oh.
16:09 Oh, ma'am, excuse me, ma'am.
16:10 Yes.
16:11 You can't put your cigarette out on a tree.
16:13 Yeah, I can.
16:14 It worked real well.
16:16 No, but you shouldn't.
16:17 So don't ever do that again.
16:19 I won't.
16:20 Till I have my next cigarette.
16:23 Hold it.
16:24 NYPD, freeze, punk.
16:26 What?
16:28 That's right.
16:29 You are so busted.
16:32 Uh book 'em.
16:35 Who were you talking to?
16:36 Save it, Red.
16:38 Unless you want to spend the night in the slammer,
16:39 you apologize to the tree.
16:42 >> >> I am not going to apologize to a tree.
16:45 You apologize to the tree right now or I am calling for backup.
16:51 >> >> BACKUP!
16:52 BACKUP!
16:53 I'M I'M SORRY.
16:54 SORRY.
16:55 OKAY, CANCEL BACKUP.
16:56 CANCEL BACKUP.
16:57 I KNOW WHAT I WANT.
16:58 What we want, honey.
17:00 No, no, you don't want this.
17:02 No.
17:02 I want to have your grandmother's cookie recipe.
17:05 You mean the chocolate chip cookie recipe?
17:07 >> Uh-huh.
17:07 Yeah.
17:08 You mean the one
17:08 that my grandmother made me swear on her deathbed
17:11 that I would never let out of our family?
17:14 Dying people say the craziest things.
17:19 >> >> I've wanted it for years.
17:20 I was going to make cookies for my children.
17:23 Break my heart.
17:25 Oh, all right.
17:26 Okay, I don't have the recipe, but here.
17:31 I wish you health and happiness.
17:34 An old cookie?
17:36 This is what happens when you don't register for gifts.
17:40 >> >> See, no, I I made a batch
17:42 and I froze it
17:43 and this is the only one left.
17:45 We can't accept this.
17:47 Why not?
17:49 Cuz it's gross.
17:52 No, wait.
17:53 I think I can figure out the recipe from this cookie.
17:55 I do stuff like this at work all the time.
17:57 >> Really?
17:57 Yeah, I think I can do it.
17:58 Oh, yay!
18:00 I I definitely taste nutmeg.
18:02 You do?
18:04 You don't?
18:06 Well, that's the difference between a professional and a layman.
18:10 That and arrogance.
18:15 Hey.
18:16 Hey.
18:16 How was sailing?
18:17 I don't want to talk about it.
18:20 >> >> You know, you could have at least saved me a WHOLE COOKIE.
18:22 >> NO, WHAT DID YOU >> >> WOMEN ARE MEAN!
18:33 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.
18:35 LOOK, NOW THE only thing that's left of my grandmother's legacy is this crumb.
18:42 I wish you a long and happy marriage.
18:46 Here's batch 22.
18:48 Uh maybe these will taste like your grandmother's.
18:50 This has a little bit of orange peel, but no nutmeg.
18:53 Let's give it a shot.
18:54 Okay.
18:55 I haven't made this many cookies since I was in the ninth grade.
18:57 Uh what was that for?
18:59 Like a bake sale?
19:00 No, just a Friday night.
19:07 >> >> Mhm.
19:07 These are pretty good.
19:08 Yeah, but not as good as batch 17.
19:11 Which one was that?
19:12 The ones we had right after you almost threw up.
19:15 Oh, yeah, batch 17 was good.
19:18 I did not like batch 16.
19:22 >> >> I'm okay.
19:25 Are there any more from the good batch cuz we could just work off
19:28 of those.
19:28 Yeah, well, yeah, I think there's one from batch 17 left.
19:32 Uh Batch 16, 16 people get out of the way!
19:40 It would actually make my grandma really happy to know
19:42 that we're trying to figure out her recipe.
19:45 I bet she's looking up at us and smiling right now.
19:51 >> >> Looking up?
19:53 Oh, yeah.
19:54 No, she was really nice to me, but she's in hell for sure.
20:00 Well, I've tried everything.
20:01 I give up.
20:02 I guess I'm not going to be the mom who makes the world's best
20:04 chocolate chip cookies.
20:05 I do make the best duck confit with broccoli rabe.
20:10 Kids love that, right?
20:13 Oh, Pheebs, come on.
20:15 There isn't there any relative that would have the recipe?
20:17 What about What about your sister?
20:19 Oh, no, no.
20:20 No.
20:20 I made a promise to myself
20:21 that the next time I would talk to Ursula is over my dead body.
20:27 >> >> And that's not happening till October 15th, 2032.
20:31 >> >> That's the day you're going to die.
20:33 See, darn it, I've got shuffleboard that day.
20:38 That's what you think.
20:43 >> >> Well, I mean, what about friends of your grandmother's?
20:45 Wouldn't they have the recipe?
20:46 Well, you know, I I may have relatives in France who would know.
20:50 My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother, Nestlé Toulouse.
20:58 What was her name?
20:59 Nestlé Toulouse.
21:04 Nestlé Toll House?
21:12 You Americans always butcher the French language.
21:18 Phoebe, is this THE RECIPE?
21:27 YES!
21:27 OH.
21:27 I CANNOT believe that I just spent the last 2 days trying to figure
21:31 out that recipe and it was in my cupboard the whole time.
21:33 >> I know!
21:35 You see, it is stuff like this WHICH IS WHY YOU'RE BURNING IN HELL!
21:41 BRONTë SISTERS WERE REALLY REMARKABLE women for their time.
21:44 They lived in a patriarchal society.
21:47 Sorry I'm late, but I left late.
21:52 Okay.
21:52 So, Pheebs, what is the book about?
21:55 I thought you said you read it in high school.
21:56 >> Well, yeah, but
21:57 then I remembered I started it
21:58 and then there was this pep rally
22:00 and I was I was on top of the pyramid.
22:02 But anyway, um what's the book about?
22:05 Okay, it's this tragic love story between Cathy
22:08 and Heathcliff and um it takes place on these like really creepy moors in
22:13 England which I think represent the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
22:18 I totally get symbolism.
22:21 How would you characterize the theme of this book?
22:24 Uh let's see, Rachel Green.
22:32 >> >> Um well, I would have to say
22:33 that it's a it's a tragic love story.
22:36 Well, that's sort of a given, but yes.
22:40 Anyone else?
22:41 Oh, oh, oh, symbolism!
22:45 >> >> And uh the the uh wildness of the moors
22:49 which I think is is mirrored in the wildness of uh Heathcliff's character.
22:56 >> >> Excellent.
22:57 What Rachel has shrewdly observed here You completely stole my answer.
23:04 Well, honey, that was pretty obvious.
23:05 Well, how would you know?
23:06 You didn't even READ IT.
23:09 >> >> UH WHAT DO YOU THINK?
23:11 Uh you in the blue shirt.
23:16 I think that um yours is a question with many possible answers.
23:22 Would you care to venture one?
23:24 Would you care to venture one?
23:28 Are you just repeating what I'm saying?
23:30 Are you just repeating what I'm saying?
23:35 >> >> Hello, Rachel.
23:36 Oh, get off.
23:40 Oh, oh, Jimmy, can you see me operating a drill press?
23:46 >> >> I don't know.
23:46 What are you wearing?
23:52 Pheebs, why would you want to operate a drill press?
23:55 Just for some short-term work, you know,
23:56 till I get back some of my massage clients.
23:59 Pirates again?
24:01 No, nothing like that.
24:04 You're just such a dummy.
24:06 I taught this massage yourself at home workshop and they are.
24:12 Hey, hey, chance she could work for you?
24:15 Thanks, Joey.
24:16 That's a good idea.
24:18 What I could I could do it.
24:20 What is it?
24:21 Well, my secretary's going to be out for a couple of weeks.
24:23 She's having one of her boobs reduced.
24:26 It's a whole big boobs story.
24:29 I could be a secretary.
24:31 Well, you know, Pheebs,
24:32 I don't know if it's your kind of thing
24:33 because uh it involves a lot of being normal for a large portion of
24:38 the day.
24:39 I could do that.
24:43 What are you playing with?
24:44 Oh, it's my new beeper.
24:45 The hell's a paleontologist need a beeper for?
24:48 Is it like for dinosaur emergencies?
24:50 Help, come quick, they're still extinct.
24:53 No, it's for when Carol goes into labor.
24:55 She can get me wherever I am.
24:57 You know, all she has to do is dial um 55 Jimbo.
25:01 >> >> A cool phone number and a possible name for the kid.
25:13 Can you hear that?
25:18 Yeah.
25:18 See, that'll stop when you pick up the phone.
25:23 >> >> Ooh, I'm on.
25:24 Okay.
25:27 Mr.
25:27 Bing's office.
25:31 >> >> No, I'm sorry, he's in a meeting right now.
25:34 Not in a meeting.
25:35 I'm right here.
25:36 Will he know what this is in reference to?
25:39 And he has your number.
25:40 All right, I'll see that he gets the message.
25:42 Bye-bye.
25:42 >> >> What?
25:47 Ross said hi.
25:48 Ah.
25:50 So fun.
25:51 All right, what do we do now?
25:52 Well, now I actually have to get to work.
25:55 Most likely.
26:01 >> >> Okay, I'm going to be out there.
26:03 >> Okay.
26:03 All right.
26:05 Bye-bye.
26:05 Bye-bye.
26:13 Yes.
26:14 What you doing?
26:18 No, I didn't tell anybody that I knew you.
26:21 Why not?
26:21 Oh, because, you know, they don't like you.
26:29 >> >> What?
26:30 I thought you knew that.
26:31 No.
26:34 Who doesn't like me?
26:36 Everyone.
26:37 Except for um No, everyone.
26:44 What are you talking about?
26:45 Don't feel bad.
26:47 You know, they used to like you a lot.
26:49 But then you got promoted and you know, now you're all like Mr.
26:52 Bossman.
26:53 You know, Mr.
26:54 Big.
26:55 Mr.
26:55 BIG, BOSSMAN BING.
26:59 >> >> I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
27:00 YEAH, YEAH, they even do you.
27:04 They do me?
27:06 You know, like um okay, um could that report be any later?
27:16 I don't sound like that.
27:18 Oh, oh, Chandler, yeah, you do.
27:21 The hills are alive with the sound OF MUSIC.
27:32 >> >> MY SCONE!
27:33 MY SCONE!
27:37 >> >> OKAY, I DON'T SOUND LIKE THAT.
27:38 THAT is so not true.
27:42 That is so not That is so not That Oh, shut up.
27:48 I think last night was great, you know, the karaoke thing,
27:50 Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory.
27:53 You were great, but they still made fun of you.
27:57 What?
27:58 You know, now you're more like, you know, Mr.
27:59 Caring Boss, Mr. you know, I'm one of you Boss, Mr.
28:02 I want to be your buddy, Bossman Bing.
28:06 Then I don't get it.
28:09 Well, you know what, Chandler, I think you just got to face it.
28:12 You're like the guy in the big office, you know?
28:15 You're the one that hires them and fires them.
28:18 They still say you're a great boss.
28:20 They do?
28:21 Uh-huh.
28:22 But they're not your friends anymore.
28:24 >> >> But I just want to >> can't.
28:27 But I just want >> you know what, let's just go.
28:31 No!
28:32 Hey, we're not leaving till we get paid.
28:34 Okay, I don't know who she thinks she is.
28:36 Enough is enough.
28:39 Hey, we're not Excuse me.
28:44 Excuse me!
28:48 Thanks.
28:48 Um clearly this is a very very hard time for you.
28:52 Um but um we provided a service
28:54 and we deserve to be paid
28:56 because you ate that service
28:57 and um we are not leaving here until we are paid every penny
29:01 because you know what,
29:02 lady?
29:02 We're part-time caterers and we have no place else to go.
29:07 >> >> All right.
29:09 I'll get my bag.
29:10 Good.
29:19 >> >> I want to leave some cards here.
29:24 >> >> Please think of us for your next event.
29:27 Hi again.
29:32 Today, we're going to start with some songs about barnyard animals.
29:38 Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo.
29:40 Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo.
29:42 Then the farmer hits him on the head
29:44 and grinds him up
29:45 and that's how we get hamburgers.
29:55 NOW, CHICKEN.
29:55 MY GOD, HOW DID YOU GET BACK HERE?
29:58 Phoebe Buffay?
30:03 >> >> FIRE ALARM?
30:09 OH, HI OFFICER, FIREMAN.
30:12 Can Can I help you?
30:13 We found your fire alarm in the trash chute.
30:15 Mhm, that's not mine.
30:17 Guess it is.
30:18 How do you know?
30:19 The next time you want to dump a fire alarm in the trash chute,
30:21 don't wrap it in a blanket that says property of Phoebe Buffay, not Monica.
30:26 Okay, do you Okay,
30:27 do you have a search warrant
30:28 because the last time I checked this was still America.
30:32 >> >> Please reattach this.
30:33 It's against the law to disconnect them.
30:35 Fine, but please god tell me how to stop it from going off.
30:39 Just press the reset button under the plastic cup.
30:41 There's a reset button?
30:44 Oh, thank you.
30:45 Thank you.
30:46 There's a reset button?
30:49 My god.
30:51 Why didn't I see that?
30:55 Reset button, reset button.
30:58 Where's our reset button?
30:59 Oh, here it is.
31:00 Oh.
31:16 >> >> This place is so depressing.
31:18 If I had to work here, I'd kill myself.
31:24 >> >> You obviously haven't.
31:28 How can I help you?
31:28 Um I need to change my name, please.
31:30 See, I need to change it cuz I'm I'm hiding from the law.
31:37 >> >> You're fun.
31:39 Need to fill out this form.
31:40 Okay.
31:41 Well, I just I don't I don't know how it works exactly.
31:42 See, my name is um Buffay and my husband's name is Hannigan.
31:46 So, is it supposed to be Buffay-Hannigan or Hannigan-Buffay?
31:49 It can be anything you want.
31:51 Well, not anything.
31:52 Yeah.
31:56 Anything.
31:56 Oh, this could take a while.
32:00 >> >> Get out of my line.
32:08 >> Okay.
32:08 Hey.
32:08 Hey, Thieves.
32:08 Oh, not anymore.
32:09 I changed it today.
32:11 Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs.
32:12 Hannigan.
32:13 Wrong again.
32:16 >> >> Apparently, you can change it to anything you want.
32:19 So, I thought, all right, here's an opportunity to be creative.
32:22 So, meet Princess Consuela Bananahammock.
32:33 >> >> That's what we were going to name the baby.
32:37 >> >> Phoebe.
32:38 Uh Princess Consuela.
32:41 You seriously changed your name to that?
32:43 >> Uh-huh.
32:44 Okay, so from now on we have to call you Princess Consuela.
32:47 Uh no, I I'm going to have my friends call me Valerie.
32:53 >> >> Hey.
32:53 Welcome back.
32:54 I missed you.
32:55 Oh, me too.
32:56 >> So, what's new?
32:57 Well, I'm no longer Phoebe Buffay.
33:00 That's great.
33:00 You changed your name?
33:01 Yes, I did.
33:02 Meet Princess Consuela Bananahammock.
33:08 >> >> You're kidding, right?
33:09 Nope.
33:11 You really did that?
33:11 Yep.
33:13 Yeah, but you you can't do that.
33:16 Why?
33:17 Why?
33:17 It's fun, it's different, no one else has a name like it.
33:22 All right, then I'm going to change my name.
33:23 Great.
33:24 Okay, what are you going to change it to?
33:26 Crap Bag.
33:29 >> >> Mike Crap Bag?
33:31 No.
33:31 No Mike.
33:32 No, just just Crap Bag.
33:33 First name Crap, last name Bag.
33:37 >> >> You're not serious, right?
33:38 >> Yeah, I'm serious.
33:39 It's fun, it's different, no one else has a name like that.
33:42 >> Mhm, mhm.
33:43 Well, then great.
33:45 If you love it, I love it.
33:46 I do love it.
33:47 And I love your name.
33:48 I love Princess Consuela.
33:50 >> And I love Crap.
33:53 After you, Miss Bananahammock.
33:55 Thank you, Mr.
33:56 Bag.
33:58 Oh, hey.
33:59 How are you?
34:01 Good.
34:01 Oh, Rita's a massage client.
34:03 >> Yeah.
34:03 Oh.
34:04 Why don't you introduce me?
34:09 >> >> Uh Rita, this is my husband.
34:11 Oh.
34:12 Yeah.
34:12 Why don't you tell her my name?
34:15 Okay, I will.
34:16 This is um this is my husband um Crap Bag.
34:23 Crap Bag.
34:23 If you need an easy way to remember it,
34:25 just think of a bag of crap.
34:31 >> >> Okay.
34:36 Excuse me.
34:36 >> Yeah.
34:36 Ugh.
34:36 Okay, fine.
34:36 You made your point.
34:37 Can you please just be Mike Hannigan again?
34:40 Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffay.
34:43 How about um how about Buffay-Hannigan?
34:45 Really?
34:47 Yeah.
34:48 I'm Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan-Bananahammock.
34:53 >> >> Do you even know what a banana hammock is?
34:56 It's a funny word.
34:57 It's a Speedo.
35:03 >> >> Oh, crap.
35:06 >> >> I want you to take a piece of paper, here you go,
35:08 and write down your most embarrassing memory.
35:12 Oh.
35:12 And I do ask that when you're not using the markers,
35:14 you put the caps back on them because they will dry out.
35:23 Listen, you guys, um I don't mean to be a pain about this,
35:25 but um I've noticed that some of you are just placing them on.
35:29 You want to push the caps until you hear them click.
35:38 Gunther.
35:38 Where are you going?
35:39 I um was sort of thinking about maybe No.
35:42 No, you can't go.
35:44 No, this is fun.
35:45 Come on, we're just getting started here.
35:46 Here's your marker.
35:51 So, if you want to go, just go.
35:53 No.
35:54 She'll yell at me again.
35:59 >> >> All right.
36:00 I can get you out.
36:01 What?
36:04 Shh.
36:04 In a minute, I'm going to create a diversion.
36:06 When I do, walk quickly to the door and don't look back.
36:11 Okay.
36:12 And the first person's most embarrassing memory is Monica, your party sucks.
36:19 All right, very funny.
36:21 Oh, no.
36:23 Oh, did someone forget to use A COASTER?
36:25 WHAT?
36:33 >> >> I DON'T SEE ANYTHING.
36:35 GREAT.
36:36 I'm seeing water rings again.
36:39 >> >> Chris is taking the trash out.
36:41 So, I can get you out of here, but it has to be now.
36:43 She'll be back any minute.
36:45 What about my friend Victor?
36:46 No, only the three of you.
36:48 Any more than that and she'll get suspicious.
36:50 All right.
36:50 Let me just get my coat.
36:51 >> There isn't time.
36:55 Just leave everything.
36:57 They'll take care of you next door.
37:00 Is it true they have beer?
37:03 Everything you've heard is true.
37:06 Could you guys please try to keep it down?
37:08 We're trying to start a foosball tournament.
37:18 >> >> You.
37:18 And you.
37:18 You're supposed to be at my party.
37:21 And Gunther.
37:27 >> >> What are you doing here?
37:32 Phoebe.
37:32 Okay, love them to the show.
37:38 Phoebe.
37:39 All right, I'm sorry, but these people needed me.
37:42 You know, they work hard all week
37:43 and Saturday night they deserve to have a LITTLE FUN.
37:46 GO.
37:48 YOU KNOW, MY PARTY is fun.
37:50 I mean, maybe it's a little quieter, less obvious sort of fun,
37:53 but you know, if people would just give it a chance,
37:54 it's a Don't This is the 9 millionth ring store we've been to
37:59 and I can't find the perfect ring.
38:02 Ugly ring, ugly ring, ugly ring.
38:08 >> >> It's a beautiful selection.
38:11 >> >> Okay, so maybe you don't get her a ring.
38:14 Maybe you maybe you do something different, you know,
38:16 maybe you get her an engagement bracelet, you know, or an engagement tiara.
38:21 Or >> >> an engagement Revolutionary War Musket.
38:26 You know, I'm so glad I picked you to help me with this.
38:28 Huh?
38:29 Can't you just imagine getting down on one knee
38:31 and handing her this gorgeous piece of weaponry?
38:36 Yeah, I'm going to stick with the ring.
38:40 Phoebe.
38:40 You know what I'm thinking?
38:41 Oh, okay.
38:48 How it's been so long since you've had sex,
38:51 you're wondering if they've changed it?
38:54 >> >> No, although now that's what I'm thinking.
39:00 All right, so what were you thinking?
39:01 Well, I was thinking that you gave the guy such great haircuts,
39:04 I thought maybe you'd like to do mine.
39:06 Oh, no.
39:09 Why not?
39:10 Because I'm just I'm incredibly anal and an unbelievable well-control freak.
39:16 No, you're not.
39:17 I know I'm not, but you are.
39:20 I was trying to spare your feelings.
39:26 >> >> You know what's funny?
39:28 Last time Paolo was here,
39:29 my hair was so much shorter and you shoot her.
39:31 All right.
39:34 Okay.
39:34 But but, you have to promise
39:36 that you will not be all like controlling
39:38 and bossy and all,
39:39 you know, Monica about it.
39:42 I promise.
39:43 All right, let's see.
39:45 Now, some of you are going to get cut and some of you aren't.
39:50 But, I promise none of you will feel a thing.
40:06 >> >> All right, that's it.
40:07 I quit.
40:08 What?
40:08 I didn't say anything.
40:10 Yeah, but this isn't the face of a person who trusts a person, okay?
40:14 This is the face of a person who, you know, doesn't trust a person.
40:20 >> >> I'm sorry.
40:21 Sorry, Phoebe.
40:22 It's just, well, just a little shorter than what we had discussed.
40:26 Would you relax?
40:28 I know what I am doing.
40:29 This is how he wears it.
40:34 >> >> How Who wears it?
40:35 Demi Moore.
40:38 Demi Moore is not a he.
40:40 Well, he was a he in Arthur and in Ten.
40:45 That's Dudley Moore.
40:46 I said I wanted it like Demi Moore.
40:49 Oh.
40:50 OH.
40:51 OH MY GOD.
40:53 OH MY OH MY OH MY GOD.
40:57 I'M SORRY.
40:57 I'M SORRY.
40:58 Which one is Demi Moore?
40:59 She's the that was in Disclosure and Indecent Proposal, Ghost.
41:04 Oh, oh, she's got gorgeous hair.
41:06 I KNOW.
41:12 >> >> HOW IS SHE?
41:14 IT'S TOO SOON TO TELL.
41:18 >> >> SHE'S RESTING, which is a good sign.
41:21 How's the hair?
41:23 I'm not going to lie to you, Ross.
41:24 It doesn't look good.
41:28 I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.
41:33 Well, can we see her?
41:35 Your hair looks too good.
41:35 I think it would upset her.
41:38 Ross, why don't you come on in?
41:41 Hi.
41:42 Hi.
41:43 Listen, can we watch cartoons on your television?
41:45 We need a porn break.
41:48 We just spent the last 2 hours watching in and out and in again.
41:54 So, why don't you just turn it off?
41:56 Because then we'd be the guys who turned off free porn.
42:00 Oh, good.
42:01 You're here.
42:02 Okay.
42:03 Yeah, hi.
42:04 What What you got here?
42:05 Oh, this?
42:06 Well, I'm glad you asked.
42:11 Now, don't you hate it
42:12 when you have to cut a tin can with an ordinary steak knife?
42:21 KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
42:22 PREGNANT WOMAN SLAYS FOUR?
42:26 >> >> PHOEBE, they didn't make you pay for those knives, did they?
42:28 No.
42:29 Are you sure?
42:30 No.
42:33 Honey, you're not going to make enough money to help Frank
42:34 and Alice just by selling knives.
42:36 >> No, no, I know that,
42:37 but I'm just need to make enough money for the second part of my
42:40 plan.
42:40 What's the second part of your plan?
42:41 My Saturn dealership.
42:43 I need help.
42:44 Oh, why?
42:44 What's up?
42:44 >> Well, I have an audition for this play
42:46 and for some of it I have to speak French,
42:48 which, according to my resume, I'm fluent in.
42:51 Joey, you shouldn't lie on your resume.
42:54 Yeah, you really shouldn't.
42:56 By the way, how was that year-long dig in Cairo?
43:01 It was okay.
43:04 I did not know you spoke French.
43:06 Oui, bien sûr, je parle français.
43:07 Qu'est-ce que tu penses alors?
43:10 You're so sexy.
43:13 Well, so will you help me?
43:13 I really want to be in this play.
43:14 Sure.
43:15 Tout le plaisir est pour moi, mon ami.
43:18 Seriously, stop it.
43:19 I want to jump on you.
43:21 All right, this seems pretty simple.
43:23 Your first line is my name is Claude, so just repeat after me.
43:28 Je m'appelle Claude.
43:30 Je de coup plaur.
43:36 >> >> Well, let's just try it again.
43:37 Okay.
43:38 Je m'appelle Claude.
43:41 Je de pli bleu.
43:45 >> >> Huh, it's not quite what I'm saying.
43:51 Really?
43:51 Sounds exactly the same to me.
43:54 It does, really?
43:54 Yeah.
43:56 All right, let's just try it again.
43:57 Okay.
43:58 Really listen.
43:58 Got it.
44:00 Je m'appelle Claude.
44:03 Je de flou fli.
44:07 >> >> Oh mon Dieu.
44:08 Oh de fouf.
44:10 Je m'appelle Claude.
44:13 Je de call bleu.
44:15 No.
44:17 Okay, maybe if we just break it down.
44:20 Okay, let's just let's try it one syllable at a time.
44:23 Okay, so repeat after me.
44:25 Je Je m'a m'a pelle pelle Great.
44:30 Okay, faster.
44:31 Je Je m'a m'a pelle pelle Je m'appelle.
44:34 Me pou pou.
44:39 >> >> Okay, it's too hard.
44:40 I can't teach you.
44:41 What are you doing?
44:42 I I have to go before I put your head through a wall.
44:45 Don't go.
44:46 I need you.
44:46 MY AUDITION IS TOMORROW.
44:49 JE BLEU BLA.
44:51 ME LA PI.
44:53 >> >> OM BLA.
44:55 I'LL COUNT FROM ONE TO FIVE.
45:02 UN DEUX trois quatre cinq Un bleu bla flou flanc.
45:08 Good job.
45:09 Thank you.
45:14 Hey.
45:14 >> Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday and I thought about it a lot.
45:18 No, I was too impatient.
45:20 So, let's try it again.
45:21 Oh, no, that's okay.
45:22 And I don't I don't need your help.
45:23 I worked on it myself and I got to say I am pretty good.
45:27 Really?
45:28 Can I hear some of it?
45:29 Sure, sure.
45:36 Okay.
45:36 >> >> Bleu de la blai de bleu bla blai.
45:44 >> >> See?
45:44 You're right.
45:44 You're not You're not You're Again, YOU'RE YOU'RE NOT SPEAKING OH, WELL,
45:53 I THINK I AM.
45:54 YEAH, AND I think I'm definitely going to get the part.
45:57 How could you possibly think that?
45:59 >> For one thing, the guy ON THE TAPE SAID I WAS DOING A
46:01 GOOD JOB.
46:03 ARE YOU READY, JOEY?
46:04 RIGHT.
46:06 >> >> Je bleu bleu Claude.
46:09 >> >> Euh, je de flou la lou bla bleu.
46:14 I'm sorry, what's going on?
46:15 Dude, come on.
46:16 French it up.
46:20 Joey, do you speak French?
46:22 Tout de la smour.
46:24 >> >> Bleu bleu et bleu bla ou.
46:29 You know what?
46:29 I think this audition is over.
46:32 Uh, excuse me.
46:35 Uh I am Régine Philange.
46:39 >> >> Uh, I I was passing by
46:41 when I heard this man speaking the the regional dialect of my French town
46:47 of Estée Lauder.
46:51 You really think this man is speaking French?
46:58 >> >> Écoutez.
46:58 Je vais vous dire la vérité.
47:01 C'est mon petit frère.
47:02 Il est un peu retardé.
47:15 >> >> Alors, si vous pouviez jouer le jeu avec lui, Good job, little buddy.
47:28 >> >> That was some really good French,
47:31 but I think we're going to go with someone else for the part.
47:33 Oh.
47:34 All right.
47:35 But, my French was good?
47:36 It was great.
47:39 >> >> Merci.
47:39 Au revoir.
47:40 Yeah, tout de la flou.
47:42 We want the money.
47:43 PLEASE HAVE A HELLO AND MERRY CHRISTMAS.
47:48 OH, THANK YOU, SIR.
47:50 HERE'S SOME JOY.
47:54 >> >> HEY, COME TO SEE HOW IT'S GOING?
47:55 WELL, IT'S GOING OKAY.
47:56 OH, GOOD.
47:57 HERE, let me help you out.
47:58 Oh, thanks.
47:59 Yeah.
48:00 Wow.
48:02 That a new suede jacket?
48:03 It looks really expensive.
48:09 >> >> Yeah.
48:09 I guess.
48:12 Just get your nails done?
48:15 Yes, Phoebe, but this is all I have, okay?
48:17 Okay, thanks.
48:18 Happy holidays.
48:19 Here's your joy.
48:20 Thank you.
48:22 Thank you.
48:22 Happy holidays.
48:23 And wait, you can't take the money out.
48:26 I'm making change.
48:27 I need change for the bus.
48:28 But, can't you leave the dollar?
48:30 This money's for the poor.
48:31 I'm poor.
48:31 I got to take the bus.
48:34 >> >> Okay, season's greetings and everything, but still Bite me, blondie.
48:38 Oh.
48:41 >> >> Oh, I'm going to give him something besides joy.
48:44 Just
